"YOU WILL NOT LEAVE ME!" Edward's smooth voice screamed at me as I lay on the floor, unable to move. I couldn't tell him to stop, plead with him. I was just…there. I could feel the pain of the blows his fists were inflicting on my sensitive skin, I could hear his ragged breath and I could feel my heart beat starting to speed up at an alarming rate. Please Edward, my subconscious begged, please stop this! I know you can! I had always held faith in my heart for Edward, even when no one else had faith in him, I did and right now I was holding onto this faith I had in him like a prayer that would surely be answered by God.
"You will not leave me!" he roared again but his tone was becoming much more distant now, almost as if he were going cold as his blows became harder and harder into my stomach now. I could feel every blow hitting me harder and harder, knowing something-besides the obvious-was utterly wrong here. I couldn't scream but as I looked down, numbly and still unable to move, I could see the blood.
The blood between my legs…
Edward's once glowing green eyes that were filled with rage were now pitch black…no mercy anymore as his fists pummeled into me as if I were a mere punching bag, not a person. The blood was pooling faster and in much more amounts as Edward cackled out and gave me a wicked grin, finally ceasing his blows. I blinked as Edward's smile grew wider now and he spoke in a voice that wasn't his.
"I. Will. Kill. You." his voice was raspy and unrecognizable…the devil himself and that's when I noticed it…I was covered in blood from hip to toe.
I shot out of bed, awakened by a terrifying and bloodcurdling shriek but as I looked around my darkened room, only being slightly lit from the full moon shining outside my window, looking to see where the horrible sound was coming from, I noticed it was coming from me. My breaths were uneven and ragged as I panted and tried to regain some sort of stability but was interrupted by my door being kicked through.
Another shrill scream erupted from my throat as I lurched out of bed and ran to my opened closet, shrinking back against the nearest wall. Where am I? What did I do this time? EDWARD NO!
"Bella?" I heard a familiar and gentle voice called worriedly from in front of me but I didn't look up.
Blood…so much BLOOD!
"Bella, honey-" a hand reached out to me through the darkness.
YOU WILL NOT LEAVE ME!
"DON'T TOUCH ME!" I heard myself scream as the hand flinched away automatically. I couldn't breathe, my chest heaving uncontrollably and my body shaking so fiercely I could hardly make out anything from in front of my eyes. I couldn't make out where I was much less who was here before me.
"BLOOD! STOP IT! STOP THE BLOOD, PLEASE!" I tried rocking myself as I hit my fists against the floor beneath me, my words came out shrill and raspy as I tried to control my breathing, it was impossible…but that's when I felt those gentle hands. Nothing like the way Edward used to touch me. The grip on my shoulders were calming yet stern, causing my shaking to cease and finally I could see clearer.
"It's me! It's mom!" Rene finally shouted out in a hard tone. I knew I needed to focus and as I willed my vision to clear I could finally make out the person before me.
Rene's face was ashened and full of torment as her eyes held nothing but fear in them. She was wearing the floor length, silk robe she had been wearing since I was four and her deep mahogany locks that mirrored mine were tangled and disheveled, obviously she was tired but the fear that held her gaze to mine is what caused to awaken from this nightmare.
"M-mom?" I whimpered, feeling the burning tears start to pool up into my eyes. I couldn't handle everything that had just been laid out before me and now as I stared at my mother, I felt myself break down into her welcoming arms.
My mother didn't speak as she clutched me to her chest, my face placed in between the crook of her neck. Her hold on me spoke a thousand words; I'm here. I love you. It's alright. All the things I would've hated to hear from her at the moment and thanked god she didn't. She just rocked me in her arms and stroked my hair the way she used to when I broke down as a child, for whatever reason. Charlie was the utter opposite, caring but never showing how he felt towards me. My mother understood him but I couldn't sometimes.
As soon as I felt as if it were physically impossible for me to shed anymore tears at the moment and my breaths were reduced to minor hiccups here and there, I felt my mother pull me upright to a sitting position. Her eyes held nothing but love and understanding as she bored her own brown orbs into mine. Looking at Rene was like looking into a mirror in twenty years from now, and at the moment I wondered if I looked in the mirror right now…would I see the love she held forever in her soul, or just the bitter numbness I held in mine.
I stared at the envelope in my hands at the moment, wondering if I should open it or not. Just seeing his name scrawled across that envelope in his handwriting made the visions of a few nights ago float through my mind viciously.
It wasn't fair that I had to endure these things and he didn't…or did he?
You shouldn't open it, my subconscious screamed at me, begging me to halt and consider the actions I was thoroughly contemplating in my mind.
I ASKED him to write me though, I tried to fight back. It was true, I HAD asked him to write me, everyday until he came home to me. But could I handle it after everything I had just gone through? I have to…maybe I could even tell him about the nightmares. I had already told my shrink that Charlie and René have been forcing me to see ever week on Friday's-which reminded me I needed to head out for his office in an hour so if I wanted to write Edward back I would need to make it fast. It had taken me hours to write Edward back that first time and now I knew it would probably take me longer.
I ripped open the envelope as I walked back inside, my heart climbing into my mouth, and started to read his child like scrawl across the paper as I walked back into the house to grab my keys.
How could I have been such a…I was terrible to you and even though I hurt you so much in everyway you still haven't given up on me. I'm pretty sure Charlie has, though, huh? I don't blame him. You deserve so much more than me and I know it. I can't be away form you, though. I just love you too much to even think of that possibility. I'm a selfish monster, I know but Bella, please believe that I love you.
Anyways, doc Carmen, my shrink, has officially set me up with my own email account that I am only allowed to use from this facility. Strange, I know, since I already have my own email back at home but oh well. Whatever that woman says goes. You told me to write you back so here I am. I don't really know what to say and yes I am all over the place right now but I have an explanation for that…I'm nervous. Yes, I'm nervous. I don't want you to hate me…or be scared of me and I want you to know I love you more than anything in this world.
I wish you could come to Florida, you'd love it here! The good doctor says it's way too soon though. It's really humid but the beach is like two steps away from the center and Doc even lets me go out like all the time. But every time I step foot onto that sand…all I think of is that I'd rather you be sitting right next to me on that sand than some crumb seeking seagull.
I miss you so much it hurts. I miss your smile and I miss your laugh…I miss waking up and sleeping next to you. I miss your cooking-because all they serve us here is crap-and I just plain out miss you. But most of all…I miss our home together. I don't mean Phoenix, I mean I miss just being able to see you everyday and watching TV with you and hearing you sing stupid little pop songs in the shower every morning…little things like that made it a home. YOU made it a home.
I love you so much and I can't wait for your next letter…or email! Haha! I love you, I love you, I love you.
I smiled at how out of whack he seemed. It was like I was getting my old Edward back and just seeing his soothing words on this paper made the vision I had of him from that dream a few nights ago fade away in an instant. It wasn't forgotten, no, but it was put to ease at the moment.
I walked over to the kitchen counter and picked up the keys to my poor old truck I had left back here in Forks and shoved Edward's letter into my back pocket. As I made sure to lock up the house before walking towards my truck I thought of Edward. The first time I met Edward and how utterly ugly we had both been to each other and for a moment I remembered my old self. The person I used to be…beautiful, confident and strong. Had Edward beaten that person out of me? Even while I was with Edward I was stronger than I am without him. I used to be the type of girl that thought those woman on the Lifetime movies were stupid, refusing to leave even if they had kids. But I understood them now! I understood their all their pathetic reasons and no desire for leaving. No matter what they did to us, no matter how bad things got, we still loved them, as pathetic as that sounds. We would forgive them because love, though making us blind and stupid, would always make the good times we had with them out weigh the bad. It was as simple as that.
As I pulled out of my drive way I decided I needed to think about who I was now. Was I that girl that everyone thought had it all? Or was I just another white trash chick from Forks who gets beat on by her boyfriend?
Who am I?
Hope you guys liked Edward's sort of whacky letter. I made him kind of all over the place because he's nervous, you need to remember he hasn't seen Bella in a little over a month and he's kind of forgotten who and what she is like.
As for Bella's soul searching…that's going to be going on for a while.
I'M NOT GOING TO MAKE BELLA PREGNANT!…I don't want her to be that barefoot and pregnant girl who gets beat on by her no good hubby. Maybe in like the last few chapters I will CONSIDER it but you guys need to consider that Edward had a rough child hood and it would probably throw him off his rocker since he has some skeletons in his closet and he needs to recover, as does Bella.
Anyhoo…tell me how you guys liked it!
Reviews are better than letters from Edward telling me the L word a million times!…okay no they aren't but they are right up there!
Lots of love,