A/N: These outtakes are NOT beta'd, like AT ALL. So my apologies for that. It was hard to send my beta a 12,000 word chapter then follow it up with a outtake to also beta. Lol
If you reviewed the chapters these outtakes are the same as the ones you should have received in a PM (just uncensored and slightly modified).
Please note: There was no outtake written for Chapter 16.
~~~~~~OUTTAKE CHAPTER 14~~~~~~
This takes place the night Bella and the gang played another round of Well I Never, when she decided to entertain everyone with a pole dance and her rapping skills…. And it will be told from Edwards POV. *whispers*- If you could… I'd suggest pulling up you tube and playing Six Foot Seven Foot by Lil Wayne while reading the outtake. It will help set the mood.
I'd been watching Bella outside on the porch with James for the last half hour, secretly wishing I was the one who had her sitting against me, with her head on my shoulder, while she smiled and laughed at the things I said.
Ridiculous that I would be jealous of a person who had zero interest in someone with a vagina, but I was… and I couldn't help it. No matter how hard I tried to ignore it, Bella would always be the one thing I craved more than anything else, especially when she was within reach, but so out of reach, all at the same time… if that made sense?
You never make sense these days, what the fuck are you talking about, Cullen? Jesus.
"Let's get this party going again guys, come on! It's not even three in the morning and everyone's starting to pass out! I live with a bunch of amateurs!" Emmett hollered after turning the volume up on the stereo in the living room. I smiled hearing the familiar beat of a Lil' Wayne song. I didn't listen to much rap but he was one of my best friends favorite artists so I was a little familiar with some of his stuff.
Not as familiar as Bella, though, apparently.
Her voice nearly startled me right off my stool a few feet away from her in the kitchen that connected to the porch, "Holy shit! I love this song! Turn this shit up!" she yelped, before leaping up off of the bench she was sharing with James. I felt my jaw drop at the sight of her rotating her hips with her arms straight up in the air and instantly repositioned myself in my seat to camouflage the obvious bulge I was now harboring in my pants. I felt my grin double over the sight of my Rock Star literally booty dancing her way towards the pole beside the hot tub, in ways I never could have imagined, let alone hoped to see someday.
Yet another talent she'd been hiding from you.
"Woo! Go Bella!" Tanya hollered, waving her beer bottle in the air, pushing Bella to continue with her show.
"Ba-banana-ba-banana!" Bella was shouting over the bass of the music, her body still moving to the beat while her hands purposely rubbed across her breasts and down her midsection from the outside of her shirt. Every swipe of her fingertips across her chest made me feel like both my heart and my dick would explode at any minute. Even Emmett and Jasper seemed to be enjoying the show, especially by the looks of their opened jaw's lying on the floor. Rose of course looked anything but amused but that only made me smile more.
"Damn, that girl can dance. No wonder your obsessed with getting in her panties!" Emmett whispered lowly with a quiet grunt while his hand anxiously tugged at his hair. His eyes never once left Bella's hips while she swayed them back and forth in front of us looking ridiculously sexy.
"Watch it. Do I really need to officially call dibs here?" I asked sarcastically, unable to hide my smirk over the show Bella was giving us, "Because if I do, she's fucking mine, bro." I warned him, still grinning deviously. She looked unbelievably comfortable up there dancing against the pole on the hot tub deck, swinging her hair all over the place and smiling more than I'd seen her do in days. The more I watched the more I felt like I was seeing the real, care free, Bella peaking through again and I fucking loved it.
It was when Bella started toying with the idea of pulling her top up over her head that I felt the need to finally step in and Bella-sit, but she was of course quick to tell me to fuck off.
"Don't be such a prude, Edward! I have a bra on. Jesus." she hissed then wrapped her arms around my neck only to fall against me in an all too familiar way. She was out like a light and I had no choice but to scoop her up into my arms, instantly cradling her against me.
"Nice catch Cullen. Can I help you with that?" Emmett offered with anticipation clearly taking over his common sense. I rolled my eyes and told him I had it under control.
"You sure? I could totally take her legs for you."
"Emmett. I've got it." I insisted, throwing him one last glare before turning around to head towards the stairs so I could put Bella to bed.
"Good looking out, Edward." James praised me with a wink and swift thumbs up. I nodded my head and hid my smirk then slowly brought Bella and myself up to our room. I didn't bother flipping the lights on. I didn't want to disturb her and by now I could easily find my way to her bed in the dark.
She stirred for a moment after I'd laid her body down on the mattress of her bed then stretched her arms and legs out in front of her with a low groan. "Mmm. Bed. Thankssss," she whispered snuggling herself against her pillow in a extremely adorable way. She seemed almost child like laying there, smiling with her legs curled up into her chest. I turned to leave her but stopped after she called out my name.
"Edward? Help me with my clothes. Please?" she requested. I took a deep breath, already feeling nervous over her request. She was drunk, and I could easily take her. I knew that. But did I want that? That was my dilemma.
I slowly made my way back to her and bent down beside the edge of her bed. She raised herself to sit up in front of me then took my hands to grab the bottom of her t-shirt so we could both lift it up and over her head together. Her black lace bra taunted me like you wouldn't believe. Daring me to reach behind her to un fasten it's hooks so I could see the naked skin of her perky breasts in all their glory.
But I behaved, and as a reward she prompted me to help her with her jeans.
Fucking splendid. Best time ever to be a gentleman.
I slowly folded her jeans after feeling her smooth skin against my fingers, then tossed them onto the dresser in front of our beds. "Thanks M&M. You're my knight in shining armor. Did you like my little pole dance?" Bella asked slurring every other word adorably.
"I loved it, baby."
"Mmm I think I like hearing you call me baby. But don't tell anyone I said that," she whispered with a giggle.
"It'll be our secret." I promised her, sweeping two of her dreads away from her face.
Christ did I want to kiss that face.
"I think I'd like to have lots of secrets with you, M&M. I think you'd be a good keeper of the secrets."
I laughed again at her drunken rambling and gently prompted her to try and get some sleep.
"Sleep. Pft. Who needs sl-slee…" she stuttered, unable to finish her sentence before completely passing out again. Not before she'd grabbed my hand though to pull it against her chest. I could feel her heart beating and with every thud I found myself wondering what she was dreaming about, and hoping it would some how be about me.
~~~~OUTTAKE CHAPTER 15~~~~
This takes place right before the camping trip.
I could feel my anxiety rise from where we sat in the back of the van with every sweep of Jacobs thumb over the top of my hand. I had so much racing through my head I literally felt as though both my heart, and my skull could explode at any given second. I knew Jake was doing his best to try and soothe me but truthfully he was only making things worst with his looks and his gentle touches.
At the same time, though, I knew that he knew… this was what I needed most today.
I needed to know he still cared about me. Especially after the way we'd left things back in Oregon.
Even though I was well aware that he'd never be able to completely forgive me, in his eyes I could see that he was trying really hard to be the Jake I needed him to be. Because of that, I was desperately trying to force myself to believe that in time, things really would get back to normal between us. These were the looks however that had also chased me across the country. Eventually we would have to talk about it again…. About all of it, and that I wasn't ready for. My time here was supposed to be a break from all of that.
Besides, truthfully, Jake and I had done enough talking. We'd reached the talking limit, especially after his little temper tantrum at my going away party. But I knew Jake, and I knew Paul. They were out here to check up on me, and for good reason. I never expected them to just show up though, otherwise I would have specifically told them to stay away. I was still mentally preparing for their planned visit that was still a few weeks away for Christ sakes!
During the last few Skype sessions we had shared I could tell they were doing their best to use their x-ray vision to see through the hoodie I had adopted as my second skin. I hadn't been keeping up with my own promises so they were here to call me out in person.
They knew me well and sometimes I absolutely despised them for it.
I would have given anything to have been able to hold on to just half of the happiness I'd felt during the first few seconds of seeing them here in South Carolina, but this wasn't some fairytale, and I had no magic genie.
Why couldn't those feelings have lasted just little while longer?
It was extremely frustrating and I hated the fact that it was my own damn fault for being so goddamn weak.
When we got to the camp site I could feel Edwards eyes on me. Every where I went, every move I made, I could feel him watching.
Last night with Edward, in my bed… it was unlike anything I'd ever experienced and it had scared the hell out of me. I'd never felt so special- so important, desired, or needed. Never in my life had a man touched me the way he did. There was something else though that made it different, and it had everything to do with the look in his eyes while he moved his body over mine staring deeply into my soul.
He needed me just as much as I needed him, but I just couldn't accept that because at the same time it seemed absolutely ridiculous to me. Why a man like Edward would want to have anything to do with someone as broken and fucked up as me, I'd never be able to understand that. I'd hoped that after some wrestling in bed he would see that I really was all about the sex, and the sex was really all I had to offer. Unfortunately, I could still see the same look in his eyes this morning and that had my head spinning.
"Want to go for walk?" Jake asked catching me by surprise. I hadn't even noticed him sneak up on me but here he was, and here I was thinking about the phenomenal fuck I'd experienced the night before with a man who had made me feel everything Jake had tried so hard to make me feel in the past.
"Um, yeah. Sure. Let's go." I mumbled then lifted my hoodie up over my head before stuffing my hands into the pockets in front of my belly.
We walked silently side by side for a while then I took a seat on a large rock, criss-crossing my legs in front of me while I watched Jake skip small rocks across the water. He obviously had a lot on his mind, and I was praying he'd keep most of it to himself but knew that wasn't likely. Not with Jake.
"Alright Jake, what's on your mind?" I finally asked knowing it was better to just get it all out. Kind of like ripping off a Band-Aid.
"Nothing," he mumbled then bent down to retrieve another rock from the ground to cast across the water.
"Shut your face and tell me what's bothering you." I demanded with an annoyed huffed then stood up to give him a light shove with both of my hands. He sighed and shook his head then ran his hand through his hair nervously before turning to face me again.
"You really like him don't you?"
"Who? Edward? Pft." I asked trying to act like he was being ridiculous.
"Yes, Edward. You're different around him… and with him. Both Paul and I can see that so don't try to bullshit me," he insisted. I watched him bend back down to pick up another rock and let out a loud sigh while I tried to come up with an answer that wouldn't break his heart.
"I do like him, Jake. But you know me. That really doesn't mean anything. All it means is that I need to be more careful," I replied lowly while crossing my arms in front of me.
"Maybe… maybe it's time to stop being careful, Bella? You know I love you, that I'll always love you, but I also want you to be happy. I can see he does that for you. You shouldn't shut that out. You deserve to be loved by someone you can love in return."
His words shocked me but I could instantly feel my smile betraying my otherwise blank expression. Jake was right. He was putting everything else aside to tell me what I needed to hear because he knew I'd never take that step without hearing that he understood and accepted the fact that I may have indeed found someone worth living for again.
"Anytime Bells." He forced a smile then extended his arm out to me so I could link my own arm through his to continue our walk down the path beside the river.
And this was why he was my best friend.
This was why I'd always love Jake with all my heart no matter how fucked our history actually was.
~~~OUTTAKE CHAPTER 17~~~~
I'd just come in after catching a few waves in the backyard hoping it would help me relax before heading over to the arena for my first run in this years XGames. It was a perfect day and I was feeling absolutely ready to demolish my competition this year. Especially since I'd been considering retiring after the baby was born. Life was too short to miss those moments with a little one. Once I became a dad I would have new responsibilities, and that meant taking care of my family first before anything else. I'd already placed some calls with a few skateboard companies to put my name in as a graphic designer or even a suit behind a desk pushing product. It wasn't a dream job but it would do. Besides, I'd landed enough endorsement deals over the years that I could truthfully retire, do nothing, still live a decent life, and provide everything my family of three would ever need. I wanted to have something to fall back on though. A man needed a job. My dad always said idle hands were the devils playground, and I was hell bent on staying out of trouble now that I was ready to actually settle down.
Vic and I may have had a rocky start but over the last few weeks she'd really helped me see how well we fit together. All I'd had to do was accept it as fact, and then everything seemed to easily fall into place.
My own dad still couldn't believe it, but that was to be expected. He taught me everything I knew about playing the field and going above and beyond the call of duty when it came to avoiding women who would want to brand me as theirs, and put me on lock down.
"Hey, sweetie, I'm going to run to the store real quick and pick up a new memory card for the camcorder. Do you need anything while I'm out?" Vic asked after walking out to the porch where I was drying off.
I smiled at the sight of her bright red hair in the morning sun and shook my head in response before moving closer to pull her in for a hug.
"You're all wet, you nut!" she squealed with a giggle then slapped at my bare chest playfully.
"So? I want to hug my girl, and my baby. How are you feeling?" I asked rubbing her belly gently with the palm of my hand.
She smiled and shrugged before placing her hand over mine, "Absolutely perfect. We're ready to go cheer you on today."
"Well good because I plan on making you both very fucking proud!"
"Edward! Watch your mouth!" she toyed before standing on her tip toes to gently kiss my lips.
"Sorry, I'm working on it. Old habits die hard, Vic-ten. Hurry back. I need some pre-game release before we head across town."
"In that case I'll be back before you know it!"
I let her wiggle free from my grasp and watched her walk away flipping her long red hair back behind her shoulders before turning one last time to blow me a kiss. She was unbelievably gorgeous and I was one lucky son of a bitch. At first it was a little hard to accept. Me subsequently falling for my childhood best friend, after knocking her up, but everything happened for a reason, and I would live up to that reason.
There wasn't a doubt in my mind that I'd finally chosen the right path.
I walked past Vic's lap top and heard a ping come from the partially closed computer. Without hesitation I lifted the screen up and saw a chat box blinking at the bottom.
Chelsea: Hey Vic how's your life of lies going?
It was Victoria's kid sister. What the hell was she talking about?
Without thinking it over I decided to reply, and play dumb.
Chelsea: Jesus. That abortion must have messed with your brain, and not just your uterus. Did you get Edward to propose yet? When does, Plan Fake A Miscarriage, commence?
My eyes could barely process the words that they had just read. My entire body fell into the seat beside me as I tried to make sense of what she was saying.
Victoria: What abortion? What the hell are you talking about Chelsea?! My fingers furiously typed. A few seconds after I pressed enter the chat box went blank signaling she had signed off.
My head was spinning over what I'd just read. I picked up my cell phone to dial Vic's number without giving myself any time to think things over, or decide how I should react without coming across as a total asshole. If Chelsea was telling the truth, if Victoria had factually ended the life of our unborn child without telling me…. If she was keeping that from me….and still pretending…. No. This was impossible. She knew how excited I was. She wouldn't take that away from me. She couldn't have been acting this entire time. It wasn't possible!
"Hey, change you mind?" her voice answered on the other line after the third ring.
"I'm going to ask you something, and you sure as hell better be honest with me. Did you have a fucking abortion?" I asked sternly, without even taking a breath.
"Wha-whatt? Edward. Wha-what would make you a-ask that?" she stuttered.
"Just answer me Victoria. Are you still pregnant with my baby?"
There was silence and I immediately began searching my surroundings for something to throw my fist at. I felt as if I'd just been suck punched in the stomach after the air in the room seemed to suddenly disappear.
"Victoria! Answer me!"
"I'll be home in a few minutes. Please, just wait for me to get back," she pleaded with tears in her voice.
I shook my head and punched the wall as hard as I could instantly seeing red as my fist broke through the drywall. "How could you do this?! Who the fuck do you think you are? What kind of a twisted bitch does this? Pretending to be pregnant? Asking me which nursery themes I like best, and which stroller we should register for just last fucking night?! Are you kidding me? Who the fuck are you?"
"Edward…. I…. I…. please. I can explain." She was really sobbing now but it didn't change anything. She was lucky she wasn't here in front of me.
"Do NOT come back here. I don't want to see your face. You're twisted. Sick, cold hearted bitch. I can't believe you did this. We were…. I was…. Fuck! Victoria! I was going to fucking marry you!"
"I wasn't ready for it! I was scared. I didn't want to be a mom, but I wanted you. So badly. Before I knew it…. It was all happening too fast. I did what I thought was best. You don't really want to retire. I don't want you to. We weren't ready for a baby, but that didn't mean you had to stop loving me. I knew you would see what we could be, if there was something that could bond us together. We are suppose to be together. Even if there's no more baby that shouldn't change the way you feel about me."
"No. We were going to be a family together, and I found a way to love you because of that. You tricked me. I trusted you. You were my best friend and I trusted you. You snaked your way into a life you wanted with me, and charmed me to believe what you wanted me to believe."
"Edward, please! I love you! I did it for us!"
"Oh shut up. You only did it for yourself. Pack what you can and get the fuck out. Were done. You took the one thing that finally made sense in my life and you… I can't even say it. Vic… you have no idea."
"We're through. I hope it was worth it. I hope you can find a way to live with yourself because I sure as hell wouldn't be able to. Goodbye, Victoria."
I hung up before she could reply. I had nothing left to say to her. She had successfully shattered my entire future in a matter of seconds. Something I had worked so hard to build over the last few months when in reality she knew none of the things I had been doing to prepare would ever even matter.
Literally five minutes ago my life was perfect. And now… Now it felt absolutely fucked. I'd finally let someone in and this is what happened. I had to laugh for a second because it made total sense. My dad had warned me to never let a female spread its legs and wrap herself around my heart. It was my own damn fault for letting my guard down, and now I was paying the price for it.
~~~~OUTTAKE CHAPTER 18~~~~
From the day Edward surprised Bella with a getaway to the fancy hotel in town without the cameras.
Bella was laying across the bed on her stomach kicking her legs back and forth in the air behind her while she propped her chin over her hands resting against the mattress. I'd stolen her guitar after she'd gotten up to use the restroom and started playing one of the few songs I actually knew. When she came out she didn't insist I give Jane back to her. Instead she laid down and watched me with a grin that I wanted to kiss off her face every time I redirected my eyes to look over at her.
"Very nice, where'd you learn that one?" she asked after I'd removed my fingers from the guitar strings and sat back in the chair across from the bed.
"YouTube, one lonely Friday night a few years ago."
She smiled and shook her head, "I doubt you've had many lonely nights, Edward." Her comment made me laugh because she couldn't have been more wrong.
"You'd be surprised. A person can still feel alone even when they're in a crowded room, Bella." She responded to my line by sitting up and giving me a polite golf clap with her cupped hands in front of her chest. "Don't act like you don't know what I mean."
"Oh, I know what you mean. It just sounds ridiculously emo when spoken out loud. Some things are better left said in song lyrics" she teased in return then stood up to walk towards me grinning. I laughed lightly and nodded my head agreeing with her then gently set the guitar down off to the side so I could free up my arms to pull her down into my lap. "Let's play a game."
"It's a short version of twenty questions." She added still smiling.
I was intrigued. She'd had a few shots of tequila but she still had a long way to go before she'd be her open book Drunk-ella self.
"I like to call it Three Questions-Plus a Bonus Round," she replied turning around to lace her fingers behind my neck and look me in the eyes.
"I'm working on a copyright."
I laughed and shook my head feeling myself fall that much more for the girl in my lap who still refused to fully let her guard down around me. "I see a board game in your future."
"Or at least an App." she teased back then leaned down to kiss my nose playfully. "I'll go first. Number one, If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?"
"On what?" she asked with a smirk.
"On where you were living," I replied with a grin before she gave me a playful smack to my arm.
"No, seriously. No cheese, just answer."
"Ok, fine. A secluded island somewhere in the South Pacific. No phones. No internet. No TV."
"Nice. I like that, especially the no phones and TV part. I think I'll throw out every TV I own when I get home. Number two, how old were you when you lost your virginity?"
I looked at her and smiled then leaned my forehead against hers to playfully look her directly in the eyes, "Sixteenth birthday. It was my gift. Becca Ann Thigil wearing nothing but a red bow and the braces on her teeth."
She leaned back from me and laughed obviously enjoying the mental picture, "Nice! Okay Number three, favorite childhood memory?"
I thought about this one for a few seconds. It was tough to choose only one because my dad had gone above and beyond the call of duty to give me an amazing upbringing. At the same time I didn't want to make her feel bad because I knew she'd had the exact opposite experience during her own childhood. "First time my dad let me stand on his skateboard. I was seven, and it was his most prized possession. I vowed that day that I would grow up to be a pro skater and he told me if I did he would give me his board to do more than just stand on. I now have that same skateboard hanging up in my office at my house in California. It reminds me that no dream is too big to strive for. If you really want something, you have to keep at it. No matter what it takes."
She smiled and took in a deep breath letting my story sink in. "That's sweet. Hopefully I can see that skateboard someday."
"Of course you will, Bella."
"Okay, bonus questions come after you ask me my three questions," she shared trying to hide her face after having heard my response to her last statement. It was still hard for her to picture us being a part of each others future. I was absolutely determined though to show her there was nothing to be afraid of.
"Number one, If you could live anywhere in the world where would I find you?"
She laughed softly and shrugged, "I've heard there are some nice secluded islands in the South Pacific."
Major points, Cullen.
"I'll accept that answer," I teased then slowly leaned in to kiss her lips, letting her know her reply had excited the hell out of me. "Number two, if you could change one thing about yourself what would you change?"
"Hm…. that's tough…. There are so many things," she joked crossing her arms in front of her. "Ok, I wish I was better at coping… and ignoring the annoying voice in the back of my head."
"Goddamn conscious's suck don't they?"
She nodded her head and leaned back into me, quickly taking my arms to wrap them around her body. I could tell the voice in her head was currently working over time. "Number three, where do you see yourself in five years?"
"Where ever I want to be. That's the beauty in having more money than you know what to do with, Edward."
That wasn't the answer I was looking for, but I knew better than to press.
"Okay bonus question, Edward Cullen, what did you expect to get out of stealing me away like this tonight?"
I didn't even need to think this one over, "That's easy. I wanted to give you the break you needed. I wanted to be the one who came to your rescue even though you're hell bent on refusing to admit you needed rescuing."
She sat up and stared at me with her eyes narrowed for a moment but then they cautiously softened and her body relaxed allowing it to mold against mine once again. "Fair enough. You're up."
I'd saved the most important question for last, "What is your biggest fear, Bella Swan?"
Even though I was fairly certain I already new the answer, I needed to hear it from her.
"Isn't it obvious?" she asked frowning.
"Say it. Out loud."
She let out a huff and turned to look me in the eyes again. For a brief second I swear I saw tears start to swell up and I instantly felt guilty for apparently having pushed her a little too hard.
"Falling in love. With you." she whispered then instantly turned to pick up Jane so that she could escape the reality of just how badly that one four letter word could tear her world a part.
~~~~OUTTAKE CHAPTER 19~~~~
Skype session with her boys after running into Riley at Volturi's.
As soon as I signed into my Skype account the computer pinged letting me know there was a request coming in for a video chat. I took a deep breath and hit the accept button then fell back into the chair with a forced smile while I tried desperately to focus my gaze on the computer screen in front of me.
You seriously should have stopped drinking about three hours ago, Swan.
"Jesus Christ woman! You're damn lucky we're not all on a plane already." Paul scolded with the rest of the guys all sitting around him.
"Sorry." I mumbled then tugged at my hair that I'd nervously gathered in front of my left shoulder. I looked at their faces and immediately felt guilty. Earlier today I hadn't cared that I was ignoring their attempts to reach out to me, but now I felt like absolute shit over it. It wasn't right that I'd let them worry when I could have easily picked up a phone to tell them I was okay. One ten second phone call would have been enough for them. They would have known better than to press for anything more if I hadn't offered it up on my own. "I needed some time… to process it all." I added still avoiding their eyes.
"Just tell us you're okay." Sam spoke up taking charge of the conversation.
I nodded me head and hugged my body with my arms crossed in front of me, "I'm fine. I must be the talk of the town now, huh?"
"Well yeah, but honestly, that's really nothing new." Embry teased obviously trying to help me relax. He was always good at that. "There were some reporters over at The Diner this morning trying to get people to talk to them about you. No one said a word though. You would have been proud."
I smiled and nodded my head appreciating what he had just told me. "I should have told you guys. It was stupid for me to keep it all a secret when it's been tearing me a part for so long." I could feel my emotions starting to get the better of me. My eyes instantly closed before the traitor tears could escape. Slowly, I took in a deep breath then exhaled through my parted lips.
"Bells you know you don't have to tell us anything, but we'll always be here when and if you should decide you need us. We would never judge you." Sam replied. "Just relax okay. Don't let them and their bullshit bring you down. You're better than that."
"Some of it is true." The words rushed out and it took everything in me to slowly look up to see their solemn shocked expressions. "Not all of it. Just some of it." They all stayed silent waiting for me to continue. They knew better than to press for more information without me first offering it. After a few agonizing seconds of silence I quickly filled them in on mine and Riley's fucked up relationship, not sparing any of the ugly details. When I was finished they all remained quiet which instantly made me unbelievably nervous. I panicked. "Someone say something." I pleaded then leaned forward against my knees.
"We will kill him." Paul growled with obvious furry in his eyes.
"Bella, why didn't you tell us. All this time I just figured it was one of us, that you'd gotten caught again like the first time and your grandfather went ballistic," Jake added shaking his head. Embry and Paul quickly agreed with him.
I couldn't help but smile. "Nope. I was just a stupid, careless girl, and I paid the price for it."
Paul was standing now pacing back and forth behind the rest of them with his fists clenched at his sides, "We're seriously going to hunt him down and castrate the son of a bitch."
"It's okay. I was able to give his balls a swift kick tonight with a classic Bella Swan verbal beating. He came looking for me, and I think I would have made you guys proud. It felt amazing to finally get to say everything I'd ever dreamed of saying to him, without backing down." I told them smiling proudly, "Although those were more like nightmares, not so much dreams," I added with a slight frown, then bit at my bottom lip nervously. "Edward also got in a good punch. I'm sure the asshole will be forced to wear women's makeup for the next few days, just like the pussy he is." I additionally shared smiling again then stole a glance out towards the living room where I saw Edward laying across the couch staring at the ceiling with his arms behind his head.
"Way to go Edward! We will have to buy him a drink when we come out there next weekend. And good for you Bells. I'm glad you got the chance to defend yourself. It's too bad a media camera wasn't around to catch it, but I'm sure those producers of your show will take full advantage." Sam spoke up smiling.
The words 'next weekend' instantly stuck out.
"Um. What do you mean next weekend?"
"We're moving our visit up." Jake replied in a matter of fact tone.
"No. You don't have to do that. Really, I'm okay. I promise. I'm good. Seriously." I insisted feeling slightly panicked over the idea of them coming so soon when I planned on having a very life changing talk with Edward in the near future. I knew I'd need time to get use to all the changes that were coming my way. I couldn't have them showing up here before I was ready.
"Bella," Sam started but I quickly interrupted him.
"Just… Give me two weeks. Please?"
"Why?" Jake asked with his brow raised. He could always tell when I was plotting something. "What's going to be so different in two weeks?"
I looked back at them and shrugged with a slight smile, "Someone told me tonight that I'd grown up a lot. That I'm not the same girl I was when I first came out here. I need to see if that person is right. So I need two weeks. That's all I can tell you right now."
All of them, but Jake, laughed and instantly started giving me shit over my cryptic reasoning. I rolled my eyes and waved my hands at them refusing to say anything else about the matter.
"A lot has changed… but It's a good change…. I think. I hope. I honestly don't know yet."
They laughed again and shook their heads seemingly speechless. After a few painful seconds of silence Sam finally spoke up, "Ok, we will give you two weeks IF you promise to give Dr. Banner a call tomorrow. Just to talk, and maybe arrange some weekly Skype chats."
I rolled my eyes and let out a frustrated huff after thinking his demand over. "Fine. I'll call him tomorrow. Happy?"
"Only if you're happy, Bells." he replied then offered me his familiar soft smile that turned my insides to mush.
I smiled back and gently nodded my head, "I think I might be. I really think I might be."
~~~~~~~OUTTAKE CHAPTER 20~~~~~~~
As soon as I got downstairs I found the rest of my housemates grinning from ear to ear.
"Sorry man, they insisted on going up," Emmett innocently swore while Alice and James giggled from behind him.
"Fuck you, man." I threw a quick punch to his shoulder then made my way to the fridge to pull five beers out and cradled them in my arms, "Did you guys do introductions already?"
"Yup. They seem super nice. Tanya is already twitching trying to keep herself away from Garrett. Apparently she was dead serious about trying to stay focused on only Demetri for a while!" Alice shared with another light giggle.
"Ha! Lucky for Garrett," I teased unable to help myself.
"Sure as shit! I love the girl but I sure as hell wouldn't want to get caught between her legs." Emmett announced, earning him a swift smack upside his head from Rose.
"Be nice," she loudly warned, with a cautious glare.
"What?! Jesus! I figured you would be thrilled to hear me say that. I can't win with you woman!"
The rest of us laughed listening to their exchange just before I excused myself to make my way out to the back porch where my friends were standing around in a closed circle.
They were obviously gossiping like a bunch of vaginas.
"Finally! Guess you had to finish things up, huh? I mean the girl definitely deserved some reciprocated release." Garrett instantly teased then pulled me in for a hug, slapping my back with his opened hand three times after I'd set the beers down on the table beside us.
"Shut the hell up. Seriously. I ought'a kick the shit out of all of you! Well except you Vic. Thanks for respecting some boundaries."
"Oh she didn't respect shit. She just ran her ass out as soon as she heard you yelping Bella's name as if she'd been sent from the heavens to specifically bob on your knob." Garrett corrected then leaped to the left in order to avoid our female friends swift punch to his groin.
"Fuck off Garrett," she warned then looked up to lock eyes with me. She was quick to offer me a bashful smile. "Hi, Edward. It's good to see you." she whispered then slowly stuffed her hands into the back pockets of her tiny jean skirt.
I smiled and nodded my head, "You too, Vic. Sorry… for that, up there."
She shrugged and rolled her eyes, "I couldn't have cared less. I just knew you would be mortified so I had the decency to 'run my ass' out of there."
I laughed and extended my arms out to give her a hug. She was instantly pressed against me, holding me tightly and thanking me for inviting her to come out with the guys. I could hear her take in a deep breath from just below my chin where she'd easily rested her head against my chest.
Her obvious desperation to have her arms around me was enough to make me question if this had indeed been a good idea.
Please don't let Bella come out right this second.
She would without a doubt sever her limbs first, and ask questions later.
I forced another smile, and gently loosened my grip around her then leaned back signaling it was time for her to also release her own grasp from around me. She looked up bashfully and brought her arms back down to her sides then reached for one of the beers I had set on the table.
"So, dude! It seems you weren't lying about that piece of ass you've landed yourself. She must be fucking amazing in bed!" Garrett boomed, slapping me on my shoulder again just after I'd taken a sip from my beer bottle. I jerked forward and narrowed my eyes then shook my head trying my best to stay calm and just take the ribbing that I'd known would come with their arrival.
"Yeah man. That was some… show and tell." Laurent added with a smirk then tapped my bottle with his.
I rolled my eyes and shifted my weight nervously in front of them. "She's more than a piece of ass. Ass."
"Aw! Look at that! Our boy is smitten!" Garrett mocked, instantly laughing with Ben and Laurent. Vic was noticeably silent. "Ding-dong, could The King of Casual Fucking actually be dead?!"
"Shut up." I warned, already regretting the words that were about to leave my mouth, "She's, we're like… she's not just a piece of ass. She's more. She's my girlfriend now. Okay? So can you please take it down a notch? I'd rather she not think my friends are total assholes."
"Holy shit!" Garrett shouted just as Ben released a loud, "No way in hell!"
"It's true. It happened last week. Make fun of me all you want. I did the unthinkable. I met an amazing girl and she's helped me find purpose again. I'm a pussy little shit, and I've never been happier. Now would you please be nice when she comes down. She's already feeling mortified over your first introductions."
"Hell hath frozen over." Laurent teased then smacked his opened palms down on my shoulders to lock me in a stare, "Good for you, bro."
"Thanks. It wasn't easy. Getting here. To this point. But were good. I mean, when we block everything else out, we're good." I admitted with a smirk after I'd noticed my girl standing in the kitchen sipping on a glass of water. I saw her eyes lock with mine then glance away for a moment, obviously embarrassed that I'd been watching her. I motioned for her to come join us outside then cleared my throat. "Seriously though. Behave." I warned them one last time.
"Dude! We always behave. When haven't we behaved? Ben, do I ever not behave?" Garrett sarcastically joked throwing me one more jab to my arm.
"I think what he's trying to say is, don't hit on his girl, Garrett." Ben replied, totally understanding what I was getting at. I nodded my head and flashed them a thumbs up.
"Exactly what I'm saying. No games this time. This is legit." I warned just as Bella crossed through the doorway with a her eyes set on me, and only me.
"Goddamn, the girl is bang'in bro!" Laurent whispered with an impulsive moan after seeing Bella walk out in her black Victoria's Secret barely there shorts, and tight camo-tee that hugged her upper body in all the right spots. I smirked and nodded my head in agreement just before catching Vic's sneer as she scanned my girl up and down with blatant disapproval on her face. I tried my best to shut her out but it was too late. I'd be walking on egg shells for the rest of the weekend now. I already knew Bella was wary of my past with Vic. It was now up to me to keep things cool and calm between the two of them. The last thing I wanted to do was give the suits in the control room any more epic footage.
~~~~~~~OUTTAKE CHAPTER 21~~~~~
Lots of inner dialogue from Bella while dealing with Vic, the rest of Edwards friends visit, and her own friends.
I was sitting with Demetri at the bar while Aro poured me one last shot before I'd take the stage. My eyes couldn't help but casually steal glances towards Edward. I was well aware that he was now standing just few a seats away from us. I'd pretty much had my eyes on him the entire night while he'd kept himself busy being social with his friends, and making an obvious effort with mine.
Apparently I'd also become a pro at the, 'I-spy-with-my-little-eye-a-red-haired-tramp' game this evening. Much to my pis$ed off state, Edward almost always seemed to be within reaching distance of said tramp. If Vic wasn't trying to cozy up with Jake, she was hanging onto my boyfriend, giggling over his every word as if he held the key to unlocking the meaning of life.
I was in a mood.
It was now an absolute fact.
I wanted to hurt her in ways no civilized woman should ever dream of hurting another human being.
It wasn't helping that both Aro and Demetri had picked up on my unease and had decided to tease me about it.
"So that's Eddie's ex? She's pretty hot," Aro toyed after sliding the shot glass towards me. "I mean she's got nothing on you, but she's definitely bang worthy. You can just tell she's one of those girls who really lets her freak flag wave once you get her behind a locked door."
"Shut up, Aro. I don't need this right now." I warned through clenched teeth, then narrowed my eyes at him while I anxiously pushed the small glass back and forth between my opened palms. "She's a damn two faced manipulator who's asking to have her a$s beat before the weekend is over."
"Whoaaaa! Calm down tiger. No claws in my bar. Although, it has been a while since I've seen a decent girl fight." Aro replied with a smirk, ignoring my previous warning.
Demetri bumped me with his shoulder and quietly suggested I take a deep breath and count to ten, "Seriously, she's nothing to get worked up about, Bells. What's the worst that could happen? Who knows. Maybe the three of you could have a little fun together. I'm sure Edward wouldn't mind. Oh wait, I forgot. You don't do that kind of fun."
I instantly punched him in the arm with my fist as hard as I could then shook my hand at my side feeling the pain brought on by the amount of force I'd impulsively thrown his way. "Jesus woman. I was just kidding. This girl has really gotten to you hasn't she?" he asked rubbing his arm where I'd landed my blow.
"I don't want to talk about it. I'm going to go get ready to get on stage. Thanks for helping me relax. You're both awesome. Really." I replied sarcastically then hopped down from my bar stool to head over to Jake where I'd spotted him sitting alone at the edge of the stage tuning his guitar.
"Hey yourself." he answered smiling up into my eyes with that warm contagious grin I'd grown up loving. "Feeling nice and floaty?" he further asked, referring to my level of tipsiness.
I forced a smile and nodded my head, "Feeling a bit better than I was earlier."
He frowned for a moment and studied my face then softly asked what was wrong. I insisted it was nothing but he didn't buy my lie. "Want to go some place to talk? We've got a few minutes," he offered. I glanced down into his eyes then towards the back door considering his offer.
My mouth instantly dropped open.
I felt a paralyzing stab in my side at the sight of Edward pushing Vic out the door with his hand pressed at her back.
He was touching her.
Leading her outside.
Are you f*cking kidding me?! That's how he wants me to learn to trust? By shoving me from the top of the highest jumping point? This night just keeps getting better. I thought to myself with my fists clenched at my sides.
"Bella. You okay?" Jake's voice asked breaking my stare from the back door that had swung back to close itself, hiding Edward and Vic behind it… doing God knows what.
"I'm fine. What are we opening with?" I asked desperate to change the subject.
"Sam said we should start slow. He suggested, Holding On."
I looked him dead in the eyes and shook my head.
"He picked it. Not me." My friend insisted, then instantly threw his arms up defensively. "I told him you'd be mad. He said it would be therapeutic."
"Did he. I must have missed his graduation from the apparent online psychiatry school he attended during my absence."
Jake laughed at my joke, shrugged innocently, then took an obvious deep breath before asking his next question, "So, have you talked to your grandfather?"
I knew one of them would eventually ask.
"No. And I don't plan to either. No matter what song Sam makes me sing on stage. I have nothing to say to that sorry excuse of a human being." I snickered then anxiously eyed the back door again.
"Hey don't blame Sam for your verbal diarrhea that night when we played, Truth Or Song."
Truth or Song was a game we used to play. Instead of a dare we would have to play a song that somewhat answered the 'truth' question we were asked. Or it could be a song that reminded us of the person or situation the question was about. My question, the night Jake was so kindly forcing me to recall, had been about my grandfather. I'd chosen the song Sam now wanted me to sing on stage, rather than choosing to answer the actual question.
Your night just keeps getting better, Swan.
"Fine. I'll sing the stupid song. It won't change anything. He's still dead to me, just as I am to him."
Jake smirked and nodded his head then reached out to squeeze my knee with his hand, "We both know that's not true, but okay. Besides, you f*cking own that song when you sing it on stage. It's a good opening for the set."
I gave him a sarcastic smile paired with a thumbs up then leaned in to give him a firm hug and stood back up just as Paul came over to ask me if I knew anyone who might have a tuner.
"Yeah, one sec." I replied then quickly turned around to ran back over to Aro and Demetri who had already been watching me from a distance.
~~~~OUTTAKE Chapter 22~~~~
Edward POV of the build up and actual moment when he learns about Bella's evening with Dem and Aro that was caught on tape.
Bella had instantly run upstairs just as soon as we'd all gotten back to the house. After giving her a few minutes of alone time, since I knew that's what she was in need of, I started to head up to see if she was okay. I stopped short seeing Paul already climbing the stairs with her signature drink in his hand. It only annoyed me… a lot. I refused, though, to be the jealous boyfriend type who jumped every time another guy showed his girl some one on one attention.
She'd been giving me some space all day while I'd been spending time with my friends, so I was determined to do the same for her. I figured it was just her way of pushing what she wanted for herself onto me so I would return the favor and take a few steps back.
Do unto others, and all that golden rule bullshit.
Garrett, Ben, Laurent, and I were all sitting out on the porch with beers in our hands sharing stories about past cross country road trips when Vic came out to join us. She was hugging her body against Jake's arm but looking directly at me and only me. I rolled my eyes in response and offered them both a beer from the cooler.
Because of her little stunt in the parking lot I really wasn't in the mood to entertain her delusional fantasies so I was actually pretty thankful when she'd decided to redirect her advances to someone more appropriate for the rest of the evening. Even if I was well aware she was only doing it to annoy the shit out of Bella. I figured it was much better for Jake to receive Vic's attention than myself.
I could almost feel Bella's presence when she'd finally come down the stairs and entered the kitchen where her buddies were all standing around the bar waiting for her return. When I looked into the house she was at the liquor pantry standing on her toes bringing not one, but four bottles down from the middle shelf while they all stood around watching her. Every once in a while one of them would throw someone else a nervous look, and that too only annoyed me… a lot.
They could sense something was wrong. It was obvious. For whatever reason, though, she was keeping it to herself. If I'd learned anything it was to not push when Bella wasn't ready to be pushed so I was instead waiting, and letting her handle her demons the only way she knew how.
With liquor and her boys.
I knew once it was time to say goodnight she would be sleeping in my arms and truthfully, that was all that mattered to me this weekend. Everything else was just outside bullshit we needed to put up with for a little while longer. Two more days and we would be back in our bubble, and all would be right in the world.
As soon as Vic attached herself to my arm I snapped back to reality and laughed sarcastically with her, even though I had no idea what the fuck she was laughing about.
"Oh come on, you remember that time when we were at that scary truck stop outside of Memphis and that lady truck driver tried to talk you into sharing a communal shower with her." Vic spoke up repeating the story I had apparently missed.
I laughed and shook my head, "Yeah, that was probably the scariest night of my entire life." I replied then looked back into the kitchen to see Jake joining Bella and her group of friends, just as she'd snapped her own attention away from me and mine.
Super, perfect timing for her to look your way, Cullen. Right when your ex decides to publicly latch herself onto you as if you were her goddamn anchor.
I took a slow step to the side, to establish some space between Vic and I, then grabbed another beer from the cooler. Without looking up at my friends, I popped it open with the lighter Bella had left outside thanks to her recent binge smoking ever since they'd all arrived, and gulped the beer down as quickly as I could. At this point of the evening, I was feeling desperate to numb all of my inner thoughts.
"So, I heard some guys talking at the bar tonight. Apparently there's whispers Bella might get some kind of a recording deal after all this. You ready to be the boyfriend of some famous recording artist?" Garrett teased elbowing me in my side.
"I'm ready for whatever life might throw at us." I instantly replied, while my eyes stole another glance towards Bella and her friends. They'd sat themselves down around the dinning room table with some cups and bottles of booze centered before them. It was obvious they were playing some kind of a drinking game. My only worries were whether or not Bella would be a seasoned pro, if she'd end up passed out in her chair before it was over, or if she'd wind up topless singing from the stripper pole out here on the patio.
"I don't know Cullen, the life of a touring musician can be pretty," Garrett paused to think of the appropriate word, but Vic quickly finished his sentence for him.
"Pretty damn flighty, and promiscuous."
I laughed sarcastically and took the last sip from my beer. "Whatever. I'm ready. She deserves it all, and I'll be there to support her the entire way. No matter what happens."
"How wonderfully, sickeningly, romantic." Vic snickered then leaned herself into my shoulder. I instantly took a step backwards forcing her to catch her balance on her own two feet then suggested we all head inside.
"Getting nervous bro, or just twitchy. You two have been away from each other a lot tonight. You're starting to get that glazed junkie stare look in your eyes." Garrett teased.
"Oh leave him alone. Jesus." Ben spoke up, then offered me an apologetic shrug, "Why do you have to be such an ass-hole all of the time?"
I laughed and punched my friend in the shoulder, "Ben, I would be seriously worried if he wasn't being his usual asshole-self.." I replied then slowly started to make my way back into the house.
Thankfully they all followed.
I quickly noticed Sam passed out on the couch, and Embry wasn't looking too hot himself. As soon as mine and Bella's eyes met I felt an overpowering need to touch her. She smirked up at me and anxiously bit at her lower lip as I leaned down to kiss her neck.
"What are you guys playing?" Garrett asked after pulling up a seat at the table.
I listened while Paul explained the game. They all teased Bella about her past indiscretions back home when they used to play the game regularly, but she held her head high and ignored their ribbing the same way she always did. I could tell she was feeling much more relaxed now so that helped calm my own nervousness.
That was 'till someone brought up the story about Bella singing topless on a water tower back home.
Just as you feared, Cullen. It's going to be a long night of Bella-sitting.
I impulsively smacked Garrett upside his head after he made a remark about liking the game that apparently had the potential to cause Bella to doff her clothing, and gave him a warning glare.
"I'm okay. Really. I can drink them under the," Bella had started to say before her eyes focused on Vic positioning herself in Jake's lap. "I can drink them under the table." she finally finished after a few silent seconds. She tilted her shot glass back at her lips and pushed the die over to Jake. "Your turn, Black." she muttered breaking him from the stare he and my best friend had been locked in while Vic had been running her hands firmly through his hair, forcing him to look deeply into her eyes.
I quickly took charge of the situation and pulled a chair up behind Bella's so I could rest my hands on her body to help her forget the awkwardness my female best friend was forcing onto all of us with her obvious attention seeking behavior. It was so apparent now that I was wrong to have invited her out here with the rest of my buddies, but it was also impossible to turn back time.
When Bella stood up before me and motioned for me to come take a seat under her I instantly followed her command and brought her into my lap. It felt so good to have her back in my arms again. To be holding her against me. Touching her warm skin with my finger tips.
A few innocent touches and I was right back to craving all of her, and I no longer cared who was watching.
She slowly brought my opened palms to her inner thighs and began sliding my hands up and down her bare skin with her own hands over mine. She moved us with such sensual purpose, I thought I was going to lose it right then and there.
We wouldn't last much longer down here. Forcing everyone to observe our addiction for one another, it just wouldn't be kind.
She turned her head to look back into my eyes then brought her lips down to meet my own parted mouth. We collided with such fevering need that my left hand instantly began traveling further up between her legs desperate to feel more of her, while my right hand cupped her face to hold her and our intoxicating kiss in place.
Bella new exactly what to do in order to drive me absolutely insane. I was well aware of the fact that I was in over my head. My extreme obsession to have her underneath me absent of her clothing was quickly taking over my already cloudy judgment.
"Jesus Christ, we're trying to play a game here, can you two save your mouth f*cking for later?" Embry mocked breaking us from our moment.
She smiled down at me and draped her arms around my neck to kiss my lips softly one last time then playfully poked my nose with her pointer finger.
I couldn't help myself, I had to let her know how badly I both wanted, and needed to get her upstairs.
After whispering my X-rated thoughts beside her ear she giggled lightly then subsequently received some more teasing from her friends over her reaction after letting a giggle escape past her lips.
I was too busy staring at her gorgeous face to pay them much attention.
The next few minutes blurred together. I literally couldn't keep my hands off of her. It was as if they had a mind of their own, or maybe it was just my current intoxicated state? Whatever the case, I'd had a lot to drink, and it was finally catching up with me, but when Garrett offered me a shot of rum I didn't push it away. Especially not after having watched Bella and Vic share a little moment of mean girl banter.
"Beer before liquor, never been sicker, M&M." she teased with a wink of her eye.
"Pshhhh. You worry about you, Rock Star."
"But, I have you for that now," she reminded me then leaned back to kiss my nose. I watched obsessively as her hand slowly reached behind her to travel down my chest towards my firmed cock. She turned once again to look me dead in the eyes and bit at her bottom lip knowing it would push me that much closer to the edge. When I saw her mouth the words, 'I-need-to-have-you-now' I didn't waste another second.
I instantly stood up with her in my arms and announced she was forfeiting their game. I also casually suggested they all head out if they didn't want to experience the sounds of what phenomenal fucking sounded like when they weren't invited.
I tossed Bella over my shoulder, slapped her flawless ass, and began carrying her towards the stairs.
We were half way up the stairs when Tanya came barging through the door with Demetri following close behind her. I couldn't help but smirk at his stressed out appearance. That is until Tanya started laughing like a maniac on crack while she pointed towards Bella.
"Bella, I'm so sorry. She fucking went through my phone and.." Demetri forced out while holding Tanya back at the bottom of the stairs.
"You, Bella Swan! You weren't lying when you said you were a whore!" she shouted.
Once her accusation processed in my head I instantly released Bella and took a step back.
What the fuck is this bitch talking about?
"Poor innocent, whoa-is-me, Bella. Why don't you tell Edward all about your day with Aro and MY Demetri! Or better yet, why don't I just show him the video!?"
My head was spinning. Her Demetri? Since when did they become a legit item? Did I pass out? Is this a damn dream? This had to be some kind of a prank. Right?
Bella was absolutely still and as white as a ghost, "What…. What the hell is she talking about Demetri?" she quietly asked after looking back at me then down towards the arrogant son of a bitch who had apparently done something worth Tanya's little temper tantrum. The only thing I could think was that something had happened the other day when Bella had taken off with Aro to go hang out at Demetri's so they could edit some of her photographs. That was the last, and only time the three of them had been together in a very long time. At least without me or Tanya also being around.
"What's she talking about, Bella? What day?" I finally asked after stepping down beside her.
My attention was set solely on her and no one else.
"Here! See for yourself. Take a look at just how fucked up your so called girlfriend, the love of your life, really is. She cared about you OH so much that she went out and fucked around with not just Aro, but with my boyfriend too! At the same damn time!" Tanya yelled with a pointed finger, then instantly tossed me the phone she had been holding in her hand. I caught it and looked down at the screen.
What looked back at me nearly brought me to my knees. I shook my head unable to believe what I was seeing then took in a deep breath to try and calm myself before I opened my mouth. I could feel the anger rising around me. I could feel the blood pulsing through every limb of my body as I looked down at the paused image of Aro with his face between Bella's naked breasts.
What killed me the most, though, was seeing her smiling over his position while her hands held onto his hair.
I heard Bella whisper something from beside me but it was a mere echo in my head while a thousand and one thoughts swarmed my mind.
This wasn't happening.
I refused to believe this was real life.
Not to me.
Not to us.
Not after everything we'd been through.
Not after everything she'd said to me.
She could have just as easily torn my heart from my chest by ending our relationship without giving me any reason at all, but to cheat? To go behind my back and fuck around with not just one, but apparently two arrogant assholes!?
I hadn't even seen the worst of it yet. I knew that.
Even though she was begging me not to press play, I'd already made up my mind. I had no other choice. I had to see just how far it went. I had to know just how much she'd factually betrayed me, all while carrying on as if it never happened.
~~~~~CH 23 OUTTAKE~~~~~
Bella's POV of her run in with Edward after she returned to the house the day after the big cellphone video scandal.
My meeting with the suits had gone surprisingly well.
Perhaps it had something to do with my blood-shot eyes? Or maybe it was my trembling hands and stuttered speech? Regardless, it was obvious all they really cared about was whether or not I'd be returning to complete the show. You could see the stress immediately lift from their faces when I explained all I wanted was a few days away, rather than a permanent exit from the house.
After stepping outside of the confessional room, I felt my heart plummet into my stomach over the sight of Edward sitting on the stairs just a few feet away. He was obviously waiting for me, and that had taken me by surprise. I hadn't expected to see him here at the house. Truthfully, I'd figured he would have left last night seeking solace from the camera's so he could go fuck Vic from behind, in hopes of temporarily removing me and my betrayal from his memory.
"I was hoping you wouldn't be here." I finally cleared past my lips after grabbing a handful of my dreads with my hand. I leaned backwards against the wall behind me and took in a deep breath. I needed the assistance of a stable surface in order to assure I'd stay standing on my feet. At the moment all I wanted to do was crumble towards the floor and beg for his forgiveness.
I had to seem stronger than that though.
That's what the voice in the back of my head had insisted anyways.
Edward and I shared some ridiculous small talk, which seemed forced but also needed. He appeared to be doing okay. Handling it all much better than I was. It hurt me to realize that, but at the same time it took some of my own anxiety away.
At least he seemed to be moving forward without too much holding him back.
That was a good thing.
Maybe by me fucking up so bad… maybe it was what he needed to really realize I just wasn't worth it, and that he was absolutely better off without me. Maybe now he understood why it was all a mistake, and why I had been so anti 'us' ever becoming more than friends who also happened to fuck around from time to time.
If I were to be absolutely honest with myself though, that wasn't what I wanted.
I didn't want him to move on. I wanted him to fight for us. I'd never admit that out loud though. If he was ready to turn his back, then I would have to be ready to walk away. All he had to do was say the words, and I would never look back, or question that we really could have had it all, if we'd only fought just a little bit harder for it.
"So then, are you," he started to say, but I quickly interrupted him, knowing he was going to ask if I would be staying or leaving the house for good.
"I'm taking a few days off. I already talked to Esme, and the show is being cool. They actually want to talk to you. I was suppose to tell someone to let you know. When I come back, they suggested I room with someone else. It's just a few more weeks. We can stay out of each others way till then," I took in another trembling breath and cleared my throat, "What I'm saying is, I can stay out of your way, if that's what you want. I think that's why they need to talk to you… to make sure you're okay with me staying. Since I attacked your friend and all. They won't let me out of my contract, though, unless you demand I not be allowed back." I explained, keeping my stare set at his feet.
When he asked me if I in fact wanted to leave I almost lost it.
It took everything in me to hold back my tears, and maintain my otherwise blank expression.
Of course I didn't want to leave, but if it's what he wanted, then I would grant him that. There was no way I could tell him how the thought of never again seeing his face again… how that very thought made me question whether or not I'd be able to go on living. I couldn't burden him with that kind of sickening truth. Even if it was my own current reality. Edward didn't deserve to have that kind of responsibility weighing on his shoulders.
I'd dug my own grave and now I would have to lie in it. Figuratively, or literally… only time would tell.
I quickly decide to tell a half truth, "To be totally honest… I still don't know what I want. I just know that if you'd rather I not be here, then I won't force you to have to see my face. If that's still the case, If you still don't want me here, just tell me now and I'll get the rest of my stuff and be gone for ever."
He surprised me when he suddenly apologized for having my friends remove me from the house last night.
When he told me he didn't want me to go, I questioned his reasoning.
When he told me he had no business pressing the button to watch the video, I thought I'd entered an alternate universe.
His words forced me to hold my breath as I processed his every sentence.
Be strong, Swan. If he thinks you're in a vulnerable, fragile state, he might falter and tell you what he thinks any other girl would want to hear in this kind of situation. You are not any other girl. You don't want pity. Whatever he decides he wants, it needs to be on his terms. Not because he's afraid his choices might push you over the edge. It doesn't matter that you thought you loved him. It doesn't matter that he thought he loved you. The only thing that matters now is that you both make it through this with the ability to carry on as if all of those life changing memories… all those moment… as if they were nothing more than make believe, because in reality… did it ever really happen? Did you really fall in love? Were those feelings even legit? Why would you have let that even happen? Think about it. Why would you have allowed yourself to become so vulnerable, when you've always known how damaging it could be? Was it really love, or did you just lust and enjoy the attention from someone who'd never even known you existed two months ago? Someone you could start fresh with, and only share what you wanted to share about yourself, when you were ready to share, and on your own terms? Someone you thought you'd be able to walk away from when it was time to say goodbye and go back to your actual fucked up real life.
The pestering voice in the back of my head was enough to make me want to scream and rip my hair from my scalp.
I just wanted it to stop. I wanted to go back and erase every memory I had with him, and start over from the very beginning.
No… that was a lie. I didn't want that.
But why don't I want that?
What the hell was wrong with me? Why did I let things get to this point?!
"I-I can't talk to you about this right now. I need to go fix my head first. Everything's so fucked up… I need to figure it all out. Everything happens for a reason. I need to figure out why it all happened. Why I let it happen." I whispered looking away from him and up towards the ceiling. "You had every right to do and say what you did, and to react the way you did. I, I have to go now. I just can't do this with you. Not yet. Not right now." I quickly pushed myself away from the wall and turned to leave him standing there not wanting to say anything more than I already had. I'd made the mistake of looking down into his eyes for a brief second and it had almost caused me to crumble at his side. I had to get out of here before I said something I didn't mean, or would later regret.
I had to find my own answers, otherwise I knew… I knew if we put this behind us… if we somehow found a way to try again, we would only end up wondering when it might all repeat itself. It would become a vicious cycle of trust issues and unresolved insecurities. I didn't want that, and Edward certainly didn't deserve that.
~~~Chapter 24 OUTTAKE~~~
Edward lets Tanya know exactly what he thinks about her 'boyfriend' and their relationship.
We'd just gotten home from another day at work. Another day without Bella. Day two to be exact, since she'd left me standing at the top of the stairs. This would be my forth night sleeping alone without having her in my arms, and today was just as hard as the day before.
Whoever had told me it would get easier, they'd been lying through their goddamn teeth.
Everyone had been offering me their unsolicited advice, and words of wisdom. It always went in one ear and out the other though because nothing anyone could say or do… none of it mattered. It didn't change my reality, or the fact that I had sent the only person I'd ever fallen in love with away when she'd needed me to listen and understand her the most.
I should have known better than to jump to conclusions thinking Bella would have actually cheated on me. I never should have let that thought even enter my mind. Not for a second. Regardless of how much I'd had to drink that night. I should have fucking known better, and I should have given her a chance to explain.
A real chance.
All I'd done these last few days was sit by myself replaying the horrid scene over and over again, wishing I could go back and change everything about it. Every time I saw Tanya it was a fresh reminder though, and there was a part of me that hated her for that.
It didn't help being forced to see her come home with something new and shiny to show off every time she'd return from an outing with her dick of a boyfriend.
So help me, if I saw that prick anytime soon I knew I'd land my ass in jail. It was absolutely insane to me that Tanya had been able to get over Demetri's fucked up actions and carry on as if he were now the worlds greatest boyfriend. Bella was her friend. At least I'd believed they were friends, and he'd obviously betrayed Bella's trust. How Tanya could just forgive that and continue to fuck around with the sleaze ball… it pissed me off beyond belief.
"I ordered pizza for dinner Edward. It should be here in fifteen minutes." Alice informed me after sticking her head into the computer room. I forced a smile and nodded my head. "Anything?" she asked, glancing at the monitor in front of me.
"No. Not from her. Jake wrote me back and told me she's okay. That's all he said though." I answered as I ran my hand through my hair feeling anxious.
"Well, at least that's something."
I nodded my head after redirecting my eyes towards the computer screen then fell back into the chair with a loud huff, "Yeah. Something."
I didn't think Bella's friends would lie to me, but I also didn't think they would be one hundred percent forthright either. I knew better than to really believe she was 'okay', but I guess 'okay' for Bella could have meant that she was still breathing, and partially functioning.
After signing out of my email I tried to distract myself by checking out the latest information for the Dew Games. I could hardly believe that in a little over four weeks I'd be making my big comeback. If it hadn't been for Bella, I knew I never would have found the strength to throw my name into the comp. She'd changed my life in so many ways. She'd done so much to help me conquer everything that had prevented me from returning to the life I had once loved living, and now there was a chance I'd never get to thank her for that, or share all the moments I had dreamed of sharing with her.
I continued to click the links on the page, checking out the venue and other listed competitors till I heard Emmett shout that the pizza had arrived.
My eyes instantly set on Tanya giggling at the table as she flashed a gaudy looking bracelet in front of Rose's eyes. "It's Gucci! Isn't it gorgeous?!" she squealed smiling from ear to ear.
"It looks like a damn collar for a little yappy purse dog." I mumbled after taking a seat across from her. Rose snorted, and Alice threw her hand up to cover her smile.
For a very brief second Tanya looked hurt by my comment, but she quickly replaced her frown with a smirk and shrugged her shoulders, "Haters, gunna hate, Edward. I'm not going to apologize for being happily in love and spoiled."
"Oh, I'm sure that bracelet loves you too, Tanya." I snickered as I reached into the pizza box.
"Not the bracelet, jerk. Demetri. He had to go away for a few days on business. He got this for me so I'd have something to remind me of him while he's gone," she shared with a smirk.
"Oh that's nice. Smart guy. Buy the girl an expensive gift before heading out to sow your oats across the country between the legs of other unknowing, vulnerable, trusting, women. You know… after they sit down naked in front of his camera and he tells them over, and over again how gorgeous they are, and how they have the breasts of a goddess, and a face of an angel? I wonder what he'll bring you back? Maybe some flawless diamond earrings if he strikes gold and gets to bang one of his tattooed models and her pierced best friend simultaneously after their photo shoot?"
The room was dead silent. No one moved or dared to say a word.
"Shut your mouth! Just because your girlfriend threw herself at him before we were really together, it doesn't mean he's going to go out and f*ck around on me!" Tanya screamed after standing up to point her finger in my face from across the table.
I pushed her arm away and laughed. "Really? That's what he told you? You saw the way Bella acted after you showed me that video. You really believe she was the one who went after him? We watched the same footage right? It was his voice, right? The voice that prompted her for more fucking 'fun' with him? Pushing her for something she obviously didn't really want, since she's the one who stopped them! He was the one who taped it with his goddamn phone Tanya! He outright stood up for Bella when you verbally attacked her over it! Did you forget that entire scene? He was guilty as shit in that moment, but now he's convinced you that his hands were clean, and he was innocent? How naïve are you? Are you really that stupid?! He's a fucking prick, and you're an idiot for actually believing all his bullshit. I guaran-fucking-tee you he'll be fucking some other piece of tail in less than twenty-four hours!" I shouted as I walked around the table to stand in front of her.
"Edward. Chill." James insisted, suddenly stepping up to place his hand on my shoulder so I'd take a step back from Tanya.
She was silent but her face was darkest shade of red I had ever seen on another human being. "I'm leaving. I don't need to put up with this. You're an asshole Edward Cullen. God forbid you let anyone else be happy if you're not. If you want to blame someone for your girlfriends shady ass ways, fine. Blame me. Blame Dem! But I'm not going to stand here and listen to you belittle our relationship just because yours blew up in your face!"
"Oh you better believe I absolutely blame your asshole of a boyfriend! If I ever see his face again I'll be sure to share just how much I blame him! You're just the pawn though in his game. He'll use you and spit you out when he's done, just like the piece of trash you so obviously strive to be." Her hand shot out and slapped my face hard but I stood my ground. I didn't even blink.
"Okay. Seriously. Enough!" James shouted while Alice and Rose pulled Tanya back.
It felt good to get all of that out of my system… to verbally express everything I had been thinking over the last few days. It was insanely liberating and I knew, that Tanya knew… every word I'd just said, it was absolutely true.
Demetri was scum, dirt… and Tanya was nothing more than one of the many cockroaches that would pass through his vile, self-centered, conniving life.
~~~~Outtake Chapter 26~~~~
More insight to what happened with Irina and Edward while Bella was away.
The entire drive to the school I was freaking the fuck out. I'd felt great upstairs, and then the second I started to go into the kitchen the memory of last night at Irina's swiftly came flooding back to me. Of all days for Bella to return, and for us to finally talk things out. It had to come the day after I randomly gave in and let our co worker dry hump me on her couch for a few awkward minutes while I tried to forget about the girl who had stolen my heart and left me standing on the stairs with a broken hand.
If I'd only held out one more day I wouldn't be shitting myself over the guilt I was currently experiencing. I obviously had to tell her. I didn't want there to be anymore secrets. I was done dealing with that shit. Before Bella had left she'd told me what to do… what I should do… and in the moment, at Irina's, that's exactly what I had done.
Now I would learn if she'd really meant what she'd said, or if it had been a test that I'd slightly failed.
With Bella, there was no telling.
Thankfully when we went into the classroom Bree gave me the opportunity I needed to talk to Irina alone on the other side of the room while Bella and her mini-me caught up by the door.
"Hey." I muttered, making sure to look her directly in the eyes. I didn't want her to think I was embarrassed or afraid to look her in the face. If I avoided eye contact she would believe it was because I was feeling unsure about the situation. I knew exactly how I felt about the situation though.
Irina needed to know that everything I said next was the absolute truth and I wasn't here to play games.
"Hey yourself." she smirked with her head tilted to the side, "I see someone decided to come back."
"Yup. She did. Look, Irina. Last night. It was a mistake. It shouldn't have happened. I let my guard down and I'm sorry if I made you think there could be anything more than friendship between us, but I love Bella. Her and I, were going to work things out, I'm committed to that. So it's best if we both just pretend last night never happened."
"Gotcha… so what you're saying is I should just forget all about how you made me feel when you kissed me and held me against your body? When you told me you thought I was beautiful and had the most perfect lips for kissing… that you'd wondered what it would be like to have me since the very first day you'd seen me… I should just pretend none of that was ever said."
"No it's cool I get it. I was the rebound."
"Jesus. We made out for like five minutes before I ran for the damn door. Stop acting like I rocked your world with my cock. It was a mistake. End of story." I was in panic mode and no longer thinking before speaking. I didn't need anymore problems, and Irina was apparently hell bent on becoming a problem.
"Okay. I can see how that's all it would have been to you. I get it. Nothing happened. It must have been someone else underneath me last night."
Why did girls have to be so much god damn work. A guy is allowed to think a female is beautiful without suffering the consequences of a random hookup that was nothing more than a heavy make out session with the lights on. Jesus.
"Hey Irina." Bella had suddenly appeared out of nowhere and I could tell by the look on her face, she was well aware that she had interrupted something.
"Hi Bella. Welcome back. I guess I'm no longer needed here, since you've returned." our coworker replied, then turned her attention back towards me to give me a smile and obnoxiously squeeze my arm with her hand. I grimaced without saying anything in response and watched her leave the room after saying goodbye to the kids.
It instantly felt as if she had taken all the oxygen with her because when I tried to speak, nothing came out.
"Well. I guess you did what you had to do while I was gone." Bella spat out before the door had even shut behind Irina. I watched her forcefully turn on her heels to walk away from me with her arms crossed in front of her. And like that she was right back to putting a wall up. I couldn't let that happen though. I wouldn't let her believe that anything 'real' had gone on while she was gone. Even if she had told me to go out and forget all about her, I wouldn't let her believe I had actually followed her advice and actually succeeded.
"We're at work, Edward. Like I said at the house, we will talk more later. There's obviously lots we still need to talk about. Can we please just focus on the kids for the next few hours?" she pleaded, with tears starting to appear in her guarded eyes. I let out a frustrated huff and crossed my own arms in front of me to keep myself from looking like a total pussy by tugging at my hair and stomping my feet.
She was really going to shut me out. It hadn't even been an hour and we were already back to square fucking one.
I was so annoyed with the entire situation because she had no right to be mad at me. Maybe I should have been more upfront about what I'd been up to during her absence, but I didn't owe her anything. Lord only knows what she herself had been up to.
The more time that passed though, and the longer I stood around stealing glances at her sad face and concurred looking posture… The less pissed I felt, and the more I wished she would only hear me out and let me explain.
I would be shocked if she told me she hadn't gone out and tried to fuck me from her memory with the help of one of her boys. I'd already mentally prepared myself for that revelation so the fact that she was pissed over the possibility that I might have done the same, with someone else, well it just didn't make sense to me.
Unless she hadn't done that.
Unless she'd actually spent the last few days dealing with bullshit like a normal human being for once.
A/N: So those are all of the outtakes. Hope you enjoyed them! Again I wrote them to help me get a better feel for moments in the story, and to see things from another characters perspective or to get deeper into the moment.
Thanks again so much for reading.
***I will be writing one new fresh outtake, it will be from Bree's POV during the 4 months after the show wraps before the gang gets back together for the reunion show. You can expect it to go up sometime before July. This outtake was chosen by my reader Princess07890 who left IRL's 1,000th review. I'm pretty excited to get to work on it!***