Disclaimer: I don't own GLEE or anyone in it though I wish I did.
Author's Note: Hello, Finn & Rachel fans! This is not my first ever fanfic but I'm a little rusty so my apologies in advance. This is for my fellow Finchel fans on the Finn/Rachel Lea/Cory Appreciation Thread on .com if you're a gleek check out that website! I'm FichelFan32 FYI ;) This is about my take on the Christmas episode…possible spoilers. ENJOY!
The bitter December wind nips at his cheeks as he shoves his hands in his vest pockets, releasing a sigh. He traipses sullenly behind Kurt, who's talking animatedly about all of the pine trees around him and which one they should take home. He hasn't heard a word his stepbrother has said due to his wallowing depression since Sectionals.
He hasn't been himself since that horrible week. Before Santana had spilled the beans about talking his V-card, he and Rachel had been in bliss. His deep love for her had continued to grow with everything she did. She was perfect and loving and he couldn't believe how happy he was.
But when he had walked into the choir room to see the horrified expressions of his fellow Glee Clubbers, Santana's smug and vicious face and Rachel's devastated one, all breath had left his body. He prepared himself for a slap and a storm out but was shocked when she just stood there, silent and frail. His heart had plummeted into oblivion as he strode to her, taking her stiff hands in his and begging her to understand. The silence had been deafening as she stared into his desperate, teary eyes and shook her head.
"I just need time or space or something" she had whispered, sliding out of his grasp. "I just can't be here…I'm sorry." With that, she had sprinted out of the choir room leaving him with a heaving chest and empty open arms, tears rolling down his cheeks.
Sectionals had been dull. Mr. Schue took away their duet and gave it to Sam and Quinn. She hadn't cared or protested. She sat alone in the corner while he watched her pleadingly from the other side of the room. She hadn't met his eye and hadn't said a word. The performance went off without a hitch and they won. She only cracked a smile as they celebrated and afterward when he had approached her, she enveloped him in a warm meaningful hug, murmuring: "You were fantastic, Finn" that left him breathless and broken.
It was now Christmas break and he's miserable. He hasn't seen her five agonizing days. She hasn't called or texted or tried to contact him. He went to her house on her birthday with flowers, a card and a necklace with a gold star reading: I'm forever yours, faithfully. Her dad, Hiram, had answered the door and lied that she wasn't feeling well so he left the gifts with him and held back tears, requesting: "Can you tell her I miss her? And I love her a lot?" Hiram nodded as he bounded down the steps, his chest heaving with a sob.
"Finn" Kurt calls, snapping him out of his dismal thoughts. "What planet are you on?"
"Sorry" he mutters sheepishly.
Kurt sends him a sympathetic smile. "It's okay" he says softly. "Just…go get some hot chocolate…I'll come get you when I find one."
"Okay" he mumbles. "Thanks, dude."
He pats his back comfortingly before striding off into the lot, leaving him alone amongst the unclaimed Christmas trees. He'd usually be psyched to be picking out a tree for Christmas but he's too empty and numb to care. Releasing a sigh, he trudges over to the small cart where children are hovering, watching the hot chocolate brew.
He feels distant from the joy of this occasion. Happiness is foreign and unwanted to him. He can't be happy when she's not with him. The gaping hole in his chest makes Christmas seem insignificant.
Deciding hot chocolate will taste bitter to him, he treads to a small bench under a dim lamp post and sits down, watching the buzzing world around him. The faint playing of 'Merry Christmas, Darling' flows around him as she rubs his hands together, a chill rattling through his body.
"Holidays are joyful
There's always something new
But every day's a holiday
When I'm near to you…"
He swallows the lump in his throat and blinks back the tears threatening to spill over as he sniffles, scanning the happy people around him. His eyes land on a couple, the woman beaming brightly and pointing at the large pine tree. The man smiles softly and puts an arm around her shoulders, kissing the top of her head and placing a hand on her protruding belly. She giggles, kissing his cheek as a young child runs over excitedly. The man bends down and picks up the little boy, pointing at the tree and the boy claps eagerly as the woman watches with a grin.
His heart aches as she wipes his eyes furiously, averting his gaze from the family. He knows that would've been he and Rachel if he hadn't been such an inconsiderate idiot. His eyes flicker closed in pain, fighting back the tears and sobs again…
His eyes snap open as he whips his head up to see her, relief and unadulterated joy flowing through him. She looks adorable…clad in a red button up coat, white beret with a matching scarf and gloves, white leggings and tan, furry boots. Her hands are tucked into her jacket pockets as she gazes at him in concern, her chocolate eyes warm. Her lips are bare and inviting and her gorgeous face is glorious in the dim light.
His breath catches in his throat as she rises slowly, basking in her glow for a moment. His chest swells painfully with love for her. He wants to tell her how sorry he is and how much he misses and loves her but all he can manage is an anguished and hoarse: "Rachel…what are you doing here?"
"My dads still wanted a Christmas tree" she explains with a quiet chuckle. She shifts nervously as he takes a wary step closer. "How are you?" she asks gently, meeting his eye, authenticity and worry for him burning deep within her chocolate irises.
There are so many things he wishes he could say articulately and perfectly. He wishes he could tell her how much she means to him and how incomplete he is without her. He wishes he could apologize with fervor for being so stupid. He wishes he could say everything he was feeling elegantly like she does.
He opens his mouth to respond, thinking he found the right words…
A smile erupts on her face as she covers her mouth to muffle her delicious peals of laughter. He manages to smile sadly, his heart jumping in hope. "Oh" she laughs. "That's too bad." He grins, resisting the urge to pull her close and hug her tightly. "I'm feeling the same way."
The smile dies on his lips as tears flood his eyes once again. "Rachel" he whispers desperately. "I'm so sorry…I-I-I…" He trails off, his voice cracking.
She gazes at him, allowing him to go on. "Please…can everything go back to normal?" he inquires pleadingly.
The silence is thick as he stares at her unsure face, deliberating his words. He prays silently as she bites her lip, her eyes on the ground.
She shakes her head lightly and breathes: "No."
His heart plunges and breaks as he releases a soft whimper, his head dropping. He closes his eyes and allows the tears to roll down his cheeks, his chest heaving. He lost her…he finally ruined everything and lost the best thing in his life. His world is crashing down around him.
Her warm, small hand on his cold, tear-stained cheek makes his head snap up in surprise and hope. She glides her hand down his neck and peck, settling on the lapels of his vest. She tugs him forward and lands her soft, delectable lips on his, stunning him.
He can't believe this is actually happening. He's missed this –missed her— so much. He rejoices in the feel of her full lips molded against his as he finally responds with passion, deepening the kiss and placing his hands tentatively on her arms. He tastes her sweet, ginger lips and smirks against her them at her festivity.
She breaks the kiss gently and slowly, leaving his lips puckered. She gives him a genuine, loving smile that makes his heart flutter unevenly. He presses his forehead against hers and winds his arms around her waist, breathing heavily from their proximity. "Things can't and won't go back to normal" she whispers. Before he can ask her why, she continues. "I don't want them to. Things are better now, Finn. I understand you more, I trust you more, I want and need you more and I love you more. This incident proved to me how we can get through anything. You know how?" He shakes his head, his heart pounding in his chest as she answers her own question. "Because I discovered how I couldn't and wouldn't go back to the time where you weren't mine and I wasn't allowed to hold your hand or kiss you or tell you how much I love you. Nothing could ever change that."
"I'm such an idiot, Rach" he says in regret, his eyes welling up.
"No, you're not" she persists, stroking his cheek. "You're not an idiot. You made a mistake…we all do. And no mistake could ever make me stop loving you, Finn. I realized that this past week. I was hurt from it…I'm not going to lie. But not hurt enough to leave you. I'm angry at Santana for taking something so easily and uncaringly. I'm angry at Shelby and Jesse for getting in the way. I'm sad that I lied. I'm sad that you lied. But all of that turmoil was worth it…it'll always be worth it. I love you more than anything in the universe and I know I'll be with you forever. I'm not going to make a stupid, rash decision and leave you. This week has been torture without you…I can't do it forever."
He chuckles in agreement, nuzzling her face. "I'm so sorry, baby" he murmurs. "I love you so frigging much, Rachel…more than anything in existence…more than life. I'm so sorry…"
"I forgive you" she says honestly, causing a smile to erupt onto his lips.
"Thank you" he says breathlessly, hugging her tightly, burying his face in her chestnut locks, inhaling her strawberry shampoo. "I love you…I love you…I love you. Things will be better. I know they will. You're so amazing, Rachel Berry. I-I-I…" He sighs blissfully. "I just love you so damn much."
She giggles, snuggling into his chest. "Oh, my Gosh I missed you" she says in relief.
"I missed you" he echoes, his voice layered in adoration. "Oh, Rach…all I wanted for Christmas was you."
She laughs musically as he scoops her off the ground, twirling her around. "We are such a cliché" she says with affection. "But I don't care. I love you, Finn."
"I love you way more, Rachel" he says, pressing his lips to hers.
When Kurt comes back and groans in amusement, claiming that he really didn't need to see that, he ignores him and kisses her harder, feeling that Christmas would actually be merry this year.
Wow…he really is a cliché.
AN #2: Cheesy, I know! But I thought it was kind of cute…hope you enjoyed it anyway!
Finchel = FTW! Review…no haters, please!