Disclaimer: I don't own Glee. If I did it'd have more Puck and Kurt interaction and Darren Criss would still be there and be amazing.
A/N: Story idea demanded to be written. Simple as that. Beta'd by a good friend of mine. I hope you enjoy it. Set in an AU where Kurt didn't transfer.
FIVE TIMES PEOPLE SAW KURT AND PUCK TOGETHER
Karofsky walked down the mostly empty hallway. The whole thing with Hummel was getting out of hand. He hadn't planned on kissing the guy, just roughen him up some. Not too much because he didn't actually want to see Hummel with a bruise on his face. Not knowing why, Karofsky always felt he had to do something to Hummel when he saw him strutting around like a peacock with feathers all puffed out. Becoming itchy and nervous around the other boy, he'd always just pushed Hummel out of the way. Damaging those feathers made him feel a bit better.
But then he'd started to react a bit differently when he saw Hummel. And it wasn't good. He knew it wasn't what he wanted to feel. He also knew it was impossible to change how you felt. And then Hummel had come after him and wanted a confrontation. Karofsky had been worried that he might loose control of his body and beat the other into a bloody mess, but instead he had lost control of his body and kissed him.
This was of course, after Hummel made it very clear that he'd never be interested in someone like him. Someone so 'extraordinarily ordinary'.
Turning the corner, Karofsky became frozen. There was Hummel. Looking like usually did except for the fact that his face was attached to Puckerman's. Puckerman had his arms around the smaller boy and was holding him close and Karofsky saw Puckerman's fingers clench around Hummel's waist and Hummel let out a moan that was porn worthy.
So. Hummel thought he was extraordinarily ordinary but not Puckerman? What made Puckerman so much better? Nothing. There was no reason why Hummel would want to be with Puckerman and let out those moans and whispers. Why did Puckerman get to hear that while Karofsky didn't? What did Hummel see in him? Puckerman was worse than Karofsky. He was a manwhore. But just to women. Not men. What right did Puckerman have to get not only all the girls but the guys as well?
Before Karofsky knew it, he was standing beside the couple who hadn't even realized that someone was near them.
Kurt let out a breathy, "Noah."
That was it. Karofsky grabbed one of Puckerman's hands that was glued to Hummel's hip and pulled it off. That got their attention. Hummel's face paled and his eyes grew wide, a look that Karofsky was used to by now. Puckerman though, he looked angry. "Get off him, Puckerman."
"What the fuck? Karofsky?" Puckerman growled.
"If I can't get him, why should you?" Karofsky barked.
Puckerman stood back, "What? Why do you-" he stopped and then glowered at Karofsky, "You're the one who kissed him. You douche."
"He told you?" Karofsky glared at Hummel. "I told you not to tell anyone."
"I-I didn't." Hummel stammered, leaning against some lockers. "He didn't know it was you who did it."
Puckerman grabbed Karofsky's shoulder and turned him, "Hey, you don't get to look at Kurt without me telling you. You've got me to deal with."
Karofsky sneered, "You? What are you gonna do? You can't fight me, you're too scared. If you get caught fighting it's back to juvie for you."
Puckerman smirked, "You said it right there. 'If I get caught'." With that his fist met Karofsky's.
Karofsky stumbled back, surprised. He couldn't believe Puckerman had the balls to do that. Growling, he charged at Puckerman and the two fell to the floor. Karofsky knew he had a few good hits in, and Puckerman got some as well. But it was Hummel who stopped the fight. He was yelling at them, but neither of the fighting teens heard the other boy. It wasn't until Hummel reached down and grabbed one of each's ear and twisted slightly that they stopped.
"Ow, ow. Kurt. Stop. That hurts."
"Ow. Fuck. Ow. Stop, stop, stop."
They were frozen against the fierce grip. "Stop fighting." His voice was firm. "Noah, neither of us want you go back to juvie and Karofsky, just stop." His voice shook slightly at the end. "When I let go you will both stop fighting or I will kick you in the head."
"You can't kick that high." Karofsky said quietly.
"First," Hummel started, "I was the kicker so you both know I've got power. Second, Karofsky? I was a Cheerio. I can kick over my head. Third, I never said which head I was kicking." Smirking he let go of their ears and Karofsky covered his junk as he scuttled away from Puckerman.
Hummel turned on him then, "Karofsky, if you tell anyone about me and Noah, I will tell them about you kissing me. And fighting over me." With that he turned around and Puckerman rushed after him. Karofsky watched them walk away and saw how Hummel was shaking and Puckerman put a comforting arm around him.
Carl walked his last patient back to the waiting room, discussing how to clean their braces and what to watch out for when he saw them. Kurt and Puck. Sitting together in the waiting room. Puck was slouched as low as he could in his chair without falling out and glared at the wall across from him. Kurt was leaning in his chair towards Puck with a magazine in his lap and had what sounded like a running commentary.
"Can you believe that she wore that dress?" Kurt scoffed. "I want to go hunt that outfit down and burn it." Puck let out a loud sigh. "I mean the colors alone and don't sigh, Noah. Since the fight with Karofsky your tooth has been hurting. It needs to be seen to and I know that you'd just ignore it until you pass out from the pain or rip the tooth out yourself."
"I wouldn't pass out." Puck sulked.
"Of course not." Kurt patronized. "You're too badass to pass out."
"Doesn't make it any less true." Kurt sing-songed.
Puck pushed the coffee table away with his foot, "Bitch."
"You say that like it's an insult." Kurt turned the page in his magazine.
Carl cleared his throat and they both looked up, "Hey guys."
"Sup." Puck didn't sit up in his seat, "We up next? Coz I got places to go and people to do."
Kurt rolled his eyes and hit Puck lightly on the arm. "You're worse than a child."
"You say that like it's an insult." Puck did his best to imatate Kurt's voice.
Kurt looked at Carl, "Maybe you can wire his mouth shut?"
Snorting, Puck said, "But babe, you'd miss my mouth."
"Okay." Carl said slowly. He hadn't ever thought it when he saw them earlier in the club but that conversation wasn't something you just said to people. That kind of innuendo had to lead to true facts. Blinking, he nodded. "Right. Well, I doubt we'll have to wire anyone's mouth shut." He glanced at someone else in the waiting room, "Except you. Kidding." he flashed a grin before gathering the two teens up with his eyes and lead them to a room.
"I hate dentists." Puck muttered, "No offense or anything."
"None taken." Carl said with a smile. He was used to it.
"That's why I'm coming with you." Kurt said, "And shut your mouth, Noah, I won't have any insinuation right now. I'll even hold your hand, you big baby."
"I don't need you to hold my hand. Jeez." Puck rolled his eyes. "I'm a big boy. A very big boy." He waggled his eyebrows.
"What did I say about insinuations?" Kurt asked with a scolding tone.
"You speak as if I know what that word means." Puck shot back.
"Okay," Carl interrupted. "Puck, have a seat in the chair and we'll see what's going on."
"He got into a fight." Kurt said, pulling a chair next to Puck. "And since then he's had a toothache."
Carl check out Puck's teeth, which were in pretty good condition all things considered. It was clear that the guy took care of them, probably so that he wouldn't have to go the dentist. "I see what the problem is. You've got a chipped tooth."
"Is that hard to fix?" Kurt asked, worried.
"Not too hard." Carl smiled at them, "I'll just put a cap on it and give you a few warnings for the next twenty-four hours and you'll be good." He patted Puck on the shoulder. "Ready then?"
After the job was done, Carl watched them walk out of the office, bickering. If he hadn't heard what had been said earlier, or saw them suddenly laugh about something he would think they disliked each other.
"Kurt!" Blaine waved across the store at him. "Hey. Hi."
Kurt looked up and smiled. "Hi Blaine. Nice seeing you here." They shared a hug. "Ignoring the fact that I talked to you, like five hours ago, how are you?"
"I'm well." Blaine said. "I had to pick up a last minute addition of a Christmas gift. I got all the presents out and realized that I needed a little something more for my sister."
Kurt looked at what Blaine had in his hands, "So, cocktail napkins?"
Blaine laughed, showing the napkins to his friend, "She loves owls and these have such adorable little owls on them I had to get them."
"They are rather adorable." Kurt conceded with a nod.
"I know." Blaine grinned. "How about you? Getting some last minute gifts as well?"
"I'm helping Noah with that. I've had all of my presents bought for months." Kurt answered, "But Noah needed some help. We're doing a Secret Holiday Gift Giving in glee and he got Tina's name. He had no idea what to get her." He gave a face that suggest 'Poor Thing' towards where Puck was looking at loud and musical holiday cards.
Blaine's eyebrows shot up, "Oh. I see."
Kurt's furrowed, "What?"
Giving a sad smile, Blaine answered, "You're in a secret relationship with him then?"
"You forget," Blaine said, "I can read your face like an open book. After all, that's a power all good mentor's can do."
"Calling yourself my mentor with special powers makes you sound full of yourself." Kurt said with a slight grin.
"Doesn't make it any less true." Blaine said with a quick smile of his own, but it fell quickly. "Kurt. I don't think you know what you're doing with Puck."
"Excuse me?" Kurt shot Blaine a look.
"You'll fall for him, if you haven't already." Blaine said slowly, trying to keep his own pain out of his voice, "I know what it's like. When you find out that the guy you're secretly seeing has just been experimenting." He winced when he saw Puck check out a girl standing beside him, "It'll make you feel like such an idiot for not seeing it and letting yourself be tangled up with the guy." Putting a hand on Kurt's shoulder he said, "What you need is someone who is out. Like you. Or me. Someone who has embraced their sexuality. Someone who-"
Kurt interrupted him, backing up slightly, out of Blaine's grasp. "Noah has embraced his sexuality. He's bisexual. And I'm okay with that, and you should be too, Blaine. Unless you're one of those who just think that those who are bi simply can't choose a side and are hateful towards them. And I don't like that you think that you know better than me in this. I know you know you've helped me a lot before, but you don't know what my relationship with Noah is like. You've not even seen us together. You can't just assume that I'm an experiment."
"But, Kurt-" Blaine tried.
"It's true that we aren't out as a couple because he's not ready to be out. Which I understand. Even with how gay I act, I only came out last year. And also, I know that if we were to be out right now, the bullying would probably get worse. For turning the most straight guy to my team. So, us being a secret is something we talked about and both agreed on." Kurt stated, "And when we feel ready, we'll be out."
Blaine smiled sorrowfully. "I understand that's what you think. And you may be right. But if he breaks your heart, I'll still be here for you. I won't even say 'I told you so'."
Kurt nodded, "Okay then. When I'm proven right, I won't say it either." He paused, "You're a good friend, Blaine."
Puck walked up then, "Kurt, I found a really dirty card. Can I give it to Tina? Or do you think Mike will want to kick my ass?" He then blinked at Blaine and ending it with a glare, "You're that guy. Blaine. I don't like that you gave him your picture. It's in his locker you know." His glare turned into a smirk, "Right below mine."
"Why don't you just take it out?" Kurt said, "Show that you're more of man then him so that I don't have to hear you have a one-sided pissing match with Blaine."
"You know, you did tell me to." He reached for the button his pants before a pale hand stopped him.
"Do and you die." Kurt said.
Puck smirked, "Hey, you can't tell me to do something then tell me not to. That's just rude."
"You're rude." Kurt shot back. "Go find a more appropriate card." He handed the one back.
"This just means I can get you this one." Puck said as he went back to the card area.
Kurt closed his eyes and muttered something to himself, "Sorry, Blaine. I'd better go with him and watch him. It's like letting a monkey loose. I suggest you never do it. I'll talk to you later? Maybe skype tonight?"
"Sure." Blaine said with a forced smile as he watched Kurt walk away. Blaine could only hope that Puck was using Kurt, because then Blaine could get his turn to be Kurt's boyfriend. And he'd treat him like Kurt should be treated.
Jesse sat down at his computer, hot chocolate in hand. It's been Rachel's idea of course. Since New Directions were going to Nationals, who better to ask for help and constructive criticism from then the guy who took Vocal Adrenaline to Nationals four years in a row? And he had actually felt bad for what he did to Rachel, and to them. So, this was his way to make it up.
He'd skype with them and give them ideas and all that jazz. They put their computer to where he'd be able to see all of the area that they'd perform and he figured he'd have time to get his hot cocoa after Rachel greeted him before leaving quickly to go find Finn or go to the bathroom or whatever she said. He hadn't really been listening; he'd been trying to decide between hot chocolate and some chai tea.
Only now that he's sat down and placed his mug on the desk beside his computer, he looked up, expecting to see a few of the New Direction members.
And he only saw a couple.
"Good Gravy!" Jesse exclaimed when he realized he couldn't actually see where Puck ended and Kurt began.
They hadn't heard him.
"Stop! Please!" Jesse yelled, "I don't want to see this! I don't want to know about anyone's personal lives! This is too much! My brain can't unsee this!"
Sometime during Jesse's yelling, Kurt seemed to realize they weren't alone. Stepping away from Puck, yet still being in his grasp, he looked around before eyes focusing on the laptop. "Jesse?"
"Thank God. You've stopped." Jesse said.
Kurt walked towards the computer and sat down beside it, "You seem pale. Is that the lighting or are you getting sick?"
"I can't believe-" Jesse shook his head, "I never would have put you two together. I mean, Kurt and Sam yeah, and Puck and Santana, of course. But you two? That's mind boggling. It's mind boggling."
Puck shrugged, "Not that mind boggling."
Kurt rolled his eyes, "Of course it is, that's why we haven't come out to the glee club. Not the reason why we haven't come out to the school though, just the club."
"It didn't take me long to not be all mind boggled." Puck said.
"That's because my lips were attached to your dick." Kurt sighed.
Puck smirked, "Oh yeah. That's always nice."
Jesse closed his eyes, "I so didn't need to know that."
Rachel swooped in the room then. "Hello Kurt, Noah." She looked at the camera in the computer, "Jesse. What are you guys talking about?"
"Just the choreography." Kurt said, running a hand over his banes. "Jesse and I were trying to help Noah with his. You know how he always needs some help. Though Finn needs more but you and I usually help him at our house." He added the last bit thoughtfully.
Jesse was amazed that Rachel believed Kurt's lie when you could tell that they looked like they'd been making out a second ago.
Shelby calmed Beth down easily, giving over her favorite stuffed toy. "That's a good girl, Beth." She smiled down at her child before trying to decide what types of meat she should buy.
Upon hearing a voice she'd always be thankful for, she looked up and saw Puck with one of the other New Direction kids. The gay kid. Kevin? Ken? Clint?
"Kurt," Puck said, "it's not a big deal. It doesn't matter what kind you get. Just grab something."
Kurt didn't take his eyes off the display, "It is a big deal Noah. Different blends of coffee taste completely different. And then the brands do as well. Then you've got to look at the dates on them so that you buy the freshest."
"Just grab the cheapest." Puck said. "Not too hard."
"We've been over this." Kurt's voice sounded strained, "The cheapest is not the best. Do you remember what happened when I finally got you try name brand cereal instead of that junk you'd always buy? I swear I thought you were going to orgasm spontaneously."
"I was not." Puck said, horrified.
Kurt rolled his eyes, "I know what you look and sound like when you come, remember that. You thought the cereal was worthy of moan I can usually only pull from you when I do that thing with my tongue."
Shelby's eyes widened. The father of her child was gay? Glancing at Beth she thought of the irony that she gave Rachel to a gay couple and then Beth came from someone who was at least bisexual.
Kurt grabbed some coffee and Puck sighed, "Finally. Can we go yet? I want to sex you before I have to drop you off at your dad's garage."
Shelby turned away as they walked passed, not wanting to be caught staring at the couple. She was glad that Puck seemed to be happy, she'd heard about how he'd had some trouble with the law. His shrink had suggested he come around and spend some time with Beth, to accept that she wasn't his, but he'd said no. He said that he understood that she wasn't his and that wasn't much of an issue of his. Shelby wondered if one of his problems, at the time, was if he was coming to terms with his sexuality. Either way, she was glad to see Puck being happy. At least at that moment in time.
AND ONE TIME KURT AND PUCK TOLD SOMEONE THEY WERE TOGETHER
Jacob was frozen when he saw the look in Puck's face and that he was coming his way. Maybe if he didn't move Puck would walk right past? Glancing up, he met Puck's eyes and quick looked back down. One of the main rules is not to look Puck in the eyes. Why had been stupid enough to look up? Now he's surely going to have to deal with Puck. He'd made eye contact. There was no hope.
Jacob winced when Puck's hand circled his arm and pulled him, "Come on, Jewfro."
Jacob let himself be led away, hopefully whatever Puck had in mind wouldn't be too bad. Upon realizing that Puck was dragging him to an empty classroom, his fear rose. This couldn't end up well.
Shoved into the room, Jacob tried to not stumble too much and was surprised that when he straightened his glasses he not only saw Puck, but Kurt. "What's going on?" His voice wavered only slightly.
"Get your paper or recorder or whatever you use ready." Puck said, "We're gonna give you your next big story."
Jacob sat down at the desk that Kurt was pointing to. "What exactly is this about?" he felt calmer, knowing that it deal with a story.
"Now, this is big." Puck said, "Almost as big as Kurt's dick."
"Thanks." Kurt said dryly, "That sounds like such a good compliment."
"It is a compliment." Puck said quickly, "I just said that you've got a huge cock."
"I'm confused." Jacob said.
"Noah and I are an item." Kurt said with a smile tugging at his lips.
Jacob quit laughing at the glare Puck sent him, "You're joking right? You expect me to believe that you," he pointed to Kurt, "and you," he pointed to Puck, "are dating?"
"Yes." Puck said, "Why is that hard to believe?"
"Because you're the most slutty manwhore of the school who goes after women of all ages and you've tormented Kurt for years for being gay." Jacob said slowly, "No offense, please don't hit me."
"What?" Puck started, "I didn't torment Kurt because he's gay. It was because he's a loser."
Kurt rolled his eyes, "Uh-huh. Love you too by the way." His tone was dripping with sarcasm.
"Ah, Kurt. You know I love ya, but I can't let you not know what you were. You were a loser. Then you got with me. Now you're not." Puck said, "Now your hot."
"You guys are serious?" Jacob asked, mouth open in surprise.
"Deadly." Puck said, raising an eyebrow and crossing his arms, leaning against the desk that Kurt was sitting atop of.
"Oh my God." Jacob said, "This is the best news story in like forever." he rubbed his hands together in glee. "The Bully fell for the Ice Queen. I can see how many hits this story will get now." He paused, "I'll be famous and get an award for it."
"Sure, whatever." Puck shrugged, "Just know that if you write something that is untrue or something I don't agree with, I'll find you."
"He owns nun-chucks." Kurt added helpfully. "So I'd watch what you write in the blog. We're doing this so that we only have to come out as a couple once and get all those pesky questions over with."
"Yeah, so that we can have more time to have sex." Puck stated with a smirk.
Jacob nodded earnestly, "Okay. Everyone's going to want to know who is the top."
Kurt's eyes narrowed, "We will not be answering that." He then preceded to hit Puck on the shoulder. Puck, who'd been pointing to himself. "We won't be talking about our sex life. And if Puck answers anything about our sex life either now or later I will withhold it."
Puck glared at Kurt, "But babe, you know that won't work. You love it as much as I do."
Kurt sighed, "Fine, but we don't do that thing with the Twix and licorice whips."
"Does that mean that if I don't answer any we can do that?" Puck asked, hope tilting his voice.
"Sure." Kurt shrugged.
"Awesome." Puck nodded to himself. "Gonna rock your world."
Jacob cleared his throat, having an image in his mind that he didn't really want to, "Okay. Then everyone's going to want to know what brought you two together."
"I was horny. He was there." Puck answered with a shrug.
"You make it sound like something horrible happened." Kurt said, "But really it was similar to what he said. He was horny, and I was horny. I was also trying to get the feel of," he paused for a beat, "someone else's kiss off."
"Who?" Jacob sat up straighter, ignoring Puck's glower at the mention of this someone else.
"Not for me to say." Kurt said. "I'm not outing anyone. Deal with not knowing."
Jacob nodded and asked a few more general questions before Kurt said that they had to go. They had reservations they had to get to but Jacob made sure it'd be okay if he got in touch with either of them if he came up with more questions.
Watching the two of them walk out, Pucks arm around Kurt's waist and listening to them be annoyed at each other, Jacob thought about how huge this would be when he got it written up. Grinning to himself, he knew it'd raise his status. He'd soon be home and get ready for the next day, when everyone would know the truth.