A/N: Hello :) Thanks for clicking my story! When I originally wrote this, I thought it sucked so I stored it away... now I kind of rewrote it, and hopefully, it doesn't suck anymore :P
It's also just a one-shot, though I suppose it could be a first chapter for a longer story, but I doubt it will be. The whole 'playboy meets girl who can finally tame him and turn him into a saint' thing is kind of overdone ;) Anyway, hopefully you'll enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognise.
"Lily, Lily, Lily, Lily." Closing her eyes briefly, Lily Potter braced herself for what was to come. Whenever her brother was in the kind of mood he was in now, there was no predicting how their talk would end.
"What is it, James?" she asked, turning towards him. His eyes shone, his hair was even messier than it usually was and a grin was plastered onto his face. It was clear to everyone that James Potter had just got some action. That thought alone was rather disturbing for Lily. He was her older brother, and she did not want to think about him getting some action. That just made her feel itchy all over.
"What did we tell you about boys?" he asked her, throwing his arm around her cheerfully.
Lily, who could already tell what he was up to, thought for a moment before answering, "I don't remember, James. What was it?"
James looked slightly shocked when she said this. "We told you to never, ever, listen to them!"
"Oh… right. What did you say? I didn't hear it. Or, you know, perhaps I wasn't listening."
James narrowed his eyes at her, trying to figure out what she was talking about. After a minute, he sighed. "Lily, Lily, Lily, Lily, Lily. Let me rephrase that. Never listen to boys who are not part of the family. Oh, and something else you may want to remember: never try to outsmart your family." He ruffled her hair in an affectionate way until she pushed him away.
"James, who do you think you are, telling me what to do?" she asked him almost angrily. But by now, they had had this conversation so many times that she didn't feel angry anymore when talking to him about this. He didn't even have a reason for starting this chat now; she hadn't talked to a boy (or done anything else with one) in quite some time, if only out of dread what James would do to him.
"Your older brother, that's who," James shot back, crossing his arms victoriously.
"Well, then, that's a good example you're setting, isn't it?" Lily muttered. It was true; James frequently berated both his siblings (not even just Lily) for even speaking with members of the opposite sex, while he himself often went much further than speaking. As a matter of fact, Lily was sure that speaking with girls might be one of the things James almost never did. Not that that was so strange; after all, it was difficult to speak with someone while your tongues were not in your own, but in the other's mouth.
"Thanks, I think so too," James said, ignoring Lily's sarcasm. He was grinning again. "By the way, if you see Al around, can you tell him that he won't be bothered by that Melissa girl again? I took care of that."
Melissa… Lily thought for a moment, not sure whom James was talking about.
"She's the girl who was practically glued to his side for the past week," James enlightened her.
"But he didn't mind, did he? I think he was starting to become pretty fond of her after a week," Lily said hesitantly.
"Oh, well. Either way, she won't be bothering him anymore."
Lily became suspicious now. "James? What did you do?"
"I told him to stay away from girls! I tell both of you all the time to not engage in such activities, but do you listen? No!"
"Do you listen to that advice yourself?" Lily asked him doubtfully.
"No! But that's not the point. I'm trying to protect you two here and – and – you should be grateful!"
"James," Lily started, using the same tone their mother always did whenever she was telling one of them (mostly James) off for something. "What did you do?"
James whimpered as he saw the look at her face. He usually didn't, but combined with the secret he was (most likely) carrying now, that look was probably a little too much for him to handle. Then, he looked down to the floor.
"You didn't," Lily said flatly, staring at her oldest brother. "Please tell me you didn't."
"It was not my fault!" James cried out. "I was telling her to stop bothering Al and then she said the same thing you two always say but a little differently and before I knew it, she agreed to leave Al alone if I… you know. I'm not going to corrupt your innocent ears."
"James," Lily said in a warning tone, and she was almost sure that there was a dangerous gleam in her eyes now. She was ready to shout at him for his stupidity, but she found that she didn't know what to shout. He knew how stupid he had been – how stupid he always was, actually – and she didn't feel like yelling and cursing at him now because of it. She always did and now, she was done. He had made this mess, he was going to clean up the mess. "I'm not telling Al. You can tell him yourself. You know, the entire story. Besides, why can't you tell him yourself?" She was pretty sure that Albus, upon hearing what their brother had done now, would not hesitate to yell at him.
James muttered something that sounded strangely like "detention" and Lily rolled her eyes. Typical.
"What did you get detention for now?" she asked, wondering if she even wanted to know.
"We got – caught," James said in a small voice, almost sounding like a toddler confessing to his mother that he'd broken her favourite vase or something like that. Despite the fact that she was three years younger than him, Lily often felt as if she had to babysit James all the time while they were at school.
"Caught?" she asked him, raising an eyebrow. "Caught? James, what? How?" She wrinkled her nose. "Where were you?"
"Broom cupboard," James replied hastily, looking anywhere but Lily.
"Are they going to write mum and dad?" was the first thing Lily thought of. James nodded vaguely, and only then, Lily realised what he had just said.
"A broom cupboard, James? You're kidding. Tell me you're kidding." She sent him a pleading look, only to be met by the guilty look James had on his face.
"'fraid not, sis." He sighed, staring at his feet.
"And you really expect me to tell Al about this? I don't think so, James." Lily shook her head disbelievingly. "Honestly, where are your morals? Didn't mum and dad teach you anything about those?" They probably did, but knowing James, he just never listened. "Not just the broom cupboard part, I mean, I'm used to that by now, however scarring and repulsive it sounds." She thought she saw a fleeting smile on her brother's lips now, probably because she just expressed her dislike towards broom cupboards, something he had been warning her about since she'd started here a few years ago. "You knew that Al liked that girl, for whatever reason, and yet, you – oh, I don't even want to think about it. For what? To make sure she wouldn't come near Al anymore? How are you so sure about that? In a broom cupboard? You let yourself get caught in a broom cupboard with the girl your younger brother likes. In a broom cupboard! Where's your dignity, James?" She was aware that she probably sounded more like their mother (or grandmother, or anyone else much older than she was) than his younger sister at the moment. She had learned long ago to take that for granted.
James whimpered again, and said in a small voice, "I think I'll write mum and dad tonight, to tell them they won't have to send me a Howler anymore. This was worse than mum's Howlers…" Lily narrowed her eyes at him, and he whimpered once more.
"Honestly James, man up," she told him, rolling her eyes. "And answer my questions." She couldn't imagine that she looked very scary right now, what with her being over a foot shorter than James, so she placed her hands at her hips for some more impact. Or so she hoped.
"I hoped you might tell Al," James started in a small voice. "Uh – I may not really have listened to mum and dad when they talked to me about – morals and such."
"Yet you're trying to teach morals to Al and me?" Lily interrupted, wondering where it had gone wrong with her oldest brother.
"Perhaps you won't turn out as bad as me, then. And don't interrupt me!" He sent her a strict look and she rolled her eyes again. "I hope she'll leave Al alone now, yes. If she doesn't, I need a new plan."
"No you don't," Lily said, interrupting him again. "Just tell Al what you did and I don't think he'll want to come near her ever again."
"But I don't want to tell him!" James whined, his eyes pleading with Lily.
"You should've thought of that before you did… that," she told him, looking him straight in the eye. He hung his head in shame.
"I'm sorry, Lils. I didn't mean to do it!"
Lily snorted. "I hope so," she told him, before shaking her head again. "I can't get over what you've done now, really. How could you be so stupid? And a broom cupboard?" Lily honestly did not understand what was so great and special about those cramped spaces. "Do you even have any dignity left?"
James laughed bitterly. "No dignity for me, thanks. You should know that by now, Lily." He shook his head. "I can't help it. Whatever I do, these things keep happening. It's as if that's my life's destiny… getting caught in broom cupboards doing things your innocent ears couldn't stand to hear."
"I'm sure that that's not your destiny, James," Lily said, trying to comfort her idiot of a brother, for whom she now felt a little sorry. Only just a little though. "Do you know what you need? A girl who won't immediately sleep with you or whatever, but who gives you some sort of a challenge."
James, however, only laughed at her. "Too bad that there are no such girls around here." Sighing, Lily had to agree. He was right. The girls they went to school with weren't exactly nuns, quite the opposite really. Every single one of them.
"Just keep trying, Jimmy," she said, and he scowled slightly at her use of their family's nickname for him. "And I'm sure you'll have some dignity left inside of you… you just need to find it, and not ignore it, but live by it. Like you tell us all the time."
"Thanks for the advice, sis, but I doubt that it'll work," James answered, running a hand through his hair. "But perhaps you're right. Maybe I'll just try it. Who knows what'll happen."
Lily nodded happily. "You can start right away, during your detention." Seeing the alarmed look in James' eyes, she patted his arm. "Just stay focussed. You can do it. Besides, you don't want to have to tell Al that something happened between you and his almost-girlfriend, not once, but twice, right?"
His eyes widened at that thought. "You're right, Lily. I'll start right away! Now I should run, detention, you know! Bye!" And he was gone.
"Why was James in such a hurry?" Lily heard behind her.
Turning around, she tried to smile and said, "Oh, you know. The usual. I'm sure he'll explain later. Come on, let's go to the common room." She grabbed Albus' arm and started walking, dragging him along. She was in no mood to talk right now (especially not to Albus, as she was afraid that she would accidentally let something slip), but apparently, neither was he.
"Hey, Lily!" he called after her as she walked up the stairs towards the girls' dorms. "Have you seen Melissa?"
Lily stopped dead in her tracks. "Melissa?" she asked hurriedly, feeling her face go redder and redder every second. "Nope, haven't seen her. Gotta go, bye!" With that, she almost ran upstairs, leaving a very confused Albus behind.
A/N: So, what did you think? Was it good, bad, somewhere in between? If you have any comments/questions/anything else, don't hesitate to leave a review! :)