scars from past years

summary: don't screw with her emotions.

beck and jade, beck&tori

author's noteee: I've decided Beck&Tori are one of my OTP's. They're adorrrkable. But I never write Beck and Jade because I personally hate them together, so I decided I'd just break them up and get over my fear of writing them. Jade's kind of OOC in the beginning, but it's supposed to tie in with the story and then she's back to norm. So anyways, I hope you guys likee because I'm going to deff write some more Victorious before I leave Fan Fiction.

Enjoysssss.


i.

There was a boy, and there was a girl.

[And everyone awed because they were so fucking cute together but no one knew how fucked up they were.]

ii.

They pretended there was nothing happening when the world was about to fall. She clutches on to him, trying to grab on to regrets and a relationship that was bound to fail.

He's an old soul, and she's always crushing memories, crushing him, crushing their bond one insult at a time.

[She thinks about the girl with the glitter dreams, thinks that she'd be better. Only for a minute, because then she takes it back. She can't lose the boy. It'll kill her.]

iii.

Beck sees her scars on their anniversary. They're fresh as daisies, smell like rust and regrets to him. [To her they smell like childhood and pumpkin pie and fairy tales and promises.] He doesn't hug her like she thought he would, but rather backs away. [DON'T TAINT HIM. HE NEEDS TO STAY PERFECT FOR ONE OF THEM.] He mutters curse words to himself as he falls back. [Don't get blood on him! You'll ruin his freshly cleaned shirt, and it's Armani.]

She's so scared by this, by everything and she wants to scream. He tells her to get in his car, and he doesn't open the door like he usually does, just gets in the driver's side. She tries to catch his eyes, but he avoids them.

He drives her home in silence and [Andandandandand she's actually wondering if he's about to finally leave her.] he asks her if he can be alone. She opens the door, not letting herself cry [Because that's what the blade's for.] and she tells him she's just been having trouble. He nods, but as soon as she closes the door, he drives away, leaving her confused and anxious to make new scars.

iv.

She looks for him the next day at school, but he's not there. [And neither is Tori Vega but shhhh.] She's so anxious, wearing her black long sleeved shirt with the bloodstains that no one can see. [She loves black because it hides her sins.] Cat asks her where Beck is, but Cat changes the topic when she sees Jade's expression.

[Don't screw with her emotions.]

v.

She calls him that night, the blade tucked away in her drawer. [She's going to quit, she promisespromisespromises.] When he picks up, he's all ragged breath and a quiet whisper. "Can't talk babe."

She hears a laugh, [And it sounds like Vega's but SHUT UP, THAT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN.] and she doesn't scream, doesn't cry, just says okay and hangs up the phone.

Everyone knows Beck loves her, and he would never hurt her. [Right? RIGHT?]

[She cuts again and it feels so good. (If he's not going to live up to his promises, neither will she.)]

vi.

Beck comes in the next day. [And Tori jumps out of his car before anyone can notice, but Jade sees. Jade sees.] Beck sees her, puts a fake smile on his face [She can tell it's fake because she wears the same mask every day.] and kisses her forehead. "Sorry I couldn't talk last night. I wasn't feeling well."

She doesn't let her tears fall when she says it's fine, love you Beck.

[She ignores the way he doesn't say I love you back. Just a mistake, just a silly mistake.]

vii.

She keeps pretending, and her scars are getting worse and worse and worse.

[Beck pretends he can't see them.]

And nothing's wrong… nothing at all.

viii.

When he finds out that his carefully hidden relationship with Tori has actually been obvious to Jade all along, [She can imagine them together, hand in hand. Sometimes she thinks they're having sex, but sometimes, she wonders if Beck loves Tori enough to wait. Her optimistic side wishes he wants to wait till he breaks up with Jade.] he's mortified. "Jade, I'm sorry it had to end this way. I don't know how it started it was a mistake but I lo-."

And so Jade sticks up for herself, like she always used to. "No, don't you dare tell me."

Beck nods, biting his lip, "Jade, I want you to remember you were my first love. That won't ever change."

Jade snarls, "What does that even mean? What does it matter when I'm alone? Will I have to think that you loved me, but not enough to break up with me before you run off with other girls? You're an asshole, Oliver."

And their lips crash together, waves drowning her, and they forget about the girl in the glitter, [Make it shine!] and they breathe in harmony like they used to, once upon a time.

But when Beck's asleep, Jade's eyes are still open, and she suddenly feels guilty. [She feels broken and oh so tainted.] She leaves Beck in the middle of the bed, remembers how he never cared enough to help her with her scars, and she tries to forget for a while as she drives home.

She stops halfway through, pulls over to the side of the road and she sobs to fake, tacky music. [She always laughed when this happened in those stupid movies that Beck liked to watch before they had sex. But now it feels so real.]

She stops crying over time, feels the tears running down her cheeks onto her scars, and she drives to the nearest rehab. [There are plenty in California.]

When she checks herself in, she kind of thinks there can be a makeshift happy ending for her. Maybe, if that's even possible.

ix.

Tori comes to visit her in her snowy white walls, her eyes moist and her smile shaking. "Jade, I'm sorry."

Jade points at the door, her body shaking in anger, "Leave, Vega."

Jade's therapist gives her a harsh look, and Jade sighs in defeat. "Fine, come sit… Tori."

Tori bites her lip, takes Jade's hand and whispers, "Beck's always loved you. I want you to remember that high school relationships almost never end up with a white wedding. I want to apologize that Beck betrayed you, but we never had sex when you were together. Beck and I would never do that to you."

Jade clenches her fists, [Because she can see this girl marrying Beck someday, because pure love prevails.] and she whispers, "Thank you, Tori. Although you two screwed me over, I'm obligated to pretend it never happened."

She shoots a look at her therapist. But Tori doesn't notice to due her throwing herself on Jade, her tears soaking Jade's [Short-sleeved!] shirt. "I'm so sorry! How can I ever make it up to you?"

["Break up with Beck."] Jade looks at her scars and looks at Tori. "Tell Beck that I bothered to fix what he pretended wasn't there."

Tori squeezes her and promises. [And Jade for some reason thinks that this time, this girl will keep her promises.] She hands her a stack of homework, tells her that her thoughts are with her in her healing process, and she doesn't forget to suffocate Jade before she leaves.

[And Jade kind of misses Tori when she's gone, but don't tell Tori that.]

x.

Beck comes in after Jade's been in there for three weeks [And one more week to go.] with flowers and a black shirt. "Jade."

[She's been waiting, picturing him with news of his break up with Tori, wearing his pretty white shirt she bought him. But somehow, she knows this is nothing like her dreams.] "Oliver."

He sits down without being invited, looks Jade into her eyes. "I apologize Jade. I didn't mean for this to get this out of hand. I loved you more than you could believe but then Tori comforted me when I found out about your scars…"

[It's pathetic that she really only catches that he doesn't love her anymore.]

"Please Beck," she whispers, "I don't want to hear your apologies."

He nods, and whispers, "You'll never understand how much I regret it though. You think that I did it without thinking about you, but I think in the end, this was what we both needed to realize that we weren't going to end up together. We loved each other, but we were always going to fight and disagree. We were always crushing each other."

She let her tears fall down her cheeks, and whispers, "Could you still love me?"

Beck looks at his feet and nods; "I think sometimes, that I don't love you anymore, like when Tori gave me your message. But then when I'm with you, I remember exactly how much I love you."

Her tears overflow, falling down her makeup-less face. "Could you ever leave Tori for me?"

[She wants to hit herself. How pathetic is she, holding onto past memories even when they sting. She's risking to ruin Tori's life for her own game of pretend.]

Beck looks at her with sparkling eyes, and closes his eyes and whispers, "I don't think I could."

She nods, "Leave."

"Get better."

And then he leaves, leaving her in white walls.

Somewhere along the way, she'll find closure and it won't sting as much when she looks at the past.

xi.

And everyone thought they were perfect, but there's no such thing as perfect, darling.