She saw me, but I didn't see her. In my defense, I was nothing like Alice Cullen. I did not dress in clothes costing more than my house, I did not plan elaborate parties the whole town would come to, and I was not optimistic or eternally beautiful. I was plain at best, plain brown hair, plain brown eyes, and my modest and worn clothing is a frequent irritation of hers.
Everyone thought of us as sisters. It was true, in a sense. We were sisters, bonded through her family's secret. They were all vampires, and I... I was just a human. A human in love with the most beautiful girl I had ever laid eyes on.
Alice was gorgeous, pixie in looks with spiked coal hair, and golden eyes (black when she was thirsty). When she walked it appeared more like an exquisite dance, her graceful steps captivating. It didn't break my heart as it would any other girl that desired to be like her, but it sped it up. I swore, one of these days, she would be the death of me, but not by her razor-sharp teeth. I could only hope for that...
It was more than her outward beauty. It was everything. The way she sung three octaves higher on every song, her bell-tone laughter, and her smile that could light the darkest of days.
They say we don't have a choice in who we love, but if I was given a choice, I would still love her. She had my heart and every other part of me.
I, Bella Swan, was in love with Alice Cullen.
"I can't change you, Bella. I'm sorry."
The words rung in her ears long after Edward made his way inside, leaving her on the front step of the Cullen home. The dark gray clouds rolled ever closer, overshadowing the twilight sun, overshadowing her hope and dreams. The crackle of thunder sent a fissure down her heart, the lightening shattering it.
She loved Edward, there was no doubt about it, but it wasn't enough for either of them. No matter how much they loved each other, something would always stand in their way, making any possibility of them impossible. The thing that was standing in their way was her mortality.
He would never give in, he would never make her one of them. She wanted to be a vampire, to stay with the Cullens for all of eternity, and she knew exactly what she was asking for. He slighted her the credit she deserved. She was perfectly aware of the people that she'd lose to death while she never aged, never died. She would never have children, she would always be moving, always lying. All the same, she wanted it still, because at the end of the endless days, she wanted to be with them. More than Edward, she wanted to be with another Cullen more.
It made her heart ache. It was literally contracting in her chest, stealing her breath away, making her dizzy. She placed her head between her knees, feeling small icy drops pattering on her neck. Bumps rose over her skin, and she trembled. If she caught a cold, who would care? It was part of being human after all. It was what he wanted, for her to live and die like everyone else. It was unfair, for it was the only thing she asked of him, and he audibly complained that she did not ask enough.
She hoped if Alice would keep her promise. Months ago when Bella and her traveled to Volterra, Italy to rescue Edward, Alice made a promise on the plane to change her. She declared that the whole thing had gotten out of control. Bella held onto it with a dying man's last breath. More than anything she took pleasure in the thought of her venom rushing through her veins, stopping her heart, an act to keep her. Whether as a sister or not, she wanted her to act on her promise. A promise she made that had to have been out of love one way or another.
However, Bella recalled Alice telling her that she may not stop. Once a vampire tasted human blood, much less smelled it, it was virtually impossible for them to stop. And Bella didn't care. She trusted Alice to stop, and if she didn't, it was well worth the effort.
Alice drove Bella crazy, treating her like a doll, dressing her in clothes that Bella loathed. They were over-expensive and she never wore them more than once, but seeing the petite girl that happy, she couldn't put up an appropriate fight (not that she would win). She didn't mind it that much, as long as she was seeing her smile. That was what she most enjoyed. All the useless prepping was worth it in the end. As long as it made her happy, it made Bella happy too, and she had to confess, that she was pretty.
She curled herself into a ball, and felt the rain playing out a cadence on her head, trickles down the part in her hair. She had no desire to leave the storm falling on her. Perhaps it would wash away the shame and pain she felt.
When Bella opened her eyes she saw Alice sitting cross legged in front of her as if it were a sunny July day instead of an April rain. Sadness crept in her golden eyes, marking creases in her frown.
It sent a pang through Bella's pulsing heart. She didn't have Jasper's gift, she couldn't feel the emotions of others, but seeing that she was causing her unneeded hurt was three-fold on her. It was the last rock on the condemned man.
"My brother is a fool," Alice said simply.
"No," Bella croaked and sniffed, "who would fall in love with a human?"
Alice closed her eyes, perhaps hiding them rolling to the skies. "Oh Bella. One way or another, you will be changed."
"He won't do it."
"He won't, but I will.
Bella stared at her as if she grew two extra heads. "But you said -"
She waved her hand, "forget what I said. I'll change you. This isn't Edward's decision, you know. He's such a baby when he doesn't get his way, but he can't always now, can he? That would do nothing for his ego."
"What is really making you hurt so badly?"
She swallowed, not knowing if she could get the words out. It would seem as though she was using her brother in order to live forever. It wasn't forever that she wanted, but forever with them. With her.
"Smile," Alice ordered lightly, touching the edge of her frown.
Bella tried to smile. For her. However, the smile was twisted into a grimace. She couldn't do it, and the rain poured, nearly making her lose sight of the sweet girl in front of her. Perhaps it was all for the best: Edward breaking his promise. Yet, the tears that stung wouldn't fall. Like she was a vampire...
Her would-be sister scooted closer, the mud smearing over her black tights and skirt. She swept the hair from her eyes, her finger daintily tracing Bella's brow. She sighed, "Edward doesn't know what he's missing." Then, she curled up on the ground right beside her, taking her hand pulling it between their chests.
Like heat, Bella could feel the waves of coldness off of her, but instead of seeking warmth, she moved closer. She needed to feel the beautiful glacier against her, the light that only Alice could give. It could light the black holes of the universe. There was nothing like her. It was easier to breathe, to live, when she was with her, and it killed her all the same. The closeness that they shared that night would be as close as Bella could come to being with her, the way she had always wanted.
Alice weaved her fingers through hers, and brought her eyes up. Gold to brown. The sun touching the earth. "Bella. I promise you, it won't always be like this."
"What... If... I stop breathing?"
"Then I'll have to change you sooner."
"What... If... I lose myself?"
"Then I'll find you. Bella, are you not understanding? You won't ever be alone. This isn't the ending but a beginning. How can you not see that?"
"I'm not you. I don't see everything."
She scowled. "You're hurting, so I'm letting that one go."
"I'm sorry, Alice."
"Do you love my brother?"
"I love all of you."
Alice looked through her in a way only Alice could do. It made Bella uncomfortable, feeling as though she was made of glass. She really did think Alice saw everything, sometimes.
"Alice, I -"
And she kissed her. Her stone lips pressing hard against hers. She tasted the sweetness of vanilla cream and bubbles of soda pops. Alice tugged on the belt loops of her jeans, tugging her flush against her, and yet it wasn't close enough.
Stars burst behind Bella's lids, and she held onto the sides of her green silk blouse bunched in her hands. She held on for dear life. Or death. None of it mattered then. The whole world was in her hands, moving its lips over her own. Everything else faded away in little importance.
Bella loved Alice so much her heart could have imploded. There were no words or analogies to give the scope of how much she meant to her. Romeo and Juliet, Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth, Gilbert and Anne. They were nothing in comparison to how she felt for the annoying pixie-girl. Every great story told would be theirs. Bella was sure of it, they were meant for each other.
Once Alice's lips left hers, she inhaled. She wanted more. She wanted all of her, but she didn't dare move in, for her love's eyes were pitch black.
"I've waited a hundred-and-four years to do that," Alice said.
Bella didn't respond. She took her face in her hands, admiring the facets and curves, the small features. She kissed her left eye, then her right. She brushed her lips down the bridge of her nose and her top lip. Her fingers found her soft hair, curling around her ears, and she tangled her fingers in her tresses. Her legs wrapped around hers, bringing her hips forward, theirs breasts heaving together.
Bella rested her forehead on hers. "Always, Alice."