Disclaimer: I DO NOT own the Vampire diaries or any of the characters. Nor do I seek to infringe any copyright laws. ALL RIGHTS belong to LJ smith & the CW network.

AN: So basically wanted to apologise for the lack of updates for such a ridiculous period of time. I just didn't want to rush my long chapters and the 3rd year of uni really makes it impossible to find time to do things properly. Anyways I whipped this up on my iPod as a little treat if you can call it that just to say a little thank you to those who read my stories It kinda started as a one shot but since I can't write much on the iPod anyways now hmmm think I'll split it into shorter chapters etc...Also thank you to Love'joy1990 got your msg the other day. It's so nice to know you've stuck with my stores and like them. I wish I wasn't at uni and could right more but holidays are coming up soon so ;)

It was Damon's 175th birthday. He sat in his favourite black leather chair. The dim light made the boarding house look even more eerie and as he swirled the amber liquid in his crystal glass, he mulled over what he'd accomplished in his life.

His mind flashed through the countless and now many faceless people he'd ripped the hearts right out of, some of them had been the closest he'd had to friendship. At that moment an image of Bree assaulted his mind. He knew she'd loved him and done so much for him but how was she repaid? He thought more about the women and men he'd bitten into savagely draining them dry and the young gorgeous girls he'd abused and snapped physically and mentally like a twig. There was so much to be ashamed of and Damon knew it. He also knew even with time that guilt didn't dwindle.

This year unlike any other Damon had decided NOT to mask his pain in mindless sex with women or the relentless tormenting of Stefan and Elena. Instead Damon's icy iris's glazed over as he thought back on the tight and unbreakable bond he'd once had with Stefan. He remembered a time when Stefan looked at him with such awe, like he was genuinely impressed, proud and just wanted to be like his older brother. He still saw flashes of that love in Stefan sometimes and things had improved now that he wasn't after Elena and the threat of evil was gone. However it wasn't the same as before 1864.

The only thing he really had that had not been tainted at all was the image and kindness of his mother. He remembered the warmth, love, security and peace he'd felt the first time he was placed in his mother's arms. He was tiny and breakable. Damon should have been completely clueless as to what was happening around him, as the blurry faces appeared gaping at him and his unforgettable eyes. But one thing he knew was that he was being held by an angel. His mother held him lovingly in her delicate pale arms rocking him so gently. She was just 16, her curly jet black locks swishing in his face as he scrambled to grab them in his tiny fingers. His eyes had been opening and shutting rapidly due to his new surroundings but he'd wanted them to stay open, to never taken his eyes off of her. Damon still didn't know how a new born could be aware of so much let alone remember but it made him think that whatever bond he and his mother had, it was original and a one off.

It was funny how no woman since her had held him so lovingly or adoringly. He could still remember being a year old, his gurgling laugh echoing through the boarding house as she cooed at him and tickled his little nose, making him poke his little tongue out in laughter. Damon still remembered those icy irises, identical to his that till the day she died held so much pride and promised to love him unconditionally forever.

"My love I know you're just a baby but I'm already proud of you. You're my special boy and the most important person in my life."

The words of his young mother rang in his ears. She had been so pretty that day in her baby pink corset and white lace dress. He remained the most important person in her life even after Stefan was born. She loved both boys of course but she was the one person Damon knew he was not second to. She saw him as unique; she was sensitive and intuitive to his every move and feeling. She saw him as something strong yet fragile and capable of unbelievable love and loyalty, something to protect above all else. She died though a year after Stefan's birth as she never regained full strength. That day he felt himself lose every apart of him that was truly happy but Stefan had been the one he attached himself to, to cling to some fragment of the love his mother had offered him. It was why when Stefan disappointed him siding with his father he had felt so betrayed. It was why he promised to torment his brother. Stefan was never meant to let him down. Damon held him to the image of his mother although in truth was it was Damon and his mother who were truly alike.

Damon let a tear slide down his pale chiselled features thinking of the time he said good bye. She would always hold him as he slept even when he was 5 while Stefan was in his cot. That morning however when he woke up he felt cold in her arms. As he stroked her cheek, smiling with so much genuine love, he soon felt it she was freezing, long eye lashes closed and hands wrapped tightly around him. She was gone but even in that moment before death she'd taken the time to write to him in unsteady shaken handwriting. He would never forget her words and that letter he carried with him where ever he went.

"Never give up on your dreams or who you are. You will always be loved although I doubt any woman will be good enough for you in my opinion. You're precious and so special that I do hope there is a woman out there to match your loyalty, your kindness and your wit. Never change who you are to fit other people's needs especially your fathers. If people in society don't get you then they are the one with the problems. And know you'll always have me because you Damon are a part of me, the part I was most proud of. You were the best accomplishment I ever achieved in my life. My sweet boy always and forever." Breaking out of his memoires he shook his head in wonderment. One detail always amazed him and that was how his representation of her stayed so true after all this time but his vision of Katherine had blurred and warped making him think she was something so amazing, when she wasn't . The same was the case with Elena.

Damon reached for the table next to his black leather chair grabbing the whisky decanter and deciding to down it.

He couldn't believe it was his birthday and he was amazingly bored and sad.


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