Summary: Abandoned by her mother, Bella isolates herself from everyone until the Cullen's move to Forks. Will Bella learn from her mother's mistakes when Edward, Alice and the rest of the Cullen's break down her defenses, or will her fears leave everyone coming undone?
A/N: This is my first and only story i have ever written. Apart from my one-shot 'Home'. I've always wanted to write a story but i never had the confidence because i was completely shit at English. I've met some amazing friends through fanfiction and they inspired and encouraged me to write.IBDamon, o_Oza, Jenndur, ocdmess and Ailisraevn. This is thanks to you :)
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Disclaimer: the characters in this story all belong to their respectful owner, Stephanie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. After the story is completed, all Twilight references and character names will be changed and copyrighted. Copyright 2010 by natalee-x. This story may not be duplicated, copied, printed or otherwise reproduced in anyway, nor can it be re-posted on any other website without the expressed written authorization of the author. This story is rated M, and is not suitable for younger readers. Story contains violence, coarse language and sexual relations further into the story...
Note: [Beta'ed by: Jenndur ]
Have you ever had a life experience that changed your whole life and broke down your spirit? An experience that broke all the promises that were ever made to you, causing you to feel like you can't trust anyone anymore?
Something that only causes you hurt and pain on a day that used to be one of the most important and happy days of your life? Something that causes you to feel like, no matter what you do to keep the negative thoughts away it just doesn't work because every time you try to stay out of the darkness, you can't help but slip back under, making you useless and unworthy of anyone's time?
Yeah, something like that happened to me on Thursday, the 22nd of November the day of Thanksgiving. That was the day something caused my mother to abandon my father and I.
Thanksgiving is supposed to be a sacred day where the whole family gathers for a huge, beautiful meal, and each person says what they're thankful for. It isn't meant to be a day when someone who meant the whole world to you just ups and leaves after telling you they love you and will never leave you alone, no matter what happens, only to never contact you again. The feeling of abandonment shouldn't play into the Thanksgiving holiday at all. Unfortunately, it does for me.
Charles Haddon Spurgeon said that some people say, "'If I had a little more, I should be very satisfied.' But if you aren't content with what you have, you wouldn't be satisfied if it were doubled."
My mom obviously wasn't content with what she had in life, because she felt the need to leave us.
Chapter One - (abandonment)
"Bella, come on baby. You're going to be late for your dance recital."
I groan at the mention of my dance recital; most seven year olds would be happy to dance in a tutu in front of a whole crowed of people. But not me, especially since I'm a klutz and can't even dance.
"I don't want to go. I can't dance; I'll ruin the whole thing, and everyone will laugh at me like they do in practice." I hear my mum climb the stairs and walk into my room approaching the cupboard I'm hiding in.
"Bella, honey, don't be ridiculous. You're a beautiful dancer." She crouches down in front of me and places a strand of my hair behind my ear.
"You have to say that — you're my mom." She smiles sadly at me and wipes away a tear that I didn't notice falling. I turn my head away from her, but she cups my face in her hands and places it back towards her.
"I don't have to say any such thing. But do you honestly not want to go sweetie? I thought you liked dancing." My face automatically screws up at that thought and I shake my head.
"I did it for you; I wanted you to be proud of me." She then pulls me into a hug and I relax into her embrace.
"Oh baby, you don't have to do something you don't want to do just for me. I'll be proud of you no matter what you choose to do." I feel her plant a kiss on my head and I pull away with a smile on my face.
"Really? You won't be mad?" She smiles back at me and taps me on the nose as she begins to stand up.
"Yes, really. I'll go call your teacher and tell her you can't make it. Then we can go on a picnic— just you and me." As she begins to walk out of my room.
I jump up and start racing to get ready for the picnic. I love going on picnics with my mom. We do it at least once a week; it's like our own special thing.
As I descend the stairs, I see the front door opening and I immediately run to my father, and embrace him in a hug as he walks inside. He sees me just in time and crouches down, lifting me up into his arms as he smiles down at me.
"Hey kiddo. Why aren't you dressed for your dance concert?" I look down and start fiddling with my hands.
"Mummy said I didn't have to go. I don't like dancing; I always fall over." I hear his chest vibrating as he begins to laugh.
"Looks like you take after your father in that department princess, but I'm glad you stuck to it for a while, even though you didn't like it."
He plants a kiss on my cheek and puts me down, but keeps a hold of my hand and walks into the kitchen. He picks me up and places me on the bench before he walks over to my mother, planting a kiss on her cheek as he wraps his arms around her waist whilst she's on the phone. I watch her lips form into a smile and as she hangs up the phone, she turns around in his arms, wrapping her arms around his neck. And as she kisses him on the lips, she whispers,
"I love you."
(5 years later…)
Today is going to be the best day ever; Jessica and I have been waiting for this day for weeks! Today is the school fair, and it's going to be filled with cotton candy, rides, games, talent shows, a mini circus, and all these other amazing things. What more could two twelve year old best friends want to do together?
Jessica's been my best friend since she moved to Forks, Washington when we were eight years old. No one really bothered to talk to her, or even acknowledge her, except for me. I don't really know why; she's a really good friend. Yeah, she talks nonstop and faster than someone on steroids, but that's what I love about her— she's so full of life and always so happy. She never lets anything bring her down.
"Bella, what are you doing? Hurry up we're going to be late!" I grab my jacket and handbag, and walk out of my room.
"Jessica, would you please calm down? I'm coming now."
As I descend the stairs, I see Jessica at the bottom with her hands on her hips, scowling at me with an impatient look on her face. When I get to her side, I quirk my eyebrow at her, and I begin to see her lips forming into a smile. Before I know it, she's laughing.
"I swear, Jess, you are so impatient. Why are you getting your knickers in a twist for? We still have like half an hour until the fair even starts." She looks at me with an apologetic look on her face and I can see the excitement glimmering in her eyes.
"I know. I just don't want to miss anything; we've been waiting for this day for weeks, Bella." I roll my eyes at her and walk into the kitchen to get a bowl of coco pops.
"Another twenty minutes won't kill you, Jess. Mom and dad aren't back yet, and I'm not leaving this house without food in my stomach. You know how grouchy I get when I don't eat breakfast." Jessica sighs and plunks herself down on the stool across from me.
"Fine. And I guess nobody needs a grouchy Bella to bring down everybody's mood today of all days." I narrow my eyes at her whilst eating my cereal, and she starts giggling.
"Hey, I'm impatient when I'm excited for something, and you're a grouch when you don't eat. Nothing to be ashamed of."
The things that filter through that girl's brain and then out of her mouth are so insane, yet so true sometimes. And I can't help but laugh with her now.
"Where are your mom and dad anyway? They are going to be back in time to pick us up, right?" Wow, she really is keen to get to this fair.
"Yes, Jess. They'll be home in a few minutes; they just went to the station to get some gas."
Just as I finish saying this, I hear my mom and dad enter the house. I hear Dad walking up the stairs whilst Mom walks into the living room. Jessica practically sprints out of the kitchen.
"Hey, Mrs. Swan!" As I approach the living room, I hear my mom chuckle and then see her bending down to kiss Jessica on the cheek.
"Hey honey, a bit excited for the fair, are we?" Jessica's grin becomes wider at the mention of the fair, and I lean back against the wall.
"More like a lot excited. She's been chewing my ear off to hurry up all morning." Jessica scowls at me, and I just laugh at her as my mom walks over to me, planting a kiss on my head.
"Be nice or you won't get any cotton candy at the fair." Jessica begins to laugh, but as my mom smiles down at me, I can tell that she's only joking— something she always does with me. Dad descends the stairs, chuckling.
"Are you girls ready to go? Bells, have you eaten? We all know how grouchy you can get if you don't eat breakfast." His statement causes Jessica to begin laughing harder, and both of my parents look at her with an amused expression on their face.
"That's exactly what she said to me when I was telling her to hurry up!"
I storm off into my room and get my bag, then walk out to the car. Jessica stays quiet the whole way to the fair, which I was not expecting at all.
"Jess, are you alright? You're being like, really quiet." She looks at me hesitantly with a confused look on her face.
"Aren't you mad at me?" Now I was the one with the confused look on their face.
"I'm not mad at you. Why would you think I was?" She stays quiet for a few seconds and I look at her expectantly, waiting for her reply.
"I thought you were mad at me for laughing at what your dad said, because you stormed off to get your bag." I sigh and reach over, taking her hand.
"I wasn't mad at you, Jess, I was annoyed at Dad and I was getting my bag." I squeeze her hand and smile at her to reassure her. She smiles back and the excitement returns to her eyes.
"What do you want to do at the fair first?" I think about her question and look over at her with as much excitement in my eyes as hers.
"Whatever my best friend wants to do first." Jessica's grin becomes impossibly wider and she begins bouncing in her seat.
"Let's go on the Ferris wheel! Do you remember the first time we both went on a Ferris wheel together, Bella? It was when we were 10 and you wereso scared at first, but we ended up having the best time on it."
My lips automatically form a smile at the memory.
"The Ferris wheel it is then."
(One year later...)
"Is there anything I can do to help, Mom?"
I always help mom with Thanksgiving dinner the night before Thanksgiving Day; it's like another one of our special traditions. Jess started to come over and help as well, but she couldn't this year — she was going away for Thanksgiving.
Mom turns her head towards me and gives me a smile, but it doesn't look genuine like it normally does.
"What I'll do without you, Bella, I have no idea."
I look at her with a confused expression on my face; I don't know why she's talking like this. It's not like I was going anywhere. I wasn't even in senior year yet; I still have at least three more years to go until that happens. But still, there is something in her eyes that scares me in that moment. Like I only have a small amount of time with her left. I hope she's alright and isn't sick or anything. I don't know what I would ever do without my mom. She's my whole world — she's my best friend.
"I'm not going anywhere, Mom." She turns away from me and I swear I see her wipe at her eyes.
"Mom, why are you crying? Is everything alright?" She turns back around and walks over to me, embracing me in a tight hug.
"I love you so much baby, please never doubt that. Always remember that you're my little girl, no matter what. I'll never leave you; I'll always be around you."
I pull away from her with a horrified expression on my face and I could feel my eyes stinging and the tears forming.
"Mom, you're scaring me. Why are you talking like this?" She sighs, walking away from me and begins prepping the turkey again.
"It's nothing sweetie, I'm just being silly. You don't have to be scared — everything is fine."
Relief rushes through me, but something still feels off.
"Can you please peal the vegetables for me? And get your dad another beer; he's working so hard out there, trying to make everything perfect." And again, I swear I see her wipe at her eyes and hear a sob this time.
"Yeah, of course."
I groan and swipe my hand at the pulsating alarm that is blaring in my ears at eight thirty in the morning. I crawl out of bed and drag myself to the bathroom, and try to wake myself up with a shower. It's Thanksgiving and I still can't shake off the feeling that something seriously wrong is bugging my mom.
After I have a shower and get dressed, I go downstairs to get some breakfast expecting to see mom working away on the Thanksgiving dinner, but she isn't there. Hmm, maybe she's just gone to the store to get something.
After breakfast I lounge around and watch TV for a while. Time flies and before I know it, it's three o'clock in the afternoon. It isn't like Mom not to be working on the dinner this late. I go to call Jess, but realize she isn't home. So I settle for the station to ask Dad if he knows where she is.
"Forks Police Station, Constable Phil speaking." That's odd, Dad always answers the phones first.
"Um, hey Phil, it's Bella."
"Oh hey, Bella, is everything all right?" I roll my eyes at his typical actions of cutting me off when I'm speaking.
"Yeah I just wanted to talk to Dad. Is he there?" Phil goes silent for longer than I would like. "Phil? Are you there?"
"Oh yeah, uh, well your dad didn't come in this morning. I just figured he was staying home for Thanksgiving." I sigh and rub my temples, trying to figure out what the hell is going on.
"Well Mom isn't home and she isn't answering her cell phone; and Dad isn't home either so I have no idea where they are. It's really not like Mom to leave Thanksgiving dinner to the last minute." I hear him shuffling through papers and typing on the computer until he finally speaks.
"Alright, well I'll give your dad a call through the speakers in the cars and see where he is—" I stop listening to what Phil is saying as I hear a car pull up, and I see that it's my dad.
"Oh, Phil, never mind. He just turned up now, thanks anyway. Bye." I hang up before he can say anything else, and Dad rushes through the front door.
"Bella!" I can hear his ragged breathing and the worry in his voice from the kitchen.
"I'm in the kitchen. Where have you been? I've been freaking out. And where's Mom? She isn't answering her phone and she wasn't working on dinner when I woke up and—"
The horrified look on his face cuts me off and I stare into his eyes. I see that he's been crying — He never cries.
"What is it? Is it mom? What happened? Is she alright?" He just stares at me, not saying a word which makes me freak out even more.
"Dad what is it you're freaking me out!" I start to cry and that seems to snap him out of his stupor. He rushes over to me and pulls me into his arms before I hear a sob escape his chest.
"Bells, your mom, she never came to bed last night. So I went downstairs and I found a note from her." He pulls a piece of paper out of his pocket and hands it to me.
I'm so sorry for doing this. But i just can't do it anymore.
Please tell Bella i love her and she means everything to me, and that i'm sorry for leaving her.
But it's the only thing i could think of to keep yous safe and happy...
please forgive me. I love you.
"I can't find her, and I can't get in contact with her. I don't have any idea where she is or where she' would go — I don't know why she left. I can't find her, princess, she's just gone." I wrap my arms around him and hold onto him tightly, holding my tears back.
"Something's happened to make her leave — she wasn't herself yesterday; she kept saying stuff to me like she doesn't know what she'll do without me and that to never doubt that she loves me, that I'll always be her little girl no matter what happens. She was crying. I asked her what was wrong, but she said she was fine and was just being silly; I didn't know what to do." Dad abruptly pulled away from me and began to glare at me.
"You knew there was something troubling her and you didn't tell me? I could have talked to her and stopped her from running off! Jesus Christ, Bella, do you ever think? And how could you not realize that she was hinting that she was going to leave? If you came and told me, she would probably still be here!"
I flinch at his words and can't hold back the tears any longer — he's never spoken to me like that before. He keeps glaring at me with an emotion in his eyes that I've never seen before. I run up to my room and I don't resurface for the rest of the night.
And he never comes up to check on me or to apologize.
Yes. The letter is important. Thanks for reading and please review!