Summery: He wasn't there to protect her, to be there and just talk with her and to be honest she missed the way his gaze would settle on her like a weight.
A/N: I wrote this quickly, right before I went to bed and I actually kind of like this one. It's the first thing I've written in a long while so please forgive any mistakes and again its been awhile since I've seen season 2 and this mainly comes from memory. I also have no idea where this came from.
God, she was so stupid. So very, very stupid; she repeated in her head, bouncing her skull gently against the bathroom tiles as she berated herself. It should have been something that was her first thought but…it wasn't. In a time where getting water and food is more important than worrying about whether or not they had condoms; it completely slipped her mind and she tried to give herself a little reprieve by stating that she had, had a very emotional day. They all did.
Their small family had lost a member and suddenly they felt even smaller in a large world in a population that was only bound to get smaller either by the Virus or by Darwin's Theory, because that sure as hell applied now more than ever. The weak could not survive this world.
The last thought had her placing her hand on her lower stomach. Weak. She was weak now, vulnerable, by this new being that has been growing inside her for the past weeks. More tired and more hungry, more emotional and more everything. And god help her, she only wanted Tom. She wanted him there, so she could yell at him, blame him, and see how he'd react. Would he be disgusted? Fascinated? Awed? Would he tell her to get rid of it? She snorted at this. Where could she go?
Even if there was a place, there was no telling what they would want for their services and besides, they way they travelled and rationed everything, the chances of their baby surviving long enough to term in this uncertain world was 50/50. And that was being optimistic.
Tom, she thought as she banged her head hard against the wall. And bitch of it all was that she wasn't even angry at being pregnant, she was angry that he wasn't there. He had practically been there since the beginning and now he wasn't. A stranger she met on the side of the road who needed medical assistance and set all sort of warnings off in head was the one person she missed because he wasn't fucking there.
He wasn't there to protect her, to be there and just talk with her and to be honest she missed the way his gaze would settle on her like a weight. It had felt comforting. He was her protector. And that's what scared her. Her fear is what caused that fight. Fear and grief. She still grieved for her lost lover and she feared for what she was feeling now. To still feel love for one that was lost and to feel herself falling in love with the one who was so present. But, she rationalized, she made Tom no promises. They never even spoke of anything more and beating around the bush didn't count.
Her fingers spread over her lower stomach and she felt them curve just a little, the smallest swell of her belly. Her baby. Tom's baby. Their baby.
A new baby in a new world that may not even survive the year.
"Anya?" Came Abby's hesitant voice through the bathroom door of the house they were currently squatting in. Anya gave a sigh, "Come in."
Abby's head poked around the door and flicked her gaze between Anya and the bathroom sink where Anya's eyes seemed to be glued and quietly made her way in and closed the door gently behind her. "Oh, Anya." She whispered.
"I know." She closed her eyes as Abby took hold of her hand. Abby looked at the sink as well, "Tom?"
"Yeah." It came out in a choked sob as she felt Abby squeeze her hand.
And Anya knew. She knew what she knew all along, that she would not be abandoned, the others would not consider her weak, she would not hold them back, and they wouldn't ask her to leave just because she is knocked up. They were family and family, no matter how you felt about them or got a long with them, didn't leave. And they would do everything possible to make sure that she and her baby made it in the new world.
Suddenly the quite was broken by a giggle from Abby and Anya opened her eyes, "What"
"Nothing, just…"and she waved a hand towards the sink where the pregnancy tests lay, "six of them?"
Anya laughed until she cried.