Introduction—Meet n' Greet

Evening, fuckers. If your head's stuck up your ass, you're completely stupid, or you're just not as awesome as me, I am Mihael Keehl, also known as Mello. I will be your friendly neighborhood narrator-slash-basher-slash-bastard during your little trip into the realms of writing Death Note fanfictions and such.

Why, you may ask?

Because I'm fucking THE BEST, and that bigheaded albino twit isn't smart enough to write shit like this. Plus, I've already got two books out, thus making me fuckloads better than Nate fucking River. Ha.

But honestly, I've been scanning through the Death Note archives and slowly killing pieces of my already damned soul by forcing myself to read highly flawed stories. Some lacked grammar, others lacked imagination, others had Mary-Sue characters so bad I wanted to shoot myself, and others just sucked ass. Not all of them did, though, and I did come across many a good one. Unfortunately, the horrendousness of the others sorta overshadowed the high-quality fics.

Think of learning to write good, quality fanfiction as if you were trying to detox yourself from alcohol: there are steps to go through. First you address the most important things, then you filter through the rest of the shit until you're completely clean.

It's just that easy.

The same goes for writing good fanfiction: once you learn the basics of grammar, spelling, and punctuation, you can move onto the next steps, like learning about how to avoid the dreaded Mary-Sue OC, keeping characters in character when needed, and making a plot that's at least semi-original.

Now, some of you may be saying, "Psh, I don't need this! I have good grammar and spelling skills!"

Well, that may be true, but if you really wanna be a great fanfiction author you've GOT to work on your storytelling skills and stuff like that. Unless you want to be doomed to a life of fail. That's fine with me; no skin off my nose if you're content with sucking for life. Just don't come crying to me when you get no reviews or get flamed.

And if you do, I'll point you in the direction of this handy little guide and bitchslap you for not reading it in the first place.

If you've chosen to read this all the way through to the end, good for you.

If you've chosen to take offense to anything said in this damn thing, take a trip to the East Coast and thicken your fucking skin up. Seriously.

If you LOL while reading this, my job is complete.

If you take this seriously, get counseling. QUICKLY.

If you clicked the link to this in hopes that I'd tell you the secret to becoming a fantastic author and blowing everyone else out of the water because I'm God, you need to spend less time at the computer. Oh, and 'Messiah' will do, thank you very much.

I think that's about it for an intro chapter. Now if you'll excuse me, I have an albino to punch.