He smiles at her, all sparkling eyes and shiny teeth, and she smiles back because she's fourteen, and she's in love. He asks her on a second date, which a girl at school tells her is a good sign, and she gleefully accepts, kissing his cheek. He grins, but there's something in his eyes that she never notices. Pain, anger, and a death wish. He wants to die. And she never knows until it's too late.

'I love the beach when it's just rained,' She says, looking up at the moonlit sky, and He turns his head to look at her, with gentle eyes.

'I love you,' He tells her, and she looks up, her green eyes wide with surprise, and she lets him go all the way because...Well, because he said that he loves her. And she'd believe anything, after being an orphan for so long.

He's gone the night after, he hasn't run away, he hasn't said goodbye. He's just dead, lying on the floor of his house in a pool of his own blood when she comes over to see him. His parents aren't home, and through her tears she finds the note.


I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything.

I'm sorry I led you on. I'm sorry I lied to you. I'm sorry I made you do what you weren't ready for. I'm sorry I never held your hand, or asked you if you were okay. I'm sorry.


And she's on her knees, sobbing over the body of the boy who never really loved her, but just wanted that experience. Wanted to be loved, just like she did. And as she heads back to the orphanage that she never calls home, she realizes that she was stupid. Stupid to believe him.

She calls the police, when she gets to her room, and they tell her he's been dead for hours. She doesn't care anymore. He lied to her. It's all she can think of, as she's in a blind rage for the next week. She cries herself to sleep that night, and it replays in her head, and she can almost hear his soft voice, 'I'm sorry.'.

He lied to her.

She walks to school in a haze, two weeks later, and sees a crazy old man with odd looking clown-hair, and a huge coconut in his hand. She ignores him, trudging to her locker. She hates Andy so much now, but she wishes she could rewrite it. Wishes she could've stopped him, because even though he didn't love her, she loved him. And Heartbreak didn't suit little Jade West.

She decided she wasn't going to be that girl anymore the day the crazy old man approaches her, and asks her name. She replies with a glare, and a simple, 'What's it to you?'

He looks confused. She isn't the girl he remembers from the concert, the star struck girl, waving energetically to her boyfriend at the back. He gets over it quickly enough, and asks if she's Jade West, even though he recognises her.

She stares at him, and then nods, emotionless. She doesn't want to be Jade West anymore. She wants to be someone brave. She wants to be a star, so when she dies, the world will remember her the way they didn't remember Andy.

He introduces himself as Bob Sikowits, and holds his hand out for her to shake. He's obviously forgotten that he's still holding a coconut, so she frowns at him, and walks away from her big opportunity. She doesn't want to go to a crazy man's school, even though she knows the saying, 'crazy people are the best kind.'.

There's another stranger at her school the day after. Not nearly as crazy looking, in fact...He's gorgeous. But she's unaffected, your boyfriend committing suicide can do that to a person.

'Hi, I'm Beck.' He says, smiling.

She doesn't smile back. 'I'm annoyed,' She announces, shoving him out of her way, because of course, he's standing right infront of her locker.

'Nice to meet you, annoyed,' He chuckles, and she swears she wants to hurt him. She really, really wants to. It's been her instinct, since Andy.

She turns a sharp glare on him, trying to hold herself back.

'So, wanna go to Hollywood Arts with me?' He asks, a grin in place.

He goes home with a black eye.

Sikowits doesn't send him ever again.

Two weeks later, the rumours circulate that Jade West killed her boyfriend. She can't stand it anymore, and she's sobbing in a toilet stall when a girl with violently bright red hair knocks on the door gently, begging to come in.

'Use a different stall!' Jade screams out, her fists clenched so hard on her arms that her nails are digging into the skin.

'No, I need to see you!'

'I don't want to see you!' She says back, even though she doesn't know who the girl is.

'What's that supposed to mean?' the girl shrieks, before whimpering. 'Please?'

She opens the door to scream in the girl's face, when she sees the look on her face. She's heard the rumours. She doesn't even go to this school, and she's heard the rumours.

Tears keep streaming down her face, and she lets them as the girl steps forward and hugs her.

She's never been hugged before. It's actually kind of nice. Andy was the only one to hug her, really, and he only did it once or twice, she realizes.

'I'm Cat,' The redhead breaths after about half an hour of Jade crying into her shoulder, soaking her aqua peasant top.


'I know. You gave my best friend a black eye,'

Cat's not mad, but Jade's confused.

'Shouldn't you hate me, then?'

'I'd hit him too, if what had happened to you happened to me,' Cat smiled, and before she knows it, she's being roughly shoved away.

'You don't know what happened to me at all,' Jade spits, and leaves Cat sitting on the bathroom floor, confused and hurt.

A week later, there's a dark skinned boy at the orphanage door.

'I've gotta say, you people sure are persistent,' Jade grumbles, eying him.

'You got that right,' He grins, and then gestures for her to walk with him. She sighs and steps out.

'Beck's real sorry,' he says after a moment. 'He had no idea that-'

'That what? You don't even know, so shut up.' Jade grinds out. She was sick of this. The sympathetic looks, the accusatory glances, just all of it.

'You could get away from it, if you went to Hollywood Arts,' The boy says, picking up on her irritation.

She hasn't looked at it that way, but now...It'd make life so much easier.

'Okay. I'll go.'

He looks at her, shocked, and then grins. 'Just wait til Cat and Beck find out!'

She glowers at him, but she's intrigued, and she kinda feels like apologizing to Beck, even though she doesn't know him.

'I'm Andre, by the way.'

She doesn't care. She doesn't say anything to him after that, just turns around and walks back to the orphanage.

'Oh, okay then! I'll send you the application forms!'




The building's silent when she steps into it for the first time, her eyes wandering around the halls, and she realizes she's late. And that's why nobody's there. She finds her locker, and shoved her folder in it. The folder she has everything she and Andy did together in it, just because she can't stand the idea of leaving it behind, now that she's apparently being adopted by the Valentine family next week, and she didn't want to lose it while moving.

She feels a hand tap her shoulder and turns around, slamming her fist into the persons shoulder.

'You're very abusive towards me, but not anyone else, so I feel special,' He grins, and she stares wide eyed as he rubs his shoulder and then smiles forgivingly at her. His black eye's gone, and he's just as beautiful as before. She manages to glare at him though, remembering the folder she'd just shoved into her locker.

'What do you want?'

'To meet you properly,' he shrugs. 'I feel...we didn't get off on the right foot,' he chuckles, and leans in a little bit, probably without even realizing he was doing it. It scares her to death, the little movement, and she slams into her locker painfully. She doesn't let out the little pained cry that she wants to, because she refuses to be weak. She refuses to be lied to again.

'I don't want to meet you.' She says quickly, moving quickly to find her timetable.

He peers over her shoulder, and says, 'I think you do,'

'I'm pretty sure I don't,' she growls back, crumpling her timetable in her fists.

'if you say so,' he smirks. 'But we've got the same thing this period.'

She groans, and steps on his foot on purpose, smirking back at him and saying, 'Oops, my bad.'

He can't stop the grin that spreads across his face, 'cause he's never met a girl like her before.

He follows her around the entire day, and it quite frankly freaks her out, until she finds out that no, he's not a stalker, he's just the hottest boy in school, and according to Cat and Andre, he has his eye on her. She replies to their comments with, 'If he keeps it up, I'll stab that eye.'

She moves into Cat's house that Sunday, and it's like nothing she's ever known. Adrian Valentine goes out and buys her a horse, so she and Cat can ride together. She doesn't know what to say, so she thanks him softly, goes up to her room, and cries. This isn't the life she wanted, she hadn't even seen this in her nightmares. She hated it, but she wanted Andy back.

Cat has Beck, Andre, and some idiot with a puppet over the next night, and Beck wanders up to her room, and sees her crying on her bed. She looks up with mascara stained cheeks and screams at him. And he shuts the door behind him, walks over, and holds her tightly, letting her cry, no questions asked. He doesn't even react to her screaming at him, or her telling him to fuck off, because he's been hurt that badly too, before he met Andre and Cat, and he was better now. And the most important thing, he understood.

Cat never notices that Beck's missing the entire night, and She and Andre and Robbie and Rex are all too busy planning Cat and Andre's performance for the big showcase to realize he's gone.

In the early hours of the next morning, Jade wakes up in Beck's arms, and this is the only time she's been close to a boy without him wanting something from her. He's just sitting there, fully clothed, and smiling at her.

'Are you okay?'


'Do you want me to go?'

She grabs his shirt before she can stop herself, horrified at the idea of him leaving her now.


He can't hide his smirk. 'Ah, i knew you couldn't resist me.'

'Shut up.' She whacks him with her pillow, and he grabs it off of her, grinning.

'Why thankyou, dear Jadey, I really needed an extra pillow.'

And now she's left pillow-less, and he's got all three of them.

'Beck,' she whines, jabbing his side in the hopes he was ticklish and he'd roll off the bed. He stares at her with amused eyes.

'Give it.'

'Make me.'


She shoves him off the bed, and he lands on his back and groans.

'Not what i meant.'

She laughs then. They both freeze, and she raises her hand to her lips. It's been so long since she's heard that sound, and she looks at Beck in wonder and hope. She's finally getting over Andy. Finally moving on.

'I think we should date,' Beck says when he finally gets up from the floor.

Her eyes go wide and she shoves him off the bed again, and he groans again too.

'Jade, if we're gonna date, you're gonna have to stop doing that.'

'I don't see that stopping. Ever.' She tells him, and then glowers. 'And I don't want to date you, so goodbye.'

Ignoring her words, he presses a kiss to her forehead-Her forehead, of all places. It's so unfamiliar, but it sends shivers down her spine.

'I'll see you at school.'

He turns to leave and she calls out at the very last second, 'Beck!'

He turns hopefully. She chews her lower lip, and says, 'If Cat asks, you went home.'

He nods, and hides his smile as he leaves, knowing that wasn't what she was going to say.

She has terrible nightmares that night, Andy playing the main role in each of them. She wakes up in a cold sweat, her spit tasting like zinc, and crawls out of bed, going to the bathroom she shared with Cat to wash her face. She sees Cat's razor, just sitting there, the moonlight from the window shining on it, and gets an idea. It's a stupid, stupid idea, but she likes it. And she does it.

She swears when the blood gushes out more than she expected, she doesn't like this at all. It doesn't help with any of the pain, it just makes it worse. She starts panicking when she can't find anything to stop the blood in the bathroom.

A yawn from the doorway makes her freeze, her breath hitching in her throat as Cat switches the light on, and then screams.

They rush her to the hospital, Adrian and Lila Valentine crying, 'cause apparently, she's like 'a daughter' to them. She doesn't know whether she believes them or not, but she lets herself believe it, just this once.

Her sight is getting blurry when she sees Cat's crumpled face, and realizes Cat's crying too. The reality of the situation hits her, and she's not thinking about Andy anymore. All she can think is, I'm never going to see Beck again.

She survives. They say she's lucky to have, and that she cut a major vein, and ask her why she would do something like that. She answers honestly, saying, 'I don't know. I'll never do it again.'

Adrian's lips are a thin line, and he looks at her, dead serious. 'Damn right, you won't.' He says, and she wonders if this is what it feels like for people to care about her. The I.V's scare her, she's never really liked sharp objects, unless she's holding them, and pointing them towards someone she hates. But she doesn't really hate anyone in particular, just...well, everyone. Except for maybe Cat, Andre, Beck, and the Valentines'.

When she wakes up again, hours later, Beck's at her bedside, holding her hand gently, as if he could break her just by pressing a little bit too hard. She stares at him when she wakes, disbelief crowding her mind.

'Why are you here?' she asks, before she can think it through. His head jerks up from where it had rested on her stomach, and he blinks before beaming.

'You're awake!' his grin fades into a frown then. 'Why would you do that, Jade? I thought I meant something to you.'

'I thought I meant something to Andy.' she mutters scornfully. He stares.


Obviously, he hasn't been told in full detail about Andy. She told him then. She told him everything, leaving nothing out, because she knew she could trust him. He was simply Beck.

He shakes his head, when she finishes, and looks down at the space where his head had been earlier.

'Jade...He's no reason to kill yourself.'

She looks up, surprised. 'I know,' she says, rolling her eyes. 'I wasn't trying to kill myself.'

'You weren't?' he hitches an eyebrow at her, and rubs circles into the back of her hand.

'I just saw the razor, and I figured, why not?'

He glares at her then, really, glares at her.

'That's the stupidest thing anyone's ever done,' He says angrily. She notices he never lets go of her hand.

She shrugs. 'Maybe.'

'Jade-I, God.' He looks so frustrated in that moment, that Jade reaches out and strokes his cheek, immediately getting his full attention.

'I'm sorry.'

He presses another kiss to her forehead. 'I know,' he sighs.




When she gets out of hospital, and goes back to Hollywood Arts, Beck waits for her at her locker.

'Hey,' he smiles.

She doesn't say anything, she doesn't know what would make him feel less upset with her about what she did.

'Look, it's over now,' He says softly. 'It doesn't matter anymore.'

She looks at him with shock. Nobodies ever been so forgiving towards her, and she finds she likes it. A lot.

'Now, like I was saying before the accident,' he said, his ever-lasting grin returning, 'I think we should date.'

She doesn't kick him out or tell him to get lost, she just rolls her eyes, and says, 'Pick me up at seven, tomorrow.'

He pressed his lips to her lips this time, and she stands there for twenty minutes after he's gone to class, just touching the place where his lips touched hers, and smiling.

He had fixed her. She wasn't sure how, or why he would even bother, or what he was thinking, but...He had. He had fixed her. And she was finally happy.

She could almost see Andy's face now, and she knew he'd be happy for her. All these nightmares were for nothing, it was fairly obvious that Andy really was sorry.

She looks up, wondering if there really is a heaven. She decided if there is, Andy's up there. And it was because of Andy that she knew Beck and Cat, and she knew that she was going to make it, now.

"Thank you."




So...Hah, I'm not good at angsty fics, haha. But anyways, I hope you liked!

Reviews are much loved :3

Love, Amy.