Disclaimer: I don't own HP or any of these characters. That belongs to JKR, Scholastic Books, Warner Brothers, etc. This is just something to pass the time while waiting for the next book. The title and inspiration is from Christopher Marlowe's (1564-1593) The Passionate Shepherd to His Love.
You can't love someone without knowing them first.
Oh sure, you can really fool yourself that you're in love, that this is it, the real thing. Yet, although you're gadding about in a love-crazed manner, you're not really in love. It's infatuation. I should know, because though I hate to admit it, I've spent more than my fair share of time infatuated with someone I didn't even know.
Before you roll your eyes, love, and get that knowing smirk on your face, might I remind you of an infatuation you had in our second year? At least I had the sense to like someone with sense!
At times, I still find it hard to believe that you love me. It's no longer astonishing to know that I love you. You're the one I know best. I know all your little quirks and ways. I would be lying if I said that they never annoyed me. But I know the reasons behind your ways and what I do not like, I can still understand. You don't have to change for me, I'm more than happy with you as you are.
Just as I'm the one that knows you best, you're the one that knows me best. I suppose that is the reason for your affection. You've lived with me and so became in love. I will always be grateful that the one I love has so much patience with me. I know that you knew that we were in love first. I haven't asked how long you waited because I'm almost afraid to find out. I don't know how you were able to stand it for if it was me, I don't think it would have taken very long for the wait to drive me mad.
Perhaps that's why you were the one to figure it out first. Because you were the one who could wait.
More likely though it was because you're the cleverest person I know.
So clever, in fact, that you knew the very second that I managed to put everything together that I had finally done so. I was just sitting there, laughing with everyone else and having a good time. You were sitting apart from us with your nose in a book. I was a bit miffed at that—I didn't know why you were not with us, there was no test or quiz to study for. I didn't want you to be over there studying by yourself—I wanted you to be with me, laughing.
And then it hit me. I wanted you to be with me, laughing. Not with all of us, all of our friends. But with me.
And then you looked up. You saw me staring at you, forgive the obvious cliché, but you saw me staring at you like a fool in love. So of course you knew that I knew.
You started to laugh. Not out loud, but in your heart and in your mind. I just sat there, like a fool, with the love of my life laughing because I looked so confused. Don't try to deny it, love. You were laughing and I can't say that I blame you. I started laughing too.
I was in heaven at that moment. Because you were with me, laughing. Though we did not touch, though not a word was said. You were still with me and we were laughing. That's all I wanted then and that's all I want now.
Somehow, though I sometimes am still dumbfounded about you loving me (because I don't deserve it, but you would never think that!), I know that you will always be with me. I can't help but cry at that thought. I've been alone for most of my life, left out in the cold, thinking no one loved me and no one would ever love me. There were times that I thought I would always be alone—that was one of my greatest fears. I no longer have to fear that and I'm not eloquent enough to even begin to describe my relief.
So if you sometimes see tears running down my face when I'm looking at you, don't worry. It's because I'm happy. Not because I'm in pain, not because I'm sad, not because I'm feeling overwhelmed. I'm crying because I'm happy I have you. Maybe you did not need to hear those words, you probably already knew—but I needed to say them.
I don't need to ask you to be my love. You are. I think you always will be. I don't need to ask you to live with me. You have, we've known each other ever since we were eleven. That's how you came to love me. I don't need to ask you to stay with me. You'll do that of your own accord. You'll be by my side through good times and through bad, for better or worse. Though sometimes we're far apart, your presence hovers by my side, my guiding star through all that's dark.
I love you.
Author's note—Well this is mostly the other half of the dialogue
I couldn't write. It seems that I can write two monologues with no
problems, but not one dialogue. Please leave a review, as I would like
to know what you think. Thanks.