Anything But That
"Don't say that." At first he just sounded a little irritated. Magnus smirked, hands on either side of the younger male, cat-like eyes sparked with amusement.
"It's true," he smiled. Alec's eyes were serious, no longer embarrassed or shy.
"No, it's not. Don't say it again." It was a demand. His words were harsh and cold with an underlying hint of sadness. Magnus looked at him steadily, his smile fading into concerned sorrow.
"You don't even know, do you?" He said softly.
"You don't see it at all. You can't even comprehend that you're-"
"STOP!" He grabbed Magnus's shirt and flung him into the wall.
"No," his shook his head, unfazed, staring right into his eyes and refusing to look away. He didn't even blink. "You're beautiful, Alec."
Alec glared at him from behind his dark hair, eyes on fire.
"Why do you hate that word so much?"
"Leave it alone. Just leave it alone," he growled. Magnus stared at him for a long time, just looking. Alec's eyes were filled with angry tears. He nodded in understanding.
"I understand," he said softly. "You don't want to hear that word because you don't want me to say it. You want to hear it from someone else."
"Stop it," he was almost begging now.
"You want to hear it from someone that'll never say it to you." A flash of gold crossed behind Alec's eyes.
For reasons he was unsure of, he grabbed Magnus's throat, cheeks flushed in rage, teeth bared. "SHUT UP!" He was shaking, tears in his eyes. Magnus didn't flinch. "You don't know what you're talking about!"
"I'm three hundred years old," Magnus whispered. "I've seen a lot, maybe millions of people. You are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." Alec slammed his head back.
"No, I'm not."
Magnus gently caressed his cheek, whispering very softly: "Let go of my neck, Alec." The boy dropped his hand, staring at the strange man in front of him. Magnus leaned forward, kissing his lips and his forehead.
"Goodnight, Alexander," was all he said before leaving.
Alec punched the wall of the Institute, furious and upset. He didn't mean to do that to Magnus, he wasn't trying to hurt him. But he had to say that. He had to say that specific word. He went inside, up into his bathroom, staring at his reflection.
Beautiful. How could anyone say that about…about that thing he was looking at? It wasn't true, it would never be true, no matter who did, or didn't say it.
The golden eyes had no effect on him anymore. Everything he wanted was in that amazing green. He'd never found someone so strange, so interesting, so mysterious. He wanted to be around Magnus because he loved being around him. He liked it when he smiled, or made him do something he thought would be uncomfortable. He pushed him to live his life, to not be scared no matter what was happening.
He apologized for the time before, for choking him and hurting his head.
"You should've told me you like it rough," he'd winked, and that was the end of it. At least, until now.
He looked up at him, shifting his weight on the bed. The celebration was over; they'd ended up kissing their way up here, lost in each other's lips, wanting to be closer than they'd ever had before.
Alec was a little overwhelmed. He'd told his parents about him, kissed him in front of the entire Clave and Downworlder community, had Magnus tell him he loved him and now…now he was staring the loss of his virginity in this gorgeous face above him. That he could handle. What tipped the iceberg? That word again.
"What did you say?" He asked. Magnus stared at him, holding his ground.
"I said you're beautiful." Alec's eyes filled with tears.
"Stop it. I'm not," he whispered. Magnus smiled lightly, touching his face.
"Why do you think you're not?" He asked.
"Look at me," he hissed, not meeting his eyes. Magnus nodded, understanding.
"You think it's because of the way you dress," he said softly. "You hate the way you look. Your skin, your eyes, your body," Alec flinched. "Your hair, your hands, everything." He turned his chin, making him face him. "You don't want me to see you naked because you think you're so hideous. Pasty, lanky. You think your scars will repulse me." He nodded, lip shaking "There's nothing to hate." His hands were beside the boy's face, fingers combing his hair back, thumbs stroking his cheeks.
"The way you dress is just you. Seeing some holey shirt somewhere makes me think of you," he smiled. Alec wasn't. "Tell me how you're not beautiful." Alec swallowed, tears still in his eyes.
"My eyes are too big for my face. My chin doesn't belong on a guy. My nose is too small. My lips are just stupid. My hair is just…I cut it like that so people won't look at my face. They'll be too focused on how bad my hair looks. My fingers make me look like even more of a skeleton than my skin does. My pasty, sallow skin. I look like a fucking ghost," tears were trickling down his cheeks. "I'm ugly, Magnus." Magnus was staring at him, hardly able to believe his words.
"No, darling, no you're not." He kissed him, tasting salt from his tears when he did. "You know I love you, don't you?" He nodded. "And you know I wouldn't lie to you." Another nod. "Then you listen to me right now.
"If you ever get the chance to see behind all of this," he pushed his hair out of his eyes. "See. There. Those depthless pools of blue that look into you instead of at you, eyes that make my knees weak and my heart stutter, if I can see them. Lips so full, lush under mine that flow with the gentle curve of your jaw so fluidly it's like they're meant to be. On top of that you have that cute little nose." He nuzzled his face, smiling. He took his hand, pinning it beside them, kissing his cheek.
"Your skin is as soft as silk, flawless as porcelain. And that alabaster color just proves my theory of just how much angel you have in you. I can feel your body when I hug you, and I can guarantee, you're just as gorgeous there as you are everywhere else. You're delicate, but you're strong. Shy, but you're not scared. Not all the time anyway. If I could hold you in my arms forever I would. You fit nicely here." He hugged him tighter to prove his point, face buried in his hair.
"You smell good," he whispered, fingers tangled in his hair. Alec was sniffing, tears on his face. Magnus kissed his cheeks, his forehead and his temples. "People have called you ugly your whole life, haven't they?" He whispered. Alec nodded, crying a little harder. "Don't listen to them, Alexander. They're lying to you to hurt you. Don't let them win."
"Shh," he kissed him deeply. "I can try to make you feel beautiful. I can try to show you what I mean."
"I'm not, I'm not," he whimpered.
"Yes you are," Magnus said, eyes pained, over his frantic words. He kissed him again to cut him off. "Shh… I can show you. But we don't have to-"
"I want to," he gasped, still sobbing softly. "B-but I don't, I don't feel like I deserve you. I, I feel inadequate." Magnus shook his head, cynical.
"I'm the demon and you feel inadequate? Darling, if I take off my makeup I'm not that spectacular," he chuckled. Alec shook his head.
"I've seen you without it. You're still b-beautiful." Magnus smiled a little.
"You're too sweet." He started kissing him, slowly working to his neck. Alec was shaking, fingers clenched on Magnus's back, scared.
"Shh, it's alright. I've got you, I've got you. Shh…" He pushed his hands inside Alec's shirt, sighing. Goosebumps rose all over the angel's body as he felt warm hands engulf him, making him feel wanted, loved. His breath quickened when Magnus gently pulled it over his head. Magnus looked at him for a moment.
Alec's torso was marked with a few scars as pale as his skin that you could only feel. A rune on his shoulder and one that wrapped around his side from his back were the only hints of what he was. Magnus frowned and picked up the boy's wrist, bringing it closer to his face. Alec weakly tried to pull away.
Thin scars going crossways, maybe a dozen of them, looked back at him. His other arm was the same. "Alec," he breathed. Alec tugged his wrist away, ashamed. Magnus held his face, pressing their foreheads together. "No more of that, alright? Not ever again." Alec chewed his lip, looking up at him.
"I haven't since the night I met you," he whispered. Magnus kissed him, thumb gently caressing his wrist. He kissed his chest and his stomach. Alec shook, nervous.
"I'm here, I'm right here. It's alright, shh."
"I-I'm scared," he breathed.
"We can stop," Magnus assured. He shook his head.
"I don't want to," he gulped. "I-I, I just…" Magnus kissed him softly. Alec's shaking fingers went to the buttons on his shirt, trying to get the attention away from himself. Magnus let him, steadying his shaking hands a few times, combing his hair back, kissing his face.
"It's alright," he assured. He shrugged his shirt off, his hands sliding down Alec's body to the hem of his pants. Alec trembled almost violently, so unbelievably scared, his stomach and his heart filled with longing. He wanted to be this close to Magnus; he just wished he wasn't looking so closely. He wished the moon outside wasn't so bright, and he wished the two glass doors weren't directly in front of the bed, shining a beam of pale light directly on them.
Alec busied himself in touching Magnus's chest and back, running his fingers as best as he could through his stiff hair.
Magnus moved Alec's hands to the waistband of his own tight pants, nodding. Alec gasped audibly; shaking so hard Magnus looked at him steadily. "Darling, are you okay?" He whispered. Alec nodded.
"I'm okay." His hands managed to undo the button on Magnus's pants and slowly pushed them down, exposing his legs. He swallowed hard.
Magnus touched him gently, his hands as soft as feathers on his skin. He slowly undid the zipper on Alec's pants and started to tug them down. It didn't take long to understand why Alec was blushing. He stopped, looking up at him.
"Haven't had time to do laundry," he said softly. Magnus kissed him gently, sliding his hand down his back before delving into his jeans, cupping his cheek. Alec gasped, moaning softly into his mouth, which Magnus eased open, his tongue sliding inside gingerly.
"Uhuh, oh, guhuhn," Alec whimpered. He shuddered when he felt his pants sliding down his legs. He shut his eyes, turning his face into the pillow, breathing heavily.
"Oh," Magnus gasped almost inaudibly, taking in Alec's appearance.
The moonlight cascaded over his porcelain skin, almost making glow, highlighting every line, every muscle on his tone body. He gently touched his supple skin, feeling him shake under his fingertips. "My god, Alexander, I… You were right, you aren't beautiful." His eyes snapped open, filled with tears.
"You're breathtaking, stunning. Beautiful doesn't begin to cover it." Alec flushed a deep red. Magnus cradled his back, kissing him deeply, holding him tight.
"Y-you still l-love me?" Magnus winced, pushing his hair back.
"Of course I do, Alec. Why wouldn't I?" A tear fell down Alec's cheek, which the warlock quickly kissed off. He shimmied his own boxers off, pulling Alec's hips to his. Alec gasped, the sensation completely alien to him. But he liked it, god, did he like it.
"Uh, M-M-Magnus," he trembled. He kissed him deeply, thumbing his hip. He held him securely, looking in his eyes.
"I'm here, my love." He moved gently, steadily, lifting his calf and wrapping his arms around him. Alec was hugging him desperately, body wracked with sensations he'd never felt before. He whimpered in pleasure, moaning into his neck, shaking.
"I love you," he whispered. Magnus paused, looking at him, in shock. He said it. He said it back.
"I love you too, darling." He rolled his hips slowly, trying to be as gentle as he possibly could.
It was driving Alec insane. He wanted, no, needed more. "Magnus," he choked. "More, more, I need more, please!"
He moved harder, faster, just by a degree, kissing his cheeks. "Alec, hnn, yes, yehes. Oh, Alexander."
Alec trembled under him, moaning, whimpering, face in his hair, breathing in the smell of lilac and cologne. "Magnus…" He groaned, begged. "Yes, Magnus, oh…oh, OH, UHN!" He'd never felt like someone needed him so much. He felt like he belonged, not dirty, or alone, or wrong. Warm, wanted, safe, loved…beautiful.
The two relaxed, still tangled together like they were one, covered in a sheen of sweat. Magnus kissed his cheek and his forehead, loving every second he was close to him. "Are you alright?" he sighed.
Alec nodded, taking a deep breath, the emotions rolling over him, slamming him with tears.
"Shh…it's alright." He kissed him softly. He pulled the covers over them, hugging him close, stroking his cheek.
"That was…I love you," Alec choked. "I love you so much." He was trembling again.
"I love you too." He hugged him close, kissing him. "You're beautiful." Alec blushed deeply, nuzzling into his chest.
"Goodnight, Magnus." Magnus grinned, squeezing him tight.
"Goodnight, my angel."