10Tens! Basically, it's going to be ten chapters of ten drabbles each, centered around a theme or certain character, like Deryn, or something like 'Ten times Volger was vulgar.'

But first off, this is one of those 'fandom bicycle' fics where you take one character and pair them with as many others as you can. I got inspired by 'Everyone Wants Artemis Fowl,' which is on my favourites list.

I had a lot of fun writing this and I hope you enjoy reading it.

WARNINGS: Slash. Volger is also vulgar, coincidentally enough. It's all played for humor though.

DISCLAIMER: I am not Scott Westerfeld.

Everybody Wants Deryn Sharp

(Alternatively titled)

Ten Not-At-All Holy Matrimonies

Wrong, Wrong, Wrong.


It was wrong of him to think of Dylan this way. Dylan, his closest and only friend. Friend. Male friend. Male friend as in another boy. Boy as in the same gender. Same gender as in – oh, enough.

You weren't supposed to see platonic male friends in dreams, especially the dreams he'd been having as of late…

God above, what was he going to do? If his feelings (wrong, wrong, wrong feelings) got out, it would be the last straw. Volger would have no qualms about leaving him and heading back to Austria. Pausing only to throw him off the spine.

It was unnatural, more than a giant flying whale or bats that…expelled spikes.

"What are you standing round for? Doctor Barlow is looking for you," said Dylan.

Alek felt his face turn red. He nodded, lest his voice come out in a squeak.

"You all right?"

He nodded again.

Dylan gave him a weird (beautiful) smile and walked on.

Alek felt his burning cheeks and nearly kicked himself. "Stupid, stupid," he muttered. "Wrong."

Handle It


"Men. No matter how hard you try, whatever you do. Deryn, you saved the crew from death and yet here you are-"

"Nora, it's fine. I'm just…I didn't think Alek would do something like that. He was, he was – it was like I'd sprouted another head, or something."

"I think Alek might have been a bit too fond of Dylan. To him, you killed Dylan and then tried to replace him."

"But I AM Dylan. Just uh, different chromosomes and reproductive organs and...well...Whaddya mean, too fond of Dylan?"

"I won't go into it now."

"What's not to go into?"

"Ever heard of…no. You're too young."

"Nora, I've seen men with their faces blown off, I've fought on the battlefield, been captured by the enemy and been shot. I think I can handle it."

"Well. Perhaps I can show you…"



"I don't mind this at all."

Dance Of The Bipeds


At first I was unsure of her/him. A him/her walking around inside me, tricking all of them/the crew. Yet her/him has grown on me, and in me, in so many ways. I am proud of him/her, that little trickster/joker.

I watch him/her watch him/Alek and blush, and I watched Alek/him watch her/him, thinking him/her was a him, not a her. He/Alek was glad she/Deryn was a her. Glad to the point of being rather unhygienic about that/this.

I watched him/her and her/him in their little human/biped dance and oh, how I wish I could take part. Why could I not have been made human?

Through The Looking Glass


"So, whaddya think?"

Deryn turned her head this way and that.

"My ears are cold," she said. "But…"

Jaspert put down the scissors. "You look alright. With the uniform on, they'd never know. I reckon, anyway"

Deryn nodded. "If you go, I'll try it on."

"Yep. Call me back when it's on."

The door shut and Deryn wriggled out of her dress and pulled on the pants, shirt and jacket, reveling in the freedom she'd gained.

Then she caught sight of herself in the mirror.

Or, rather, her male self.

She tilted her head.

She pirouetted.

She pouted.

She posed.

Blisters, but she was a good-looking fellow.

"I'd dance with this." Deryn said.

She leaned forward and gave the mirror a lick.

It was then her brother lost patience and burst in…

Not This Time

Alek/Deryn, Deryn/OC

She's here again. She's got that look, that gorgeous, evil, smart, sexy look.

No! Idiot – don't ask her to sit! This is the Emperors wife. It's practically treason and besides…

"He's not the man I married."

Tell her she should have expected that. Tell her to go, be the Empress and rule fairly. She shouldn't be here in this inn, dirt all over the floor and - for Gods sake, don't!

"I knew it would be hard, but…"

She's the darling of this Empire and of England. The gutsy girl who stopped the war and stole the heart of Prince Aleksander to boot.

Don't hold her hand, don't hold her hand!

"You were there too, the whole time. I should never have…"

Tell her to leave, and never come back. Why are you here, too? Why do you do this to yourself, to her, to him, to your wife?

"I can't stay long."

"At least you're here."

This is too real and perfect to stop, but too dangerous and wrong to continue.

And you still let it happen.

Oh, You Mean Fencing


It was strange, thought Carson, leaning against the door. Every morning Midshipman Sharp would bring Volger his breakfast and insist on waiting for the tray inside.

"Good morning," the boy would say.

Carson would nod, and open the door for him, revealing Volger (as he always was) seated at his desk, nose in his paper.

"Thanks very much." Sharp would say, and enter. "I'll wait for the tray."

And Carson would nod, and shut the door, and listen to the strange shouts and commands, and salute anyone who walked by, trying not to listen to Volger…

"Hold it looser, boy! You'll break something!"

The Important-est


"Mr Sharp."

Oh, if only silly Alek knew how silly he really is, not knowing that Mr Sharp is actually not Mr Sharp, but in fact a Miss Sharp and that is important. Alek is the silly-est.

I like Miss Sharp.

She is smart and sneaky and shrewd and sly, for she has suckered the entire British Air Force into thinking she is un-man. Smart-est, and sneaky-est and shrewd-est and sly-est.

I like Miss Sharp a lot. I like her the most-est.

"Mr Sharp."

An awful lot.

Sometimes I hope to the Maker silly Alek never smarts up.

I doubt he will. He is silly-est, after all.

Oh Really?


Lilit didn't let him finish, but threw her arms around him, kissing him hard on the lips. After a long moment she pulled away and smiled. "I'm sorry. I was just curious."

"Barking spiders!" said Dylan, touching his lips. "You don't even know me!"

"I know you better than you think, Mr. Sharp."

"Oh, really?" said Dylan. He grabbed Lilit by the shoulders and kissed her.

Lilit leant back, giggling. "Absolutely!"

And they were once again glued together.

Alek stifled a laugh, then backed away to give them a little privacy. The sucking noises grew louder, and he grinned. Maybe it would be easier to get Dylan to stay in Istanbul after all…

Spanner In The Works


No one (except a certain Count who would remain nameless) had any idea of Dylan's – no, Deryn's true nature. They'd all found out last Tuesday, during an impromptu game of cricket. Dy-Deryn hadn't studied that bit of being a boy…

And Alek had realized that…Deryn was so…right for him. Everything he'd ever wanted in a girl, and no one else would go for a woman who walked around in pants and could spit with the best of them.

Or so he'd thought. Alek frowned, remembering Dylan approaching him, hand in hand with Hans. A mechanik. A lowly mechanik, who could barely speak English.

And then, after months with Dylan and even a few days with Deryn, he couldn't help but wish it was him, not…

No. He should be happy for her.


"Bis morgen." Deryn smiled into the telephone. "Ich liebe dich auch."

He should have known she wasn't improving her German for him.

Any Clothing…


A rainy day in Glasgow, as per usual. Deryn stared gloomily out of the window, watching the grey sky turn white with bolts of lightning. She hoped there weren't any hydrogen breathers up there.

"Deryn dearest, you haven't finished your needlework."

"Sorry, mum." said the young woman.

"You really miss it, don't you?" asked Mary.

Deryn nodded, tears misting her vision. She blinked them back.

"I know I disapproved of you going, but seeing you, a decorated officer…Deryn, I was so proud of you. And friends with a prince!"

"Arch-duke. When he found out, he didn't want anything to do with me."

"Nonsense. He was probably just-"

There was a knock at the door.

"-I'll get it," said Mary. She set down her knitting and entered the hall.

Deryn watched the rain, but started when her mother nearly ran back into the room.

"It's for you." Mary said, smiling and taking her seat again.

Deryn picked up her skirts and made her way into the entry hall.

There was a tall, familiar man in a dress uniform waiting for her, a nervous smile on his face.

"I've been looking for you."

"You should've looked faster!"

Deryn threw herself into Alek's arms and kissed him so hard they fell out of the front door and into a puddle.

Didn't matter, anyway. What they had planned didn't involve any clothing.

I love a happy ending. I also love reviews :D

Hope you enjoyed it – thanks for reading.


Wait, Deryn and Volger? *washes hands*