The revenge on Shelly Marsh
Out of all the 4 boys, I've always felt sorry for Stan the most, I think he has the most bad luck. You could say Kenny has the most bad luck, because he always dies. But at least he always comes back to life, Stan isn't immortal however, and he gets really horrible beatings from his sister, and it is surprising that he isn't long dead from it. I've always wondered how he can't stand up to her. I mean he does actually manage to show tough aggressive behaviour at times in the other episodes. He can fight the japanese in "Whale wars." He once held a gun to Kyle's head in "Mystery of the Urinal Dance." He fought the chinese mafia in "Wing" and he seems to be able to punch Cartman in the face in other episodes. Not to mention you can actually make him a top fighter in the South Park video game on the N64 and PS1 (never understood why that game gets terrible reviews. I like it.) you can also make him a top fighter in South Park Tower Defense Play. I'm sure there's other episodes that show Stan acting tough, although even so I still don't think he'll ever kill a deer...
So if he can fight a whole bunch of "horrible beings" why can't he stand up to Shelly? (Although I'm sure the games are non-canon, plus it's just a cartoon and should never be taken seriously.) So anyway I'm usually a Kenny fan but because I feel that Stan gets so much bad luck, with the life-threatening terrors the town goes through and having to put up with his sister. He deserves this little story. Enjoy...
One day, in South Park, Stan showed up at the bus stop, with a black eye, some burst lips, and a bloody nose.
"Holy shit!" cried Kyle. "What happened to you?"
"Shelly beat me up again." Stan sighed.
"Oh my god, it's getting worse." Kyle put his arm around his friend.
"Ha ha! Being beat up by a girl. What a little wuss." Cartman laughed.
"I'll kick your ass, Cartman!" Stan threatened.
"Oh please" Cartman rolled his eyes. "If you get your ass beat by a girl, what makes you..."
Stan punched Cartman in the face and Cartman quickly burst into tears (although this time he did it more quietly than how it was in "It's Christmas in Canada.")
Stan started to cry himself. "What am I gonna do?"
Kenny could see his friend was in trouble. "Mfffpppppphhhhhhh. Mypphmyph," he went
"Really dude, you can help?" Stan looked cheerful. "How?"
Kenny whispered in Stan's ear. "Myyppph...mmmmyyypphh...Myppphhhhh."
Stan raised an eyebrow. "Really? That happens to you? Every Wednesday, a little after 6PM?"
"Myyyppphhhh" Kenny replied. "Myyppphhhhh...mypphhhhhhhh.
"I'll see what I can do! It's worth a try!" Stan smiled.
So that night, Stan went home to find Shelly waiting for him.
"Hi, turd." Shelly smiled. "It's almost 6pm where have you been"
"Er...Shelly, will you do something for me?" Stan asked nervously.
"WHAT?" Shelly snapped.
"Will you go outside and stand beside Kenny?"
"O.K you're gonna get it for being so weird!" Shelly tightened her fists.
"Please? I'll give you a dollar." Stan offered.
"Do I have to give him a hand job or something?" Shelly replied
"No, just go and stand near him, for about 5-10 minutes."
"You know I'm actually worried about you, maybe I've given you brain damage from the way I've thrown you about. It's only because I feel so sorry for you that I'll do it. Don't think I haven't forgotten your beating, turd, and you'll get it extra for making me delay it!"
"Fine with me." Stan smiled.
Shelly took the dollar, and went outside.
While Shelly was waiting with Kenny, when suddenly out of nowhere, a huge flaming meteor suddenly came and crushed both Shelly and Kenny.
Stan looked a bit disappointed "Damn...I was hoping for a bigger, heavier, more random object but it'll do!" He smiled
Kyle standing outside Stan's house went "Oh my god! They killed Shelly!"
Stan smiled. "Kenny...you wonderful bastard."
Kyle turned to Stan "You say this happens to him every Wednesday at 6PM?"
Stan replied "Yeah, he says the objects he gets are usually metal like cars."
Pop quiz for the day - Shelly Marsh is based on Shelly Parker, Creator of South Park Trey Parker's older sister. If the real life Shelly is anything like the cartoon Shelly. How did Trey Parker ever become an adult? Something I always wondered...