A/N – Ok this is the moment we've been waiting for, it's sexy and hot. And so sad! But please read with the knowledge that there is only one chapter left. So if you feel that I've left something out, now if your chance. The last chapter is still being written. And will go to my beta some time this week. I want to post it by Saturday.
To My Wonderful Beta NAT YOU ROCK MY SOX BABY!
Title – Unknown
Chapter 12 - Heaven
Laying here with my angel in a heaven I never knew could exist. I place a soft kiss upon her forehead. She has detonated the shadows from my cold dead heart, replaced by her loving light.
Her soft hand sears my long dead flesh, as it did the time before, igniting it with her blistering touch. Every moment I spent away from her, I learned what my hellish damnation will be when I am freed of this world and move on to the next. The burning of my body from human to monster is nothing compared to the fire she releases upon me with her gentle caress.
My curse is anew with this revelation. I must have her near me always. I crave her body, now, as much as I craved her blood, before. I know I will never exist with out her, again.
Listening to her slow steady breaths, I ponder the 'what if's' … will I have the strength to ever let her go, when the time comes. Can I bear to turn her into the monster I am, just so I can keep her for all my non-living days? The most difficult question is will she want me for that long.
My fingers lightly ghost over every inch of her naked form. I had promised her … and I broke my promise. I brought her back here. To a place she dreads more than any other. Cringing I remember every single detail.
It was, first, her wide terrified eyes, then the single tear that fell. She realized where she was. The moment I smelled its familiarity I knew. Her heart rate increased, and her palms perspired. Her fear was palatable.
In an instant I realized it wasn't just this place. She feared me, and what I could do to her. I had to make her see she needed to leave the monster and run from me.
The words she passed between us as I approached her shaking form were my undoing. She closed her eyes, and fell into my waiting arms. I'm sure in fear of what I might do. My aching dead heart longed to calm her. I reached my steady hand up to her beautiful face tenderly stroking her rosy cheek, then caressing her long tresses. I began to sob with her. Unshed tear caused my body to convulse.
She believed I didn't want her. How could she refuse my love and think that it was hate driving her from me.
Her heart rate increased, and I withdrew immediately. She flinched at my sudden movement. Frustrated with myself, will I ever stop hurting this beautiful woman. Will she ever be able to forgive my transgressions, and see that I only want to love her?
She backed me to the wall, her strength renewed as she assaulted me with blow after blow. Everything I had done to her, each one striking me harder. She had calculated my every move, stored it way and was now assailing me with them. Each mistake, no what I've done I could never count as mistakes, for if I had never taken he. I would never have realized my love for her could outweigh the huger.
She turned away from me. Her closed mind, and closed eyes left me in the darkness of what she was thinking or feeling.
"Please … look at me …" I begged her.
Her eyes shot straight to mine, her breathing stopped.
She exhaled the most delicious scent. It drove through my blockade of senses assaulting the monster with in me. He rattled his cage in a feeble attempt at seducing my wild side. He mocked my confidence with Rosalie's words "… she has no feelings for you …" Spinning away from her I wanted nothing more that to flee and never return, however, what I wanted more was to stay and show her she can trust me not to hurt her, and to show her how much I love her.
Battling with myself I scream in my head. What kind of monster can love an angel! My hands are sifting through my deranged hair.
Suddenly a flaming touch is caressing my shoulder. Looking back into her deep chocolate orbs of compassion, I see the pools of moister threatening to fall from her eyes. With out warning, I turn and embrace her, gently, peppering her neck with feather light kisses. If I could cry her tears I would. If I could take back all the pain I've caused her I would. If could leave her … I would.
This is my fate. I knocked on her door and when she answered I glimpsed heaven, only to have the devil laugh in my face and accost me with her delicious scent. Impeding my oxygen supply her aroma was prohibited from tempting the monster. His anger soared at my courage to defy him.
I will not hurt Isabella again. I will love her, and I will do all in my power to show her she can trust me. Her love … I will work to earn. No matter how long it takes.
If I died right now, I could die knowing I've loved beyond all measures. This is my heaven. My hand rests on his solid, strong chest, but this chest belongs to the gentlest giant. I now know that fairy tales are true, but also the scary stories about monsters are too.
How this leopard changed his spots I will never know.
At first I tried to put on a brave face, when he set me down in a small cozy living area. I blinked to the adjusting lack of light, remaining soundless. I was scared and angry. One traitor tear escaped its prison. My heart pounded with anger at myself for allowing these emotions to show. I would not beg for freedom and I would accept my damnation, whatever fate had in store for me is what would be.
He stepped forward and I closed my eyes, wishing he would just hold me. Instead he told me to leave, to run from him … forever. It was then I had rationalized he never wanted me. He has always taken what he wanted and then pushes me away.
Falling into his arms, I was engulfed with the fear and misery those thoughts and his actions caused. I'm not sure where it came from, but I had made the decision to stay with him. Then he confessed I had refused him. I was aghast as to where this idea had come from. I had never refused him anything. I gave myself to him, some times against my own will to do so. Backing him into a corner, I began a tirade of accusations to hold him accountable for what he has done to me.
Somewhere along this journey I fell in love with Edward, and my clouded mind chose this moment to reveal that to him. Turning away, I stood quiet waiting his response, wondering … if he would be angry that I had gone against him, and fallen in love. Despite his commands that we be apart, that he was a wretched monster that would devour me whole.
I felt his cool hand gently caress my warmed cheek. My eyes filled with tears because I wanted nothing more that to understand the amazing man that stood in front of me. I knew there was goodness in him. I knew he could be gentle. I had already experienced it. Although he promised, "this will never happen again …" I knew he was capable of some compassion.
Then he asked me to look at him. I did, and what I saw scared me. He looked so broken, so sad. I couldn't breath, had I done this to him. Had I caused him this much sorrow and sadness? It broke my heart.
He next commanded me to breath, I hadn't realized I was still holding my breath, and released it at once. Exhaling quickly, he flinched when I did. Suddenly I realized my presence must hurt him so much. To deny his true nature and to keep from drinking me he must be struggling so desperately.
Then he turned away from me. I reached for him, to tell him he didn't have to torture himself this way. That he could have me. That I would give myself to him, he could drink me and it would be ok.
When he turned and looked into my eyes, I don't know what he saw, but suddenly I was in his arms and it was the most amazing feeling in the world. I knew in that instant I would do anything to stay with him.
I don't know how it happened or why, but Edward Cullen has changed my life.
Closing my eyes again to the wonderful sensations coursing through my body, he peppered my neck with feather light kisses. I didn't fear he would bite. Something told me those days were gone. All I would ever receive from Edward were loving, tender touches.
My arms instinctively wrapped around his neck pulling him even closer to me. I tip toed up to his height and pressed my own lips to his jaw line. No matter how hard I pressed he would only feel the touch of a small human, light and soft. It elated me that I could be his gentle savior.
"Take me" I whispered to him.
He pulled away, with a look of alarm.
"Do you mean it?" He asked.
I moved my head up and down slowly. I wanted him to know I was sure. He could have me now. In a gentlemanly fashion, Edward scooped me up into his arms and rushed us down a hallway and into what looked like a bedroom.
I was quickly cast upon the bed, as he flew around the room lighting candles. The room illuminated with a soft glow. Light flickered off every surface. Edward stood at the end of the bed. He looked timid and I smiled that he could be so shy.
Patting the space next to me, he walked at a humans pace and sat down facing me. I reached for his hand and he willingly gave it. The progress we had made in such a short time was insurmountable. I had to make the decision. My life was a blink of nothing before. It was completely unknown to me what existed in this world. Now I knew. I knew that Edward craved me, and he needed me. I could be what he needed.
I eased myself flat on the bed, pulling him with me. Turning my head to face him, I exposed at much of myself as I could. When a measurable about of time passed, and he did nothing, I looked into his questioning eyes.
"Edward … you can have me. I want you to." I said softly and matter-of-factly.
His questioning look broke into a humorous one. "Isabella, I … I do want you, but I'm afraid not in the way you think I do."
What could he want if not to drink me? I knew he would never want to touch me in any other way. He said so; almost demanding that he would not want to love me.
I held his hand tighter. "Don't … you want me ..." I asked with a shaky breath.
"Yes, I do." He said.
"Then why? Why did you say …" His other hand halted the movement of my lips.
"Isabella … I want to …" he paused and closed his eyes, pulling his hand out of mine and pinching the bridge of his nose, "I want to love you … to make love to you."
I barley heard him. I couldn't have heard him right. He said he wanted to make love to me. But … but I thought he wanted to … to … eat me!
I quickly sat up in the bed, bringing us even closer together. "What did you just say? Did you say you … want … to … make love to me?"
He nodded, yes.
"But, I thought you hated me, and just wanted my blood. You … you … you said last time that …" I couldn't finish. My tears were on the verge of making a very large presence.
"I … Bella please understand … I'm a monster. When I … when we … you touched my heart, my cold dead, non-existent heart. You gave a dying man his first breath in a new life. I only said those things because I knew you could never want me, you could never … love me."
He hung his head waiting for my rejection. Little did he know I couldn't reject him. I wanted him as much as he, apparently, wanted me. I quickly jumped into his arms wrapping myself around him, and forcefully kissing him everywhere I could.
His arms encircled my body, enclosing us in a cocoon of lust and desire, and … love. I gently pulled back from him and began to unbutton my shirt, his shirt. When he realized what I was doing, he removed my hands.
"Please … let me?" he asked in a soft velvety voice dazzling me with his scent.
I pulled my hands away and slowly lowered myself back down on the bed. Edward positioned himself to lie next to me. Slowly he unleashed every button, keeping the garment closed so it still covered me. It was like unwrapping the most extraordinary gift.
When he was done his hand slipped inside the fabric, and he nudged it to the side. It spilled over the right side of my body exposing my blushed skin, delicate breast, and hardened nipple.
Edward leaned in and took my nipple into his mouth. I arched my back in elation at what his mouth and tongue were doing with my body. I could feel him only use his lips and tongue, but the sensation was heavenly. I didn't know it could feel so good.
While his mouth was busy, his hands worked on freeing my body from his shirt, in a matter of breaths I was snuggled beneath him, his cold hand caressing my entire body. As if he would commit each inch to memory. His hand roamed my body like the sands blowing over the desert. While one hand moved down to my thigh his lips kissed across my chest to my other lonely breast and he licked and sucked his way to my painfully tightened nipple pulling it into his mouth, carefully. Licking it wet, so that when his cold breath whispered, 'delicious' against my skin the puddle between my legs became a pool of desire. If Edward continued this heavenly torture I would only last a few more minutes.
He must have sensed my distress because his lips then made a trail down my body across my navel kissing and licking, and sucking lightly. Never his teeth, Edward not once even nibbled at me. My mind had been flooded with all the sensations of his touches and his smell, his kisses and his whispers of pleasure. When he had lowered himself to my core I moaned his name, raising my hands above me to grasp the metal bars of the bed.
He blew a cold long breath on my wet center, using his tongue to tease my sensitive bud. My legs spread wider and my back arched higher. His hands continued to explore every part of me, from the outside to the inside. When his cool fingers pushed into me the warmth that had started to blaze, tempered and I could feel the rush of emotion that had been held back by my body's heated lust. I could see him work me over into a frenzied desire for release. It was the moment that I adjusted to his fingers inside me that he pulled them free, I heard the smack of his lips as he greedily sucked them clean. The word "delicious" once again fell from his alluring lips. Before I could rise up to kiss those lips, he lowered himself to my captivating center, it had his full undivided attention.
Edward began to devour me in a way I never expected. His lips crashed into me, his tongue lapped at me as he gently sucking away every drop of wetness that seemed to flood from me. I thrust back on to the bed rapturous. Stars danced behind my eyes. His lips and breath and talent … had melted my resolve. Causing an electric current to flow over my entire body, goose flesh covered me and a chill passed through me, the tight rigid muscles low in my belly sprung releasing on him.
My breathing that had been toiled and sporadic, worshiping and chanting his name calling him a God. Once I stilled under him, I could feel his elation and the smile he wore only for me. I chanced a glace at him. Watching as he stalked up my body, I held tighter to the bed railing, as if my life depending on my death-like grip. Once his naked form was positioned over mine, I couldn't help myself …
"You're naked …" gasping still I barely released the question, "how?"
He shrugged his shoulder and the strangest look crossed his face, like a child caught with their hand in the cookie jar. "I took them off a while ago … I just managed to keep you too busy to notice."
"What other tricks can you do, because you've worked your magic all over my body?" I breathed at him while leaning in to capture his lips in mine.
Lip-locked without out a trace of oxygen, he broke way leaving me breathless, "Why don't I show you, my love."
I don't know how he did it, but I came again, instantly. Just the sound of his voice and the words 'my love' falling from his caressing lips, Edward had me … completely.
Calling his return, we united closing all space between us from head to toe. His kisses were slow and tortuous. He powdered them all over my neck and along my jaw line. Using his arms, he lifted his body above mine. We pulled apart and I took my hands from the headboard, placing them on his chest.
"Edward, make love to me …" I pleaded, "let me feel you inside me." My tone was husky and my hooded eyes gave away, my blissful condition. I was high on Edward and what he was doing to my body.
"Isabella my love I will spend my forever making love to you, if that is your wish."
Locking my hands at the base of his neck I pulled him to me again. Desperate for the space, and everything that stood between us … to disappear. Gently pressing down on me, Edward's form melded into mine. We were perfectly matched, but I wanted more … I wanted us to be evenly matched.
I could feel him between my legs, the tip of him patiently waiting permission, at to my core. He pressed a soft kiss to my lips, and then looked into my eyes, asking for what I knew we both couldn't deny each other any longer.. He would only join with me, instead of taking from me.
I nodded and closed my eyes, as he entered me slowly. The adjustment started out uncomfortable, not as it had the first time. This time Edward was tender and considerate. He slowly kissed my neck and whispered his love in my ear. This time he felt different, I felt different. It wasn't the blood lust driving him, and I wasn't dazzled by this vampire charms. This time I welcomed him openly, effortlessly, and captivated by our mutual love.
Once he was completely sheathed inside me he halted, looking into my eyes. I could see everything in his, all the desire … and the pain. He knew he wanted this to be more for me, better … than before.
The slow tenderness of his entrance had already proven how soft and gentle he could be, and how he regarded me differently now. Caressing his cheek, I knew I could ask him for more, and he would concede.
"Edward I love you, and I need to feel you, please."
It was all I could say. Slowly he pulled out of me then, lowered his lips to mine demanding my every breath. Once stated with a kiss he thrust into me, I moan in pain and pleasure. It was painful to feel him so fast but with the pain came the pleasure, of having him give himself to me, as I did to him … completely.
He released my mouth, pulling out of me at the same time, blowing hard unnecessary breaths on my face. They matched my own, very, necessary ones. Tumbling pleasure taking over, he thrust into me again. This time latching his mouth onto my neck, licking and pulling at the skin with only his lips.
I wanted him rougher and harder. Begging for more, he began to thrust harder each time cementing his tenderness with a kiss to somewhere on my face or neck. When I begged for him to go faster, he warned me that he wouldn't last. I felt my insides tighten around him, I was so close.
"Oh, my angel … you feel so good. Love … please if you continue to squeeze me like that … Oh … Isabella!"
"Edward … Oh- uh … harder, oh … faster … Uh I'm there YES! Edward!" After a moment I extinguished the last bit of air left in my lungs and whispered "I love you." in his ear.
We both had climbed and fell together. Falling into my arms Edward kissed away the beads of sweat on my temple, his lips lingering there for a long moment, and then he turned my face, looking into my eyes.
"Isabella Swan … Will you marry me?"
I didn't have the strength to answer him, and at the same time I couldn't believe he was asking me. I'm not sure if I fainted from euphoria or if I passed out from sear exhaustion, but either way. My dreams were of a future … a future where Edward and I could have a life of forever.
When I woke up still in Edwards arms, I knew the only answer I could give him.
"I will marry you on one condition …."
"What is that my angel?"
Propping myself on one elbow facing him I was ready to give him my life and for that he had to promise me his … his forever. "You must change me … make me a vampire too."
Edward said nothing.