Tears for You
Disclaimer-I do not own Glee
Summary: 5 times Finn Hudson made Kurt Hummel cry, and the one time someone unexpected made him smile. Warning-Rape
The first time Kurt Hummel cried tears over his not-so-secret obsession Finn Hudson was when he learned that Quinn Fabray was pregnant with the quarterback's child. In the choir room, when Puck had told them all that Quinn was expecting and Finn was the father, Kurt had acted through the pain. He had even smiled with his hands on his hips as he revealed the juicy gossip to Rachel Berry.
Through the remainder of the school day, in which he glared at Quinn an awful lot, Kurt still managed to contain his tears.
It wasn't until he was at home in the privacy of his basement bedroom that he allowed the tears to fall. At first, it was just a single salty tear that glistened down his cheek. He wiped it away with the back of his hand and let out a little sniff. Then before he knew it, another tear was trailing down his skin. Then another, and another, and another.
He couldn't bring himself to look upon his reflection in the mirror. He was sure his nose must look red and his cheeks blotchy and his eyes all puffy and swollen.
Crying over such a thing was stupid, he knew it was, but he couldn't stop himself. Even though he already knew Finn was straight and unable to return his affections, knowing that he was the father of Quinn's unborn child just added to the pain. It seemed to confirm that he could never win the heart of the boy he so desperately longed for.
He cried over the knowledge of Finn finding comfort in the arms of a woman, Quinn Fabray of all people. He cried knowing that if the couple kept the baby, then Finn would be caged in the town of Lima forever. That wasn't something Kurt wanted to happen to Finn. The tall boy was so talented and such a good guy. He didn't deserve such a life, he deserved more, so much more. More than the likes of Quinn Fabray could ever give him.
Despite dealing with bullying taunts on a daily basis, Kurt had never gotten used to it. No matter how many times he was tossed into the dumpster or shoved into a locker or felt the cold sting of a Slushie facial, Kurt was always surprised every time it happened.
It didn't matter how many times some oaf from the football or hockey team barged him in the school corridors, it made him stumble every single time. No matter how often he felt his body collide with the cold metal of a locker, it always hurt just the same as it did the very first time it had happened. Any Slushie flavour, any outfit, the humiliating was still excruciating and even when he saw someone approaching with a cold drink he was never prepared for when it hit him in the face.
Even though he knew the homophobia was all around him, clinging to him as tight as his designer skinny jeans, every time he heard the word 'fag' or 'queer' or 'homo', it still hurt.
Over and over, he told himself that he didn't care, that the words of his narrow-minded tormentors didn't affect him. He told himself he was better than every single one of them, superior in every way and that one day the world would know his name and all those losers would look back and regret the way they had treated him.
Someday, when he was famous all over the world, he would return to Lima to visit his dad and he'd run into someone like Karofsky or Azimio. They'd call out to him with a friendly smile and shake his hand in earnest and congratulate him on all his success. Hand on his hip; he would raise an eyebrow at them in question asking why they were talking to him. Their faces would fall for a moment or two before they hastened to tell him how they used to be such close friends. In response, Kurt would laugh and inform them that he happened to have a very good memory. Then he would strut away with a smirk on his lips.
Still, days like that were long ways off. For now, Kurt was trapped in this stupid cow town where he had to endure homophobia and ridicule every single day. One day, being different would prove to be a wonderful thing, but not now.
So when Finn was stood before him in his bedroom, the one place where he felt truly safe, yelling at him and calling his things 'faggy', it hurt. Oh how it hurt.
The tears fell and for a long time Kurt worried that they might not stop.
For a long time, Kurt had always believed that homophobic remarks would hurt the same no matter who said them, but he was wrong. It was painful hearing comments from the likes of Karofsky or Puck or Coach Sylvester. It was painful to sit and listen as Santana recited gay jokes.
But when it was coming from Finn, the boy he loved, the boy who he thought was his friend, words could not describe the aching wound that was cut deep into Kurt's heart. Even the tears couldn't demonstrate just how deeply Finn's words had hurt him. Just one word, two syllables, and they caused so many tears and so much damage.
The third time Finn made Kurt cry was when he started dating Rachel, properly. It wasn't so much the fact that Finn and Rachel were dating; it was more the way Finn seemed to rub it in his face.
When Finn told Kurt that he and Rachel were officially a proper couple, he told him to his face. Even though he only mentioned Rachel and how much he cared about her, Kurt clearly heard all the words that Finn had left unsaid.
What the boy was really trying to say was, 'I'm with Rachel, who is a girl, accept that I'm not gay and leave me alone because you will never have me.'
If Finn was ever with Rachel in the hallways and saw Kurt approaching, he would always kiss her on the cheek, or wrap an arm around her or hold her hand, something couple-y as if to remind Kurt that he was taken.
Whether or not this behaviour was intentional, Kurt didn't know but either way it still hurt him terribly.
He wasn't completely positive if Sam was gay or not. It was possible the boy was straight, but that too blonde hair. Perhaps it was silly to make an assumption about someone's sexuality about such a thing, but Kurt truly thought there was a chance that Sam shared his sexual preferences.
It could have just been wishful thinking. Maybe Kurt just wanted for Sam to be gay so much that he convinced himself he could be. Either way, he thought the boy was gorgeous and he just wanted the chance to be able to sing with him. What was so wrong with that?
He didn't think there was a problem with it and Sam didn't seem to mind. Then Finn had to step in and ruin it. So Kurt had backed out of singing a duet with Sam. Instead, Sam sang with Quinn.
The two blondes sang together so beautifully with so much chemistry. Kurt had looked on enviously wishing it could have been him singing with their newest Glee member. But it wasn't him and it never would be.
Maybe a time would come when he'd finally earn himself a well deserved solo rather than them constantly going to Rachel and Finn. Perhaps he'd have the chance to sing with Mercedes and Tina once in a while. He could even sing a group song with the rest of the boys. But Kurt knew he could never sing a duet, least of all a love song, with another boy. At least not at McKinley.
Not because one of the other boys would refuse and not because of what people might say. Not even because Mr. Schue wouldn't allow it because the teacher would. If Kurt asked, he was sure Artie would be happy to sing with him, Sam would and maybe Mike would if he was a little more confident. Puck would probably even sing with him if it meant he had a chance to show off. But Finn would never sing a duet with him and Finn would never allow Kurt to sing a duet with any of the others.
He would put a stop to it, make Kurt feel selfish and guilty, just like he did when Kurt wanted to sing with Sam.
So yes, Kurt cried because Finn wouldn't let him sing a simple song with another boy.
The fifth time Finn made Kurt cry was during school. He didn't let Finn see of course.
He was having a particularly bad day, mostly due to Dave Karofsky who just would not stop harassing him. As it turned out, the biggest homophobe in school was a pathetic closet case. Kurt had confronted the Neanderthal only to be shell shocked when Karofsky had kissed him.
His first kiss, or at least, his first kiss from another boy, and it had been stolen by somebody who made his life hell, somebody he hated. Aside from Blaine, another gay teen from a private school who had become a great friend and somewhat of a mentor to Kurt, he hadn't told anyone about the unexpected kiss in the locker room.
Then when Karofsky threatened to kill him if he told anyone what happened, Kurt still kept it secret.
Even though he didn't say anything, his fellow Glee members could tell that something was wrong. They all made an effort to talk to him, ask what was wrong and offer their help. All except Finn.
Then when Kurt found himself backed up against a wall with Karofsky towering over him, his eyes zoning in on his lips, he searched around for help and he caught sight of Finn. He called out to him, and Karofsky turned to glare at Finn.
Kurt begged Finn with his eyes to help him, to do something, but the taller boy lowered his gaze and turned round and walked away leaving him alone with Karofsky.
The corridors were now deserted, and covering Kurt's mouth with his large hand, Karofsky dragged Kurt into the janitor's closet.
Endless tears streamed down Kurt's face but they weren't tears of fear as he was locked alone in the darkness with his most hated bully. His tears were not from pain as Karofsky hit him every time he said 'no' and tried to squirm away. The tears were not that of shame as his clothes were torn and his body was violated as Karofsky brutally stole his virginity from him.
No, the tears were of betrayal. Even though Finn couldn't have known what Karofsky was planning to do, he had still chosen to walk away, leaving Kurt defenceless.
So Kurt had cried. And the tears continued to fall long after Karofsky had had his way with him and left him alone in that Janitor's closet. When Kurt found the strength to drag himself out and head to his car and drive home, he was still crying. He continued to cry as he arrived home and stood broken, sore and used under the spray of water as he showered. Then he cried through the night as his mind tormented him, not with the memories of the terrible ordeal Karofsky had subjected him to, but the single memory of Finn dropping his head and walking away.
Nobody could fail to notice how Kurt no longer smiled, or how much weight he was losing, or how he flinched violently whenever somebody touched him. They all saw the tell-telling bags that circled his eyes that suggested he was getting very little sleep. It was obvious that all the fight seemed to have left him. None of his usual spirit was shining in his eyes anymore.
He seemed dead almost. The only time he seemed remotely alive was on stage, where he danced and sang as though his life depended on it. Mr. Schue gave him more solos, hoping to encourage the old Kurt to return.
Yet even when Kurt sang, there was something terribly wrong. He chose haunting songs with bone-chilling lyrics and his voice dripped with pain and suffering.
His friends were so worried about him; they'd occasionally pull of the sleeve of his clothing to check he wasn't self-harming.
They all tried talking to him, begging him to open up so they could help. Even Finn asked him to talk but Kurt would barely look at him anymore.
Then one day, would spread around the school about Karofsky raping Kurt. Word reached the choir room by means of Jacob Ben Israel and the Glee kids all turned to Kurt with looks of shock and horror. It was a sobbing Mercedes who held his hand in hers and asked when it had happened.
Looking Finn directly in the eye for the first time in months, Kurt opened his mouth and told them all the precise date. Still looking at Finn, he added a little bit more.
"When I called out to you for help and you turned and walked away." Kurt said in an empty voice.
Finn's face fell and the others turned to look at him. Some of them looked angry, some of them looked sick and Brittany started to cry along with Mercedes and Tina.
It was a grave looking Mr. Schue who stepped into the choir room and informed Kurt that he was needed in the principal's office. Releasing Mercedes' hand and completely ignoring Finn, Kurt followed Mr. Schue.
Stepping into the office, he found his dad was there along with Karofsky and his parents as well as somebody that Kurt took to be a police officer. Ignoring the seat that was left for him, he collapsed into his dad's lap and burrowed his face into his neck.
He pulled his head back up when he heard Karofsky speak. He confessed what had happened, admitted to what he was and the awful deed he had done. His father seemed horrified and his mother burst into tears.
Kurt could sense his dad's anger and he was sure he wanted to beat the hell out of his rapist but Kurt sent him a look warning him to remain calm. The policeman said the usual things before Karofsky was being handcuffed and led away.
Standing up, Kurt followed a few steps and watched Karofsky be escorted down the corridor. Down at the other end, Karofsky paused for a brief moment and looked back at Kurt with remorseful eyes. It was then that Kurt's mouth turned into a smile.
Not because he was happy that Karofsky was being led away. No, in an oddly disturbing way, Kurt was proud that Karofsky was owning up to what he had done and facing the consequences. Karofsky was finally acting like a man. Although Kurt couldn't just magically forgive Karofsky for all that he had done, he could find it in him to be thankful that Karofsky was doing the right thing now. Something that Finn would probably never do.
"Kurt?" Burt asked concernedly as he placed a hand on his son's shoulder and looked at him through pained eyes.
For the first time since his attack, Kurt didn't flinch as somebody else touched him. He looked up at his dad, that same smile still on his face.
"It's ok dad." Kurt told him. "I'm fine. Really."
Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx