This is for my bestie Cosmogirl7481's birthday. Her prompt was "Clooney" in One Fine Day. It was supposed to be a O/S, but I'm lame, so it's going to be two short chapters.
I love you, soulmate.
One Fine Man
Maybe today, I think hopefully as I start my car.
Yeah, who was I kidding? She'd never look at me like that. I was just Maggie's dad. I just say hello and make some small talk when I see her at school (So, do you like the rain, Bella? What a douche I am). Then, I stare at her when she's not looking. She's just so beautiful; I can't help myself.
Over the last few months I've learned a few things about her when we talk. She's divorced, an architect at a very prestigious firm, and doesn't date. I've actually seen her shoot down a few guys in front of me. Thank god. The front of a school is no place for violence. I have her cell number in case the kids have an emergency, but I've never used it (having to jerk off every night because I'm insanely attracted to her doesn't count).
What I really want to know...what her kisses are like, how soft her skin is, how her body feels against mine...is what is unsaid between us and I'm too much of a pussy to make a move.
If violence in front of a school is bad, try a grown man crying and begging, "Please, Bella." That would be awkward.
"Daddy!" Maggie shouts from the back seat. "We're here. Let me out."
"Sorry, baby." I pick my daughter up and out of her booster and place her on the sidewalk. We walk hand in hand towards the school. A familiar brown-haired boy is running toward us. My eyes dart around quickly looking for Sammy's mom - the star of all of my x-rated dreams (I could write some excellent porn).
She's hurrying behind him, carrying a large bag and a briefcase. "Sam! Wait, you forgot your lunch money!" He darts through the door of the school before she can catch him. Her breath is a mist; her cheeks flushed from the cold and exertion. She looks amazing. I sigh when I see her. It's really embarrassing how I get when I'm around her. I quickly put up my carefully-crafted "cocky" facade that I always have around her to counteract my "lovesick pussy" internal monologue.
"Ugh," Maggie complains and rolls her eyes. "It's Sammy. He's so immature." I stifle a laugh at that comment. She's six, but has the attitude of a sixteen year old. She spends too much time with my self-absorbed sister Rosalie, but she needs a woman's influence in her life. Her mother is not around, and she won't ever be if I can help it.
"Maggie, be nice," I admonish. We stop as we reach the entrance at the same time as Bella.
"Okay, Daddy," she mutters and turns to Bella. "Mrs. Black, I'll give it to him," she offers.
Bella beams at her and hands her the envelope. "Thank you, Maggie. And it's Ms. Swan now, but you can call me Bella." She says this as she's staring at me. Inwardly I gulp, but on the outside I shoot her my patented smirk - the one I use to charm women into giving me exclusive information. I'm well-aware of the effects my looks have on women (and some men). I use this to my advantage as an investigative reporter for the Seattle Times. I have won awards for my reporting, but my looks haven't helped me get a date with Bella.
I shuffle awkwardly on the sidewalk until I hear a throat clear. "Bye, Dad." From her tip-toes, my daughter kisses me goodbye.
"Bye, baby. I love you." I turn back to Bella. "So, no more Mrs. Black, huh? Was that limiting your dating prospects?" I ask with my pearly-white smile in full effect. My brother-in-law Emmett says I should use it more often so I can get laid. But I don't want to get laid, I want more than that from Bella. For a minute it seems to be working, her eyes get a little glazed. I feel emboldened by her reaction so I press on by moving closer to her. This might be it. I might be growing a pair of balls big enough to ask her out.
"Hi, Eddie," a sickeningly sweet voice coos in my ear. Bella watches with distaste as Jessica Newton puts her gross acrylic nails way too close to my junk. Bella gives her and then me a dirty look. Fuck, this isn't helping. I'm removing her hand from my groin when Bella reminds me about the school field trip.
"Remember, it's an hour earlier. I can take Maggie if you are...occupied," she says with a scowl. "It seems that you are 'occupied' rather frequently, 'Eddie.'"
"Wait, Bella. I wanted to ask you-" I stammer, but Jessica interrupts me when she grabs my ass. I quickly shove her off of me, but when I turn around, Bella is gone.
Fuck my life.
How dare he be so hot?
That man is infuriating. He drives me insane with his smirky-jerky smile and amazing grass-green eyes and killer body and man smell. He's impossibly gorgeous and he knows it. And sweet fuck, he was wearing jeans - perfectly worn, faded jeans that hugged his crotch (not that I looked at it).
Apparently all the other horny mothers at school are also aware of his hotness, including that skank, Jessica Newton. Uch. Fake, lopsided boobs and plastic claws. Is that what he likes? It seems like he's not interested in those other mothers that stalk his every move at the school. In fact, he usually only talks to me. But we just talk about the kids or events at school and he flashes me that stupid smile. Stupid, hot smile.
The problem is that his smile kills me dead. It's the same thing every time I see him. He dazzles me and I try to avoid falling for him. Unfortunately, it's getting harder and harder.
That's what she said.
I snort at my attempt at humor. Maybe Edward watches The Office and eats dip on Saturday nights. Yeah, right. He bangs supermodels and goes to clubs while I sit in my Snuggie and watch Jim play pranks on Dwight. Jim is hot, but I can't lick his neck or hold his hand. I need a real man for that.
Damn it. Today was supposed to be the day. I was going to flirt with him and he was going give me the smile and I was going to pull him into to the alley and jump him. But then she had to put her filthy paws on him. Like that's my excuse. I haven't been on a date in twelve years. And even then, I wasn't doing the asking. I don't think I can actually go up to the most gorgeous man I've ever seen and ask him out. It's just not me.
I trudge to work, knowing that I have an extremely important presentation tomorrow. My seduction of Edward Cullen will have to wait. Hah.
Angela, my assistant, has a venti mocha waiting for me. I love that woman. She instantly notices my glum mood. "Couldn't do it, huh?" I can hear the "tsk, tsk" in her voice.
"No," I sigh. "He's just too...too everything."
"Bella, so are you. What the hell is with the low self-esteem? You are the most self-assured woman I know and you deserve to be happy. And from what you tell me, I think he can make you happy," she prods. "You need to give it a shot."
She's right. I haven't even tried to talk to him as more than a "mom." We exchanged numbers (because of the kids) and I haven't texted or called him once.
"Should I be 'sexting' him or whatever it is you young people do?" I ask. "Like send him pictures of my boobs?"
Angela laughs. "Bella, you are only 34 years old. You are young people. Take off the mom jeans and put on the thong and get your man," she encourages. She was a cheerleader in high school. It shows.
"You know how I feel about thongs. They totally go up my ass and I get a wedgie. It feels gross."
Angela rolls her eyes. I think I might be annoying her. She looks like she could whack me with a pom pon. "C'mon, Bella. Work that ass. And you know your boobs are fierce, too."
"No, for reals, Angie. And don't start with the 'boy shorts' either. I bet he doesn't have to worry about sexy underwear."
"Women drop their panties when they see him, Bella. And you'd have to actually get close to him for the underwear to matter, Ms. Swan." Mmm, Edward's underwear. I wonder what kind of underwear he wears?
Black boxer briefs.
That sounds kinda delicious. I want to eat him. He's like...sexual chocolate.
"Sammy! Hurry, sweetie. We've got to go to the pier today. I'm getting your backpack." My son emerges from the bathroom with toothpaste all over the front of his shirt. I wipe him off and practically drag him out the door.
We are down the street when he reminds me that he needs to bring the class fish today. We go back home to get the fish and we are now late of course, because life hates me.
My phone beeps with a new text. I nearly swerve in surprise when I see who it's from - Edward Cullen. That would make a great news story: "Woman crashes due to shock of getting text from fuckhot man" Edward could write it and interview himself.
Bella, where is everyone? The school is closed. -Edward.
Of course it's about the kids. Seriously, Bella, you thought he was going to ask you out at seven am? At the stoplight, I text him back.
Field trip is on a boat today. Meet at pier. -Bella.
So much for my "sexting" with Edward.
Traffic is a nightmare of course. I hand Sammy my phone to pass the time (and save my sanity) because if he says "are we there, yet?" again I'm going to pull out my hair. That would be bad, because my hair is one of my best features (plan B to seduce Edward is to swish my hair around).
I see the sign for the marina up ahead. I park illegally and grab everything and we rush out of the car and run down the pier.
"Mom, we're late. My teacher said we couldn't be late or they'd leave us," Sammy whines.
"We'll make it, sweetie. They can't just leave you," I insist. But of course, I'm wrong. The boat is ready to pull away; it's going to leave me with a distraught child and a fish.
"Shit, er, crap! Earmuffs, Maggie." Oh, god. I know that voice. It's the one I hear in my dreams that makes me come on command (only in dreams is that possible). The DILF with the liquid sex voice is behind me. I'm sweaty and disheveled and in a full sprint from the parking lot. Fantastic. I'm also wearing my business suit with a pair of running shoes. The ones that make me look like I have "cankles." Yay. Mortification will be complete. I turn around to greet "Mr.-Liquid-sex-chocolate" and...
He's wearing a suit. No, not just a "suit"- because Edward Cullen is wearing a black, pinstriped wet-dream. I thought the jeans were my kryptonite. So fucking wrong.
I sway a little, hoping my mouth is not gaping wide like the stupid fish I'm holding. He looks at me in concern. I must look ridiculous while he looks like a cover of GQ.
"Do you trust me, Bella?" he asks as he slows his pace briefly to pick up Sammy and the fish. Maggie is in his other arm.
He smiles and sprints to the end of the pier where some guys are starting to remove the platform. Because he's obviously from another planet, he jumps onto the deck of the boat with our two kids. Like Superhotman. He hands over the fish to the shocked teacher and leaps off the boat before it departs.
I'm not making this up. I'm sure someone has video or something.
"So, that was close, huh?" he chuckles when he returns to my side (which is aching from the run but I don't dare grab it because I have to pretend I'm in shape). Of course he's not even winded and looks perfect.
"Oh, um, yeah," I mumble, "you're very fast." Brilliant. Dazzle him with your wits. Angela had said "tits" actually, but that's not happening with this lame suit. "Thank you, Edward. Sammy would have been devastated if he missed the trip, and I didn't have a sitter, either. I really owe you one."
He flashes "that" smile again, but I'm already sweaty - so thankfully there won't be much difference in my appearance. "I like to run. It's good for my stamina," he murmurs as he leans in close. "And I'd like to collect on that debt, Bella." My eyelids flutter at his proximity and I breathe in deeply. Damn, I can't stop myself. I hear him chuckle at my reaction; he knows he's driving me crazy and I won't give him the satisfaction. I cock an eyebrow at him and he backs up.
"You are unbelievable," I say angrily. He looks upset at my words.
"What did I do?" he replies with a smirky laugh.
"You're just…all…full of yourself." I make a wild motion with my arms, indicating that I mean him and his…Edwardness.
"Oh, did you want to be full …of me?" he teases.
"Aagghhh," I retort (I'm so eloquent when I'm aggravated by a beautiful man- plus I'm thinking about being filled by Edward).
"Oh, by the way, I got this back from Sammy," he says, changing the subject. He pulls my iPhone from his pocket. "I know I can't survive without mine. Especially today, I have an extremely important interview-"
"Oh shit! My presentation! I have to go, Edward. Thank you for everything. I'll see you at school, right? Yes. Later." I hurry off without pausing for a response. That was classic, Bella. The man was flirting with you and you run away. Well, at least you have the proper shoes on.
End Notes: There's one more chapter for sure. Thanks for reading. Send some birthday love to Cosmogirl7481 on Twitter.
Special thanks to ltlerthqak for stepping in for beta duty and making Cosmo's birthday avi. Check out her story, Giofogach. It's awesome.