A/N Disclaimer: This story will contain drug use/abuse, death (not suicide) and cancer. It's angsty and it's new for me. So if these things are hard limits then this might not be the fic for you. I can promise this will have canon pairings, lemons (not every chapter) and an HEA.
Lots of love and thanks goes to my friend/beta/fic wifey AydenMorgen and my pre readers DaniaMCullen, JustAGirl1238, and KitsuShel. I love you chicas something fierce!
All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the intellectual property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. This storyline is property of pkmarita.
I could hear them…everywhere.
In the walls…
The muffled sounds of their voices, as they carried on about how sick I was. I tried to tune them out by focusing on the cars going by on the street down below.
I pulled the sheet up to my chin and just stared out the window leading to the fire escape. It's funny how I turned the one thing that would save my life in the case of a fire into a place of tranquility and peace. The millions of multi-colored pillows and single afghan looked so inviting from the windowsill and I thought, for just a moment, about how much better I would feel if I just crawled on out there.
Just like old times.
I heard the glass shatter in the kitchen and Emmett stomp toward the sink with Jasper in quick succession.
I closed my eyes and tried to focus on the music playing softly…
"It's been two years, Allie. She isn't getting any better."
"The Anniversary is tomorrow, Jasper. Please don't do this now."
"Emmett and I think it's time, Allie. She can't keep going like this."
I threw the sheet back and tip-toed to the window, raising it up as carefully as I could so they wouldn't hear me. I pulled back the afghan and, once curled up in it, I sighed in relief as I listened to the cars pass by. Closing my eyes, I thought of him and, when I opened them back up there he was, right above me.
Just like old times.
He smiled at me and I just stared at him. His copper colored hair was as unruly as ever and those green eyes pierced my soul.
"We really need to stop meeting like this, gorgeous. People will begin to suspect something," he whispered softly, placing a small kiss on my temple.
Tears pricked my eyes as I took his face in my hands, kissing his forehead, his cheeks and lastly… his lips. They were just like I remembered, so soft and full of life. Lips that were once so passion-filled and eager were now tender and patient, as if we had all the time in the world.
"Hey you, don't cry. I'm not going anywhere this time," he promised as he stroked my cheek.
I smiled up at him, pondering his words for a minute. "You say that every time and yet you leave."
"I always come back though, you know that. I told you I would come back for you and I always will."
He placed his hand on my cheek before kissing me again, and this time it was so passionate it left me breathless. He slowly kissed his way down my neck, but before I could fully let myself go his lips were at my ear.
"Close your eyes."
And I did…
It came as flashes of light - different colors - streaking through the sky.
The day we met….
The day he asked me to marry him…
The day he died…
I started to shake and sobs wracked my body. I was too far gone to even hear Allie at the window.
"Bella! You know you can't be out here, what if you catch phenomena? You could -" she stopped short and gasped, "Oh God, Bella, I'm sorry! I didn't mean, you know, what the doctor said."
I turned to her. "What, Allie? That I could catch pneumonia and die? Only if the cancer doesn't get me first."
Although it was a shitty thing to say, it was still the truth.
She just stood there for a moment, contemplating her next move.
She decided to go with the doting self-appointed mother routine.
"Please come back inside. I made you some soup this time and you need to take your meds."
I didn't have it in me to fight her off and besides, I knew she was right.
"Just give me some time. I'll come back inside in a few, okay?" I reassured her while shaking my afghan in front of her. "See? I won't freeze to death today."
She relaxed a little bit and, with a tight smile, gave in. "Okay, you got fifteen minutes and then I'm dragging you back in here. Don't make me get Emmett."
I chuckled at the warning because I knew it wasn't just a threat, it was a promise. As I turned on my side, I watched her turn on her heel, closing my bedroom door on her way out.
I closed my eyes once more and felt him press up behind me, wrapping his arm around my waist.
"See, I told you I always come back for you."
"She misses you too, you know." I didn't even turn around to face him; my eyes were still glued to the door. "They all do."
"Shhh…this is about us right now. I brought you a present."
My eyes fluttered closed as I felt the soft petals cascade over my skin, silky and soft, as they made their way down my shoulder and back up my neck. I opened my eyes to see my favorite flower – a lavender rose - and my heart broke into a million little pieces.
"Do you remember the first time I laid eyes on you? It was love at first sight," he whispered as he pulled my chin back to look at him.
All I could do was nod.
"Do you remember what I said to you?" He traced my lips with his and I began to pant.
"Yes," I'd become breathless with want, and yet he didn't stop… he never did.
"A man reserves his true and deepest love not for the species of woman in whose company he finds himself electrified and enkindled, but for that one in whose company he may feel tenderly drowsy."
"George Jean Nathan," he whispered in my ear and it was my undoing.
"I love you," I sobbed into his chest, "I'll never stop, not even after my last breath."
"Shhh…Our time is almost up." He kissed my temple as he rocked me gently back and forth.
I tried my best to capture his smell, his essence, his form and everything started to blur together. I heard Allie banging on the door, telling me that my time was up.
"Come back to me, Bella..." His whisper slowly faded.
I nodded as I opened my eyes to find myself clutching a pillow soaked with tears. As I climbed back into my room, I didn't even stop to look at myself in the mirror. I flung open the door and made my way to the couch, to the interrogation that awaited me.
They didn't disappoint either.
"Bella, how are you feeling?" Emmett couldn't even look at me as he began his spiel.
"I'm doing better, this really isn't necessary," I said as Allie set the soup down in front of me.
"Well, we haven't heard from you in a while so we thought we would stop by," Jasper began and then started to stumble over his words, "you umm…don't get out much anymore."
I rolled my eyes and tried to keep what composure I had left. "Let's cut to the chase, shall we? My affairs are in order, alright, and no, Emmett, I'm not leaving you a pile of dog shit in a brown paper bag."
"Glad to see your humor is back at least," Emmett scoffed.
Allie dropped a bowl and, as it shattered in a million pieces, I began to feel bad about my behavior. I looked over my shoulder at Allie. "Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you."
"It's alright. I'm trying Bella, I really am." She hugged herself and I cringed inside.
I hopped up from the couch and went to her, pulling her into my arms. She started to say the same thing she always says and I stopped her. "Don't."
She sighed against me and I had to lighten the mood a bit, "Don't worry, I'm leaving you loaded, chica. Jasper is the one getting the pile of shit." I laughed and noticed that I'm the only one.
I groaned in frustration and let her go, "Fine, let's get this over with."
They all started talking at the same time.
"We think it's time you sold the upstairs apartment."
"Or at least rented it out."
"You never go to the roof anymore and it's been two years."
It's the last thing that's said that has the most impact.
I looked at Emmett and glared up at him, "You don't think I know it's been two years? You don't think I know that? Fuck you."
"You know that's not what I meant." He tried to smooth things over using that "let's talk nice so we don't upset the crazy person in the room" tone and he was good at it too. "All I'm saying is he wouldn't want you to do this to yourself. You know it's true."
I tried to block him out again and it was nearly impossible.
"The renovations on the place have been done for six months, we just thought you would have done it by now," Jasper continued and looked at me sadly, "Sometimes, you need a little push."
I just stared at him; actually I think I was staring through him. Was I ready for this?
I looked at the three of them and realized I wasn't, but they were right.
I curled up into a ball on the couch and hugged my legs to me as a picture caught my eye.
October 13th 2008 was engraved on the frame and it was of us, up on the roof in the gazebo.
I couldn't stop looking at it, that is until Emmett came into my line of sight.
"I trust that you will screen every person that looks at the place, right?" I looked up at him with tears in my eyes.
"You know I will." He shook his head and looked over his shoulder at the same photo I was just lost in.
I watched as he sagged a little and then, in an instant, he was back up, standing tall. That was Emmett, always the strong one… and he was there the night it happened, too.
"I wish I could have-" he started and when he looked back at me, all I could do was blurt out the first thing that came to my mind to stop him from finishing that sentence.
"I'm not selling it, but I will rent it out. The roof is still mine so it's not part of the package," I stated in a rush.
"Bella Bean?" Emmett groaned as Jasper jumped in to defend me, "It's a start, Emmett, give her that."
"I think it's time for you to go now," I mumbled as I grabbed the pillow off the couch and hugged it to my chest. I felt the anxiety coming on and needed to take a bubble bath.
"I'll walk you guys to the door," Allie said as I gathered myself from the couch, making my way back to my room.
I didn't bother with closing my door all the way, as I heard my bath being started for me. I flung myself across the bed and just stared out my window, but this time something was off.
There on the pillow was a single lavender-violet rose and I didn't put it there.
I rushed to the window and flung it open, I had to touch it.
It's not real! It's not real! I chanted over and over in my head.
I reached out with a shaky hand and silky smooth petals greeted me.
A/N There you have it! Please be kind and tell me what you think. Have I piqued your interest and should I continue? Hit the review button and let me know. Thanks again for reading.