Whole Lotta (Wo)man

A/N This is written for 84gemstone cause she was having a bit of a rant on Twitter that there aren't enough Emmett OS out there. I have no idea where this idea came from, but I just ran with it. Enjoy

I don't own Twilight, but my wifey OWNS me!

Emmett threw the Xbox controller onto the sofa in sheer frustration. Not even Halo could alleviate his mind numbing boredom today. His brothers were over at Edward's cottage helping Nessie with something. He wasn't exactly sure what they were doing because he hadn't really paid attention when she'd asked for help. Rose, Bella and Alice were up in Denali helping with some preparations with Kate and Garrett's up coming wedding.

He picked up the remote and flicked through the TV channels at vampire speed hoping to catch and episode of Pimp My Ride. Nothing caught his eye so the remote joined the controller in a split second next to him. He stood up and began to pace around the large front room. In all of his 93 or so years he'd never felt so...so..blah!

He decided to go and tinker with the Jeep. He flew upstairs to change into his overalls knowing Alice would decapitate him for getting oil onto clothes he was never going to be allowed to wear again.

Automatically he flicked the stereo on as he entered his and Rose's bedroom. It was only when she was away that he was able to listen to his music as loud as he wanted. He stripped down to his boxers ready to pull on some sweats and a wifebeater. Just as he was about to look through his wardrobe for his work clothes, Run DMC and Aerosmith's 'Walk This Way' began to pump through the speakers.

He immediately straightened up to his full height and began to strut around the spacious room in what he saw as a damn fine impression of Steven Tyler while singing along into Roses's hairbrush.

'Walk this way, talk this way." He shrieked along with the lyrics in his booming voice, stomping around the room, shaking his ass to the best. He was thoroughly enjoying himself and was starting to picture himself on stage in front of thousands until the jumping began. After a particularly high jump, he caught his foot on the leg of the ornate four poster bed and crashed head first into a solid oak chest of drawers, completely pulverising it.

'Oh fuck. Rose is gonna kill me.' And Bella better never hear about this. He thought to himself,thankful Edward's power was out of range and that vampire's couldn't blush.

With the music continuing in the background, Emmett got to his knees and began to clear the debris from the floor. The scent of his wife assaulted him as he sorted through the clothes now covered in a fine layer of sawdust. He couldn't help it, even after all this time, the mere thought and smell of his Rose turned him on and he could feel his cock beginning to cause a tent in his blood red boxers.

He started to pick up various pieces of soft barely there underwear off the floor. He'd never understood the fascination women had with the stuff. It wasn't as if anyone could see it, most of the time. The small scraps of material looked even tinier in his huge hands. Instantly his rock hard erection got harder as he pictured Rose splayed out on their bed, black lace standing out against porcelain white skin.

He groaned animalistically as soft satin slithered through his fingers with a whisper. With lightening speed, he crossed the room and made sure the door was closed and locked. It had been a while since he and Rose had been apart long enough for him to need to take matters into his own hands. He pulled his own underwear off and lay on the bed. It wasn't until he started to stroke himself that he realised he still had some of his wife's underwear in his hand. He was kind of surprised at how good it felt against his bare skin.

He stopped touching himself and sat up. He looked at the baby pink satin french knickers in awe. How was it that such a small scrap of material could make someone feel so good? He was starting to understand now. He made a split second decision in the hope that Alice wasn't watching and pulled on the panties. His knees buckled from the caress of the satin against the tip of his beyond swollen dick.

'Holy Shit! That feels so fucking good.' He groaned as he stroked himself through the thin material. His hips bucked at the heightened sensations from his slow, languid sweeps from base to tip of his cock. He knew he wasn't going to last long, but he didn't care. He really couldn't believe how good it felt and began to wonder why he'd never tried it before.

He tightened his grip on himself as he began to pump himself harder and faster. The muscles in his neck began to strain as his body started to tense with the buildup of his orgasm. His toes began to tingle in the seconds before he finally came. His hips bucked and his body thrashed as he came harder and faster than ever before. He continued stroking himself, determined to enjoy the sensations for as long as possible.

Finally, his body stopped thrashing where he lay on the bed. Only then did he let go of himself. He was breathing in ragged pants as if he were human and had just ran a marathon. He closed his eyes and tried to regulate his breathing. He'd never experienced the need to catch his breath since he'd lost the necessity for it. Once he felt able to, he stood up and stumbled into the bathroom on legs that felt like jelly to clean up. He looked in the mirror at his dark hair that was pointing in all directions. His golden eyes were darker than usual, an indication of his arousal. Chuckling to himself, he turned the shower on full.

He bent to remove the pink panties that he'd momentarily forgotten he was still wearing.

"Uh oh…I'm a dead man." All that remained was the elastic waistband and some slivers of material that was still attached, just about. He didn't even remember hearing the material ripping under his stone cold hand. He started to panic. He would have to replace them, but didn't have the first idea where to even start. He was distracted from his fear of Rose finding out by his phone beeping. He looked at the display and grinned.

1 New Message from Alice.