Disclaimer: Don't own Glee…wish I did. What else is new?


I look at my reflection in the mirror and adjust one of my curls. My makeup looks perfect I'm glad to see. My husband, I still love the sound of the word…always stresses on the importance of our personal appearance, the importance of how we present ourselves to the world. I guess the fact that he lives most of his life in the limelight has made him more conscious of the public's opinion. As I reach for my lipstick, my eyes fall on our wedding photo. I smile thinking of our wedding day, just two weeks ago.

We've been together for five years, since my senior year and for the past three of those years, we've been living together right here in New York. Because of his involvement in the recording industry and the theatre, I chose to pursue my degree at NYU. His proposal was in his usual theatrical style. We'd attended the Grammy Awards where he'd been nominated in three categories: Best New Artist, Album of the Year and Song of the Year. It was the culmination of an eventful year for him, a realization of all his dreams and I was extremely proud of him. I'm not glossing over the fact that we had our ups and downs, there were days when the madness just got too much for me. I'd feel like just giving up on our relationship, when I felt like I did not feature in his life and when I had fears that his popularity would cause him to break off our relationship. But somehow or other, we'd make our way through all the turmoil.

He'd started off with the usual acknowledgements and suddenly at the end, he veered from the expected. He'd gotten down on one knee, a small box in one hand, in front of a live worldwide audience and proposed to me. For as long as I live, I'll never forget his words, "Quinn, we've been through a lot together. You've put up with me through the good times, the bad times and the crazy times. With all my heart, I love you and I know that you are the one person I can envision spending the rest of my life with. Quinn Fabray, will you do me the honour of being my wife?" Never ever in my life, before this, had I felt such a tumult of emotion. Of course I was ecstatic to know that he wanted to marry me but I've normally shunned the limelight, content to just bask in his reflected glory. So, to suddenly have my face staring back at me from giant screens, and knowing the whole world was waiting for my reply, made me incredibly embarrassed. Needless to say, I said yes.

The wedding was another media circus. My husband was hot stuff now, everybody wanted a piece of him. He said from the start that even if we were to play a cat and mouse game with the media, there'd always be, somehow or other, a leak. So, instead of trying for privacy and failing, we decided that we'd allow everybody to witness our nuptials, with the media houses making substantial contributions to the charities of our choice.

Mercedes was my maid of honour and Kurt walked me down the aisle. Shelby graciously allowed me to have Beth as my flower girl…she looked so angelic as she concentrated on every step down the aisle. Finn and Santana's son, David, was a page boy: he reminds me so much of Finn, as he earnestly bore the ring on a pillow down the aisle. The whole shebang was elegantly orchestrated by Kurt: I mean, who else could I truly trust to get everything I want exactly right..right? The whole of New Directions turned up for my wedding celebration and Kurt managed to organize a performance by ND during my nuptials. Rachel being the upcoming broadway star she was, insisted on doing a solo number: some things just never change. It felt good to meet up with the rest again after so many years.

I suddenly felt Kurt touch my hand and heard him whisper my name. I looked at him in surprise and realized that I was no longer in my bedroom, and no longer alone. The reverend was looking at me in concern and speaking softly to me, "Mrs. St James, would you like to say a few words?"

And then the numbness suddenly melted away. All my good feelings, all my good memories, fled, melting away like the snow on a sunny day. I shook my head, as I felt the tears falling like raindrops. I was in the same cathedral where I got married just two weeks ago. But today, I was here to attend my husband, Jesse St James's , memorial service. I realized that I'd been in such a daze since Jesse was taken off life support five days ago, I had functioned automatically, not taking anything in.

We'd just arrived from our honeymoon and were on the way back from the airport in our limousine when we were struck by a drunk driver. We heard our driver shout out that the car was heading for us and Jesse threw himself over me to protect me from the impact. Till today, I don't have a clear picture of what happened, I just know that in a split second, my whole life changed. All I know is that I escaped with just minor lacerations from the broken glass and Jesse was unconscious when the rescue personnel arrived. Our driver died on the spot and our bodyguard had a fractured leg. The drunk driver walked away with a broken arm.

Jesse was in a coma for three days. During that time, I never left his side and continuously prayed that he'd recover. Kurt and Mercedes were and still are my rock. As I stood by his grave, my heart couldn't help but feel broken. Jesse was my life, my reason for being and with him gone, I feel all alone and lost. Jesse, you and I were supposed to go on for ever…where do I go from here?