A/N: This is a Mulan fic, if you were curious.
Shang wonders why Ping is so attractive and why he likes him so much. I wrote this because it seemed that Shang liked Mulan while she was pretending to be Ping, and this is what I imagined went through his mind.
I am a very successful captain. My troops listen to me and are, mostly, very victorious. I am the son of the best general China has. So why am I crushin' on another dude?
For hours, I just sit in my tent, pondering that question. Why would I delude myself into thinking a guy is extremely attractive? The guy in question isn't even masculine. He's a whimp. He's not strong, he's practically anorexic, he is really small, he has rockin' curves, and he nearly passes out whenever we have to run anywhere. To be frank, I simply do not understand why my mind, since it has decided to turn gay, picked out the scrawniest man out there. At least he's super hot.
Maybe it's the complete lack of action I've had lately. I mean, I'm in an army, several hundred miles away from my girlfriend. If you work out that equation, 'no action' is the answer. So, perhaps, my body just turned gay on this hot Ping dude because he's the closest thing to a girl. Really, he is very pretty.
His beauty is another reason why I think I might be crushin'. Obviously, I'll fancy girls that are attractive, but since there aren't any around, my brain has picked the prettiest thing out there, and it happens to be Ping. Maybe that's it.
Ping is smokin', don't let me get you wrong, but it's somewhat degrading to be crushin' on a womanly man. Sure, he might be girly, but it's still embarrassing. Because of this, I am sort of a jerk to him. I'm extra-tough on him. I only do this because I like him, though; if he was smart, he would be able to tell that the extra four miles I made him run last week were so he would run past that field with the flowers I planted arranged to spell: 'I love you, Ping. Please marry me. Love, Shang' and then he would love me forever. Unfortunately, he passed out before he made it to the flowers.
He fails to recognize my other attempts at winning his affection; I'll take my shirt off a lot in his presence, but, for some reason, he doesn't seem to enjoy this because he'll pointedly look away. I don't understand this; my abs are totally amazing and are the envy of perhaps everyone I have ever met. Don't even get me started on my biceps...
My hot body aside, Ping fails to notice all of my endeavors. I have waited for him in the bathing pond several nights in a row, but he'll never show. I have organized countless romantic candlelit dinners and put little notes in his tent, but he never shows. Once I even waited in his tent for him, without a shirt, but he didn't go to his tent that night, since he had to run those extra miles I made him do that day. I admit, that once was on me, but it seems crazy that all of my attempts have been in vain.
Once this war is over and the Huns are good and done for, I will definitely let Ping know my feelings towards him. I'll even break up with my girlfriend so I can be gay with Ping.
That sounds fantastic to me.