Disclaimer: NCIS isn't mine.
Tony groaned as he was handed a piece of paper and pencil by the lady in the light blue outfit. He offered her a seemingly flirtatious grin, but she only shook her head and pointed to an empty chair at the far end of the conference room.
With a small nod, the senior field agent sulked over to his assigned chair and plopped down with as much dramatizing emphasis he could make. A few other agents looked up at him with just as much annoyance as he felt, and then went back to their papers.
And I thought last time was bad, he thought to himself as he looked at the top of the packet. Sexual Harassment Assessment...oh god, they just keep on coming up with new things every year...
He dragged the tip of his pencil down the first question.
Number 1...In your own words, define 'sexual harassment'. He raised a hand in the air until he made sure the lady could see him.
"Yeah, do you want our answers in complete sentences?" Some laughs were subtly contained around the table. "Because I don't know about you guys, but I haven't taken a test like this since college and we weren't really forced to write in complete sentences-"
"Just answer the questions," the lady replied, her eyes glaring at Tony. "Is that all?"
Tony nodded, looking back at the question. Depending on who the harasser or the harassed is, sexual harassment can be defined as wanted or unwanted touching or behavior. Kind of like an angry couple at their seventh year stretch.
Satisfied, he moved on. Number 2 part A...How would you go about handling a situation in which a female co-worker touches you in the work place?
Tony smiled. This is too easy... He wrote, Enjoy it while you can before the boss finds out.
Number 2 part B...How would you go about handling a situation in which a male co-worked touches you in the work place?"
He thought for a moment. If a certain coffee-aficionado, apologize for being immature and thank him. If not said certain coffee-aficionado, question motives and possibly stay away.
Number 3...Have you ever been the victim of sexual harassment in the workplace?
He put his head in his left hand, rethinking the week's events. There was the slap for throwing ping pong balls at McGee last week, the slap for standing too close to Ziva, the slap for losing the keys to the truck, the slap for- He looked down at the paper.
Number 4...If you can think of any at the moment, please share one example of sexual harassment that you noticed in the work place. Please note that the appropriate actions will be taken if needed, and the offender will be contacted immediately will be forced to attend further instruction on sexual harassment. Charges may or may not be pressed.
Oh, the possibilities! Tony looked around the table. McGee? Yeah, he messed up my order at the coffee shop and made me pick through the garbage last week...
McGee gave him a quick look, his eyebrows meeting in confusion and a little annoyance to Tony's quizzical stare.
Nah, he doesn't really do anything worth reporting...
His eyes traveled to Ziva. Hey, there's an idea! Let's see...no, she'd probably find out and strangle me in my sleep...better not put her down.
What about Gibbs? Eh...do I really wanna do that? He suddenly felt a pair of eyes on him, and he looked up to meet Gibbs' intimidating stare watching him. Tony sheepishly grinned, adding in a small wave with his pencil, and then pretending to shoot himself with a sarcastic look. Gibbs only tilted his head and continued to look at him with the same expression.
Ok, maybe not Gibbs...It was then that Tony realized why Gibbs was still watching him; the special agent wasn't even answering the problems! Of course not, he's Gibbs...why would he?
Looking back at the question, he sighed as he wrote, I'm pretty sure I saw the guys down in the evidence locker talking smack to Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo. I don't think they like him...You might want to give them a call...
Satisfied, he picked up his paper and handed it to the lady before rushing out the room.
"Oh thank God."
"You finished too?" Ziva asked, coming up behind him.
"Just did. You?"
She nodded. "I thought it was pretty pointless."
He scoffed. "Of course it was, it was a sexual harassment meetint, Zee-Vah, but just out of curiosity, what'd you put for the last one?"
She smiled. "I was thinking about how the new mail delivery guy, Todd, was rather rude to me the other day, but then-"
"Thought of something better?" Tony prodded.
She looked at him, laughing to herself. "-but then I saw you looking at McGee with very odd and inappropriate eyes."
Tony froze. "You what?"
Ziva laughed a little harder, walking past him. "You still have a lot to learn about sexual harassment, Tony."