I do not own glee, nor Wicked.

It was disturbingingly sunny that Saturday, Kurt squinted his eyes in annoyance as he looked out his car's windshield at the place he'd come to a stop at.

His first instinct was that he'd gone to the wrong place, because really there was no way, but after checking between the note with the address written on it and the address on the building five more times failed to make it change, he sighed and got out of the car.

In front of him, in an obnoxious display of bright colors and crudely enforced alliteration, stood the place called Blooms' Booming Bakery.

With a sigh, Kurt brushed his fingertips along his hair and adjusted his backpack as he walked up to the building and gently pushed the door open. He winced as the bell rang through the store in an echoing 'ch-ding' as the scent of freshly baked bread with the sugary tint of frosting began its attack on his nose.

A woman looked up from where she'd been behind the counter, dark red hair pulled back in a bun and a wearing a shirt so stained Kurt honestly wondered why she hadn't burned it by that point, and she smiled at him.

"Hello, welcome to Blooms' Boomin' Bakery. I'm Rebecca Bloom. May I help you?" To her credit, Kurt could barely tell that she'd rehearsed that, and her friendliness seemed to be presented with the utmost sincerity.

That being said, he was not going to sucked into whatever business plan that woman was doing, he was much too smart to be suckered into buying fifty pounds of bread… Or whatever else they sold there, for that matter.

"Uh, actually…" Kurt looked around, trying to spot the other teenager. "I'm Kurt Hummel, I'm looking for Sarah…?" Where could she have been?

The woman, more than likely Sarah's mother now that he thought about it, nodded. "Ah, yes. Sarah told me you were coming." She opened up a section of the counter and motioned for him to come in. "Just head on back to the kitchen, Sarah's working on an order."

Kurt gave a wary look around as he stepped through, half expecting to be killed and baked into a pie the moment he left the safety of the other side of the counter. But, morbid humor and tendency to read disturbing novels aside, all that happened was Rebecca smiled warmly at him and gestured back towards the kitchen.

Kurt walked back into the bakery, the already overpowering scent of bread-based foods becoming extraordinarily strong as he approached the source.

The kitchen was different than the main store, brighter, cheerier, warmer…

In the middle of the kitchen, Sarah stood by an island counter, spooning what appeared to by strawberry cake batter into a muffin tin.

Kurt would be the first to admit that it probably wasn't the thing to focus on given the circumstances, but he couldn't help but give a slight wince at the sight of her stained jeans, frizzled hair sticking out behind her in a ponytail, shirt that was at least five sizes too large and even more stained than the pants, and oh god there was dried cake batter on her glasses.

Horror. Pure horror.

He stood in the doorway for a full minute (he knew, he'd counted) before Sarah happened to glance up and see him as she finished filling that particular muffin tin.

"Kurt," She gave a smile, and Kurt couldn't help but notice how much more sincere it seemed than any of the smiles she'd given during Glee practice. "Hey, I was just…" She motioned to the cake batter. "That." A nervous giggle, and the sincerity of the smile dropped by at least five percent.

"Yeah, I noticed." He looked to the future cupcakes before turning his attention to elsewhere in the room, looking at the ovens and freshly baked goods. Sarah shifted her weight awkwardly before picking up the tray and heading over to an oven.

After the cupcakes were in the oven and the timer was set, Sarah turned back to Kurt. "So… Do you have any ideas…?"

Immediately, Kurt snapped into 'glee mode' walking over to the only table not covered in baking equipment or ingredients, and motioned for Sarah to come over.

In a few seconds, the other teen was by his side, her hands clasped behind her back and her lower lip firmly fixed between her teeth.

Kurt pulled his Glee notebook out of his backpack, opening it to a page. "Okay, so I spent last night thinking about duets that were neither love songs nor incredibly boring, and I came up with a few suggestions." Try as he might, he couldn't stop looking at Sarah's outfit, and her hair, oh god it was like a train wreck.

"Hm…" Sarah leaned forward, looking over the short list. "I… Know none of these songs."

Oh… He had his work cut out for him.

"Okay…" Kurt said with a sigh, closing the notebook. "I can see that this isn't going to work out until we get a few things done."

"… What?" Sarah tilted her head, the universal sign of 'I am confused'

"Well, for starters." He looked over her. "Your clothes. You need a new wardrobe entirely. And then you need to get your hair cut, and then I need to introduce you to all of these musicals."

Sarah stared at him with wide eyes; surprised at the direction the conversation had taken. "I… W-what's wrong with w-what I wear?"

Kurt scoffed, standing up. "What isn't wrong with what you wear?" He turned her around, taking off the apron before grabbing her wrist. "Come along, we have a 'mall' day ahead of us."

"But…" Sarah looked back in the kitchen. "I'm working…"

"Not anymore." Kurt rolled his eyes before addressing Sarah's mother as they exited the kitchen. "Mrs. Bloom!" The older woman turned to look at him. "I was wondering if it would be all right for me to take Sarah for the day?"

After a moment, Rebecca smiled and nodded. "Of course it's fine, I'll just call in her brother to work for her." To Sarah, she said, "It's nice that you're making friends, dear. Have fun!"

Hearing all he needed to, Kurt practically dragged Sarah out of the bakery and towards his car.

Ten minutes later they arrived at the mall, Sarah curled up in her seat as she looked out the window.

"Okay," Kurt said, mentally running through his checklist of what they needed to do. "So here we are. Our first stop is the glasses store, we need to get you a pair better suited for your face."

"I…" Sarah licked her lips, her fingers twining with her frizzled hair. "I have contacts at home…" Her voice quiet, he almost hadn't heard her.

"Oh you do? Good, that's one less stop. In which case we need to go to some clothing outlets and then get your hair cut." Kurt paused before taking out his Glee notebook. He opened it and scribbled a note inside. "I've also just figured out what our duet will be. So when we're done here I'll take you to my house where you can listen to the song and we can figure out choreography."

Well, he would figure out choreography, he suspected that Sarah would only be learning choreography.

Sarah stayed quiet, so Kurt gave her a smile and patted her upper arm before getting out of the car.

Ninety minutes, three hundred twenty two and a half articles of clothing gone through, and five different shenanigans too epic to be transcribed to words later, Kurt pulled Sarah into a hair salon.

He pushed Sarah in front of him, five bags of clothing on his arms and three in hers. "Well, it's not my usual choice, but then again my usual choice involves having to call and schedule an appointment at least two months in advance, so a place that takes walk-ins and still manages pretty impressive results will work for today."

It wasn't Super Cuts. Stop saying that it was.

Kurt talked with the receptionist and managed to get Sarah into a slot in the next five minutes and spent the time they waited flipping through a catalogue of hair styles.

When it was Sarah's turn, Kurt followed her back, showing the hair stylist what he was thinking before going back out to the front to wait.

Another half an hour before Sarah came back out, her lower lip scissored between her teeth as she moved her head from side to side, most likely trying to get used to the feeling of so much hair being gone.

Kurt took a moment to admire his handwork, her hair tamed from the wild beast it once was, it gave off just the faintest curl and came down just enough to cover her ears. Her new clothes (Kurt wouldn't let her leave the store until she had changed into one of the outfits they'd bought) clung tightly to her body, the colors making her seem less pale and making her eyes pop even behind her hideous glasses (which he could sadly do nothing about beyond instructing her to wear contacts from then on)

Kurt gave her a grin after her haircut was paid for. Her handed her some of the bags and grabbed her forearm, pulling her along behind him. "Well, now that all of that is done, it's time to go to my house and get to work."

The grin that Sarah gave him was excitement, he was sure. The girl needed to work on her smiles, though. She looked like someone had just told her that she was going to be put on a medieval rack and slowly stretched apart.

… Maybe he should stop reading so much of that stuff in history class, it was starting to seep into his everyday life.

Nevertheless, soon he and the ever-so-silent Sarah were back at his house. He left the clothes in the car and pulled her down to his room.

"Okay." Once they were in his room he turned to her, an excited smile on his face as he body practically sang with excitement. "So, the song I have picked out for us is not only from my favorite musical of all time, but I think that it's almost perfectly suited for what we've done today."

A pause. "Yay?" Sarah offered, her voice still quiet.

Kurt grinned as if an entire room of people had applauded the announcement.

"Well, of course." He walked over to his laptop, pulling up the playlist. "Now, we're going to just run through the song once and then figure out choreography." He smiled at Sarah before starting the track and speaking along.

"Sarah," A little name change wouldn't hurt. "Now that we're friends, I've decided to make you my new project!"

"You really don't have to do that..." Sarah winced, her voice still quiet. Kurt grinned, he hadn't realized that she knew the song.

"I know, that's what makes me so nice!" He walked to the center of the room, turning as if he were addressing an audience.

"Whenever I see someone less fortunate than I," he paused for a moment, as if reconsidering the sentence. "(And let's face it, who isn't less fortunate than I?) My tender heart tends to start to bleed and when someone needs a makeover, I simply have to take over!"

He turned and looked at Sarah, who was standing to the side, doing her best impression of his wall paper. "I know, I know exactly what they need!"

He walked over, setting his fingertips on her shoulder. "And even in your case, though it's the toughest case I've yet to face, don't worry, I'm determined to succeeeeeed!" He moved behind her, grabbing her shoulders and pushed her forward, practically giggling as he continued singing. "Follow my leeeaaad, and yes indeed, you will be..."

He spun her, eliciting a surprised shriek. "POPULAR! You're gonna be popular!" He sat her down on his bed, sitting next to her, his legs kicking out. "I'll teach you the proper ploys, when you talk to boys," he traced a finger along her chin, her mouth clenched tightly, her eyes wide. "Little ways to flirt and flounce, ooh!" He set a hand on her shoulder, grinning. "I'll show you what shoes to wear!" He motioned to her feet, where a pair of her new designer shoes rested. "How to fix your hair!" He brushed a few strands out of her face. "Everything that really counts to be..."

He jumped to his feet, turning to look at the girl on his bed. "POPULAR! I'll help you be popular! You'll hang with the right cohorts," He moved as if there were people all around him. "You'll be good at sports," He mimed playing tennis. "Know the slang you've got to know. So let's start, 'cause you've got an awfully long way to go!" He held the last word, giving her a sympathetic look. Sarah's face remained blank as she watched him.

"Don't be offended by my frank analysis," He pulled her to her feet again, spinning her. "Think of it as personality dialysis, now that I've chosen to become a pal, a sister and advisor, there's nobody wiser!" He tapped the top of his head, grinning and holding Sarah's hand up with his other hand. "Not when it comes to..." He spun her again so that she stood, looking at his full-length mirror.

"POPULAR!" He stood behind her, hands on her shoulders, grinning at their reflections. "I know about popular. And with an assist from me," he pointed to himself "to be who you'll be, instead of dreary who you were...uh, are. There's nothing that can stop you, from becoming populer... lar..."

"la la, la la!" he swayed them in time to the music. "We're gonna make you pop-u-lar!"

"When I see depressing creatures," A finger under her chin, tilting her head up to look in the mirror. "With unprepossessing features, I remind them on their own behalf to - think - of celebrated heads of state, or specially great communicators!" He mimed talking on a phone. "Did they have brains or knowledge? Don't make me laugh!"

"They were POPULAR!" He stepped back, throwing his arms out. "Please! It's all about popular. It's not about aptitude, it's the way you're viewed, so it's very shrewd to be, very very popular like ME!" He pointed his fingers to his chest before dropping the singing, taking a step forward.

"Why, miss Sarah, look at you. You're beautiful!" And all thanks to him.

"I, I have to go..." Sarah turned and hurried to his door, as if she'd been going to flee the room. He would never fail to be surprised that she knew the song.

"You're welcome..." He called after her, spinning on his toes, Sarah leaning against the door and watching him, her hand resting on the knob.

"And though you protest, your disinterest, I know clandestinely, you're gonna' grin and bear it! You're new found popularity! Ah!" He had to hold back laughter of excitement as he came close to the end of the song. Oh, this was great. He couldn't wait until the Glee club got an eyeful of them on Monday.

"La la, la la! You'll be popular! Just not quite as popular as ME!"

He grinned as the music ended, bowing to the imaginary audience before turning to Sarah.

"That was great! Now lets run through it a few more times." He walked up the stairs, taking her hand and pulling her back down so they could practice.

Well, maybe she wouldn't be so bad to have in Glee, after all. Now that she looked acceptable and was learning his favorite musical, he might even consider becoming friends with the girl.

After forever and a day, I finally update. I'm toying around with how to do musical numbers, and I kind of like this.

I also seem to have a thing for unintentional!bitch!Kurt. Don't worry, he'll get better(ish)

Also, if there's anyone in my readers who knows how to make a mashup, could you please contact me? Because I need one for a number in the next chapter.