It's lunch time at 30 Rock and Liz has just finished her annual Teamster Sub and makes her way to Jack's office to drop his off. She waddles in stroking her bloated belly satisfied with her tasty lunch. Jonathan is quick to inform her that Jack is currently in with Avery but she is free to go ahead and join them.
Liz knocks on the door before popping her head round. Her hand is covering her eyes.
'You guys better not be doing stuff'.
'You're ok Lemon, you have just missed the peep show'.
Liz has entered the office with one hand behind her back hiding the sandwich as she wants to surprise him.
'Close your eyes'
Liz is taking little excited steps and Jack closes his eyes holding out his hands waiting for a response. He is blissfully unaware that he is about to taste a Teamster Sub, the Sub of all Sub's. It is the sandwich equivalent of Plunders 'Lovers Delight' but a much cheaper alternative.
Jack opens his eyes with excitement.
'Is this what I think it is?'
'Yes Jack, it a Teamster Sub and it's yours'
Jack is jumping up and down with delight; it has taken 5 years for him to finally taste the sandwich for himself, he knows better than to ask the others for a bite, even with his fancy title he still has no power over the sandwich lovers of TGS.
'You didn't want us to eat it together?'
'Sorry Jack, the force is too strong with this one'
'You're right, this is the Daddy of all sandwiches and as I am going to be a Daddy. I will take what's mine'.
Just as Jack has finished his sentence Avery's boss Lou from CNBC News has entered.
'Jack, you didn't tell me you're going to be a Father?'
Lou holds out a hand to enthusiastically congratulate Jack on his success of becoming a Dad. Shaking hands vigorously, he continues.
'So Jack, who is the lucky lady hosting the seed of Jack Donaghy?'
Before Jack can answer, Avery has jumped in to answer for him.
Both Jack and Liz jump to look at Avery. Avery's eyes are intense, pleading for them to go along with it.
'Oh Miss Lemon, you have the classic symptoms of being with child'
Lou has moved closer to look at her.
'Your hair is dry, adult acne, bloated cheeks, the baby is sucking what little beauty you have but look at that perfectly formed bump, you must be at least 6 months...may I?
Liz inflates her stomach so that he can better inspect her phantom baby.
'Jack impregnating a member of your own staff, you dog! How did this happen?'
They look at each other lost for words, Liz's creative mind a blank until Jack finally answers.
'It was a rapey night out and one thing led to another, I begged her to stop...'
Liz holds out her arms waving them in Jack's face.
'No, no it was more of an incentive for paid leave. My boyfriend and I are very happy with our new arrival'
Liz has over stressed the word boyfriend to get back at Jack for the rape comment.
'Oh, so you're together?'
Jack and Liz look at Avery in order for her to take control of the conversation.
Avery starts to usher Lou towards the door and whispers in his ear.
'They have been keeping it a secret for a while now but don't worry the NBC dating paper work has been completed and approved'.
'What the what Avery'
'I'm not ready yet, my work colleagues cant know that I am pregnant, those ladder climbing high heel bitches want to take my place, how do you think I got this job, I injected the last girl with sperm, she got fat, she got tired, she got fired'.
'You can't get fired for being pregnant?'
'When your baby is that ugly you can, this is NBC Liz, don't be so naive about television'.
Jonathan runs into Jack's office.
'Have you seen this? YOU! Jonathan points at Liz. 'This is your fault, you seduced him. You found the ketamine I was keeping for my special moment with Jack didn't you?'
'What are you talking about Jonathan?'
Jonathan rushes Jack to his laptop and opens up the NBC homepage. There is a flashing news story that reads. 'Jack Donaghy and Head Writer Liz Lemon are happy to announce their pregnancy'.
Jack slowly slumps in his chair covering his hand with his mouth.
Liz is quick to run over and read the headline for herself.
Avery's attempt at trying to calm them down is not going well. Jack's first reaction is to head for the liquor table and pours himself, Jonathan and Liz a scotch.
'Wait Liz, you can't drink alcohol.'
'Ok Jonathan, why don't you drink yours at your desk?'
They wait for Jonathan to leave before they start talking again.
'Please I beg you; please can you go along with this until I work things out?'
Jack is sat thinking a while before he regains his composure and takes to his feet, he makes his way over to his desk and picks up his Teamster Sub and passes it to Liz.
'You're going to need all the help you can get'.
Liz takes the sandwich and appreciates the sacrifice that Jack is making and agrees to help Avery out. She is both excited at the prospect of eating not 1 but 2 Teamster Subs and eating whatever she likes in order to fatten up for her phantom pregnancy.
Liz and Jack have decided to face the writer's room together. They stand outside a while before they go in.
'Lemon, I want to thank you for doing this?'
'Jack, you know that you will be paying for all the food I consume whilst I am pretending to be pregnant with your baby and another thing. I will be opening an account at Chillies!'
They both take a deep breath before heading into the Lion's Den. The writers greet them like they have all just won the lottery. They are screaming and jumping around with excitement. Kenneth has arranged champagne and the corks are flying across the room, he then passes 2 glasses to the expecting couple.
'Here Ms Lemon, I'm sure you can have one glass with us?'
Liz and Jack get swept up in the moment and before they know it Jack's arms are wrapped round Lemon's waist, he only lets go for a second to take in the sweet taste of the celebratory wine.
Tracy has pulled Jack away from her in order to have private moment.
'Jackie D, I am so happy for you and Liz Lemon. I always knew that you would end up with her. I seen it in your eyes you're crazy for her and she's crazy for you too'.
Jack has known Tracy for 5 years now and throughout all the craziness he has never seen him so genuine and as real as he is now.
Jack looks over to see Liz in euphoria, everyone is showering her with attention and she is glowing from the champagne, she looks over at Jack with a shy smile.
Cerie has informed Liz that Jack would like to see her in his office. She makes her way to the 52nd floor and notices how different people treat her now. People are nice to her, they hold the door and sometimes they even smile. Even though she is living a lie she is certainly reaping in the benefits of being with Jack and carrying his unborn/unreal child.
Her relationship with Jonathan has changed too, it's as if he idolises her, after all she is carrying Mr Donaghy's baby and that little penis inside her is part Jack.
Jonathan rushes over to her.
'Good morning Ms Lemon, is there anything I can get for you? Tea, Coffee...no, no caffeine! My mistake you don't want to harm the baby, perhaps a fruit juice? I brought in soft pillows for you. I made them from the excess hair on my carpet and I have placed them on the coach, I hope you enjoy your stay'.
With a smug smile Liz thanks Jonathan for his over enthusiastic attention and enters Jack's office.
'What's up Jack?'
'Lemon, we have a dilemma.'
Jack passes an invitation to Liz and it reads:
We are pleased to invite
John Frances Donaghy and Elizabeth Yavaldi Lemon
To our NBC New Years Eve Ball at 30 Rockefeller Plaza
31st December 2010
'What you're saying is that you need me to attend?'
'Jack, why can't you just say that I have pregnancy problem? I know, tell them I couldn't get up from reaching down to eat food off the floor and in your best efforts to roll me over my nipple fell off and you know that our baby needs a nipple...or'
'Or you could just attend and Avery will have to deal with us posing as a couple in public?'
Liz reduces her voice to a whisper.
'I know that Avery has been finding it difficult seeing us together and with her hormones at the moment, I think she might be at her breaking point? I know it was her idea but I can't help but feel she is resenting me?'
'Lemon, that's not possible' Jack pauses a while and looks down at Liz's stomach.
'I have something for you?'
'You have something for me?'
Jack opens the door to his walk in wardrobe and pulls out an Empathy Belly
'What the Whack is that Jack?'
'It's an Empathy Belly it's a pregnancy suit for males to help them sympathise with their pregnant partners; I thought you could try this on?'
'Jack it weighs 20 pounds'
'Its 40 pounds actually'
'Jack I think people will notice if I gain 40 pounds in the space of a morning'
'I really don't think they will Lemon'
With this Liz makes her way into Jack's private bathroom and changes into her empathy suit. Liz comes out of the bathroom ready to face Jack, ready for his hard hitting insults on how fat she looks but instead Jack is silent he hasn't said a word. Truth is, he thinks she looks beautiful; he has never seen her look so happy and he too always wanted to see her this way.
It is New Years Eve and Jack has asked Liz to get ready at his apartment to help corroborate their stories. Although people are aware that they are together they still need to convince others of this and have staged Liz moving in.
Jack is in the kitchen waiting for Liz to finish getting ready and starts to pour a vintage bottle of champagne for them to enjoy before the car arrives. Liz is finally ready and emerges from Jack's bedroom.
'Liz, you simply look breathtaking'
Liz is dressed in a black cocktail dress; the dress is short and finishes just above her knee. Jack has always admired Liz's legs and even though she informs him of her trips to the gym, her legs should not look as good as they do for the little amount of time she spends there. Her bump is subtle as she decided to down grade to a teenager's empathy suit after developing back pain from the previous one.
Liz has only been a guest for a night and they are already accustomed with each other. Liz makes her way to the fridge and takes out the strawberries she picked up early and they both start to pick from the bowl. They become suddenly aware of how right it all feels; Jack is more at home than ever when she is there.
'Have you decided on a name yet?'
'Yes, Jack Lemon'
'You're having a girl Jack; you will have to call her Jacqueline or Jackie or Jax?'
'No as in Jack after me and Lemon after his mother, our baby is a boy, I figured with your strong jaw line and masculine walk you would produce me a son, it would seem more convincing don't you think?'
Instead of answering Jack, Liz lets out a burp as a result from the bubbles in the champagne.
Jack leans in and places his hand over Liz's bump.
'That's my boy'
Jack and Liz have arrived at 30 Rock and make their way to the ball room. They spend the evening together laughing and chatting whilst Avery looks on keeping her distance. Liz excuses herself as the suit is pressing on her bladder to which Jack says it is a blessing only further convincing the guests she is with child. Avery sees this as an opportunity to finally speak alone with Jack.
'Jack where have you been all night?'
'You know I need to be with Lemon, have her here by my side convincing the others that she is pregnant carrying my child in order to keep your secret!'
Jack can see in Avery's face that her temper is starting to show; before she has a chance to lose it they are interrupted by Jack Welch.
'I hear congratulations are in order John?'
'Yes thank you Mr Welch'
'I always knew you would end up with that Ms Lemon it was only a matter of time before you both realised how you felt for one another, everyone else sure did. Gosh speaking of time you don't have long before you get to kiss her at midnight, you lucky bastard'.
Jack looks down at his watch and realises he has 3 minutes before the bells strike midnight. Avery also aware of the time, she understands that if she doesn't tell her boss before midnight then Jack will be forced to kiss Liz. Avery is defeat by the pressure and makes the irrational decision to confess to Lou that it is her carrying Jack's child and not Liz.
'I'm going to tell him Jack, I'm going to tell Lou the truth about you and the baby'.
Jack doesn't try to talk her out of it as he knows that he will waste more time and he now only has 2 minutes left to find Lemon before the whole room is aware of the farce.
Liz has appeared from the rest room to then join the cast and crew of TGS. She looks up at the digital clock, there are 60 seconds before the New Year and everyone is starting to pair up with their loved one.
Liz can see Jack running towards her, he is parting through the crowd as if it was the red sea as everyone is eager to see the two kiss publicly for the first time.
10 seconds – Jack has reached his destination; they look intensely at each other. They can hear the TGS crew counting down and can feel their eyes watching with delight but they are only focused on each other.
7 seconds – Jack places both his hands on Liz's waist and squeezes her tight encouraging her to lift her body up and towards him. She is standing on her tip toes and resting her hands on his chest making her way towards his neck.
4 seconds – Their eyes are closed and their lips have parted hovering over each other's lips. The clock cant tick fast enough for them both.
2 second – Jack can feel the warmth of Liz's breath and is ready to take her in and taste her for the first time
'You're too late Jack, you're too late'.
The clock strikes midnight and instead of the celebratory cries of everyone joining in to sing Auld Lang Syne the room is still, quiet and waiting.
'I told him, I told him about the baby and that Liz is lying to everyone. I'm the one who is pregnant with Jack's baby, not Liz, she was only doing it to protect me'.
The crowd let out a gasp of disbelief. Unable to come to terms with their betrayal.
'And this is how you repay her by embarrassing her in front of everyone'.
Liz lets go of Jack's protective hand and makes a run for the exit.
'If you weren't carrying my child'
'Yeh, well I am, so you can suck it up Princess'.
With that the music kicks in and Jack and Avery are left locked in each other's eye wondering what 2011 will bring. For Liz Lemon it will only bring heartache.