Baby It's Cold Outside O/S Contest
Title: Preconceived Notions
Rating & Any Needed Warnings: M for moans of the lemon kind
Word Count: 9,980
Summary: A snowed in cabin. A best friend's brother that she never knew existed. Intensity. Inexperience. And leaving your preconceived notions behind. "Tell me you don't feel it." He demanded. "Tell me it's just me that wants this, wants you, and I'll leave you alone."
Disclaimer: I do not own. SM does
AN: I first got the idea for this in around June and wrote most of it in August even though I was planning all along to do it for Christmas. But this gave me the last push I needed to get it finished Thanks to PTB for looking this over for me. You saved from a horrible death.
When he shall die,
Take him and cut him out in little stars,
And he will make the face of heaven so fine
That all the world will be in love with night,
And pay no worship to the garish sun.
Romeo and Juliet. ACT III Scene 2
My lips moved with every word written on the page, mouthing along to the declarations of love and passion given as a gift to us by William Shakespeare. To think that such love as was portrayed in books was real seemed like a far-fetched notion given to us by Hallmark cards and soppy romance novels.
Still, I couldn't help but wish that something like that would happen to me. That someone would come and sweep me off my feet. I rolled my eyes at my own ridiculousness and moved closer to the fire.
I was currently lying in the main room of my best friend's British Columbia cabin. We had decided to go away for a week for some girl time, but I had taken an earlier flight than her, seeing as she had found her 'soul mate' at the last minute and now a snowstorm had hit. So there was no going in or out unless you wanted to walk through knee-high snow.
One thing she had forgotten to mention to me was the fact that her brother, someone who she had never thought to mention in all the years I had known her, was living up here.
In this cabin.
Where I was currently stuck.
I let out a sigh and tried to pull down the ridiculously short skirt I was wearing. I guess I had Alice to thank for packing my suitcase. Please note that I am being sarcastic.
That was his name.
Alice's brother was called Edward. What I had managed to gather from the three days I had stayed here was that he was quiet, stayed outside most of the time and had these really intense eyes that he would use to stare at you. Not in an uncomfortable way, just in an 'I can see everything you are hiding and I can read your mind' kind of way. Okay, it was slightly uncomfortable.
We had talked a bit here and there, mainly over meals, and I knew that he was twenty-four and had an avid knowledge of every classic book and volume of poetry that lined the walls of the small library down the hall.
He had lived here all year round since buying the property from his parents with his trust fund and was working on his first novel.
One thing we never mentioned was Alice.
It was like we completely skirted around the subject and no matter how much I longed to ask why she had never talked about him, why she had no pictures of him, I never did. It was like an unspoken agreement between us. Everything else we talked about, from cars to religion.
Just then, I heard his heavy boots stomping on the porch, probably to rid them of the snow that I was sure was clinging to them, and the door opened.
A sharp gust of wind whistled through the open door, making me wish that I had decided to wear the extra tight jeans instead of this miniscule skirt.
He walked in, his gaze immediately falling to mine, and cocked an eyebrow. His green eyes probed me in their usual fashion, and the scruff on his chiselled jaw glistened from water droplets from the snow. His clothes were completely sodden and stuck to him like a second skin.
His skin was pink and flushed, and he ran one of his hands through his wet, dishevelled hair. He opened his mouth as if he was about to say something before abruptly turning and walking off.
Did I mention that he was kind of strange?
Not in an overt kind of way, but he had these little quirks. Every day he would do that. Stand looking like he wanted to say something, but then just leave. If I really thought about it, I would generally describe his personality as abrupt and intense.
Not that I could really complain.
He had a way of drawing you in with just one look of his eyes and making you say things that you were thinking instead of what you probably should be saying.
I felt like I could be myself around him. Like this was the push I needed to branch out and blossom.
He also cooked up something delicious for dinner every evening. The man knew how to put his hands to good use. I had seen the pile of wood outside just waiting to be placed in the burning fireplace.
I shivered and moved closer to the fire to try and keep myself warm. The door to the main bedroom opened, and I swallowed hard at what I saw. Edward was standing there in nothing but a pair of low slung, dark, ripped jeans with red suspenders straining over his shoulders to keep them up.
His auburn hair was in complete disarray, but looked drier than before, so I assumed that he had run a towel through it. Why I was taking this information in, I had no clue, but Edward made me think and do strange things around him.
Like for instance, the other night when we were sitting together by the fire, and he was reading some poetry to me. All I could think about was how soft and velvety his voice sounded, and how calm and handsome his face was.
I had sat there staring, lost in his voice, for a whole hour not actually registering a word that came out of his mouth.
In all actuality, it was nice for me to be in the presence of someone of the opposite sex without my mother scaring them off by telling them that when they had read the whole Bible and meditated on it that they could start a lengthy courtship. Not exactly the way to get a boyfriend.
My mother was overprotective and had pretty much coddled me for my whole life, 'sheltering me from the evils of this world,' as she liked to put it. She was Catholic and we both went to Mass and confession every week.
Edward walked back into the room and headed straight into the kitchen area. He grabbed an apple and a knife before coming to slump into the armchair near me.
His eyes stared intently into mine as his hands worked to peel the apple. He pressed his thumb against the blade, forcing pressure on it, as he nimbly twisted the apple in his fingers. I watched the lonely trail of red spiral, all the way from the top to the bottom.
He placed the peel on the little table next to his seat and cut a piece off the top. With his eyes still on mine, he slid the piece between his lips and chewed. I swallowed nervously and let my eyes drift downwards towards his neck and jaw. I didn't understand the reactions invoked in me by simply watching the muscles flex and his Adam's apple bob up and down.
I tore my eyes away, embarrassed, and looked back down at my book. My palms were sweating, and the tension in the air was heavy as I inhaled a shuddering breath.
"Would you like some?" he asked, his voice sounding like sandpapered velvet. My eyes shot up to see him offering the apple to me. I nodded slowly; unsure of what other answer I could give him. He cocked his eyebrow and motioned with his head for me to come closer.
I got up on my hands and knees and crawled over to his chair so that I was sitting right by his leg.
He cut a slice off and offered it to me. Even to this day, I do not know what possessed me to do it, but a surge of confidence came through and instead of just taking it like I knew I should have, I raised myself up on my knees and took it straight into my mouth from his fingers.
He froze in his seat, and I didn't dare look up at him. I was mortified by my actions, and I chewed and swallowed the piece quickly. The sweet, crunchy taste of the apple settled me slightly, and I went back to my spot on the rug.
I kept my gaze away from his, even though I could feel the subtle burn of his blazing gaze across my skin. For once, I wished that I had not put my hair up into a ponytail so that I could hide behind my hair.
I chewed on my lip nervously as I heard the squeak of the springs in his chair protest when he stood up. Every step he took sounded amplified, and my breathing picked up as I saw his feet come into view by my head. I glanced up to see him staring down at me with what I could only describe as a slightly wild look on his face. His hands were clenched tightly his sides and he looked tense.
I briefly wondered if I had done something to offend him, but though his eyes held a certain intensity and seemed darker than usual, the expression in his eyes was not what I would describe as anger or irritation.
Whatever his look meant, it did nothing to quell the strange feeling surfacing in the pit of my stomach. I didn't understand the urges that were coursing through me, begging me to be as close as possible to this man.
Without conscious thought, I found myself standing in front of him. It was then that I noticed the dog tags around his neck. I touched them softly, brushing my fingers against his name stamped on it.
"You were in the army," I stated quietly, wondering why he had never mentioned it before. It seemed like to big a part of someone's life to skip over when we had shared information about our pasts.
He hummed in acknowledgement and covered my hand with his. "Two years," he murmured.
My breath stuttered slightly at his touch, and I looked up at him.
His face was so close to mine that I couldn't help but let my eyes dart to his lips. They were parted slightly, and I longed to just reach up and touch them just to see how they would feel. Would they be soft under my finger?
"Bella," he breathed, fanning his hot breath over my face. I let my eyelids droop momentarily as the sweet fragrance washed over me before I looked back up at him. My breath caught in my throat as I recognized the look in his eyes. Desire.
However inexperienced I was, I knew what desire meant...and what it led to. He either desired me or something I had. I struggled fiercely against the urge to take a step back and do what my mother would call 'the right thing'- i.e. run for the hills.
He leaned down closer to me and brushed his lips against mine. He did it so softly I hardly felt it; it was the weight of butterfly wings touching the air, so light and airy.
He pulled back, gauging my reaction before pressing his lips against mine a little harder this time. The rational part of my body told me that I should push him away. I hardly knew him, and this could only lead to sin.
The irrational part of me was already melting into the kiss and telling me just to enjoy it while it lasted. It wasn't like I was actually getting naked here and dancing around a pole. This was just an innocent kiss between two people.
My arms wrapped around his neck loosely, and I let my fingers run through the hairs on the back of his neck. I let out a contented sigh and relaxed completely into him. That is until I felt something wet and soft pushing gently on my lips.
I could tell that this was heading into dangerous waters, so I pushed myself away from him, blushing wildly. I chastised myself mentally, annoyed that I let myself get carried away.
It didn't matter how good his lips felt molded against mine in such an intimate way, it was still wrong. It was still so unbelievably nice in a bad sort of way.
He sighed and lifted up one of his hands. His fingers ran through his hair before tugging at it.
"I'm sorry," he muttered, staring at the ground. His eyebrows were drawn together and he rubbed the back of his neck.
"I shouldn't have done that."
I nodded in agreement and wished once again that I could hide behind my hair. I had no idea how to act in this circumstance. I had never been kissed me before.
These were new and foreign waters that I was treading in, and I was completely lost and ready to sink. My mother would have been so disappointed in me.
I refused to look up at him. Nothing good could come of letting myself look into his eyes or to seeing those lips that had been pressed against mine a little over a minute ago.
Two large hands cupped my face, bringing it up so that our eyes were level. The rough, calloused pads of his fingers stroked my cheeks gently, and I tried to pull away, not wanting these strange emotions to control me again.
He tightened his grip slightly, refusing to let me escape.
"Look at me," he pleaded.
I reluctantly let my eyes drift up to his face. The agonized look in his eyes tore me apart like a jagged knife being thrust into my chest.
"Tell me you don't feel it," he demanded.
"Tell me it's just me that wants this, wants you, and I'll leave you alone." I averted my eyes and sunk my teeth into my lip.
I was torn.
I knew that I should just tell him that I felt nothing, and we would just go back to the silent, tense atmosphere that had been surrounding us since I had first stepped in here. But my lips still tingled, and I wondered why I shouldn't do this.
My mother had ingrained in me for years that kissing, touching, sex should be saved for when I was married. But for all I knew, that day could never come. This could be my only chance to feel something close to a connection.
"Yes," I whispered. "I feel it." I knew what I was doing was dangerous and maybe even stupid, but for some reason I was doing it anyway. As Alice always told me, ' it was time to take the stick out of my behind and just go with the times.'
He lowered his mouth back to mine, and we molded our lips back together like we had been doing it for years. His hands slipped slowly down my face, each finger dragging slowly along my skin, and skimmed over my shoulders before continuing down.
He brushed his hands down the sides of my breasts, and I gasped at the burning intensity that wanted him to place his hands on them firmly and caress them.
Their journey ended with one hand gripping my right hip lightly and the other resting in the small of my back. He pulled me forwards, causing me to stumble into his chest so we were pressed together. I gasped in surprise, and he took this opportunity to slip his tongue back into my mouth.
I hesitated for a second, really not sure what to do with this new development. My nerves decided that this was the perfect time to come up and remind just how little I knew about sexual interactions. The problem wasn't the fact that he had his tongue in my mouth, which I must admit felt quite nice and arousing.
The way it searched and discovered every little nook and cranny, running over my teeth, skimming along the roof of my mouth, felt so good. I just wasn't sure how I was meant to respond to this new experience.
He pulled back, sensing my hesitation, and leaned his forehead against mine. "Relax," he whispered gently. Frustrated tears welled up in my eyes, and I immediately turned my gaze to the floor, not wanting him to think I was some weak, stupid, little girl.
Why did I have to be so sheltered? Why couldn't I just be like every other nineteen year-old girl?
He moved his head back and pulled me to his chest. I pressed my cheek against his heart and listened to the steady beat, trying to get a hold of myself. His chest inflated and deflated as he let out a quiet sigh.
"You know that I won't force you to do anything that would make you uncomfortable, don't you?" The uncertainty and sincerity in his voice reassured me. I knew he would never force me to do anything I didn't want to do, and the only thing holding me back was my naivety about intimacy.
"I know," I whispered. "I just..." A silent tear fell down my cheek, and I made the mistake of brushing it against his chest, alerting him to the fact that my face was wet. "I just don't know what to do," I said pitifully.
He placed his hands on my shoulders and pushed me backwards. Here it was, this was the part where he rejected me, realizing that I was some sort of virginal nun. I wiped my face with the back of my hand and focused on the rug tickling my feet.
He placed a hand under my chin and forced me to look up at him. "Bella, you have nothing to be ashamed of." I scoffed at him. It was easy for him to say that. He wasn't the one who couldn't even kiss a guy properly without clamming up.
"I'm serious. That was one of things that drew me to you. The innocence that you exude makes you glow." I blushed, embarrassed by what he had said, and looked up at him. I knew I probably looked like a frightened little mouse, but I knew what I wanted and that was him. I drew in a deep breath.
"I want you," I murmured, my eyes fixed on his so that he might understand the intensity of the statement that I was making. "But, you're going to have to tell me what to do because I am totally clueless."
He nodded slowly and planted a soft kiss on my forehead. "Just be you. That's all I'm asking for. I'll go slow." I let out a long breath and angled my head upwards so that he would kiss me again. He ran the pad of his thumb over my swollen bottom lip before acquiescing to my silent request.
We kissed slowly, and I wrapped my arms around his neck, letting myself get lost in him. My fingers moved on their own accord and wrapped themselves in his hair. The thick, damp hair felt so right in my hands.
The only noise in the room was our heavy breathing and my thumping heart. I had expected him to try to put his tongue in my mouth again, but instead he shifted his kisses. Just the corner of my mouth first before he drifted down to my jaw, leaving a fiery trail behind.
My skin tingled at the heat of his mouth, and I couldn't control the whimper that escaped my mouth. I let my head fall back slightly, and my eyelids fluttered closed of their own volition. His mouth continued to hunt across my skin, and a moan left my lips at the searing heat of his lips wrapping around the lobe of my ear.
Never had I known such pleasure could exist. The raw intensity that his eyes had held was being released through his mouth and coursing into me. I blushed as I felt wetness between my legs and resisted the urge to rub my thighs together.
The hands that been resting on my hips moved slowly. They dipped under the hem of my tank top, and I gasped at the feel of his cool hands against the bare skin of my back. They pushed up slowly, dragging the material of my top upwards and revealing my stomach at the front.
His hands continued their path up my back, tracing my spine as they went. My breath shuddered as they brushed against my bra and my chest constricted slightly with nerves. To reveal myself to this man in front of me was an inevitable part of what we were doing, but I couldn't help but wonder if he would be pleased by what he saw. There was nothing special about how I looked. I was just your average plain Jane.
"Shh...relax," he whispered, alerting me to the fact that I had tensed up. I relaxed myself slowly, and he pulled back while maintaining eye contact as he pulled my tank top over my breasts. I lifted my arms over my head, and he discarded my top on the floor. My arms automatically moved to shield my breasts from his view. He grasped my wrists and carefully brought them away from my body. My eyes drifted away from his, and I felt a blush creep up my body.
"Don't hide yourself from me, Bella," he murmured. "You're much too beautiful to do that."
My eyes darted back to him, and I expected him to lower his eyes and look, but one thing I was starting to learn was that Edward hardly ever did what I expected him to. He moved round my body until he was standing behind me and placed his hands firmly on my shoulders.
I shivered under his touch and clenched my fists tightly together to try and stop my body from shaking. It was not from fear that I was shaking, oh no, but from the sheer intensity of the sexual tension that swam around between us in the air.
The smell of his woodsy scent dragged me below the surface of want, and his breath on my neck burned me like the flames in the pit of hell.
"Do you have any idea what you do to me?" he whispered as he flicked the straps of my bra off my shoulders. My breathing was coming out in desperate pants, and I tried to focus on taking enough air into my lungs so that I wouldn't pass out.
When I didn't answer, he pulled me flush against him, and I could feel the bulge poking into my lower back telling me just what I did to him. A small gasp left me, and I couldn't help but ask for confirmation. "I did that?" I whispered, not quite believing the evidence.
"Only you, Bella. Only you." Frankly, I was shocked. Never had I invoked such a response, a reaction like this, in a man. My heart inflated at the thought that I had caused Edward to harden just by being my usual awkward self.
His lips dragged along the curve of my neck and down along the bridge of my shoulder. His once even breathing came out heavy, more laboured, as he let one lone finger trail a slow path down my neck and spine. I shivered as it stopped at the top of my bra clasp and I felt it come loose a few small tugs later.
The lacy material brushed against my skin as it slid slowly down my arms, pausing at the crook in my elbow before falling at my feet. A breeze that I had not known was there grazed along the skin of my newly exposed flesh, and my nipples responded to the change in temperature immediately by puckering up and hardening.
Goosebumps erupted on my skin, and I was suddenly very conscious of the fact that I was half-naked. I forced my arms not to cover myself up and turned around so that I was facing him. Our eyes connected, and I could tell it was taking a lot out of him to keep them there.
"You can look," I whispered, chewing on my lip again. I felt slightly more confident than I had when we first started out, knowing that he wanted me the way I was without lingerie or plucking or waxing every inch of my body.
His eyes flickered down to my uncovered chest, and I stayed as still as possible. His eyes remained glued on my chest for a full minute before he tore them away and looked back into my eyes. The desire and lust that I had seen in them earlier had multiplied ten-fold.
His mouth crashed against mine without warning and I squeaked in shock at the rough movements of his mouth. My hands dug themselves deep in his hair, and my mouth responded with the same desperate roughness that I felt running through me.
Our mouths were like a connection to our emotions, and we poured them out without such much as a second thought. His hands pulled the tie out of my hair and delved into it, pulling and tugging at it.
My fingers dug into his scalp and yanked at his hair, causing a hiss to leave his mouth. I paused, wondering if that had been a good hiss or a bad one, before pulling on his hair again. This time, he groaned and tugged my bottom lip between his and sucked and nibbled on it.
Our bare chests rubbed against each other as we lowered ourselves onto our knees. My breaths were coming out in heavy pants, and I wrenched my mouth away from his, panting. My hands uncurled from his hair and pushed the straps of his suspenders down. My hands ran down his chest trying to memorize every crease, blemish, and hair on his body, never pausing for long in one spot.
They grasped at his belt and tugged harshly, wanting him out of them as quickly as possible.
His hand covered mine, halting my frantic movements, and I looked up at him, surprised. He smiled lazily down at me. "Slow, remember?" he reminded me, and I blushed at my impatience. "Sorry," I mumbled. He shook his head and kissed my lips chastely.
"Never apologize for being you," he murmured before tilting his head to the side and attacking my neck. I arched my neck to the side, giving him more access, and wrapped my hands around his firm chest, and tracing patterns on his skin. He slowly pushed me backwards so that my back was resting on the plush carpet in front of the fireplace.
The fire crackled and sizzled as Edward trailed his lips down my collarbone and flicked his tongue out and lick a long swipe along the valley between my breasts. I groaned and let my inhibitions go. He traced his tongue along the underside of my left breast before moving upwards and flicking it over my hardened nipples.
He blew on my now wet flesh, and I whimpered and slammed my eyes shut as my toes curled. My body was experiencing a sensation overload.
I felt his lips wrap around the puckered skin of one of my nipples and suck softly. His tongue brushed against it, and his teeth nipped gently as I pushed his head closer and arched my back forwards asking for more. It was too much, yet not nearly enough at the same time.
I couldn't think straight, and my thoughts swam around in a jumbled mess of pleasure and lust with a small helping of insecurity.
His mouth alternated between each breast, and the room was filled with mewls and gasps of pleasure. Never had such noises left my lips, but I couldn't control the wanton sounds emanating from me.
"Edward..." I moaned as my hips bucked upwards, searching frantically for friction. My panties were drenched through, and I could feel my pulse throbbing in my ears as my stomach churned.
He grunted as my hips rubbed against his, and he pulled his head away from my breasts, panting. "I need you. Now." He demanded, and I nodded vigorously knowing that if something didn't relieve me of the infinite ache that seemed to be controlling my actions, I would combust.
He hovered above me, seeming to have some sort of battle with himself and I decided that it was time to move this forwards. I trailed my hands down his firm chest until they rested on his belt. I focused on my breathing as I concentrated on sliding the leather through the buckle without resorting to ripping the thing plain off.
It slid easily out of the buckle, and I focused my attention on the button holding his pants together. I was once again surprised when he covered my hands with his.
"Wait," he murmured, and I looked up at him in confusion. Was I taking this too fast again? Was there something we had forgotten to do before we took it to what I thought was the next step?
He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I just...are you sure you want this?" he blurted out. I frowned as my confusion grew. I had already stated at the beginning of this that I wanted it. Suddenly a thought hit me.
He had realized just who was underneath him and had decided that he didn't want to waste his time with some inexperienced little girl. It was obvious from the start that someone like him would never look at a girl like me. I should have been used to this kind of thing, but I found that the level of rejection that I felt was crushing.
He didn't want me. Tears pooled in my eyes, and I tried to scoot out from under him with one arm across my chest.
"I understand," I mumbled, refusing to look at him. His hands clamped down on my arms, and he refused to let me move any further. Irrational anger flooded through me, and I struggled against his hold.
"I get it, Edward. You don't want me. Now just let me go." Frustrated and hurt, I kept on struggling against him.
"Will you stop for a second?" he asked in an annoyed tone. I stopped struggling with a sense of defeat. I knew now why my mother kept me so far apart from the world. If all men were like this, then I really didn't want to be in a world like this. He didn't even have the decency to let me leave with what little dignity I had left.
"I do want you," he insisted with conviction in his voice. I snorted disbelievingly. Sure he did. He sighed in frustration. "Does this make you think I don't want you, that I don't desire you?" He grabbed my wrist and placed my hand on the bulge in his pants.
My eyes widened slightly in shock because...well because I was touching it. Maybe not skin on skin, but my hand was placed flat on his bulge. My eyes flickered up to his, and he looked straight back at me, confident, no shame or embarrassment clouding his eyes. It didn't bother him that this desire based reaction was being touched by me, in fact he looked- and felt- like he liked it.
I rubbed my hand over it slightly, taking in with awe-struck eyes the hardness of his erection. It seemed to move of its own volition, and I drew my hand back and glanced up at Edward, wondering if that was a normal reaction. His eyes were heavy lidded, and his eyelashes cast small shadows along his cheek.
"Then why?" I asked, my confusion coming back after having been distracted.
"Why what?" he asked huskily. I frowned.
"Why did you ask me if I was sure if you wanted me? I mean I already said that I was sure at the beginning, so why ask a question if you already know the answer?"
He looked slightly sheepish at that, and he dipped his head down slightly, rubbing the back of his neck. "I just wanted to make sure. I told you that I didn't want to do something that you wouldn't want me to do, and I meant that. But sometimes when lust takes over, I'm inattentive to what you want. I wanted to be sure that I wasn't over stepping any boundaries."
I raised an eyebrow. That was it? We had just had a whole roller coaster of emotions over his sense of control. I pushed myself up slightly, brushing my breasts along his chest, and kissed him gently.
"I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't want to. I'll tell you if I don't want or like something, okay?" Even in this predicament, I found it amusing that I was the one reassuring him and not the other way round. He nodded and responded to my kiss.
My hand moved over his chest, feeling the hairs tickle my fingers before dragging them down his stomach to his pants. I dipped my fingers under the waistband and ran them along the top of it. His fingers mirrored mine and dipped under the hem of my skirt, rubbing his fingers over my pubic bone.
Our eyes connected; both of us knew that this was it. The moment of no return. We would bare our bodies to each other for the first time and entrust ourselves to each other. Our eyes never strayed away from each other as we simultaneously unbuttoned our respective clothing.
The air sizzled with tension, and my breath hitched at the sound of a zipper being lowered.
I detached my eyes from his and peered down to where my shaking fingers were on his zipper. The cold steel of it felt oddly soothing against the heat that swirled around me. Whether from our predicament or the fire nearby, I wasn't sure.
I finished pushing down his zipper and glanced back into his eyes. He stared intently back into mine and gave my skirt a quick tug. I lifted my hips up off the floor, pushing my upper body further into his and let him slide it down my legs and throw it somewhere in the corner.
He stood swiftly and took his jeans off so that they pooled down around his ankles before stepping out of them and going back to his former position above me.
Only the thin cotton of our underwear separated us from ultimate completion. I had heard quite a few things about sex and read a bit about it, and I can say that the one thing I hoped would come of it would the feeling of intimacy that it brought to or new found relationship.
I mean, you were merging your body with someone; making what was once two separate beings into one whole being.
Now I didn't expect angels to pop out and congratulate us on our consummation or anything like but to know that there was someone who was your counterpart, that little piece of your soul that has been missing all your life, was consuming you body, soul and mind in such a biblical way made my heart burst.
He kissed me slowly as he stroked my hair with one hand and rubbed my stomach with the other, probably to help relax me. I knew the first entry of him inside my body would be painful.
I wasn't naïve enough to think that he would just slip in easily and we would move together as if we had done it a million times. No, from what I had heard, this could most likely end up a painful, awkward situation where neither one of us wanted to talk about it.
My heart hammered in my chest, and I could tell by the trepidation in his eyes that if I wanted this to move forward then I would have to act first. Mustering all the courage I had stored in my body, I gripped the edge of his boxers in my sweaty hands and pulled down in one swift movement before I could talk myself out of doing it.
His boxers hung low on his thick, muscled thighs, but my attention was grabbed by it bouncing against his stomach. I swallowed as I took him in, running my gaze over it with caution. The only word I could use to describe it was 'thick.'
My fingers twitched to touch this...thing. I frowned, knowing that it had a name- many names in fact- but I had never had a cause to use one, and I wondered what he called it. Penis sounded too clinical and made me wrinkle my nose so that one was out of the question.
"What do you call it?" I blurted out, not able to hold the bubbling question in any longer. He frowned and peered at me worriedly.
"How much do you know about sex?" he asked gently, and it dawned on me that he didn't get my question. Heat filled my cheeks as I hurried to explain.
"No, I know what it is, I was just wondering what you call it. I mean, penis is like way too clinical for me, and I thought maybe that you had a better name for it or something..." I trailed off realizing that I was rambling on and probably making a fool out of myself.
He shook his head, and I saw one corner of his mouth stretch upwards in amusement. "If you must know, I call it my cock." I raised my eyebrows and thought about it for a second.
"Your cock?" I said, forcing my mouth to form the words.
It felt weird saying it.
"Cock," I mumbled trying to get comfortable with the word. I eyed it again warily, wondering how something that had so much girth was meant to fit inside me. I gripped it in my hand, wondering if I could wrap my hand all the way around it. He seemed startled and jerked forwards into my hand while suppressing a strangled moan.
I tensed and wondered if I had done something wrong, but one look at his face calmed me down. It was one of pure lust and bliss.
"Fuck, Bella," he groaned, and I blushed as my panties dampened at his cursing. My mother would probably disown me if she could see this. Me, Isabella Dwyer, getting turned on by swearing. I let it go easily, thinking that if I was going to hell I might as well do it thoroughly.
His hands gripped my hips tightly, and I could feel the heat of his hands radiating through the thin material of my panties. This made me realize that in one swift movement, I could be naked. My chest constricted with restrained panic, and I forced myself to relax.
I reminded myself that this was what I wanted. I had chosen this, and I couldn't back out now. Not after getting this far.
"I'm ready," I said firmly, squaring my shoulders. His eyes flickered over my face carefully looking, searching for something. After a minute, he seemed satisfied with what he saw and dragged my panties down my legs slowly. To make sure he knew I was serious about this, about us, I helped him finish removing all the remaining garments.
I lay there naked, completely bared to this man for the first time, with him hovering above me on his elbows, every inch of our bodies touching. I felt his...cock pressed against my stomach, and I widened my legs to give him more room to maneuver into.
He pushed himself up onto his hands and positioned himself between my legs. He reached in between us and slipped a finger between my folds. I stiffened at the unwelcome intrusion.
"Relax..." he murmured as he stroked my flesh gently before shifting his hand downwards and pushing it into me. Just the feel of one finger stretching me burned.
It was similar to the feel of breaking or spraining an arm and then moving it slowly, stretching the muscle. I writhed in discomfort as he added another finger. His brow was creased in a calculating way, and he must have noticed that I was staring at him because he raised his head to look at me.
The look on his face was sheepish as he withdrew his fingers. He cleared his throat and scratched the back of his neck, chuckling in embarrassment. I frowned, wondering what, in a situation like this, could be in the least bit humorous.
He noticed my expression and let out a sigh.
"Something just occurred to me," he said slowly, seeming to analyse his words carefully. I gave him what I hoped was an encouraging look, and he bit his lip in contemplation. "You're a virgin," he stated, and I nodded, wondering where he was going with this. He already knew I was a virgin.
"I'm not sure if I can fit inside you." My eyebrows shot up, and I peered down between our bodies. I swallowed as I really took in his size. Did I want to try anyway, or did I think it was impossible? I let out a deep breath and looked straight into his eyes.
"Try," I murmured quietly, but with determination set in my eyes. I knew that this would be an uncomfortable experience, but somewhere deep down I knew that I wouldn't be lying here nude under a guy I had only known for a few days if this somehow wouldn't work.
He seemed hesitant, so I wrapped my legs around his buttocks and urged him forward. He let out a deep breath and reached down between us to guide himself into me. I felt him press at my entrance, and I slammed my eyes shut and concentrated on taking deep breaths.
I needed to relax, and the only way I could do that was to distract myself from the intrusion below my waist.
I found it nearly impossible to ignore it when he pushed forwards slightly. My breath stuttered, and I scrunched up my face in pain. I thought my lip would split by how hard I was biting down on it.
I forced myself to keep on breathing, and my legs shook from forcing myself not to slam them closed. He pushed forwards again, and I arched my back and let out a gasping breath. He stopped, and I felt him pepper kisses on my neck.
"Are you okay?" he asked, concerned. I wanted to open my eyes and tell him that I was fine, but I knew if I did that then the tears that I was holding back would spill down my face. Instead, I nodded vigorously.
The further he went inside me, the more I felt like I was being ripped in half. He stopped at my barrier and pulled back slightly. My eyes flashed open, and we stared at each other for a long minute.
"Bella, I don't think..." I gripped his hair in my hands and forced his mouth down against mine. "Just do it," I growled passionately against his lips. He pulled back slightly and thrust forward in one long stroke, filling me completely.
My mouth opened in an 'o' of shock and my eyes were wide as my body registered the fact that he was inside me, filling me to the hilt. I had expected there to be more pain from the breaking of my hymen, but it seemed that it had been relatively painless.
We lay there, our bodies still, waiting. The burning, ripping feeling started to subside into a dull ache, and I let out a sigh of contentment. This was why I had forced myself to go through that pain.
Edward had his head bent, and his breathing was heavy as his fists clenched into the rug beneath us. His whole body was tensed, and I stroked the firm muscles of his back gently. "You can move," I whispered.
He looked up at me with surprise, and I could tell that he was having trouble keeping still.
"You sure?" he panted, a pained edge in his voice like he was silently begging me to be truthful with him. I nodded. Our eyes stayed connected as he drew his body back before thrusting gently back into me. It still hurt, but there was something else buried underneath that pain.
A spark or some kind of kindling fire.
I focused my attention on that and moved my hips slowly with his.
Every push and pull of our bodies brought us closer to a feeling of euphoria. It was like we were a stick of dynamite. Once you lit it up, there was only a certain amount of time before the fuse ended and it would explode.
"Edward..." I murmured, my swollen lips forming his name. Our mouths connected, and our tongues wrapped around each other and swirled slowly, matching the pace and form of our bodies. I could feel a light sheen of sweat on our chests as we brushed them against each other.
I had thought that engaging in such an act for the first time would be awkward , but it seemed that our bodies knew exactly what they were doing even if I didn't. Our hands moved slowly, sensually, over each other, memorizing every indent and dip, trying to commit everything to memory. Who knew if we would ever do this again?
Our time together was like sand slipping through the hourglass. Each grain landing on the pile of dwindled time, moments we could never capture again. I would be leaving soon, and then I would just become a forgotten memory to him, but I would never forget this night.
My hands dug into the skin of his back and dragged downwards, wanting to mark him. He hissed and arched his back, causing his chest to convex and press into mine. We were flush up against each other, and I opened my eyes to see the recesses of his own eyes staring back at me.
They hypnotized me and dragged me in deeper. The emotion and feeling swimming, swirling, dancing, in his eyes could not be described unless you have been with a man you shared a carnal and consuming connection with.
It was awe-inspiring. Books, paintings, songs were based around this kind of passion. It was the one thing people wished and hoped for every day of their lives. It wasn't something that you wanted to let go of once you found it. In fact, I'm not sure if it was possible to let it go. That would be like physically ripping yourself apart, and I, for one, knew that I did not have that kind of strength.
The way he was thrusting into me, each thrust measured and slow and so intense, was enough to make me lose every inhibition I had ever harboured.
My lips attacked the pale skin of his neck, sucking and nibbling on it vigorously as my legs wrapped themselves tighter around him, causing his thrusts to deepen. "Fuck, Bella!" He groaned into my hair, fanning his hot, panting breath over my skin.
His hips thrust forwards harder than before as our chests rubbed against each other, both slick with sweat and sex. I gasped against his neck as the feelings started to manifest inside me.
I squirmed under him, feeling like I was at the edge of something. "Edward..." I gasped suddenly unsure about what was happening to my body. The tightening that had been in my stomach seemed to spread down between my legs, and I felt my muscles start to clench. I felt like an firework about to explode, and I wasn't sure what to make of it.
"Edward..." I was slightly self-conscious about what was happening, and I looked up at him with slightly scared eyes to see if he knew what was happening. His eyes bore back into mine, no trepidation or worry in them, before he bent down and captured my lips in a hard kiss.
"Come with me," he murmured, and it was like he had flipped a switch on in my body. My fingers dug into his back as my back arched and I let out a breathless scream of pleasure. Before, I had felt like I was swimming in pleasure, but now it was like I was drowning in it.
It was like the waves had pushed me downwards, and I was being yanked down by the currents as they bashed against my chest.
My mind was in a fog as my mouth moved whimpering out his name and quiet choruses of 'oh God.' I shuddered and convulsed as all my muscles tightened and locked down around him. Somehow through all of it he managed to keep up the pace of his thrusting. Static energy pierced through my skin, and I buried my head in Edward's shoulder and bit down to try and anchor myself to his body. His once erratic thrusting stopped, and I felt heat spread through me as he emptied himself inside me.
We clung to each other as we came down from our high. Our bodies meshed together in weakness as it was in strength. Our breaths were coming in heavy pants, and the whole world could have crumbled and I wouldn't have moved an inch. I pulled my head out from where it had taken purchase, feeling slightly guilty about biting him so hard, and slumped back against the rug.
My back was slightly sore from where I had been moving and been pushed with each thrust along the rug. I stared up at Edward and, just for a second, it was like we were in our own little bubble. We were in a place outside of time, a place where lovers met. It felt like nothing and no one could touch or disturb us.
My hair was splayed all around my head, and my breathing had finally started to even out. Edward shifted his weight off me, but I tightened my legs around him and looped my arms around his neck, refusing to let him move. He was my anchor, my safe haven, and I wouldn't let this escape like the dust falling through the cracks of splayed fingers.
"Stay. Please," I pleaded weakly. Even after all we had just shared and seen, a blush started to cover my cheeks at our connected nakedness and my need to stay together. He paused and pressed his hands to my buttocks as he pulled me up with him so that I sat straddling him, still connected.
I gripped him and held on tightly while raising my eyebrows, silently asking what he was doing. He leaned back, and I squeaked as I fell down on his chest, switching our positions to the opposite of what they had been at the beginning. He chuckled and reached up behind him to pull a blanket down from the chair behind us. He draped it over us, and I lay my head on his chest.
He whirled a lock of my hair around his finger, and I traced patterns along his chest, watching with rapt attention as the muscles clenched and moved. The hairs tickled my fingers as I brushed against them, and I felt content.
"Bella," he murmured quietly.
I hummed in response, too tired to speak. Actually, I don't think that 'tired' was the right word to describe how I was feeling. It was more like I was completely relaxed, languid, sated in his arms.
"Unless you want to go again, I'm going to have to pull out."
I blushed red and started to shift off him, but he held me in place before he carefully grabbed my hips and pulled me off him.
"Bella," he murmured again, and my eyes flickered up to his face.
"Marry me?" he asked confidently.
My breath left with a whoosh, and I stared at him, wondering if I was dreaming.
"W-what?" I stuttered.
He looked at me evenly, "Marry me," he repeated, and I swallowed. I wasn't sure if I should be overjoyed or horrified.
"Why?" His eyes intensified, and he paused slightly before answering.
"Because I can't let you walk out of here without knowing that you are coming back to me." My heart inflated at his words, but I hesitated. This whole situation was completely backwards.
"We've only known each for three days. How do I know that you are it?" His lips turned up in a lazy, slanted grin like he had anticipated this question. "Because you are my One, and if you're my One, then I'm your One. We are each given two arms, two legs and one heart. It's our job to find that other heart, and I've finally found it."
He cupped my face in his hands and smiled up at me before pressing his lips to mine gently. I closed my eyes briefly before pulling back hesitantly.
I didn't know what to do.
While I really wanted to say yes, I hardly knew this man, and I couldn't just give myself away to the first man that showed interest. Then again, I think it was a little late to be thinking like that when I lay naked, my virginity gone, leaning on his chest.
"I don't know what to say," I murmured, biting my lip.
"Say yes," he murmured back, running the pad of his finger along my cheek and over my bottom lip. We were quiet for a few minutes as I weighed the pros and cons.
"What happens if I say yes?" I asked finally, caution still weighing on me.
He raised his eyebrows amused. "We get married."
I blushed, "I know that. I mean, I'm only nineteen; what can you promise me?" He didn't seem bothered by my questioning, so he answered.
"I promise to love you unconditionally, irrevocably, and forever. I can promise you a house and kids and happiness and me." I gnawed on my lip furiously while my brain whirled around the thoughts in my head. They jumped left to right, never staying in one place for long.
I knew my mother wouldn't approve, but I guess it was time for me to branch out on my own now. I couldn't let my past hold me back and stop me from having a good future. "I don't believe in divorce," I stated plainly, knowing that as soon as I said 'I do' at the altar, he would be stuck with me for the rest of his life.
His expression didn't change. "Neither do I."
I nodded and glanced around for a second before taking in a deep breath. It was now or never. I could either take this chance at happiness or spend the rest of my life wondering what would have happened if I had said yes. "Yes. I accept your proposal."
It was like every weight, problem, vanished as my chest expanded. It was like I was breathing for the very first time in my life. Everything looked bright, sounded better, felt electrifying.
A breathtaking smile stretched over his face, and he held me tightly to his chest. "You're mine now," he murmured. "Forever."
I nodded against his chest.
"Forever," I whispered back against the skin of his heart.
It is still strange to me that, by leaving behind every preconceived notion about propriety and what a woman should do, I had found everything I thought I would get from following them.
I did something stupid, I did something reckless, I did something backwards, and I found love.
AN: That was what getting in touch with my fluffy, soft side looks like. It was pretty long. Review and tell me what you think!