She remembered being fixated on a pair of deep blue eyes, in a way that she never thought of before. It was really strange how that just happened. He had always been her best friend since they were little babies. He lived across the street, a couple of ones over. They spent birthdays, pre-school, kindergarten, and elementary school together so when exactly did she start to see him differently? With more details than she should as one of her best friends in the world? If she were honest with herself, she developed feelings for him when they were in the fourth grade, a small crush that she almost immediately placed into the back of her mind. Those kinds of feelings were foreign and scary for her. She liked the way things were, and also hate change. Then how come she would catch herself thinking, he had the nicest dark curls, and she still secretly thought he did today? You would think they would disappear by now, only they haven't, and she doesn't know if she wants these feelings to go away. It's her normal. She feels something different, like an erratic pulse, a rapidly rising blush, and she quickly shuts down that notion. She doesn't want to question the emotion at all. She doesn't let herself. Some part of her desires consistency and their already established friendship. She's in constant turmoil over how she feels or sees him when odd occasions present themselves towards her, like catalysts silently pressuring her to decide precisely what she feels.
He is sweet in the way that he particularly looks at her, which includes his actions and words. It makes her feel wonderful, a sense of great euphoria that effortlessly compels her to erupt into a full smile. Sometimes, she would call him at three in morning when she had terrible nightmares, and he'd be barely coherent in trying his best to comfort her, and she knew he'd do almost anything for her. They had that closeness, such familiarity. She nearly never got tired of it; although there were other times that he got on her nerve like no other. She also knew that he could be judgmental and stubborn at his worse. He is her best friend. There was no doubt about that, but more? She never had an answer or rather she purposely avoided giving herself one, of ever going down that uncertain road. Nobody really likes the idea of things not working out or drifting apart from someone they once loved. What's even scarier is that she's realized she used the "L" word to describe her potential feelings.
She knew him, and because of that reason it was so easy to be swept away by feelings from time to time. He had this adorable look of fierce concentration. You could tell his brain was working a mile a minute on an assignment or another. The thought played itself before she was conscious of it, 'he is brilliant,' making her smile in class, and she turns her head back to concentrate on her own paper so she doesn't fail. She believes it's completely weird that he doesn't seem to notice what's going with her regarding him. Maybe she is a better actress then she had first thought. It's ironic.
He takes his time watching her. Okay, he must admit that sounded completely psycho for a moment there; it gives him the chills a bit on how his first thought could be taken if anyone ever heard. He wordlessly laughs at his own intricacies.
He guesses there's no point in trying beat around the bush. He's known for a while that he likes his best friend as more than a friend. The silly thing is that there would be times that he pictures a future with her, and he doesn't mean as her reliable, background best friend. He means as something so much more than what they are now: her partner. He only wants to be there for her, and it's important that she is happy. He will always want that for her, even if it means watching her make mistakes so she can learn from them. It's especially hard when they involve guys. He wants to be the one she squeals and smiles brightly for. It's never him though. He hates to admit that part always hurts; it eats him away a little similar to acid rain.
He also refuses to acknowledge how much he needs her and her support. He just needs her. Period. That's a lot to consider. How can people in relationships be so intertwined? He wasn't even going out with her, but what she offers, he craves it already. He read somewhere that "Love is friendship set on fire." That's how it happened for him and he often wonders whether she could feel the same way about him. He treasures her high, good-natured laugh and finds it infectious. It wouldn't be long before he joined in. Shared moments like those eased him because it seemed like it was just the two of them and the world was all right because of that.
Holding this inside has been difficult. There have been countless opportunities where he could have taken the chance except paralyzing fear usually took over: 'I have so much I want to say to you, but I don't know how to say it.' Nervousness would make him lose his train of thought. He'd have to start over, and his hand movements would gesture, attempting to emphasize a point that wasn't quite verbalized. He's frustrated that he never had the courage to tell her.