TITLE: Bare

DISCLAIMER: Not mine.

A/N: So I'm kinda feeling like my writing is getting a little tired and unoriginal (Aftermath seems to have stalled, not sure why), so in an effort to restart my muse (who, despite me being Australian seems to have decided to take a Thanksgiving Break), I came up with this little piece. No connection to anything else, Slayer-verse or otherwise. Also, it's been mentioned before that Serenity doesn't have a shower room – I don't hold to that!


Jayne wasn't pleased. So what if it had been a few days since he'd showered? Wasn't like they were going anywhere special, just getting into a long stretch in the black. Didn't seem fair that the Captain had ordered him to bathe, especially since he had a hunch that Kaylee and Inara, possibly even Zoe, might have said something to Mal.

It didn't help his mood that Wash and Simon had been present at the time – the doctor and pilot's smothered giggles had led to some less than savoury language from Jayne. And maybe, just maybe, insinuating that real men didn't need to shower was a dumb idea.

Mal didn't have to threaten to tell his Ma though. That was just plain low.

He was irritated and that was distracting. So when he entered the shower room he thought it was forgivable that he didn't immediately notice the steam that had fogged the mirror before he noticed the bare naked occupant of the room.

River Tam, all five foot five inches of her, looked shocked and appalled. Long dark hair was plastered to her shoulders, perfect breasts and narrow waist leading down to legs as far as the eye could see. Jayne stared, his mouth hanging open. He had never thought on the doc's sister like that before, but now the sight of all that pale skin dripping wet was enough to leave him a little bit breathless.

He prayed he didn't drool.

She was standing in the centre of the room, naked as the day she came crawling out of that box, and the little squeal that escaped from her throat made him jump.

He sputtered nonsensically before immediately turning around. He could hear the rustling behind as she rushed to cover herself, and her voice was laced with anger and embarrassment.

"Tamade! Hun dan! Finest tracker in the 'verse and he can't tell a room is occupied?" He turned around when the noise stopped, ignoring the disappointment at seeing her covered up. He still couldn't quite form words, and he knew his eyes were travelling over her body lecherously but he couldn't ruttin' help it. The girl had definitely filled out since she'd first arrived on Serenity.

When they finally got back to her face he gulped at her angry visage, remembering that pissing off a Reader psychic ass-kicking witch was probably fairly high on the list of dumb things to do. He mumbled an apology, turning to leave the room.

In his head, however, he was mentally cataloguing and memorizing every inch of that porcelain skin he'd been exposed to. Who knew Crazy was hiding a body like that under all those long dresses? The sight of her wet, gleaming frame, slim waist and flat stomach leading down to...

He paused in the doorway. When he turned he spoke quickly, aware that every passing second got him a little bit closer to one of Book's 'special hell' type speeches. "Thought yer brother said you was 17 when ya came on board?" She nodded, raising one perfectly arched eyebrow quizzically. "17 then, 18 now, 19 in ten months, two weeks, five days, six hours-"

The image flashed through his mind clearly enough that she caught it, and she rolled her eyes at the sight of her naked body his mind unintentionally projected. "Academy procedure to permanently eradicate any excess body hair." His mind wrapped around the word 'eradicate', he was fairly sure it was just a fancy way of saying removed. She nodded. "Common on Core planets for beauty and aesthetic reasons, they use intensified light rays to destroy hair follicles. At the Academy it was easier to examine the entire canvas bare in a clinical setting."

His face screwed up as he struggled to understand all those big words, momentarily forgetting that he was alone in the shower room with the doc's sister covered only by a thin, now slightly damp and inappropriately clingy, towel. He scratched the back of his head. "So yer sayin' women on the Core do that ta themselves deliberately? Why'd they wanna make 'emselves look like lil girls?"

She shook her head, wracking her brains for a way to make him understand. Her eyes lit up when it came to her. "Man called Jayne contemplates ladies on Serenity naked sometimes, yes?"

Jayne looked right uncomfortable with that line of thinking but he couldn't deny it so he just nodded, wondering where she was going with this. She smirked at him. "Would Inara look like a little girl?"

Jayne's eyes widened as he caught her meaning. Inara was all soft curves and supple breasts, those tight dresses rarely leaving any doubt about her status as an adult woman. He had a curious expression on his face as he thought about that particular bit of information.

When he looked back up at her she seemed suddenly looking oddly shy at his discovery. He froze when she took a step forward, coming close enough that he could see the droplets of water beading on her skin, those big eyes and long lashes taking up most of her face. She was close enough that she had to crane her neck to look up at him, unintentionally giving him a prime view of her chest. He voice was small and a little nervous. "Do I look like a little girl?"

Jayne felt his mouth drop open again, and quickly attempted to regain some of his usual cockiness as he changed the expression into his trademark leer. "Dunno girlie, might have ta take another look." He ran his tongue over his teeth.

She beamed at him in a way that lit up her whole face, and he felt his stomach tighten, along with his cargo pants. She kept smiling as she moved past him, leaving him alone in the shower room with a vicious reaction to the light brush of her bare arm against his own.

He ran himself the coldest shower he could, the icy water still failing to remove the reaction he'd had to her. He sighed, wrapping one hand around himself and closing his eyes. He desperately tried to think about Inara, Kaylee, hell even Zoe, but he couldn't stop the image of River Tam's naked, surprisingly bare body in the centre of the shower room.

He came harder than he had in his life.

He gulped. This might be a problem.


A/N: One shot but might end up part of a little 'verse of its own, who knows.