Hey all.... Um.. let's assume a few things. Assume after Wrecked, Buffy feels a bit ill. Assume after all, what everyone thinks is wrong : vampires cannot sire children. Let's assume, just for a moment in time, that the planets are aligned *just* right, that the powers that be have a sick, twisted sense of humor. And let's assume, that, after all, not everything is how it seems, and not everyone is on their properly assigned TV shows. hehehe... I felt like cueing up the "Twilight Zone" music there for a minute. I own nothing. Joss does. We all bow in reverence. Bow, you pitiful minions!!!! lol jk.

› Tequila Sunrise

ps~ James Marsters is a hotty. A friggin' hotty. AND smart. Ok. That's all.


"Ex-CUSE me?" Buffy squeaked at her doctor, shaking her head, as though to hear properly.

"I can see this is a surprise... I said you are three months pregnant, Buffy. Here." She handed her a few pamphlets, telling about adoption, abortion, and OB/GYN's. "Here's a few numbers you can call, too... Are you going to be all right to drive? Do you need to call someone?"

Buffy was not in shock. She was mad. "No... No. Of course not. Don't... don't worry about it. I'll be fine."

As she walked to her car, drove past her home, to the cemetery in the south corner of Sunnydale, the Hellmouth, she repeated that to herself like a comforting mantra. She would be fine...

Stalking into Spike's crypt, she found him in his green chair, watching Passions. She strode in front of it, and shut it off.

He objected, loudly, as always. "'Ey! What the bloody 'ell do you think you're doing?? Timmy just made a mysterious phone call, and now Miguel is all soppy faced over Charidan! I mean, c'mon, Slayer, you've got to leave me alone SOMETIME! Isn't it enough that I-"

"I'm pregnant, Spike." The words were spoken quietly.

He stopped short. Pain overtook his features. "Well." He cleared his throat. "I see. Who's the lucky guy? I'll send him card. If that's all, I'd really like to be getting back to Passions, Slayer." He tried to toughen himself.

She started to cry. "It's yours. You son of a bitch. It's yours. So throw yourself a damn party."

He jumped up. "What!? Slay- Buffy, luv, it can't be mine." His eyes turned a brittle, bitter shade of blue. "We're... Vampire's can't..."

"I know, Spike! But you're it. You were the last person I was with. Think about it. Count it. It's been three months. I'm that far along."

He moved to her slowly, hoping she would allow him to hold her. She did. "I don't know what I'm gonna do, Spike... I can't... I can't afford it. It makes no sense... I'm the slayer, I have to protect everyone..." Her eyes snapped up to his, tears still streaming, her sobs hiccupping. "You can't say anything. Not... Not till I figure something out... something to tell everyone."

"Of course. Buffy... You have to let me know to help. You... I want to help."

She smacked his chest, saying angrily, "Could have subscribed to the Condom Club, asshole! You've got some swimmers!"

He chuckled. He couldn't help it. He just laughed. He placed a kiss on her forehead. "What do you want to tell them, pet?"

"I... I don't know. I can't tell them... How would they react? 'Hey, guys! Spike and I banged a few months ago. It was a big mistake. But I'm pregnant, though! Let's give it a cute name, in case it's got a vampy face!' Yeah... I can see it now. They'd have me in a loony bin. 'Buffy went nutzo. She slept with William the Bloody, the Slayer of Slayers.' Oh, man...."

"Buffy... Are you going to keep it? You aren't... you aren't going to..."

She placed a protective hand over her stomach. "Abort it!? NO! No! It's... It's a baby, Spike. It's not it's fault. We can't..." She looked at him, with pleading in her eyes. "You don't think I should, do you?"

"No!" He barked at her. If only she knew... If only she knew how much, and for how long he had wanted to have a baby. He had always loved kids. Always. "Buffy... I'm helping with the baby. I don't care what you think. I don't care what you say. I *will* be a part of bringing her up."

She nodded slowly. She would need all the help she could get. "Ok. I mean... all right. I mean.... you have to give me time to break it to them... for them to accept this. It will help, if, once I tell them, you move in. Dawn will be ok with it, and you can have mom's old room. The Scoobies will be more accepting if we present a united front. Willow will be the easiest won. Then Tara, then Anya, and then Xander."

He grinned and showed her to a chair. She sat, still planning her attack. "So. Starting... um... give me the weekend. So, starting Monday, we'll tell them, in that order. Dawn first, of course. Do you want to tell her tonight?"

"So... You two... umm..."

"Yeah." Spike and Buffy answered simultaneously, both embarrassed.

"And you're pregnant?"


"Cool." Dawn smiled. "Can I be it's godmother?"

"We'll see," Buffy said. "Not because I don't want you to, it's just... you're very young."

"Yeah... I understand... Um... Will I be allowed to help?"

"Of course!" They both said.

"So.... Will Spike be moving in with us? I mean... You don't want the baby to think it's daddy lives in a CRYPT, do you? I mean... it's already coming into a SERIOUSLY dysfunctional family. But make it visit Daddy in a crypt after nightfall? Just cruel."

Spike and Buffy shifted, embarrassed. "'Ey, now. 'S not all THAT bad. It's... kinda homey, even," Spike defended lamely.

"The baby's due in December. You're 'homey' little crypt doesn't have heat. I fully expect to have a big part in bringing this baby up, and it will NOT be cold in a crypt. Is that COMPLETELY understood?" She glared at both of them. It was apparent that she was well won over...

Monday Morning, the Magic Box.

Buffy ushered Willow to the training room, which, with it's lack of windows made it a good place for Spike to be in the middle of the morning in June. Seeing him, Willow frowned, confused.

"Hey... Um... Buffs... S.. Spike's here. In the daytime. In the Magic Box."

"I... I know, Willow. There's something I need to ask you. Tell you really, and then... have you keep it a secret."

Willow backed against the door, wishing for an interruption from Xander, a customer... ANYONE... "Buff... I'm really not good at secrets... Really REALLY not good at them."

"I... I know... But I plan on telling the others soon.... It's just... gonna take a little bit, and I need... well... um..." She cast around for the right words.

"Backup." Spike tossed his cigarette to the ground, stepping on it.

"Yes... Backup. Will, please?"

She took a deep breath. Sometimes, the best friend role had more obligations than she liked to think about. "All right. My word."

Unconsciously bracing her shoulders, as if expecting a blow, she faced off to Willow. Reading the situation carefully, Spike came from behind Buffy, laying a hand on her back. "Easy, killer. She's a friend," he whispered.

She relaxed under Spike's touch, and dropped her head. Staring at the toe of her boots, she said quietly, "I'm pregnant, Will."

Willow laughed nervously. "What, Buffy? I can't hear you. It almost sounded like you said that you're-"

"I did say. I'm pregnant." She raised her eyes to her dearest friend.

She shook her head. "But... But Buffy... Riley's been gone... and... And... you said you and that frat guy... that he... ya know... condomized."

Buffy swallowed hard, and reached back unthinkingly for Spike's hand. Holding it behind her back, she spoke. "It's Spike's. The baby... The baby... is ours."

Complete shock encompassed Willow's face. "Oh, MY God! OH my GOD! Buffy!! AGAIN!? Oh... oh... Dear... This... This is bad... oh my. Can we not tell Giles? I mean, we all love him. We don't want him to keel over... SPIKE!? With SPIKE!? Without..? How could you not-!?"

"Well," Buffy started the embarrassing explanation, when Willow held up her hand. "NO! No, no, no verbal explanations! NO IMAGES!" Her hands flew up to cover her eyes. "Buffy... Vampire's... No. I mean," she looked at Spike. "I really like you. I think you've helped a lot when you didn't have to. I appreciate it. But... Surely you can see how this is Class A, Code Red bad!?"

His head tipped to the side, considering her. "I like you, too, Red. You've been one of the only ones to treat me decent. But I'm this baby's father. I will raise her. I will love her, and I will see to it that anyone, or thing that hurts her dies slowly, and ends up in hell."

The intensity in his eyes confirmed his speech, and Willow wasn't that shocked. She had seen him with Dawn. She guessed he had always wanted to be a father. But this sealed her participation in this freak show. "You have my support and blessing." She nodded. "Resolve face."

Buffy hugged her. "Willow... Thank you. I... You don't know how much this means to me... I-"

"Buffy... You're my best friend. Ever. And I love you."

Buffy nodded. "You're mine, too, Will. I love you, too. Thank you for doing this..."

Willow nodded. "Want me to tell Tara?"

End Part One.

Part two tomorrow. Warning, it will be longer. And more interesting than this. Please tell me what you think of my baby.