AN- Sorry for being so long in updating, I am currently got 3 nabs to revise for lol. So this chapter is a chance I am taking as I am unsure if you guys will be happy with the Bella I have done in this chapter. Tell me what you think?
So some of you said that you would like to see Bella in this story as a GF. Well I thought and yes I am still unsure. I have to admit for this chapter on Edwards feelings I consulted my brother who is a teenage dad and he gave me his thoughts and that. Not many single dad, teen, get GF that are serious and as I said from the start I would like this to be believeable. However my brother is still with the mother of my nephew :)
SO once again give me your thoughts :)
I sat in the armchair opposite the buggy and watched the baby's scrunched-up face, tears flowing like rivulets from its eyes and down its cheeks. It watched me just as I watched it. It struck me that at that moment, the baby and I were feeling exactly the same and I mean exactly the same. The baby cried and cried and then cried some more. It was lucky. God knows I wanted to join in but I couldn't. Boys don't cry- that's what Carlise had always told me and my brother and besides, what good would it have done?
Two minutes turned into five turned into ten, and if anything it was getting louder/ My head was about to explode. I couldn't stay in the same room any longer, I just couldn't. Jumping to my feet, I left the room, closing the door firmly behind me. Heading for the kitchen, I poured myself a glass of apple juice and downed it in one, counting moments till the doorbell rang. Where the hell was Tanya? Fifteen minutes had come and gone and practically doubled in size. The noise in the sitting room was still going on, but the strident wail had been replaced by something more tired and resentful. I paced the hallway, still trying to wrap my head around how my life was threatening to dissolve about me.
Keep it together, Edward. Panicking wont help anything.
Tanya would be back soon. She'd take the baby and head north and no one would ever know either of them had ever been here. No one would be any the wiser. I could get on with my life and she could get on with hers.
Somewhere around fiftieth circuit of the hall my mobile buzzed in my pocket. The caller was unknown. "Hello?"
"Edward, its me, Tanya."
"Where the hell are you? You said fifteen minutes. That was well over an hour ago."
Calm down Edward. I forced myself to take a deep breath. "Tanya, where are you?"
"Im really sorry." and she really did sound genuinely upset.
"Well, as long as you re on your way back now."
What the... "Pardon?"
"Im not on my way back."
"Well, how much longer are you going to be then."
"Edward, im not coming back."
"I cant cope, Edward. Ive tried and Ive tried but I cant. I need some time to get my head together. So I reckon Mallie will be better off with you, as you're her dad."
Falling from a plane without a parachute. Tumbling over and over, the ground rushing upwards to meet me. I cant think of any other way to describe that moment. Falling hard and fast and knowing there was no escape...
"Tanya, you cant do this. You cant just dump it on me because your having a bad day."
"A bad day? You think thats all this is?"
"Look, just come back and we can talk about," I said still trying desperately to keep calm.
"Do you think I want to do this?" the constant sniffing over Tanya's words told me that if she wasn't already crying, she was very close to it. "I hate leaving Mallie, but I don't have a choice."
"What are you talking about? You do have a choice. Its your daughter."
"She is your daughter too, Edward."
"But you-re its mum"
"And you are her dad,"Tanya shot back. "What do I know about bringing up a kid? It is not like my dad cared enough about me or my sister to stick around and my mum had to work at two jobs just to put food on the table. I brought myself up Edward. I don't how to bring up anyone else and I ... I love Mallie to much to ruin her life."
"Tanya, you cant leave it here."
"Edward, I have to. If she stays with me, I'm afraid..."
"Afraid of what?" Tanya didnt reply. "Answer me. Afraid of what?" I shouted.
"Of what might happen... of what I might do.." Tanyas voice was barely above a whisper now.
"I dont understand..."
"Edward, I love our daughter. I do. Id die for her but I have no life. Mallie and I live in one bedroom in my aunts cupboard-under-the-stairs-sized flat with no chance of getting anything better. I gave up my life, my friends, my dreams for Mallie, and sometimes when it is just me and her and she wont stop crying... Sometimes the thoughts in my head scare me. The things I do... the things i want to do scare me. Mallie deserves to with someone who can look after her better and bring her up properly."
Oh my God... "That's not me," I protested, barely taking in what Tanya was saying. " I don't know the first thing about babies."
"Maybe not, but you will learn. You always had more patience that me and you have go your dad and Jasper and a big house and your friends."
She had to be joking. "Tanya, do not do this.."
"I am sorry, Edward. Tell Mallie... tell Mallie that I love her."
"Tanya..." but she hung up. I immediately tried to recall her but her number was blocker. I stared down at my phone, unable and unwilling to believe what had just happened. It took a few moments to realize that I was shaking, actually shaking.
Was this some kind of sick..very sick joke? The painful, constant twisting of my stomach told me otherwise.
Dumped. Tanya had dumped her baby on me and was now god only knew where. She was free and clear and me? I had been lumbered with a kid that was seemingly mine. Well, hell no. I was off to some university in less than a month and there was no way I was going to let Tanya and some baby ruin my plans, not to mention my life. No way.
The baby was getting louder and louder. My world was spiralling round and out of control like water down a plughole. I had to do something about that damned noise. Going over to the buggy, I looked down at that thing that was supposed to be my child...my daughter. The word set of an earthquake inside of me which would measure 10 on the Ritcher scale. How could I have a child? Ten minutes of not much with Tanya and now I had this thing screaming up at me? It was so loud I couldn't even hear myself think.
"Could you please stop crying-just for 5 minutes" The words were out of my mouth before I realized how ridiculous they were. Like the thing in the buggy could be reasoned with.
Oh God, the noise. DO something- fast.
I pushed the buggy so it was in front of the window. Maybe if the thing looked outside, it would find something to distract it and would stop crying. I broke out my phone and headed for the kitchen where the baby's wailing could not be overheard.
"Bella, do you remember Tanya? Tanya Denny," I launched in before she had barely said hello.
"The girl who disappeared after Christmas a while ago?"
"Yeah, that is her."
"Course I remember her. What about her?"
"You two girls were friends right?"
"Well, were not enemies but we didn't swap diaries either if that is what you mean."
"I... don't suppose you have got her current mobile number or her aunts phone number or address do you?"
"No and why on earth would I have Tanya's aunts contact details?" I could imagine Bella's frown.
"well, Tanya went to live with her aunt so I thought you might..."
"How do you know that Edward?"
"Tanya told me."
"When did she tell you that?"
Dammit. "Er... a while ago."
"Hang on, she was your girlfriend back in the day, wasn't she? Why are you suddenly so keen to get in touch with her?"
"No particular reason," I replied feebly. "I was just wondering about her, that is all."
"Funny time to wonder about her," Bella commented.
"So would you know how I can get in touch with her?" I asked trying to rein in my impatience.
"Nope. Sorry, Edward. Have not got a clue."
"Oh, ok. Do you know anyone who might know then?"
"No. As far as I know, Tanya did not keep in touch with anyone."
Damn it. What was I going to do now? "Got your exam results?" asked Bella.
"Yeah. four a-stars." I dismissed.
"That is fantastic. 'grats. I knew you would walk through the exams though, Mr Boffin of Egghead Lane!"
"Thanks- I think." What was I going to do?
"Well?" Bella prompted
"Are you not going to ask me about my exam results then?" she asked, sounding a little peeved.
"Yeah, of course. I was just about to. Did you get the grades you wanted?"
"Yeah. Three A stars and one A." The warmth in Bella's voice left me cold. "So we will be going to the same uni. Different faculties but the same university. I cant wait."
"Neither can I." I replied faintly. Bella and I had applied to the same uni more by luck than design. She wanted to study Computer Science with a view to becoming a games designer. Bella was deterring to have a career that would make her name and her a fortune. Her older sister Leah was a social worker who, according to Bella, got paid a whole heap of nothing for doing a really thankless job. It sounded really unappealing.
"I am going to learn from my sister's career mistakes," Bella had told me, more than once.
Me? Id wanted to be a journalist ever since my mum had died. Our first choice of university was over two hundred and forty kilometres away. which suited me fine. I longed to leave home and be independent and more than that, if I am honest. I longed to only have to worry about Jasper long-distance. He was my brother and I cared for him - but god knows he was hard work.
"It is going to be so great," Bella enthused. "You still ready to celebrate tomorrow night? It will be fun to see everyone again before we all scatter to the four corners of England."
"Doorbell," I lied. "Got to go. Talk late." I hung up before Bella could get another word in.
What was I going to do?
I had to do something... I glanced down at my watch. Dad and Jasper would be back soon. I had an hour or less to try and sort out this mess. Maybe.. maybe I could hide it until I managed to track down Tanya? What a stupid idea. How on earth was I going to hide a baby? I couldn't arrange my thoughts in any sort of sensible order. I never realized it before but panic was a living, breathing thing and it had taken root inside me and was ruthlessly and relentlessly eating away at my entire body. I opened the kitchen door.
At least the baby had stopped crying now.
Dammit. My mistake. It was obviously just taking a breather to get back its energy and to refill its lungs, because it was now bawling even louder than before. I shut the kitchen door again.
I spent the next ten minutes phoning around friends and friends of friends, trying to find someone, anyone who could give me more information about where Tanya might be. I was out of luck. When shed left school, she had cut all contact with not just me, but everyone we both knew. After twenty minutes, I had to admit defeat. Those who remember her didn't have a clue as to her current whereabouts. Then I had another idea. I used my phone to check out Facebook. If Tanya was on Facebook, maybe I could send her a message or find out if we had any mutual friends who might know her location but she was not on Facebook either. I tried every variation of her name I could think of but still I had no luck.
I was well and truly stuffed.
I had to get away.
I headed for the front door, the sound of the carrying baby wrapping itself all around me. Gripping me. Smothering me. I opened the door, every instinct telling me to run. Get out of there. Escape.
The baby was still sobbing in the sitting room...
Slamming the front door, I turned around and took the stairs three at a time until I reached my bedroom. I flung myself down on my bed, staring up at the half naked Beyonce poster that I had on my ceiling.
What was I going to do?
I couldn't just lie there, doing nothing.
I needed ti get Tanya to come back and take her child away but how, when I did not have her current mobile number or the address where she was going? I didn't even have her aunts name, never mind any-other contact details. The walls were closing in on me and there was nothing I could do about it.
I stared past the ceiling into nothing - and waited.
For an idea
For Tanya's return
For this nightmare to end
For my alarm clock to ring and wake me up
For a way out.
And I waited.
After about ten minutes, the noise downstairs finally faded away before ceasing altogether. I didn't move. I counted every fraction of a second after that, waiting for the clink of metal against metal, for the sound of a key turning in the front door.
how was it?
Sorry if it wasnt what you wanted but I can easily change bella if you wish?
REVIEW PLEEASE :) I LOVE HEARING YOUR THOUGHTs
Ok, so my next update WILL NOT be before Friday next week, as I said I have 3 nabs to revise for next week and will be busy with it coming up to christmas and all. So friday could be the next update.. if not Saturday :) sometime at night time (UK) as i will be babysitting my nephew as my brother and his gf have there school dance then.. :)