Author's Note: Just some random one-shot I came up with shortly after midnight when I was supposed to be cramming for my math test, oh well. This is an AU story, where Silena and Clarisse share a dorm; they're also slightly OOC, but not very much.

Disclaimer: The song is "If you were Gay" from the Avenue Q musical, I just tweaked it a bit to fit my purposes.

The dorm was quiet, a rare treat for Clarisse La Rue. Her roommate, Silena Beauregard, was out shopping for groceries, giving Clarisse time for herself.

Clarisse sank down into her chair and sighed happily. "Ahh.. An afternoon alone to catch up on my reading." She grinned at the cover before flipping it open. "Broadway Musicals of the 1940s." she smiled broadly as she basked in the heavenly silence.

"No roommate to annoy me, it can't get any better than this" smirked Clarisse as she began to scan the first paragraph of the book.

Just then, the door to the dorm opened and shut loudly, breaking the silence. "HI CLARISSE" said Silena, walking past the taller girl to set the groceries on the table. "Hi Silena" muttered Clarisse sullenly.

"Hey Clarisse, you'll never believe what happened to me on the subway earlier!" exclaimed Silena, turning around to face the dark haired girl. "There was this girl who kept smiling and talking to me…."

"Hmm? Oh, that's interesting" responded Clarisse vaguely, eyes glued to her book. Silena nodded, not noticing the sarcasm dripping off her companion's voice. "Mmhm. "She was being reeaal friendly, and, I think she was coming onto me! I think that she might've thought that I-" Silena pointed to herself for emphasis, "was gay!"

Clarissa glanced up from her book, shifted a bit in her seat and cleared her throat awkwardly, looking very uncomfortable. "So, uh, why are you telling me this? Why should I care?" She leaned in a bit closer in the direction of the shorter girl. "I don't care. So, what did you have for lunch today?"

Silena looked taken aback a bit. "Oh, you don't have to get so defensive about it-"

"I'M NOT GETTING DEFENSIVE!" yelled Clarisse. Silena took a step back, flinching at the raised volume of her friend's voice. Clarisse took a deep breath and peered at her. "Why do I care about some lesbian you met? I'm trying to read here" she said, holding up her book as proof.

"I didn't mean anything by it Clarissa; I just think it's something we should be able to talk

about" said Silena defensively as she made her way over to the chair where her friend sat.

Clarisse buried her nose deeper inside her book. "Well, I don't want to talk about it, this conversation is over."

"Yeah, but-"


Silena shrugged, but grinned as cheerful, upbeat music began to play.

"Well, okay, but just so you know..."

If you were gay.

That'd be okay.

I mean cause hey- Silena chuckled a bit at this point

I'd like you anyways

Clarisse groaned and stood up, heading over to the other side of the room with Silena at her heels.

Because you see.

If it were me! Silena pointed to herself cheerfully

I would feel free to say-

That I was gay!

But I'm not gay Silena added in hastily with a sheepish grin.

Clarisse looked up from her book and clicked her tongue. "Silena, please, I'm trying to READ!" she shouted at her friend, holding the book out to her.

Silena nodded, as Clarisse turned around again and started drumming her fingers together while she stared at her friend's lean profile.

If you were queer Silena started again happily

"Ugh! Silena!" growled Clarisse, exasperated, as she turned around again.

I'd still be here Silena sang, pointing to the spot she occupied

"Silena, I'm trying to read this bo-"

Year after year


Silena placed her hand over her heart

Because you're dear to me

"Arrgh!" Clarisse ran to the other side of the room with Silena hot on her heels.

And I know that you-


Would accept me too!

"I would?"

If I told you today-

Silena flashed a Cheshire cat smile and threw her head up

Hey, guess what? I'm gay!

But I'm not gay She added in again

I'm happy, just being with you- Silena waved her arms side to side in the air

"High button shoes, Pal Joey…" yelled Clarisse, trying to drown her friend out by listing out items from her book.

So what should it matter to me Clarisse glanced up from her book

What you do in bed with girls! She pointed to the room where Clarisse slept

"Silena, that's GROSS!" screeched Clarisse, her voice going up an octave, a shocked expression settling onto her features.

"No it's not!" shouted Silena back joyfully

If you were gay-Silena began dancing and swinging her arms

I'd shout, HOORAY!


And here I'd stay!

"La la la la la la!" Clarisse blocked her out, holding the book up to her face.

But I wouldn't get in your way! Silena bounded over to Clarisse, and pushed the book down to get a look at her friend

You can count on me…

To always be!

Beside you every day!

Silena stood besides Clarisse happily. Clarisse's hair covered her eyes and she trembled, either from anger or embarrassment, or perhaps both.

To tell you it's okay! Silena leaned over and hugged the muscular girl

You were just born that way! She patted Clarisse's head affectionately

And as they say-

Clarisse's eyes narrowed in anger

It's in your DNA! Silena stood, oblivious to Clarisse's reaction

You're gay! She gestured towards the bigger girl


Silena grinned at her, raised a hand and waggled a finger.

If you were gay!


Author's Note: I come up with the weirdest things so late at night… I wrote this in about an hour, and yes, I lied, Clarisse and Silena weren't really IC at all, but, I don't mind so much, this is a parody after all. Reviews make the world (well, at least my world) go round.