Disclaimer - I do not own CSI or any characters associated with it. I'm just borrowing them.

She'll Never Want Me

Damn her; her being married made her off limits, I could live with that. But apparently she has no problem fucking around anyway, with a guy she's known all of five minutes I might add. Why did she choose him? I close my eyes and go over what I'd just seen again in my head. I keep thinking that I shouldn't have gone looking for them, for her. I should've just waited in the break room, or gone back to my office like I would've done if it was one of the others who were late, or if it was just him and not her as well. Shoulda, woulda, coulda I guess. Because I did go looking for them, and I did find them, and now I am sitting with my back against my office door, knees to my chest, tears flowing down my face and my heart shattered into a million pieces outside the locker room.

I slow down as I near the locker room and place my hand on the cool metal handle. I am about to twist it down and open the door when I hear a crash and a grunt. Startled, I let my hand drop from the handle, a split second later I gently open the door as quietly as possible and peer inside the locker room. My jaw drops as I take in the sight before me. Sara sidle has her back against a row of lockers her lilac blouse open revealing a black bra, her never ending legs wrapped firmly around Ray Langston's waist, he in turn has his hands either side of Sara's head and is forcefully pressing her into the lockers, his lips are attached to her neck and her head is thrown back, mouth open and eyes closed. She moans a little before tugging his hair back and lowering her lips to meet his in the most passionate kiss I've ever seen. I see a subtle movement of her hips and I realise she is grinding against him, trying to relieve some of the tension that has obviously built up. He groans into the kiss and moves his own hips to meet hers. The two of them break for air and Sara's head falls back again as Ray moves his hand to her shoulder, slowly stroking the valley between her breasts.

"Ray" she moans and he catches her lips with his own again. She is bucking more forcefully now and his hand is travelling lower, her hands are also hurriedly making their way down to his waistline. Once she reaches he destination she tugs Ray's shirt from his jeans and her hands disappear under his waist band. He shudders and his head falls forward, hitting the lockers. I see his hand disappear into Sara's jeans as well and the two of them rock gently onto each other's hands. Gasping and moaning they start to rock more violently until Sara is moving like she is riding a bull and Ray's legs seem to be buckling. I watch Sara's face as she bites her lip and scrunches her eyes tight, I close my eyes for a moment and imagine my hand is the reason for that expression. The pair moan and I open my eyes in time to see Sara consume Ray's mouth with her own, to muffle the sound of them climaxing with each other. I gasp slightly as Ray removes his hand from Sara's jeans and offers his fingers to her. She slides her mouth slowly over each of his digits and then pulls her own hand from its hiding place. Even in the dimly lit room I can see the shimmer of Ray on her hand and both Ray and I are transfixed on her mouth as she licks tantalizingly slowly, up and down every one of her digits.

Once she is done she shines a brilliant smile at him and he allows her enough room to drop her legs and stand. They do up their respective flies and buttons and Sara grabs Ray's hand when he begins to turn away. He looks back at her and she tenderly takes his face with her free hand and gently but firmly kisses him. He looks at her with a confused grin on his face; she smiles and nods at him. I am suddenly overwhelmed with the sense that something huge was said with that simple kiss. I feel tears pricking my eyes and I can't take it anymore, slamming the locker room door shut I high tail it back to my office.

There is a knock at the door and I roughly wipe away the tears and stand up. I walk quickly over to my desk and sit down, pretending to look at some paper work that I should have done about three days ago and clear my throat.

"Come in." I call, God did my voice have to waver so much, I really don't need to broadcast to the whole lab that I've been crying. I know my eyes are probably still all red and puffy so I don't look up as my door opens and someone steps in quietly.

"I…well, we, missed assignments." Her husky voice drawls slowly. I close my eyes and will myself not to remember what she sounds like when she moans.

"Yes; I noticed." I say curtly, not looking up.

"Right," that bedroom voice floats through the air again "so did you have anything for us?" I gesture to the edge of my desk where the last of the assignment slips is. I notice that her hand is not the one that retrieves the slip. I frown at the masculine hand, the same hand that got to touch her, the same hand that mere minutes ago was slick with her.

"I'm sure Sara can handle this one on her own." I snipe at them, still not looking at them and I hear the paper exchanging hands and murmured 'byes' that make me want to throw up. I still feel a presence in the room and I look up expectantly, praying that I don't look like I've been crying anymore.

"Don't you have some paperwork to do?" I say pointedly.

"Actually no, I' got caught up last shift." he shrugs.

"Well I'm sure you could do Sara" His eyes widen in the split second before I give her name a possessive "Sara's or one of the guys' paperwork for them," he visibly relaxes and I look back down to my desk "that is if you don't mind." I add not looking back up from my paperwork. I hear the door click shut and my hands fall to the desk, I let my head slump onto the cool service with an audible 'thud'. First she marries Gil and now she's fucking Langston. I start to cry again as I realise, yet again, she'll always want someone, but she'll never want me.