Trouble follows me around like a lost puppy.
It's never just a coincidence when someone close to me turns up hurt.
It definitely wasn't a coincidence when Dad turned up dead on the shore of Bushwell River, and Mom blamed me. She had every right to, it was my fault.
Actually, there's a better way of explaining this.
Trouble follows me around like Freddie Benson follows Carly Shay.
The first day of school is always the worst. People shove past me, excited to see their friends again after the holidays, and bustling to find their lockers. I stick behind, and wait until first period has started to bother looking for my locker. I'm not excited to see Carly 'cause I stayed with her for the entire holidays anyway.
Carly had announced that she and Griffin were gonna get married some day to me between first and second period. I shrugged, bit into my ham, and ignored her giggly rambling. They'd gotten together sometime in the last week, i couldn't remember for sure, but it was probably Wednesday. Stuff to do with Carly usually happens on Wednesdays.
Freddie turned up during third period, shrieking something about not needing an STI test to his mom, and then walking over to us, looking pretty stressed.
"She's been like that all morning," He grumbled.
"Oh, Woe is you." I said, rolling my eyes and snatching his donut out of his hand and stalking away, already in a bad mood.
School didn't agree with me. And neither did the look the substitute teacher gave me ten minutes later.
"I can't believe she's with him again, I mean seriously! The dude's just...Ugh, I dunno. Bad."
How did i get roped into letting Freddie whine to me? Heck, Even i don't have the answer to that one.
"Dude, How many times do i have to tell you I don't care?" I frowned, glaring at him.
He rolled his eyes. "Sure you don't. Now sit still and listen."
Clenching my fists, I sat back in my seat and tuned him out, until he asked me something.
"Yes." I said quickly, hoping it sounded like I knew what i was talking about. He gave me an irritated look.
"I asked you what you thought about it, Sam." He said, and then threw his hands in the air. "Nevermind. It's not like you have enough of a heart to give a crap. I'll see you at iCarly rehearsal."
My eyes went wide. I felt...Bad? It was an annoying feeling all the same. "Freddie, Wait-!"
But he was already out the door. So i forgot that I felt bad as soon as the door clicked shut, and wandered over to Carly's fridge to get some Ham. It's funny how we always have our conversations about Carly at Carly's house. You'd think Spencer or Carly herself would walk in, but strangely enough, that's never happened.
"Sam, can you keep a secret?" Carly asked one night from where she laid two feet from me, curled on her side on the bed.
"Nope." I murmured, popping the 'p'. She sighed.
"This is serious, Sam, can you keep a secret?"
I bit my lip, making the decision quick. "Sure. For you."
"I'm...Griffin and I are gonna elope."
My eyes went wide and I sat up in bed. "You can't do that!" I gasped out.
"What? Why not?" She frowned, looking up at me with her eyebrows knitted together in confusion.
"You'd rip Freddie to shreds!" I wasn't sure why I was so worried about Freddie at this point, but the thought of him hurting while Carly and Griffin were laughing and being happy together didn't sit well with me.
"You do that every day," She said matter-of-fact-ly.
"Yeah, but that's different!"
"I'm doing it physically. I don't know how Freddie's gonna make it if you do-"
"Oh, cut the crap, Sam. He doesn't love me anymore, everybody knows it. He's in love with-"
"Don't you dare," I snarled, "Don't you dare turn this on me. He still loves you. I know he does."
"I'm going home."
"Sam, just go back to sleep. I shouldn't have told you."
'I shouldn't have told you' had never hurt so much.
"Did you hear what Carly Shay did last weekend?"
"Oh my god, I heard she wore a monkey suit when she did it!"
"Well i heard her vows where lines from Girly Cow!"
"I heard she's pregnant, and that's why they did it!"
"Oh Shut up!" I shouted, and the four girls jumped, wide eyed and terrified. "You don't know anything about Carly Shay eloping. Just, shut up." I hissed.
"Yeah. It's none of your business."
I turned, surprised, to see Freddie giving the same girls a sharp look, before turning a small smile on me. "Were you there?"
"Uh-Well, Er, No."
"Me neither," He grinned. "I bet it was cool though. Griffin would have a cool wedding, even if it was just eloping. I bet there were ninjas on the cake."
"Ninjas on the cake?" I repeated blankly. "You're not...Upset?"
"About what?" He laughed, giving me a confused glance.
"Carly and Griffin!"
"Why would I be? They're perfect for each other."
He didn't seem to see the sitch the same way I did. I banged his head against a locker.
"Ow!" He screeched, "What the heck was that for?"
"Do you still feel happy about Carly and Griffin?"
"Yes! What's that got to do with-"
He never got to finish his sentence, I stomped away.
"How've you been, Sam?"
"Go away, Melanie."
"Oh come on, Please? I just wanna know how you are."
"I'm fine. Now go."
"Talk to me!"
"Have you got any ham?"
"Uh...I guess, In the fridge..."
"Give it to me."
"Are you and Freddie together?"
"Why would we be?"
"Well...You two are pretty much made for eachother."
"Oh, I swear to god, you'd better not be a Seddie fan. I hate them."
"C'mon Sam. What do you really think of Freddie?"
"Oh my god, Freddie, that is so cool!" Alicia Grant is hanging off of Freddie and giggling like a maniac, and it makes my blood boil.
I stomped over, and shoved her away. "Get lost." I snarled.
"What the hell?" She shrieked, "Just because you're in love with Freddie!"
"I am not-" I growled in frustration and clenched my fists ready to punch Alicia. "Why does nobody believe me?"
"I believe you," Freddie said softly.
I looked up, and then at Alicia, and then smiled. "Good."
He smiled back. "Yeah."
"I hate the prom."
"I know you do."
"I hate dresses."
"I know that too."
"I hate decorations."
"What do you know? I knew that too!"
"I hate fancy hairdo-s."
"I'm starting to wonder If you're even listening to me, Sam."
"I hate flowers too."
"Okay, So you're not listening. Well then. I'm actually kinda offended."
"I hate paint."
"Actually, I'm not offended. This is just basic Sam."
"I hate boyfriends."
"And maybe one day, you won't ignore me mercilessly."
"I hate dancing."
"Maybe I'll turn on you one day, and ignore you."
"I hate the music."
"I hate that Carly's married now."
"Oh, and there's that. Maybe I'll marry you one day, and we can have fifteen kids. We'll name them One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, and the rest of them will be Bob."
"I hate Griffin."
"And we'll only send the Bob's to college, because the rest of them won't be literate enough. They'll be too busy eating ham to learn stuff."
"I hate technical stuff."
"And all the Bob's will love technical stuff. They'll all be computer programmers."
"I hate holidays."
"And they'll only visit during the summer holidays."
"I hate you."
"But Three will always come during thanksgiving too-"
"Did you say something?"
"...Why do I bother?"
"Wanna go out some time?" Freddie winces as the words leave his mouth and I stare at him blankly before kicking him in the shin and running away. What the hell is he playing at?
There's no way I'd ever date him.
So we date for two years after that, and marry on my twentieth birthday. Trouble still follows, and somehow Valerie gets invited to our wedding, and spoils most of it. But who cares.
Our first kid's name is Joel. And Trouble follows him around wherever he goes.
Wait. There's a better way to explain it.
Trouble follows him around like Freddie Benson follows me around.
First. iCarly. Fic. EVAAA :D
Reviews are much loved, as is constructive criticism! I don't like this too much to be honest, but meh.