Author's Notes: Have I mentioned yet how obsessed I am with Misfits? Because I. am obsessed. with Misfits. Seriously, I love every single person on this show, though apparently not enough to write an actual fic about any of them. So instead, I present you with 26 semi-connected sentences about five totally absurd and wonderful human beings. Title and epigraph from the incredible Hilda Doolittle.
each of us, like you
each of us like you
has died once,
each of us like you
stands apart, like you
fit to be worshipped.
- "Adonis," Hilda Doolittle
1. The really messed up thing is that, tattoo-induced or not, Simon is actually the first person that Nathan has ever really loved.
2. Kelly says, "Mates?" because boyfriends never stick around and she's not ready to let go of Nathan, not yet.
3-4. Future!Simon knows that revealing himself to Alisha is a mistake; he doesn't even want to think about the kind of fucked up time-loop shit that he's just opened them all up to. It's a mistake, and he knows it, and fuck it all, Future!Simon does it anyway.
5. The thing, right, about Simon—Present!Simon, not Future!Simon or whatever it is she's supposed to call him—is that he's like, the most socially retarded person Alisha has ever met, but sometimes he does this thing where he looks down at the ground and sort of laughs out of the corner of his mouth and Alisha thinks, yeah, I guess this all makes sense.
6. Curtis spends two weeks agonizing over the question of whether he thinks about Nikki because he saw her in the future or because he saw her with an oxygen tank over her mouth before he realizes that he bought a complete stranger a set of pajamas when the most he's ever bought Alisha was a drink.
7-8. You know what's total shit? For three days, Nathan had a brother and they did actual brotherly shit together, like kidnap their dad and try to buy sex from gangsters, and now he's all signed up for dancing lessons but has no one to teach the moves to.
9. Kelly fights because asking the world nicely never works.
10. Being a probation officer is the shittiest job in the world, but fuck it, he's got a hot Italian girlfriend waiting at home and a paycheck is a paycheck, know what I mean?
11. The night that Alisha dies, Simon knocks out four of Nathan's teeth and shouts, "You got the wrong fucking power, you don't deserve it you piece of shit," and Nathan spits out blood as he whispers, "I know, I know, I know."
12-13. Curtis still runs. Can't say why; just likes the feeling of the ground giving way beneath him, emptying his brain of everything except the rhythm of his feet pounding out re-gret, re-gret, re-gret.
14. When Simon tells the gang that he lost his virginity to a girl from his Battlestar Galactica fanforum, Curtis high-fives him, Kelly kisses his cheek, Nathan asks for video proof, and Alisha struggles not to reach out and brand him with the word mine.
15. "So about this whole 'mates' thing," Nathan says as they stand over the body of their third dead probation officer, "I feel like we're going to go to jail pretty soon and maybe we should just explore all our options."
16. There's this one, really weird, really … Nathan-like moment where Future!Simon is dragging Present!Simon up a flight of stairs and he wonders what it would be like to seduce himself.
17. When Curtis and Alisha finally break up, it's not because of Future!Simon or Nikki but because, if both of them are honest, wanking off just isn't as satisfying as the real thing.
18. After the third time that Kelly wakes up strangling Nathan, she refuses to sleep with him. Then he points out that as an immortal, he's actually the only person in the world suited to be asphyxiated once in a while by his homicidal girlfriend, "and anyway," he adds, "I'd rather die in bed with you then without you out of it," which he doesn't even realize is a sweet thing to say until Kelly starts to cry.
19. No one understands why Alisha is screaming, "Oh God, no!" until they peal back dead Super Hoodie's paintball mask and Simon realizes he's staring at himself.
20-23. They bury Super Hoodie (Simon, or Future!Simon, or Alisha's Simon) in the same spot that they buried their probation officer. Afterwards, Simon drives Alisha home; she stares out of his window and her breath fogs the glass as she murmurs, "You're him but you're not him, you know?" Simon looks at the traffic light blinking and takes her hand on the armrest.
"Yeah, I know," he says, "but I can try to be."
24. The first time Nathan makes something come back to life, he writes it off as a weird accident; the second time, he tells his father to watch his fucking step because he'd fallen down the stairs and knocked himself unconscious and who knew what might have happened if Nathan hadn't been around.
25. It starts happening to the others as well: soon Alisha can control all manners of emotions, not just lust; Kelly can put thoughts into people's heads; Simon can make objects disappear; and Curtis can send others back in time. It's weird, but so is everything else, so they decide not to freak out about it and just sort of focus on not killing any more probation officers.
26. When Alisha gets shot, she curls up into a ball and doesn't let Nathan touch her, "because if Simon never goes back in time then I'll never grow up enough to love him," and even though later Simon knocks out four of his teeth and goes back in time without speaking to him ever again, it's the only time in Nathan's life when he knows, unequivocally, that he's done the shittiest, most fucked up, kindest thing he'll ever do.