It'll Be Okay
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight characters.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight characters.
It's always his greatest fear, the most horrifying moment during the entire day, the moment he wakes up and finds himself in bed alone. Gone is the warmth of her body as her side of the bed is already cold. He wills his heart to calm down and his lungs to breathe as he slowly sits up, saying a silent prayer before he lets his senses take over and they find her, as they always do.
He gets up thanking god that she's still here, that she's still his. He throws on some shorts and walks down the stairs to find her in the kitchen. Her back is to him, as always, as he walks up behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist, he hugs her tightly. She smiles as he buries his nose into the crook of her neck, inhaling her scent – their scent. While she cooks he refuses to let go and she allows it. He holds on tightly because he never knows when someone will come along and separate them.
He savors every second that they have together; he loves it when they both have a day off from work and patrolling.
On those days, he locks the doors and they put a movie in. Neither watches it because they are both too busy making love to one another. It's slow, sensual, loving, gentle and passionate. Their touches are soft, lingering and brush everywhere. He kisses every inch of her skin, loving the taste and his lips let slip out how much he loves her. Sometimes she gives the same loving words back. When she does he savors every last syllable as it is not something that she lets slip often. But he allows it and lets it burn into his memory and his heart that she loves him.
Theirs is a sensitive and fragile relationship that can easily be broken, shattered and destroyed all with a simple look. It's called 'imprinting'; you find your soul mate, your gravity, your reason for existing. He doesn't understand it and she simply can't stand it. All he knows is that she is his center, his sun, the other half of him and the healer of his heart.
He holds her tight throughout the night in fear of this 'one' person coming in to snatch the woman he loves from his grasp. He knows that sometimes his hold is suffocating but he can't help himself and she allows it. Life is complete heaven when she surprises him and holds onto him tightly letting him know that she too shares his fear. It reassures him that he's not alone in their love for one another.
But then it happens one day, he is knocked off his feet, literally, when he meets her.
The wolves and family are out enjoying a day at the park. He is playing football when Paul throws a long ball, too damn long. He trips, falling at her feet and she giggles as he looks up with a deep frown and a low growl. His insides turn to ice as he feels his entire universe shift and become drawn in by this woman with dark brown eyes and long brown hair. They look at each other for a few moments in complete silence and he knows that she feels the pull towards him.
He quickly gets up making excuses that he has to return back to his family and friends. His throat is dry as he jogs away from her, he can feel her eyes drilling into the back of his head. The moment he returns he realizes that his brothers already know what has happened. They all look at him with mixed emotions upon all their faces. What stings even more is that the imprints and family have noticed it as well. He looks over at her and feels his throat begin to close up as she's oblivious to what has just happened. Her attention has been focused on Claire and her game.
However, the moment she looks up, she senses it as she looks from their parents to the imprint to the wolves and finally at him. His heart breaks as she looks at him and smiles warmly at him. He runs up to her and holds her tightly; he uses her as the anchor he needs to remain where he's been the happiest for so many years. She knows there's another for him now, she's always known, but she allows it – allows him to still hold on tightly.
Days, weeks and months go by as he holds onto her tightly and desperately. The pain is excruciating but he still pushes past it, pushes through it because he loves her more – he has to. She offers him comfort in the form of hugs and soft, sweet kisses along with the simple words 'it'll be okay'. Long gone are the heated, passionate kisses and even the rough love-making. Everything she does feels like a good bye to him and he hates it.
At night he cries while holding onto her tightly because despite every attempt his mind keeps wandering to the small girl with the dark brown eyes and brown hair. He wants the woman that is with him now; the woman with full, soft lips, black hair and hazel eyes. He cries himself to sleep as she turns and holds him tight whispering, 'it'll be okay' in his ear.
His nightmares have finally come true as he awakens one morning to find her gone. His senses cannot find her anywhere and in desperation he tears off in search of her. He doesn't care who sees the giant russet-colored wolf as he keeps his nose close to the ground following her scent.
He finds it and quickly throws his shorts on as he storms up to the small house. His heart leaps as she comes into view standing at the side of the house. He runs to her and captures her into a tight embrace, burying his nose into her hair before wiping away his tears on her shoulder. She pats his back gently as if consoling a child and before he can open his mouth to yell at her, he freezes as he sees 'her'. She's standing behind Leah looking at him lovingly, adoringly with the dark brown eyes that have tormented him.
He grabs her hand and begins to gently pull her away; he has to get away from the girl with the dark brown eyes.
"It'll be okay," Leah whispers as she pulls him towards the girl. He shakes his head, fighting back tears because it's not okay. This woman has done nothing for him, nothing to warrant this undying devotion and dedication he is starting to feel for her. She's a stranger.
But it does not stop the chain of events that follows. Leah introduces them and tells him to spend some time with her. He feels like a lost puppy as Leah begins to walk away leaving him behind. He looks back at the woman, the stranger, and turns to follow but is stopped short as she grabs hold of his hand.
"Please stay with me." She whispers and that is all it takes. The energy to fight it is gone with the sound of her voice, the simple request.
He never knows if Leah looked back and even if she did, he would've missed it as he was led away towards the small house that would become his new home. But she does look back with a sad, soft smile and she allows it all to happen with a soft, "It'll be okay, Jacob."
Months blow by and there is a small wolf gathering. He is excited to finally get to see Leah again after so much time. She has always been at the forefront of his mind; he's missed her deeply. When he sees her, he knows that he'll hug her and hold her tightly just like he always did before. He'll bury his nose into the crook of her neck and inhale her sweet scent. He'll hold her warm, soft body close to his and –
That is as far as it will go before there is a pain in his chest and he is brought back down to reality. He finally understands Sam's pain and Leah's anger. Imprinting doesn't make you forget the one you loved before; it doesn't take away the memory of those special, intimate moments. When alone sometimes he hears her heartbeat or feels the need to hold her. There will be a moment where something will bring up a memory and he stops laughing because he can hear her laughing along with him. A strong breeze can feel like her gentle caresses. His mind, body and heart remembers all of this and are unable to let go of the same old reactions. It's his soul that keeps them apart.
He drives them to the meeting place, his old home, and he feels like a teenager again or maybe a puppy. He's excited again and Zoë, his imprint, can't seem to move fast enough. He wants to see Leah and he'll put up with the pain for the entire day as long as he gets to hold her and hug her. He moves around the back of the house and stops short when he sees the sight before him.
There's a strange man holding his Leah; his arms wrapped tightly around her waist, his chin resting on her shoulder, his body pressed against hers and his words that make her smile. Zoë squeezes his hand as she follows his line of sight and leans against him for some kind of support but it's not the same.
Leah's eyes look up to see them both standing there and she waves at them. Things don't feel right, not that they ever really have. He's not sure what happens next but there are words being exchanged; greetings, more likely. The guy smiles as he shakes Zoë's hand and then Jacob's. Jacob pays no attention as his eyes are now focused on the swollen belly before him – Leah's swollen belly.
His eyes never leave it as he tries to comprehend that this – this strange man has impregnated his Leah; that at some point she allowed this man to touch her, kiss her, hold her and be inside of her.
When he finally comes to, he finds himself sitting on the front porch – just the two of them. She has a hand over her belly, rubbing slow circles and he watches intently as she struggles to get comfortable on the hard wooden steps. He finally gets up, going inside and comes back out with a pillow from what used to be 'their' room. She thanks him and is soon comfortable as she lets out a nice, long sigh.
There are so many questions that he has and yet he's afraid to ask them. For a moment, he wishes that imprinting made you forget about your past loves – made them forget too. But he flinches at his own thoughts. He looks into her eyes, the same warm hazel-colored eyes that he's loved for the last 5-years and curses himself for thinking such a thing. He would never want to forget that at one point in his life, he loved a woman with all his heart and body and that she gave the same back to him, willingly. He would never want Leah to forget that they were each other's everything as well as best friends and trusted confidantes.
"Triplets," Leah says breaking the silence between them. His eyes widen and he suddenly feels sick that his guy is not only having one child with Leah but three. "They fight a lot," She continues on smiling down at her stomach. "But then they make up and hold onto each other tightly." She takes his hand and places it on her stomach.
His eyes widen as he feels a strong nudge against his hand. Despite himself he feels a smile spread across his face. His other hand comes up and roams across her belly trying to find the other two and as if by magic he feels the other two both kicking or punching or moving – something.
"He's lucky," Jacob breathes out as he remembers himself and their situation. Removing his hands, he places them in his lap and watches as Leah's maternity shirt moves with the babies.
"He's not the father." Leah states softly as she brings Jacob's hand back to her belly. Jacob's eyes widen as realization dawns on him. "You're the father." Leah states before chuckling at the goofy grin on his face.
Jacob's chest swells up with pride, love, admiration and even more pride. Leah's having his triplets. But those feelings are quickly squished as he realizes that he'll be their father but never their daddy. Leah continues on explaining how far along she is; she's due within the next few weeks unless the doctor decides to induce. Richard isn't her imprint but she knows him from work and has been with her for the last three months; it's some solace that she didn't date anyone for a while after they last saw each other. Richard is willing to be anything and everything for her and will help raise the triplets as if they were his own.
Jacob feels a cold chill overcome him hearing her words. He's happy that she's pregnant; it's always been something she thought she would ever experience. But he's already missed out on the visits to the doctor's; proof is in the form of the ultrasound that Leah shows him. He'll never get to comfort her when she's feeling especially hormonal, rub her feet when they have swollen, help her shift the babies around when they decide to rest somewhere awkward for their mother. He won't be there when she gives birth; to hold her hand, help her breathe, cheer her own when she pushes and get cussed out for doing this to her.
He'll miss that magic moment when their first child is brought into the world; his or her loud, shrill scream that comes from a baby with healthy lungs, 10 finger and toes, head full of black hair and eyes like his and a button nose like hers. He'll miss out on the first feeding and burping his baby boy or girl. Miss out on that special and unique newborn smell that will forever be imprinted his mind. He'll not have the pleasure of feeling their tiny hands wrap around his huge finger, feel that high baby temperature or softly kiss the soft spot on their heads.
He'd miss out on their first smile, the first time they raise their heads, first word, first crawl and eventually their first walk. He'd miss out on all the milestones in their lives; someone else would share in those with them. Someone else would teach his children different skills, tell them different stories and even discipline them.
He doesn't want someone else doing all of these things with his children, touching them, hugging them, showing them fatherly love and disciplining them. His eyes darken hating the man who will become their father – no, he doesn't hate him, more like envy.
"It'll be okay." Leah says rubbing his arm.
He looks at her, remembering her saying those same words so many times before all of this. In the end, he questions has everything really turned out okay? Is this really all for the better? To go home to a woman he is still learning about while the woman he's loved entirely will stay behind to be held by another while carrying his children?
Getting down on his knees, he kneels before her and gently raises her maternity shirt. The small 'in-ey' that Leah had is now gone as her bellybutton seems now almost non-existent. Her stomach is now stretched but is still soft and smooth as it was when completely flat and muscular. Placing his hands on either side of her belly he begins to lightly kiss her stomach.
Leah's eyes widen in surprise as her former lover places light loving kisses all over her belly, his hands gently stroking and caressing her skin. Her body still shivers at his touch as she places her hand on top of his head, letting her fingers entwine with his cropped hair.
His chest aches as he kisses the belly of a woman who fate has said doesn't belong to him. But he pushes through the pain as he moves higher up her belly before raising his head and lightly kissing her lips. He sighs contently as Leah returns each of his kisses. He stops as he feels something wet hit his knuckles. Pulling back he's surprised to see tears falling from Leah's eyes and when she raises her hands to wipe his face is he aware of his own tears.
"It'll be okay." Leah says again as they both chuckle and joke around calling each other 'pussy'. He holds her close, his hand rubbing her belly as he marvels at the miracle before him.
They do not stay close for long as eventually they are pulled back to reality. The rest of the day goes by well with the exception of the awkwardness of Leah's expectancy and all who will be present for the birth and thinking up names. Zoë remains silent on the matter as she holds onto Jacob tightly and he is reminded of her one request, 'please stay with me', from many months ago. She's an orphan with abandonment issues and Jacob is the one sure thing in her life that will never leave – thus, she holds onto him tightly and he has no choice but to allow it.
When it is time to say good bye there are hugs, kisses on cheeks and even some teasing; mainly between Leah and Seth and Leah and Paul. He remains behind as she waves the middle finger at his brother-in-law and Zoë is standing next to him. Jacob cannot help the frown that graces his face because once they leave Leah will be all alone in this big house, pregnant; Richard had gone home to get ready for work hours ago.
Zoë pulls him forward, giving Leah a tight hug and thanking her for everything. Leah returns the hug with a warm smile and thanks her for coming. The two women look at one another for a moment as if having a silent conversation; Leah tilts her head to the side in confusion as Zoë turns and smiles up at Jacob, squeezing his hand tightly.
"You need him more than I do," Zoë says sweetly looking at a surprised and jaw-dropped Leah. "And you need her too." Both stand surprised and too stunned for words as Zoë slowly releases Jacob's hand.
Out of instinct he grabs hold of it and frowns at her.
"I've lost a lot thanks to fate, chance or poor timing. I don't want to be the reason for someone else missing out because of me." She simply states as she places a hand lightly on Leah's belly. She smiles as one of the baby's kicks. "You came to me when I needed someone the most," She continues pulling her hand out of Jacob's and backing away from them both. "You've done so much for me that I thought I'd never be able to repay you…until now. You'll be whatever I want and need, right?" Jacob nods his head. "Well I want you to be my friend, continue to love her like always and most of all be a daddy to your children."
Leah looks between the two confused as Zoë turns and walks away. She shakes her head and steps forward calling Zoë's name.
"Leah, you made a sacrifice for me. I really do appreciate it but…take your own advice for once." Zoë says with a smirk. "It'll be okay because I'm allowing this."
They only see Zoë a handful more times since that night before she moves away because of a job transfer. She can't help but laugh until she cries when she receives a letter in the mail from La Push, WA and enclosed is a picture of a smiling and proud Jacob Black hugged up with a tired and smiling Leah Clearwater and three beautiful little babies in between them; Harry Michael Black at 7 lbs 3 oz, Sarah Michelle Black at 6 lbs 8 oz and Zoë Marie Black at 6 lbs 6 oz. 'All wanting to let their Auntie know that no matter what she does, where she goes it'll be okay because back home there is family that will always love her'.
A/N: Alright, so this just hit me while at work. I know it's been a while since I updated…believe me I have been reminded. ^_^ But the truth is I beat Fable 3 thus making ME, THE QUEEN OF ALBION! BOOYAH! And right after that I started playing Red Dead Redemption and since then I've been struggling with ambushes, mountain lions, skinning wolves and trying to capture bounties alive while STILL avoiding them damn mountain lions.
But I have been writing in the meantime so don't think that I'm lazying about. Actually I'm trying something new and it's working out great for me except that I'm having a hard time updating any of my current stories. *rolls eyes* If it's not one thing it's another.
But for now until I get over this slight…can I even call it writer's block? How about brain fart because whenever I sit down to finish up the stories I already have there's just a puff of air and then nothing. So I promise that anything I post 'new' will be a one-shot and that's it; it's my way of checking in with you all and letting you know that I AM still alive.
My WILF girls know what I've been up to and what I have planned as far as a few one-shots. So please be patient with me…well at this point there is no choice. *shrugs shoulders* But I have been reading, on my iPhone, in between missions so Masquerade, Ses and Ellie loved your updates and I'm sorry I've just been sucking at reviewing.
Uh…one mo' thing; I typed this up at work and only did a spell check so…I'm sure there's some errors and some confusion. If you see it just let me know either in the review or PM (Fantasy) and I'll correct it. But I've got like 5 min before my shift is over and I'm just ready to get 'er done.
Hope everyone had a nice holiday and is done with their Christmas shopping and that's just so there's fewer people for me to compete with. ^-^ So loves, hugs and deuces! I'm out!