This outtake was written for Amy and Amelia who were kind enough to buy me as part of the FGB Eclipse edition auction, and were nice enough to agree to me posting it. It takes place at the same time as the first chapter of The Night Before.
Thanks to my beta Red Summer and to LJ Summers for coming up with the title.
As always, I own nothing except for the plot.
The Night When
What was I doing?
I really was tempting fate being here, but I couldn't control the urge I felt to be near her. I had to make sure that she was alright, that the doctors at the hospital hadn't missed anything when they had examined her earlier. I was glad that Carlisle had been the one to treat her; I don't think I would have trusted any of the humans to accurately assess her. Concussion was a tricky thing to diagnose at the best of times.
This was what I was telling myself anyway.
I had left our house at a run, eager to get away from the tense atmosphere. Rosalie was furious at me – although that wasn't much of a change from her usual indifference and scorn. This time though she had lambasted me both verbally and mentally, screeching about how I had risked everything the family had built, just for the sake of some girl.
What had irritated her even more was that I didn't even have a good explanation for why I had done it. In the split second that I had thrown myself across the parking lot and in front of the truck, I had nearly ruined everything for my family for no good reason. Alice had remarked that I hadn't even made a conscious decision, that I had just reacted instinctively. For some reason, this had made her inordinately pleased, although she made sure to barricade her thoughts from me so I couldn't find out why.
It was nice to have at least one member of my family on my side, arguing for me. I had mostly just sat there at the obsolete dining table, while everyone talked over me; they all had an opinion on what I had done and what I should have done, and they all were happy to voice them...loudly.
I had hastily composed a defence to satisfy them: if the girl had been injured and her blood had spilled free in that lot, then I would have been unable to contain myself and would have revealed our family's secret to the whole school, and not just one person.
Carlisle and Esme were cautiously optimistic about it all – upset that I had potentially exposed our family, but happy that the Swan girl hadn't come to any harm. They were both quite fond of her father, and were glad that he hadn't had to experience the loss of his daughter.
Jasper and Emmett hadn't cared either way, although my older brother had suggested that if the family felt that there really was a risk to us in the human knowing, we could always eliminate that risk. Alice had been quick to quash her mate's idea, no doubt reading me attacking him for the suggestion in both of our futures.
So we were at an impasse then, with no clear decisions about what to be done made. Apart from that we would wait. We would wait and we would make our decisions based on what happened next.
With that resolved, I had immediately left to go hunting, unwilling to stick around for any more accusations and needing to feed before I was faced with that delicious scent again. Two mountain lions later and I realised that I had strayed dangerously close to town, the flash of headlights from the main road startlingly close.
The lure of people drew me in unconsciously; my feet running parallel to the tarmac before I had realised that I was moving. As I drew closer towards the first street of houses, the voices hit me.
I would never understand the human desire to be awake at all times. Half the people in these houses were still treading the floorboards, trying to keep their eyes from fluttering shut in exhaustion. The other half were...
Urgh. Shaking my head to get that particular mental image out of my head, I sprinted away from the house that it came from. Some of the thoughts and actions of humans repulsed me; I didn't want or need to see anything like that in my head.
I normally didn't mind people thinking about sex – it was a fact of life, everybody did it and everybody thought about it – but I would infinitely prefer it if some of them kept their depraved thoughts to themselves. Some of the things I unwittingly saw truly disturbed me – something that was very difficult to do.
I was still heading through town, winding quickly through the streets. I wasn't running anymore. I was too exposed and I didn't want to get caught by one of townspeople still awake. I had already done enough damage today, I didn't need to cause any more.
Those good intentions flew out of my head though the second my nose caught a glorious scent from a house two streets away. I immediately moved in that direction – down the streets, towards the house, up the walls.
Then there I was. In Isabella Swan's room. Watching her sleep.
Why was this a good idea again?
I shouldn't be here. I knew I shouldn't be here. I couldn't make myself leave.
So I stood firmly in the corner of her bedroom, staring down at her, trying not to breathe.
She had been so passionate in the hospital, so determined to make me admit what I was, to tell her how I had saved her. I had promised after all, but when it came down to it I couldn't let her know, I couldn't tell her the truth.
But I wanted to. Only God, and possibly Alice, knew how close I came to just confessing all to her. There was something about her that just made me want to spill out all my secrets and tell her everything.
But I couldn't, so I had settled for anger and annoyance.
I had reacted defensively, taking my fury at myself and my thoughtless actions out on her.
I hope you enjoy disappointment.
I had pushed her away at the hospital. I needed her to stay away from me; I wasn't sure that I could do the same.
In fact, given my current surroundings, I'd say I was incapable of staying away from her. It was an uncomfortable realization.
The whimper came from the direction of the bed and I froze, keeping unnaturally still, every muscle in my body tensed, ready to fly out the window the second it looked like Bella was waking up. Whimpering slightly, she wriggled around in her sleep, fighting with the covers that surrounded her. I swallowed back a mouthful of venom as her movements exposed a sliver of skin between her top and her sweatpants.
And suddenly my body was alive in ways that it had never been before.
Her blood was still tempting - dear God, it was so tempting - but my desire to drain her of that precious fluid was now being replaced by another temptation. If I could have blushed, I would have. I shifted awkwardly as the pressure in my jeans became uncomfortable.
I shouldn't be here.
The thought endlessly repeated through my head, drilling into my consciousness the wrongness of my actions, but my feet stayed glued to the floor and my eyes stayed glued to Bella. I was utterly transfixed.
I couldn't understand the attraction this girl held for me. She was dangerous. She beckoned me towards her completely unknowingly; her shy smiles and blushes hid a steely determination that appealed to my more dominant side, making me want to possess her.
A second later, she spoke in her sleep again. "No...Edward..."
The sound of my name coming from her lips provoked a primal reaction in me. A low growl built up in my chest, my erection hardened even further, if that was possible, and I fought the urge to attack and just pound into her.
My hands clenched into fists and my entire body shook with the force I was exerting to stop myself from going over to the girl in question. I sent a silent prayer of thanks up to Carlisle for his dedication in developing my control over my instincts.
She was writhing around on her bed now, her dreams obviously becoming more animated. I gritted my teeth together. Her increased movements sped up the rate of her heartbeat and I was held spellbound by the sight of her pulse thrumming through the carotid artery in her neck.
My sight was blocked though when she tossed her head to one side, her hand coming up to rest on her pillow, clutching at the material before releasing it. Her breathing became heavier, her chest rose up and down. Her human reaction to stimulus was incredible. I watched as a tiny bead of perspiration slid down from her neck, between her breasts, and was eventually hidden under the fabric of her shirt.
My tongue snaked out to lick my lips. I wanted to press it against her hot skin. I closed my eyes in an effort to try and regain control and there was that thought again.
I shouldn't be here.
I heard Bella shudder once, and then twice, before her body stilled, and I opened my eyes to watch her once more.
Only to find that hers were open too. She was awake.
That should have been my indication to get out of there. With vampire speed it would be easy enough to throw myself out of the window before the haze of sleep left Bella and she noticed my presence.
I didn't move.
Maybe it was my stillness that alerted her, but a second later her head whipped round and she was looking at me, her mouth hanging slightly open in shock. Her body overbalanced slightly at the sharp movement, but her hand shot out to steady herself on the mattress before I could get across the room and stop her from tipping sideways off of the bed.
She watched me carefully, the look of shock on her face had been replaced by a tiny smile that flirted around the corners of her lips. She looked...pleased...to see me standing there, and again I cursed my inability to read her mind. I desperately wanted to know what she was thinking. Was she terrified that I was in her room in the middle of the night? Was she happy? And if so, why was she happy? What had I done by being here to make her happy?
My hands tightened again as Bella's eyes seemed to take a wandering trip down my body. I'd seen that sort of look before on other girls, the one that said that my vampiric attractions were still very much in evidence, the one that I normally turned away from with a huff, appalled by the masculine habits that ladies of today had picked up over the years.
I wasn't disgusted this time though. I wanted Bella to look at me; I wanted her to like my appearance. I wanted her approval, because I knew that if I had it, it would mean so much more than that of all the other girls I had known. Bella always seemed more like she wanted to get to know me, rather than wanted to parade me around on her arm like a trophy.
It was interesting...and, if I wanted to admit it to myself, very flattering.
As her eyes tripped down towards my jeans, she blushed and I felt myself stir. I was suddenly inordinately pleased that my t-shirt hung fairly low and covered my body's reaction to her.
Bella looked up, and all of a sudden I felt drawn in, captured by her stare. Some of my control began to waver and my desperation at the situation began to cross my face. I wanted her to want me for me. I wanted her to talk to me like she had in class today. I wanted to confess all to her, to tell her what I was and why I had had to keep it a secret from her.
Beyond all that though, I just plain wanted her, in ways I had no right to want.
And that was the problem and would always be the problem. I had no right to Bella. She wasn't mine to have. If I had just been human then maybe I could have had her, maybe I could have thought of her in the same way that other boys, like Mike Newton, did.
But I wasn't human, and so she would never be mine. No matter how much I wanted her.
We continued to stare at each other. Bella leaned forward minutely.
And then launched herself at me.
Taking me completely by surprise – something that didn't happen too often in this lifetime – she grabbed the front of my t-shirt and dragged me towards her. I was too shocked to even think about resisting.
As I moved spellbound towards her, her hands slid up my neck and cupped my face gently before creeping into my hair. She was warm, so warm. Her fingers scorched my skin and I nearly purred at the sensation.
My face moved closer to hers and then our lips met.
It wasn't the hesitant, slow kiss that I had always imagined. I had thought I'd be shy and tentative the first time I kissed someone, my inexperience making me clumsy. I had heard enough jokes from both of my brothers about my celibacy over the years, to shred my nerves to pieces about any success I may have with women. Hell, they hadn't even considered the fact that I might have saved Bella because I was attracted to her; the idea was completely alien to them that I might actually like someone.
Bella's passion, however, hit me like a wrecking ball and there was nothing I could do but meet it. Giving as much as I took and forcing her lips to mould around mine.
She shuddered and then her body went limp and she fell backwards, her hands still gripping my hair, tugging me down with her. We continued to kiss as we fell; I didn't want to stop touching her if I could help it. I shot my arm out to brace myself though, not wanting to crush her with my full body weight. She was human, and, as evidenced earlier, so fragile, so very easily damaged. I didn't want to hurt her.
Bella, it seemed, had other plans. Wrapping her arms tightly around my head and pressing her face even closer to mine, she yanked me down even further, so I was now pressed against her from head to toe. Her chest was heaving against mine and the seventeen-year-old boy in me was enthralled by the sensation of her breasts being crushed against my body. I felt a rumbling begin deep inside me and had to fight back the animal instincts that wanted to roar out my conquest.
As we kissed, I felt her smile against my mouth in triumph that she had got her own way. Her delight and her display of want fuelled my own actions and I began to blindly tug at the covers of her bed, tossing them aside and detangling her legs.
I could just imagine those legs, wrapped around me and...
I broke the kiss, struggling to regain some control. I gasped in unneeded air to help my restraint, pressing my forehead against Bella's as I did. Her breathing was as wild as mine, and her heart pounded against me.
Our position was strangely intimate and I couldn't resist the urge to get even closer.
She whimpered as I captured her lips again and I couldn't stop the groan that emerged in reply, or the growl that followed. I shifted slightly to the side so I was directly on top of her, loving the feel of her underneath me.
My hand finally took on a life of its own, grasping the heated skin of Bella's hip and sliding around to grip her ass, moulding around the soft flesh and pressing her harder into me. If I could have sunk into her in that moment I think I would have.
She was so warm around me and I slid one hand around her back, between the delicate blades of her shoulders. The other crept down to slide over her thigh, rubbing rhythmically. My fingers grasped at her reflexively. I needed to touch her everywhere.
Her hands were still in my hair, only now she was pulling at it, leaving a tingling sensation in my scalp. Her lips were beginning to warm my own until I could barely tell the difference in temperature between us.
Suddenly, Bella's breath caught in her throat and the realization that she had to breathe, that it was a necessity and not just a luxury for her, hit me. I didn't take my mouth off of her though, choosing instead to work my way across her jaw and kiss and suck on her earlobe, drawing the skin into my mouth. Her taste was thick on my tongue and I tucked my teeth behind my lips so I wouldn't bite down.
Bella seemed to like that. Her hands left my hair, arms locking around my neck instead, holding me to her, and she threw her head back, giving me greater access to her jaw and neck.
It was any vampire's dream – a willing victim.
I intensified my actions, hooking her legs over my hips so she was cradling me between her thighs and moving my searching lips down her towards that throbbing pulse. Her warmth surrounded me and I felt like her heat had the power to melt the ice surrounding my poor frozen heart.
Bella's hips jerked upwards, brushing against my erection...and we both froze.
In that moment it was like the world rushed in. I was no longer lost in the burning flames of Bella's body, no longer held entranced by the fast pulse of her blood through her veins, pushing that incredible scent through every inch of skin I touched.
I knew she could feel me pressed against her; I could smell her nervousness. Surprisingly, I wasn't feeling nervous at all; I was quite happy exactly where I was, with the wetness of her core beginning to seep through the fabric that separated us. If only our clothes weren't in the way, then I could just...
Something was wrong with Bella and I forced myself to raise up off of her to gain some clarity. When we were so close together the bloodlust, and just plain lust, took over and I couldn't pay attention to anything else.
Her chest wasn't rising, that was it. Her heart was still pounding, faster than before, but there was no air going in and out of her lungs. My ardour was effectively quashed by my concern and rising panic. Why wasn't she breathing?
"Bella, breathe," I pleaded, unsure whether I should start to administer CPR. I didn't want to if I could help it, I was afraid of crushing her ribs into tiny pieces and puncturing the lungs I was trying to get working.
As if she was just waiting for my command, she inhaled sharply, nearly choking on the air she took in. She looked stunned to see me above her, whereas not two minutes ago, she had been writhing happily underneath me.
This was a bad idea. The situation had gotten out of control and I should stop this now. Hell, Bella didn't even know what I was, and I knew that I would never be able to have a relationship with her and keep my true identity a secret at the same time. It wouldn't be fair to her.
It wasn't fair to me either, but I had long since come to terms with my being a vampire and complaining about it now wouldn't hurt anything.
"Bella, this isn't right, we should stop."
I cursed the words even as they left my mouth, but I couldn't deny their truth. We should stop. This had to end.
Bella looked confused, her eyes frantically searching mine, and I wondered briefly if she had seen anything unnatural in them. She studied my face carefully before a look of determination crossed her face and she craned her neck upwards, her mouth aiming for mine once more.
I panicked. If we started this once more I wasn't sure that I would be able to stop again.
She got closer; her eyes fluttering shut.
No no no no no! I couldn't do this. I wouldn't do this!
For once, I deliberately used my inhuman speed in Bella's presence, throwing myself off of her body and retreating to the end of the bed where I could think clearly.
This was wrong, everything about it was wrong.
It wasn't just the vampire thing either. I should not have been intruding into a lady's bedroom while she slept. I shouldn't have practically assaulted her in her bed. I shouldn't have allowed myself to lie with her, to wrap her legs around my waist, to grind my erection into her centre.
I shuddered at the memory of the last one.
I had nothing to offer Bella – not humanity, not life and certainly not marriage. I was taking liberties that I had no right to. If my mother had still been alive she would have been horrified at my behaviour and my disgrace.
This had to stop. Now.
Bella was watching me warily, raising herself into a sitting position so slowly, as if she thought any sudden movements on her part might spook me, like a wild animal. I inwardly laughed at the thought. She was more intelligent than I had estimated; if she had lunged at me like before then I probably would have been scared away.
"Edward..." My name sounded positively sultry coming from her lips and I winced at the sound, forcing myself to stay where I was and not move towards her.
My hand ran through my hair automatically in frustration as I re-convinced myself of my reasons to stay away from her. She curled her legs underneath her, ready to raise her body further upwards. I needed to stop her before she got to me.
I couldn't say it, couldn't make myself tell her to stay away from me. She continued to creep forwards towards me and I threw my hand up abruptly to stop her from getting any closer.
Gathering up every smidgen of willpower I had honed over the last century, I forced the words out of my throat where they were stuck.
"We can't do this."
Bella stopped moving towards me and I should have been relieved, but instead I was disappointed. How could I tell her to stay away, when I wanted her to come closer, so much closer? She sat back on her heels and looked down.
Then I saw the glistening in her eyes and smelt the tears as they began to brim. She was crying. She was crying because I was rejecting her. It was heartbreaking.
My own eyes began to dry out and I knew that if I could still cry, I would be right there weeping alongside her. I had to remain firm though.
"Bella, I..." I hesitated, trying to keep my composure in front of her. "Bella, we can't do this... It wouldn't be right. There are things you don't know about me..." I tried to explain.
I only succeeded in riling her up though. Her head shot up and she glared at me through the tears streaming down her face. "Only because you won't tell me! I asked and you laughed in my face. I came to Forks and then you glared at me, and then biology... and the mitosis quiz... and the questions about my life... you actually seemed like a decent guy."
My sins were many and I listened to her list them all and accepted her rebuke. My behaviour really had been reprehensible; I had been jerking the poor girl back and forth without thought, based on whether my desire for her blood had flared or not.
Bella wasn't finished though. "Then one tiny accident later..."
I scoffed at that. "I wouldn't call nearly being crushed by a van a tiny accident."
She ignored me. "...and you suddenly decide 'no more!' And you yelled at me, and now you're in my room, and we were just..." She waved her arm wildly in lieu of the words and I felt a strange kinship with her and her ability to vocalise what we had just been doing.
Her defiance ended as quickly as it had begun and she was left looking tired and defeated. "I just... Don't you want me?" Her voice was small and I detected a note of bewilderment about it. She was just as confused as I was and that helped to settle my nerves somewhat, even though I still wasn't sure if there was anything I could say to make this any better.
I groaned in frustration. "Bella, of course I want..."
My explanation was cut off when Bella suddenly threw herself at me. I didn't have it in me to resist anymore, my restraint had been beaten into submission and was now nowhere to be found.
I gave in.
God, it felt good.
She pushed frantically at my chest and I allowed myself to roll backwards smoothly, settling her on top of me.
Any gentleness that was apparent before was now gone. Our lips tore at each other, the taste of Bella fuelling my need for her. Her nails dug into my chest in a way that would have hurt if I had been human. As it was, the slight scratches against my sensitive skin only increased my desire and my hands grabbed her hips once more, this time forcibly shifting her lower body against mine. The friction between us was delicious.
I still wanted more though. I wanted to feel her pressed against me with nothing separating us.
My impatience made me hasty. I gently pushed her backwards and shredded my shirt. I took more care with Bella's top, sliding it up over her head and discarded it onto the floor. I didn't look down - there would be plenty of time for that later. Instead I reclaimed her mouth with my own, my hands sliding up the smooth expanse of her back.
The feel of her chest pressed up against mine was just...wonderful.
I just couldn't get over the scorching heat her body produced and how it managed to warm mine through our contact. The area where we were connected appeared to be tingling pleasantly. I could almost pretend I was alive again.
Bella threw her head back and I nearly protested before realising that she was fighting for breath once more. Not wanting to start an argument again, I turned my attention to more pleasant pursuits.
The angle of her head had left her throat temptingly exposed and I immediately attached myself to it, swallowing back the venom that threatened to spill out of my mouth. Her pulse points called to me and I focused the greatest amount of attention on them, kissing and sucking and worrying at them, all the while fighting not to bite down.
My inner demons were both helpful and selfish. They didn't want Bella dead or turned either, but that was only because they were willing to take her body in exchange.
As if that thought had spurred me on, my hands took on a life of their own, sliding carefully up the bare sides of her body before reaching up to cup her breasts. She moaned and shuddered at the contact, whining in the back of her throat when one of my thumbs inadvertently brushed against her nipple. Her reaction fascinated me and I repeated the action over the swollen nub just to see her let out a throaty moan and toss her head back again.
The taste of her was incredible and I wasn't prepared to leave the expanse of bare skin that I had just revealed just to my hands. I moved down her neck and licked along her collarbone, noting in the back of my mind that it felt too delicate underneath me. The care I was taking was excruciating, considering that I just wanted to throw Bella down and fuck her, but I forced myself to take measured movements. I had to give her pleasure in this experience – I needed to give her pleasure – to make up for the inevitable moment of pain that I knew I would be forced to cause her if we were to continue.
And God did I want to continue.
Sliding a hand under her ass, I lifted her up my body so her chest was level with my mouth. Drawing on my memories of every sexual encounter and piece of knowledge that I'd gleaned from the thoughts of others over the years, I kissed gently all around the soft flesh of one, making sure that I kept up manual stimulation on the other. When I reached her nipple, I sucked it into my mouth, keeping up a light pulling sensation and fighting the urge to bite down. I curled my lips over my teeth to stop myself from tearing into that sensitive skin, letting that precious blood run free and allowing myself to feed from this forbidden area. Just the thought of my bite mark over her breast helped ramp up my lust and as if she was perfectly in tune with me, I smelt Bella's arousal increase, the muscles of her thighs and lower stomach twitching imperceptibly.
I thought I was doing quite well when, without any warning, Bella pulled herself away from my mouth. I growled in protest at her detachment, then groaned when she shuffled herself up my body, so that our centres met and her legs fell to either side of my hips.
I couldn't help the growling now; I wasn't even bothering to hide it anymore. She began to grind against me which spurred me on, the animalistic sounds emanating from me only seemed to encourage her and she continued to writhe above me with more vigour, her mouth parted as she whimpered and groaned at the sensations being caused, her eyes half-closed and dazed.
Her hips rocked against my erection without rhythm and I grunted as the pressure on my dick was heightened and then taken away again. I began to crave the forward movement, thrusting upwards minutely to increase the pleasure that was building.
She looked like an angel above me. Her hair was tangled and wild around her face, so long that it partially covered her breasts from my sight. Her grinding stirred the strands, revealing brief glimpses of her nipples as she moved. I licked my lips, relishing the brief taste of them that I had had.
Bella sat up abruptly, sliding her hands down from my shoulders and practically burning a path down my chest with her hot fingers. I closed my eyes briefly to revel in the sensation as her hands slid along the waistband of my jeans, tickling the suddenly sensitive skin.
Suddenly, her hands shot to the top of my fly and I froze, my hands coming down to grasp her wrists, stopping her from undoing my pants.
The lustful haze I had been operating under lifted, and I suddenly became aware of what was happening. Before, I could've just passed everything off as foreplay or experimentation, but if I let Bella undo my jeans then this became real – we were really going to do this. Was she really ready for what this meant? Was I?
I wasn't the prude that my brothers often told me I was, but I did have a healthy respect for what sexual intimacy should mean. I had held firm to my belief, no matter how old–fashioned, that sex was something that happened after marriage between two people who loved each other. It was the reason why I had never given in to Tanya's advances, and she respected my views, although she didn't understand them herself.
Bella didn't know about any of this and yet I was prepared to throw away all of my long-held morals for her. I couldn't understand what made her so different. I certainly didn't love her, although I could admit that she fascinated me and I cared for her; risking my family's secret to save her had proved that.
It had been a shocking occurrence though. Was either of us thinking clearly in this matter? I had to make sure, for my peace of mind as much as hers.
Bella was whimpering softly, continuing to circle her hips against my erection. Her fingers twitched against my stomach and I looked down to see her wrists strained against my grip. She was completely oblivious to the harm she could cause herself.
"Bella, maybe we should..."
"Edward," she interrupted me, her voice straining with impatience. Her eyes closed briefly and she shook her head from side to side. "Edward, please. I need this." Her eyes were imploring me to listen to her.
The look on her face and her rhythmic grinding against me was pushing at the very edges of my self-control.
I glanced down at her hands again, those fingers so close to me. I wanted them even closer, but I didn't know whether I should want them closer. It was the look on her face which sealed it for me though; she looked so uncertain, yet there was an edge to her expression. As I watched, desperation and need coloured her face as well.
My breathing sped up as my mind rifled through all of the consequences of what would happen if I said yes to Bella. I was so close to throwing caution to the wind and giving in.
Bella's fingers twitched again and this time I felt her nails brush against the sensitive skin of my stomach. Clenching my teeth, I acquiesced and nodded, releasing Bella's wrists.
As soon as she was free, her hands eagerly grasped the buttons of my jeans, sliding them quickly and eagerly through the holes. My own fingers chose to mirror hers, running along the inside of the sweatpants she wore, skimming my cold hands along the hot skin of her stomach.
She let out a satisfied sigh when she undid the last button and I almost sighed myself with the relief that undoing my pants brought - my cock no longer felt like it was being strangled. She had undone my pants, now it was my turn to get rid of hers. I couldn't do it from this angle though.
Grabbing her hips, I rolled our bodies so that she was beneath me, revelling in the gasp of surprise from Bella as she suddenly found herself on her back. The sight of her beneath me spoke to something primal within me and my inhibitions disappeared. Grasping her waistband, I yanked it down without finesse, only stopping when the material got tangled up around her ankles.
As I leaned down to capture those luscious looking lips once more, I felt her feet kicking her pants off of her legs. She kissed me back enthusiastically while tugging on my jeans and with one last regretful kiss, I sat up backwards and practically tore my jeans off, throwing them somewhere into the room. As long as they weren't on me anymore, I didn't care where they went.
Then I looked down at Bella, lying before me with only her underwear on.
So fucking beautiful.
I couldn't believe she had allowed me to see her like this, so vulnerable and exposed. She was thin, but her body still managed to maintain soft, womanly curves in all the right places. She was pale, almost as pale as we were, yet that seemed to lend an almost statuesque grace to her body. Her legs were surprisingly long and lithe and as I began to catalogue every detail of the sight before me into my memory, they shifted slightly underneath me, brushing against my own bare legs.
As I watched Bella, she watched me back boldly, only looking down and blushing when she saw my attention trail over her thighs and come to rest over the only covered area of her body. We were going to have to lose the panties...and soon.
For now though, I was content to admire the pink flush that adorned her cheeks and then spread down over her chest, giving an appetizing rosy tint to her breasts. As if she knew where my attention now was, she began to raise her arms to hide from my gaze.
I growled at her. I didn't even realise I had done it until she lowered her arms once more, back to her sides. Her obedience pleased me, satisfied the devil on my shoulder, and I couldn't help but smirk as she lay uncovered before me once more.
Bella seemed to begin her own appraisal of my body as I continued to study the freckles that were sprinkled over her skin. I wasn't too worried about whether she would find me attractive. I knew enough to understand that I was favourably comparable to other males of my age, and vampiric attractiveness only seemed to enhance that. I also knew from years of high school locker rooms that I also could be compared favourably in other ways too.
I wasn't entirely sure if that was a vampire thing or if I had come that way in my human body. I wasn't about to complain though, especially with Bella running her eyes down my body as if I was something to eat.
Her gaze slid over my abs and down to my groin, and I hardened even further at the increased attention. The lust was plain on her face. Her eyes wandered further down until she suddenly snapped them shut.
I laughed at her sudden shyness, inexplicably pleased at her display of innocence.
In turn, Bella frowned, glaring at me from underneath her lashes. I could almost hear the argument she was having with herself, practically feel the desire within her to wipe the smile off my face.
Shaking with nerves, she reached out and did just that, gripping my cock firmly in her hand and stealing the breath out of my lungs. I groaned as her fingers squeezed me, relief like I had never known surging through my body. My eyes shut inadvertently and my head dropped back as I gave myself over to her.
She began to run her hand over me, up and down, slowly at first, but later with more certainty. Pleasure was running through me now, all directly linked to her hand, and I had to hold myself back from thrusting with abandon into the source the stimulation. I managed to rein in my enthusiasm, but couldn't resist rocking my hips gently in and out of the soft warmth of her palm.
My teeth desperately wanted to bite down on something and I compromised by snuffling my face into Bella's hair at her shoulder, inhaling her scent and grounding me in the present. My hips continued to move against her hand and my own hands began to trace down her sides, eager to return the favour.
My fingers were temporarily halted in their path by her panties and I growled again at the barrier keeping me from the warmth I could feel emanating from her centre. Removing them would have taken too much time, so I ripped the fabric off of her and tossed it aside, grateful that she didn't appear to notice or question my actions. It wouldn't do to start destroying all of her clothes.
I propped myself up on one elbow to avoid crushing her and slid my fingers into her slick warmth. She was so wet, her arousal coated my fingers thickly, and I easily slid my middle finger downwards and curved it to glide inside of her body.
If I had revelled in the warmth of her body before, it was nothing compared to the searing heat that scorched me inside her. She cried out at the intrusion and for a half-second I froze, worried that I had hurt her.
That fear was abated when she reached up to grasp the back of my neck, holding me to her. I was more than willing to oblige; I didn't want to go anywhere.
I began to thrust my finger in and out, stopping when I felt the barrier which prevented me from going any further. It wasn't that I had any qualms left about what we were doing, but I preferred to take her virginity the old-fashioned way.
Making small noises in the back of her throat, Bella began to move against me, encouraging my actions and when she appeared to be comfortable with one finger inside her, I added another, stretching her slightly so she'd be more comfortable later. Again she greeted the addition with marked enthusiasm and it was in that moment that I decided that I wanted to see her shatter before me.
Swivelling my fingers around, I curled my hand so that my thumb settled over her clit. She gasped at the new feeling and I began to lightly rub my thumb over that spot.
She went absolutely wild.
Thrusting her hips forward violently onto my hand, her legs suddenly snapped around my hips. Our lower bodies would have been perfectly aligned if my hand hadn't been in the way. Bella was panting heavily now, small cries of pleasure erupting from her mouth, her inner muscles clenching rhythmically against my fingers. I doubled my efforts, praying that she tipped over the edge soon before my good intentions left me and I thrust myself into her.
Her hands seemed to spasm, clawing at my chest and the mattress feebly before her body tensed and her eyes slammed shut as she tossed her head back. The fluttering around my fingers grew stronger and she let out a low whine.
As pleased as I was with myself for making her come, I grew slightly worried when she didn't let out the deep breath that she had taken, her chest remaining still. Removing my fingers from inside her, I hovered over her anxiously.
She didn't reply. I started to panic.
"Bella? Can you hear me? You need to breathe, Bella. Bella, you need to breathe, love...open your eyes, Bella." I was getting desperate. "Bella, please..."
Luckily at that moment, she sucked in a deep breath, her eyes blinking sleepily up at me. The tightness that had built up in my chest disappeared as relief swept through me. She grinned up at me, a certain pleased smugness now present in her expression and I smiled back at her.
As she wriggled, her centre brushed against my weeping cock. I hadn't realised that we were so perfectly positioned. I leaned forward and waited, willing her to tell me that this was alright, that I could push myself into her.
And my hips thrust forward, sheathing my dick inside her.
It was heavenly. She was heavenly.
I had never thought...
Bella was squirming underneath me, small moans and whimpers leaving her lips, and I withdrew before pushing into her again.
I had never known, never even thought about what I had been missing.
This was... This was... If I could stay like this forever, I would be truly happy.
Staying still wasn't an option though; it would've been too unbearable. I had to move.
As I continued to thrust into Bella, her heels pressing into my sides, my movements becoming faster and harder, I could feel my control beginning to slip and raised my hands up to brace against the headboard. The last thing I wanted to do was grab Bella in the heat of the moment and crush her fragile body.
Bella's orgasm hit and she wailed my name as she came. It sent me hurtling into mine, groaning loudly as she clenched down tightly around me. I felt the wood of the headboard crumble around my hands and felt grateful that I'd had the foresight not to let go whilst holding onto her body.
Utterly spent, my body collapsed onto hers, my head falling heavily down to rest against her shoulder. I had to force myself to unclench the muscles in my arms and prop myself up on my elbows, lifting some of my weight off of Bella.
She was breathing heavily, a fact I noted with pleasure. I was content to steal her breath away as long as she didn't stop inhaling completely. Her legs fell limply to the side of mine, no longer clamped to my sides and her hands idly wandered up and down my back, lulling me gently back down to reality. I pressed a light kiss against her collarbone, grateful for the gift she had given me and the comfort she now offered.
She deserved to know just how amazing she was, deserved to know just how thankful I was that she could accept me so completely despite my faults and failings.
She was a goddess.
She had to know. I had to tell her.
I raised myself up so I could look into her eyes. She seemed utterly content.
"Bella, that was..." I didn't have the words. The only thing I could do was kiss her and hope that she would be able to discern my feelings through my actions. Brushing my fingers lightly against her cheek, I tried again. "Thank you so much."
It was thanks, however inadequately expressed, but it was the best I could do, short of kissing her again. Those lips could easily become addictive. As I bent down to capture them again, she flinched. It was such a small movement that I doubt a human would have noticed it, but to me it was a sign that all my fears had come true.
I had hurt her. The only question now, was how badly?
"Oh god, Bella I'm so sorry... I hurt you... Are you in much pain?" I needed her to tell me, I needed to know how much pain she was in. Oh god! Should I call Carlisle? Did I need to take her to the hospital? "Bella, please forgive me... I didn't mean to... I knew we shouldn't have done this. Please forgive me?"
Bella grasped my face and I thought I saw her roll her eyes at me. Did she think I was overreacting? Was I overreacting?
All of a sudden she jerked away and stared at my face, her eyes darting over every detail, a small frown line appearing between her brows. She seemed to be waiting for something, although I couldn't work out what exactly.
Understanding and horror began to cross her face.
"It was all real."
She fainted, going limp in my arms and looking eerily still to me.
I didn't know what to do. I mean, I knew that she had had a shock and the best thing I could do was let her mind work through it so she could wake up with the least amount of trauma. I just couldn't work out what the trauma was.
I couldn't stay like this though.
Detaching myself from her, I stumbled across the unfamiliar bedroom and grabbed my jeans, pulling them on. Once I was half dressed and felt slightly more composed now that I was covered, I made my way back over to Bella.
She looked incredibly vulnerable lying there uncovered and naked and I realised that I didn't like her to look so defenceless. A quick scout of the room revealed her tiny top and pants and I quickly dressed her, covering up the curves I had delighted in revealing and trying hard not to look to closely at her body. It was one thing to admire her when she was awake, but another thing entirely to look upon her in the same way while she was unconscious.
I felt better once she was dressed and I pressed my palm gently against her upper chest, just to check that her heart was still beating against her skin, just to check that she was still breathing as she ought to be. Once I was satisfied, I drew up her covers and tucked her into bed, brushing her lose hair back from her face. She looked peaceful, not at all like something has just stressed her out enough to cause her to faint.
Sitting on the edge of her bed, I took her hand. It felt curiously intimate compared to what we had just done.
I had sex with Bella Swan.
She had given herself to me. I had gone to her, mind in turmoil. I had saved her life; I had cared for her more than was sensible. And I still did.
She was so very important, and I had yet to understand why that was.
What was more troubling than that was that Bella had clearly been distressed at the end of our love-making.
It was real. That's what she had said. Implying what, that she thought it hadn't been real?
What would it be if it wasn't real?
She had wanted this. She was the one who had dragged me to her, although I really hadn't resisted, and had argued vehemently for what we had done. I had asked her several times if she was sure it was what she wanted and she had almost demanded my compliance. God, that begging look in her eyes...
She had wanted it, of that I was certain. Her words and her body couldn't lie that well.
She made a small noise and wriggled about restlessly for a minute. I stroked my thumb over the back of her hand she seemed to quieten. She looked so peaceful now, not at all as agitated as she had been earlier when I had entered the room and she had been moving around restlessly in her...
Sleep. In her sleep.
I had disturbed her while she was sleeping, whilst she was dreaming.
I dropped her hand abruptly and stood up, backing away from the bed with dawning horror.
That was what she meant. That was what she had said. It was all real.
Bella had thought she was asleep, Bella had thought she was dreaming.
I had been so amazed by her surety, by her assurances, by her complete lack of inhibitions; I had never thought that she only acted that way because she had believed that there would be no consequences to her actions. Bella believed that she had been dreaming. Bella hadn't thought that what we were doing was actually happening.
She hadn't believed that it was real. She had thought that she was asleep.
I had raped her.
She hadn't believed herself fully conscious and I had had sex with her. I hadn't saved Bella; I had attacked her. I had stolen her virginity and taken possession of her without her full consent.
Carlisle had always assured me that it was not what we were that defined us, but what we did.
I had raped Bella. I had raped her and I had enjoyed it.
I felt sickened by my actions. I had become exactly what I had feared.
A monster. Only a monster could have done what I did.
A shuffling came from the bed and I blinked towards her as she turned over.
It was barely a whisper in her sleep, but it hit me with the force of a battering ram. I shouldn't still be here.
Grabbing my shoes and my shirt, I threw myself out of the window and sprinted through the forest, with only despair in front of me and the hounds of hell snapping at my heels.