I don't own Victorious
She never thought she'd regret not doing it. Never did she stop to think that she should have; that maybe they were meant to. And if she had, maybe he'd still be with her.
Jade would not have sex with Beck. It wasn't that she didn't want to. There were plenty of opportunities. She was afraid. Jade West was afraid of something. She was afraid if she gave her everything she'd end up hurt. She never stopped to think she'd end up hurt anyway.
Jade was laying on Beck's bed. It was only the two of them in his RV. No interruptions.
Beck was on top of her. His lips fiercely but passionately touching hers. Her hands were on the back of his neck, as if trying to pull him in closer to her.
Beck's hands started to wander, and Jade let them. First making their way to her breasts, brushing over them ever so gently. His hands wandered down to her hips, soon making there way to the front of her jeans and Beck started to fiddle with the button.
Jade new he wanted it. They'd come to this many times before and it always ended the same. Hell, she wanted it, too. Her heart was racing and she was anxious. But she panicked anyway.
"Beck…Wait." She said, pulling away from his kiss and releasing her grip from his neck. She pushed herself up on the bed.
"What is it? What's wrong?" Beck asked, knowing the answer.
"I just…I don't think we should…I'm sorry..." She apologized, her eyes filled with worry.
"Damn it, Jade. It's always the same with you. C'mon, what's wrong? We've been together 2 years…Don't you believe me when I say I love you?"
"Yes. Yes, I know you love me…Just…I don't know…I'm sorry.." She felt like crying. Jade West doesn't cry. She had to get out of there.
"I…I need to leave…I'm sorry…" She sprang off the bed and grabbed her bag, quickly leaving a very confused Beck behind.
Things went on like that for a few more months. They would come so close, but Jade would never give in, no matter how strong her desires were.
What if he left her right after? What if her mom found out? What if she got pregnant? Jade was a lot of things, but a slut was not one of them.
She loved him. More than anything. Beck was all she had and he was her everything. But something inside her just wouldn't let her be so open as to give herself completely to him. She'd never admit it, but she was scared.
Beck didn't understand that though. But that wasn't his fault. Jade just never told him, leaving him to his own interpretations.
They were right back where they'd been before. On the bed. Alone. In the RV.
"Alright, that's it. Tell me. I won't be mad, I promise. I just want to know why. Why you won't go all the way with me. Is it something I did?"
"No…You're perfect. Just…I don't want to…" Jade said, biting her lip and looking down. Nothing brought her to this level of nervousness like this moment right here.
"That's a lie, Jade and we both know it. I can feel the heat when we touch. I can see it in your eyes. You want this just as bad as I do. I know it. Can you not…trust me? Is that it?"
Jade hated how he could read her like a book.
"No! God! I just…Ugh…" Jade groaned, rolling over to her side, facing away from him.
"Tell me, Jade! I won't be mad! I just feel like I have the right to know!" Beck said, impatiently
"No, you don't! What I feel is my business! So just shut up, Beck! You're not going to get it anyway! You're not going to get me!"
"Oh so is that what you think? The one person who knows you better than anyone else? The one person that just understands you better than you do yourself isn't going to understand this!" Beck yelled back.
"Well if you knew me soooo well you wouldn't have to ask what the problem is! You'd know!" Jade argued.
"Well I don't know! So just tell me so I can fix this!"
"It's not something you can fix, Beck! Now move! I'm leaving!" Jade pushed him away so she could get up.
"Fine! But don't bother coming back until you can tell me what's bothering you! You're the one who doesn't get it, Jade! "
"Well then I guess I just won't be coming back!" Jade slammed the door of his RV on her way out.
She stopped, realizing what she'd just done. She sat down on the bottom step. For the first time in a long time, Jade just sat there and cried, uninterrupted.
Three weeks. It'd been three weeks since that day. She hadn't said one word to anyone since. She ignored all the calls and texts asking "Are you ok?" No, she wasn't okay.
All she thought of was Beck and that day. She replayed the scene over and over again in her head, thinking of things she could have, should have done. She dreamt of it every night. There was no escape from it, he was always on her mind.
It was a Friday night. The rain fell heavily down on the pavement as she walked, not caring where her legs took her. She just wanted to get away, to forget that she was walking alone.
She looked up to see that her legs took her to the front of Beck's RV.
She couldn't stand it anymore. She broke down and cried, once more. She didn't care that she was cold or wet or anything else. She missed him. Plain and simple. She missed every little thing about him.
Suddenly the door to the RV swung open. There stood Beck.
"Jade? What are you doing here? Come inside, it's freezing out here!" Beck shouted over the pounding rain.
Jade took this opportunity. A second chance. This was a second chance. And she was taking it. She ran inside.
"What were you doing out there? It's terrible out. You could get sick." Beck said gently.
"Here, you must be freezing." Beck wrapped a blanket around her.
Even after a big fight, Beck never mistreated her. He'd never ignored her. Jade knew that she was stupid for giving up the most perfect boyfriend.
"I…I was scared." Jade stuttered.
"What?" Beck asked, clearly confused.
"I was scared! Ok, there I said it! I was scared to let my guard down! I was afraid to give you everything you deserved! I did want it, too! But I was terrified that I'd end up hurt and-" She didn't have time to finish. Beck pulled her into a kiss.
"Why didn't you call me?" She whispered.
"Because I knew you needed time. And I knew you'd come back when you were ready." he whispered back, and he embraced her into a hug.
"Now, see…I'm not mad. It's okay to be scared. We don't have to do anything you don't want to do. I love you just the same, Jade."
"Beck…I don't think I'm afraid anymore." She looked up at him.
"Are you sure, Jade?"
"Yes." She pulled him into a kiss and they slowly leaned back onto the bed.
The scene played over again. The kissing, the wandering hands. Only this time she let him unbutton her jeans.
She kissed him passionately as she lifted his shirt over his head.
In a matter of minutes they were under the sheets, their hearts racing.
They made love for the very first time.
"Jade…?" Beck whispered when they had settled down.
"Yeah?" Jade whispered back, a bit sleepy.
"I love you. More than anything." Beck whispered, wrapping his arm around her.
"I…I love you, too, Beck." She cuddled into her chest, closing her eyes.
They fell asleep that way, entwined in each other's embrace.
Jade had let her guard down. And there were no regrets.