Chapter 4

50 people have this on story alert which I have to say I'm quite impressed with. So thanks for reading, I hope people don't get too confused by this chapter. I'm trying to make the character of karokfsky more complex, not just weirdly mean guy... he's manipulative and clever, as i think Rachel is too strong a character to just let someone like him take advantage. Like i said hope this all makes sense. Anyway enjoy! P.s please review.

Brittany and Quinn bustled into the house, bags hanging from their hands and wrists. "Got enough?" questioned Santana from the sofa.

"Well we have enough for a month," replied Brittany. Quinn went into the kitchen and dumped the bags on the side.

"Where's Rachel?" asked Quinn.

"She's in your room, can you do your homework down here," Santana then turned and looked at the wall, as she finished the rest of her statement, "she's being punished." Santana visibly cringed when that sentence came out of her mouth. Quinn noticed how uncomfortable she looked, so went and sat next to her. She rested her head on Santana's shoulder and leaned into her body. Santana turned and kissed her forehead lightly. Quinn snuggled further into Santana's embrace, "you're doing a good job you know that right?"

"Thanks Quinn." Quinn reluctantly stood up and started doing her work on the dining table.


Rachel shut her eyes, but as soon as she did, the images of twisted metal and blood entered her head. She quickly opened them, and turned her head to nuzzle her pillow. Her tears started to wet the bed. Her bag was hanging of the side of bed; she leant over to it and pulled it onto her bed. She routed through it, till she found what she was looking for. She placed it on the bed, and stared at it, as it glistened under the light of her bedroom. Rachel stood up and locked her bedroom door. She lifted the razor up and held it hovering over her wrist, she was about to press it down but then hesitated. Wrists would be too hard to cover up. She pulled her jeans down, and rested the blade just under her panty line. And in one quick motion pushed it down and slid it across. She lifted the blade back up then watched in fascination as at first no blood appeared, and then suddenly all at once it seeped from every side of the cut. She threw the blade back into her bag, and then turned back to her leg, as the blood started to drip down the sides onto her bed. Rachel quickly grabbed a towel and pushed it firmly against her leg. She let out a deep breath, this was heaven, for the first time in 6 months she felt relief. She grabbed a stick on bandage from the first aid kit, and attached it to her leg, pulled her jeans back up. Rachel lay on her bed, and for the first time in a long time closed her eyes and fell into a restful sleep.


Rachel was startled awake by a knock on the door, and the turn of a door knob, which stopped when it hit resistance. She got up and went to unlock it. The door opened to Santana's face.

"How come you locked your door Rachel?"

"Sorry I forgot I locked it,"

Santana looked confused but chose to drop it. Rachel looked up at Santana, "I'm really sorry S." Rachel wrapped her arms around the girl, and relaxed into her embrace. Santana smiled while resting her chin on the top of Rachel's head.

"You coming down for dinner?"

"I'm not really hungry Santana; I think I might just go to bed." Santana frowned and pulled away from the young brunette, and rested her hand against her forehead.

"Are you sick?" Santana questioned.

Rachel brushed her hand away, "no I'm fine just tired."

"Ok, I'll be back up in ten minutes to check on you," Santana leant down and planted a kiss on her forehead.

Rachel put on a pair of shorts and a tank top and crawled into bed. She was just starting to drift off when she was interrupted by Santana coming back into the room. She sat on the bed next to her and ran her fingers through Rachel's hair. "Sing to me," whispered Rachel.

Santana started to sing quietly,

"Brille, brille, estrellita

Quiero verte cintilar

En el cielo sobre el mar

Un diamante de verdad

Brilla, brilla estrellita

Quiero verte cintilar."

By the time she had finished Rachel was fast asleep.


"Is Rachel still asleep?" asked Brittany, drinking a cup of coffee, looking at the clock in the kitchen flashing 7:30am.

"Yep," replied Quinn, "and she slept in her own bed last night."

"Maybe she's finally getting better," said Santana in a hopeful tone. They were interrupted by Rachel entering the room still in her PJ's. She went over to the coffee machine and started to pour herself a cup, as she went to fetch the milk from the fridge. Santana grabbed the coffee and started drinking it herself.

"Hey! S..."

"You know the family rules Rach no coffee till your 16, and you're hyper enough without caffeine."

Santana smiled the berry men had always been quite strict and she wanted them to be a familiarity to the rules she had in place. Rachel grumbled, but it didn't massively bother her it was just part of the morning routine now. Brittany placed a fruit bowl in front of her, "eat up and go get ready or we are going to be late."


Rachel walked through the school feeling happier than she had in ages, not even seeing karofsky dimmed her mood. So when he text her saying to meet at lunch, she didn't even feel the dread that usually overtook when it came to meeting the football player.

"You seem happier today?" questioned Dave with a knowing look in his eye.

"You were right, the guilt just washed away,"

"I'm sorry I had to blackmail you, in order to help you," he stated sincerely, though his eyes gave away his true intentions, not that Rachel noticed this.

"You mean you did all this to try and help me," questioned Rachel dubiously.

"I knew if I made you mine, I could help you, I know how guilty you must feel. Knowing you lived when your fathers didn't. If it was me I wouldn't feel worthy of living." Rachel flinched at his words. "I just want to help you feel again Rachel, I had to break you first, with the slushies to make you accept the fact you're powerless, but I'm going to give you that power back."

"How?" asked Rachel timidly. Dave drew Rachel closer to him and started massaging her breasts lightly compared to what he did yesterday; he caressed them and in his own way loved them. Rachel's body was starting to betray her, as she moaned against him. He slipped one of his hands up her skirt and pulled down her tights. He slipped her underwear to the side and started to trace his fingers around her opening, but he never entered her. Dave pulled his hand out leaving Rachel very confused. He rubbed his hand down her thigh, stopping when he hit the bandage. He ripped it off, Rachel gasped in pain. Dave lifted her skirt up, to see the mark. "That's so hot Rachel; will you show me how you do it?"

Rachel looked at him confused. "Cut yourself in front of me, I want to see that expression when you feel free."

Rachel started to stutter, "I...I...I don't know, it was only a onetime thing."

"Do you really think one cut will make the guilt go away, you crawled past the dead bodies of your dad, and you didn't even look back."

Tears started to form out of the corner of her eyes, she grabbed the blade out of her bag, and dug it into her leg, and swiped it across deeper than before. She watched the blood cascade down her leg. Dave reached into his bag and pulled out a fresh bandage and pressed it against her leg. She then pulled up her tights. Dave leant over and kissed her delicately on the lips and then left leaving a very confused Rachel standing there, who now had no idea what was going on.


"Are we going to rehearse tonight?" asked Finn.

"I'm sorry I can't Finn, I'm grounded," replied Rachel banging her locker shut at the end of the day.

Finn just nodded at her, "raincheck?"

"Yeah raincheck," replied Rachel with a smile. The smile was soon wiped off by a slushy pelting her in the face. Finn looked at her in shock, before reacting and throwing Dave Karofsky up against the lockers. "What the hell do you think you're doing man?"

"I'm letting manhands know her place," he replied before walking off smiling.

"I'm going to go clean myself Finn,"

"You can't let him get away with this! I'm gonna tell Santana. She'll kick the shit out of him."

"Finn you can't I'll handle this, she has enough to worry about without worrying about this...please Finn promise me."

Finn looked at the desperation in her face, "ok fine," he relented, "but if he does it again, promises of the table."

"thanks Finn," Rachel then left for the nearest bathroom as she washed the slushy out of her hair she couldn't help but feel very confused, where there 2 karofksy's; the tender Dave and the jock karofsky. She changed her clothes putting her slushy covered ones in a bag for Jacob to sort out for her. Her thoughts feeling very convoluted in the confusion that was her life.