How I wish love were simple. I wish Katherine had never come back into our lives. Well more back into their lives but mine by association. My doppelganger, my ancestor,
personal thorn in my side, monkey wrench in my life. I will not say that I wish that Stephan hadn't come into my life. I would be dead years ago if that were the case. I would
have drowned with my parents. I did wish for a moment that Damon had come into my life first. But when he snapped Jeremy's neck, I would have staked him myself and felt
no remorse. I had never been so angry at him. More so than with what happened with Vicky. But Jeremy was fine. Thank god Uncle John. Excuse me, my father (shudder) gave
him that ring. Damon said he didn't see it and that he didn't know what he would have done if Jeremy hadn't been. I told Damon our friendship was over after I used him. I used
him just as Katherine has for nearly a hundred and fifty years. I am more like her than I first thought. I hate myself for doing that. For looking just like her even through no fault
of my own. For playing the Salvatore brothers against each other even when I don't mean to. For letting Damon fall in love with me. For having to break his heart and pick
Stephan over him just as Katherine did and apparently still does. I want to forgive him completely for what happened with Jeremy. I know that he was drunk and upset and that
normally he wouldn't have let it come down like that. I shouldn't believe that but before she came back, Damon was getting better. He still is but now... Now I don't know what to
do. There are werewolves, Katherine, Caroline being a new born Vampire and Bonnie blaming Damon for anything that has gone wrong and could go wrong. She tried to burn him
alive for doing something that she agreed to. She told him to give Caroline his blood. How were we to know that Katherine would do something like that? It retrospect we should
have known better. So here it is, the bottom line. The thing that I have been wracking my brains out over. The reason I am writing this entry, the reason that I am pounding
down a pint of Ben and Jerry's and the reason I am sure Damon is pounding down scotch with equal abandon. I don't know how I feel about him. I know I care about him. I know
that this crushing feeling of guilt I have after telling him our friendship is over is more than I think I can handle. I do want to be his friend. I want him in my life. But that is
unbelievably selfish. I cannot tear apart that Salvatore brothers. I will not be Katherine. I WILL not succumb to her desire to see us all burn. Well everyone except Stephan. How
could I have used Damon like that? What is wrong with me? I am so frustrated with myself and all this vampire BULLSHIT! I realize of course that is over simplifying the whole
thing. Urgh. Maybe I should call and apologize. He was honest with me. He could have lied and said that he had seen the ring. He could have done that thing with his eyebrows
that both annoys and makes me smile and said yes that he saw it. Done the typical Damon thing. Only he doesn't do the typical Damon things as much. The Jeremy incident was
an accident. A vampire accident but really it ended up alright. Not really but Jeremy's not dead so in the end no harm done. Again that's not really true but what I tend to forget
sometimes, I forget it more than I should really. Damon is a vampire. He has been a hunter and killer for decades. Stephan wasn't always on the wagon either. This is pointless!
I'm going to call and apologize.
Elena closed her diary and pushed her self off the bed and kneeled on the floor to pull up the lose floor board under her bed and placed her diary inside before replacing the board
firmly on top. Since Jeremy had found her old hiding spot she had been moving her diary after each time she wrote in it. God forbid someone worse than he little brother find
what was written in the pages. She stood and brushed invisible dust off her knees. Elena picked up her cell phone from her night stand and flipped it opened. She scrolled down to
Damon's number. She had renamed him in her address book. Instead of reading Damon it now read: Jerk childish but effective. She clicked on his number, and immediately hung
"So stupid!" she fumed quietly to herself. She walked to the bathroom to brush her teeth and pull her hair back into a ponytail. Elena walked to her room while she was yanking
her hair up into a high pony tail. She picked her cell phone and dialed Damon's number and waiting. She impatiently paced back and forth. Her heart was beating a mile a minute
waiting for him to pick up.
"You've reached Damon Salvatore. I can't come to phone right now so leave a message." Elena rolled her eyes in frustration and waited for the beep. It did and she remained
silent, surprised by the sound of it. Nothing. No words, not a single thing to say. Elena hung up and flopped back onto her bed, covering her eyes with her arm. Maybe the whole
thing was getting to complicated. She didn't want to be like Katherine. She didn't want to be the one to pull the Salvatore's apart. Elena got up and pulled her diary back out. She
felt better and more focused when writing. The swirling thoughts in her head became coherent sentences.
It's bad enough with everything with Katherine but now with the Lockwood's secret being made known to us. We have a psycho, vengeful vampire out for who knows what but
most likely our completely annihilation now we have a werewolf that Damon pissed off running amok. Now Caroline's mum knows about Stephan and Damon and Caroline. The
chief of police, a member of the council who existed in 1864 to drive out the vampires and still exists for that same purpose. Now my feeling for Damon are all foggy. This
stupid fake fight with Stephan certainly worked for awhile but of course I should have seen that I would really start thinking about the things we were saying. I don't know
anymore. With Stephan there is something always dark and dramatic brewing just below the surface. That crinkle he gets between his eyebrows. If he were human that crinkle
would stick. His blood lust sometimes gets out of control. Its hard to be around me sometimes for that very reason. Damon on the other hand. Some of his unpredictability is
predictable. It's when he consistently does caring things that throw me for a loop. I can see him trying to be good. At first I thought it was just to impress me. Now I think
maybe we've got the Salvatore brothers confused. Damon is the one who truly has the heart and is safe to be around the Stephan is the deadly one…I saw that didn't I? With the
whole blood drinking debacle before. I mean yes I am helping him build up a tolerance but what if this back fires? And more to the point, what if it back fires on me while his
teeth are in my wrist? I suppose I could hope that Damon would be home and be able to pull Stephan off me. That is incredibly stupid, naive and extremely selfish. I know how
strongly Damon feels for me and how much I hurt him by using him. I need him to keep being good, to keep trying and I think he knows that. He wants my friendship and trust
back more than anything. I see that on the very surface of those amazing blue eyes. When other people are around he never gives me that look. Never quirks his eyebrow the
same way as he does when we're alone. He barely does that smolderingly look behind Stephan's shoulder. I can feel burning a whole in my back and occasionally my butt when
he's behind me when we're alone. The only time he really did it in complete public was when were dancing. I couldn't admit it at the time but I had never wished so much that it
had been Damon and not Stephan I had met first. The Damon that I was and could be friends with again. The Damon who knows what he's done but wants to do better, to be
good, to have my love. I know however that without Stephan I would have drowned with my parents. It's one giant never ending circle of madness. 1864 haunts me nearly as
much as it must haunt them. If Katherine hadn't have come back…Then who knows. Well for starters Caroline wouldn't be a vampire and her mother wouldn't have found out
about the Salvatore's. I never would know that I was adopted, that my own mother was made a vampire by Damon, that my own mother was working for Katherine. I suppose
we could just go on as we are. Waiting for the council to find out, wait for the Lockwood's curse to spread, wait for Katherine's plans to reveal themselves, and continue to burn
myself alive from the inside out thinking about Damon.
A few weeks later...
So now we know. Fanstatic. The Orignals coming for my blood, coming for those I love. I broke down in Stephan's arms. Out of fear, out of sheer exhustion. When he and Damon
rescued me, I would have run into Damon's arms but Stephan was too quick for me. I should have kept running towards Damon. After he dissapeared through my window after
returning my necklace, I should have called and told him I remebered what he said when he thought I was being compelled. How do I say it? How do I explain the depth of my
longing? The depth of my despair? I would feel alright if he would let me finish the sentance. I would feel alright if he would tell me again that he loves me. I would feel alright if
he would only wake me from this unbelieveable nightmare we're all living in right now. He would make me happy. Through my suffering I have learned to believe he'll be waiting
for me. He's always there. With the truth, with a shoulder, with his help, with his love. I am tried of fighting for a relasonship with Stephan. It brings lies and misery and
Katherine will follow him from the very depth of hell to haunt our lives. I don't feel safe with him any more. No more. I am making my choice for good or ill. No more being
afaird. No more Katherine bullshit. No more lies and decet. Damon loves me so much is being completely unselfess for Stephan and our friendships sake. He doesn't relieze the
black cloud he has placed on my life by making me forget. No more.
Elena closed her dairy and returned it to her hiding spot. She got threw a pair of jeans on over her pjs and grabbed her leather jacket and keys. She yanked her hair out of the
pony tail on her way down the stairs, fluffing it out with her hands. She pulled on a pair of black ballet flats by the door and left quietly. She started her car and started driving
towards the Salvatore boarding house. Half way there however a horrorfying relazation came to mind. She still hadn't broken up with Stephan. And worse Rose was there. She
knew Damon would feel rejected and dejected enough to have slept with thier new follower.
"Shit!" Elena shouted hitting the sterring wheel with the heel of her plamb and slamming on the brakes.
She sat there parked in the middle of the road, each hand gripped on the wheel. She could feel tears prickling her eyes. She took a deep calming breath. It didn't work, it was
raggade, like broken glass in her chest. Elena began to wiegh her options. The first and most likely choice was to just turn around drive back home, climb into bed, and deal with it
in the morning. The second was to continue to the Boarding House, break up with Stephan in a calm controlled way (sort of) and then avoid Damon and Rose. mostly Rose. and
Damon for the time being.
'Yeah right.' Elena thought smiling sligthly through the tears.
Her avoiding Damon. He could avoid her like she couldn't believe, but the other way around never worked as well. Especally when a large part of her didn't want to avoid him at
all. It began to occur to her that sitting out in the middle of no where in the middle of the night was a very VERY bad idea. Elena turned her car around and started to head home.
She pulled in her drive way and slowly trudged her way back up to bed. She dropped her jacket on the floor and noticed how cold her room was. The window was opened.
"Where were you?" came a voice concenred from the window sill.
Stephan stuck his head in. Elena sighed. At this point she had been hoping to be able to put the whole thing off until tommorow, mabye this way she'd be able to get some sleep.
"I just went to a drive Stephan."
He was climbing in the window and moving towards her to take her into his arms. Elena stepped back before he could reach her. His face fell as quickly as his outstreached arms.
"What's the matter?" Stephan asked, his forhead wrinkling into full broodey mode.
Elena smiled gently and sat down on the edge of her bed.
"I've been doing a lot of thinking Stephan," Elena was picking at her bedspread as she started. "I don't feel safe being with you anymore." Stephan opened his mouth to say
something. Elena raised her hand and looked up. "I know what you're going to say. I am terrofied of whats happing with The Orignals. What could happen to my friends and
family. I feel like if you find out any more information you're not going to tell me." Stephan moved closer and Elena held up her hand again. "Let me finish. It wouldn't be the first
time you kept me in the dark for my own good. I feel like I am constantly fighting to keep a relasonship with you. I have enough fighting ahead of me. I will always love you and
always be your friend but I can't be with you anymore."
Elena finished feeling a wieght lift from her shoulders. She felt a bit guiltly but it had to been done. There was no taking it back now. She slowly looked up at Stephan. His mouth
was in a tight line and his hands clenched into fists. His eyes had darkened. Elena backed up on her bed.
"This is because of Damon isn't it?" Stephan asked barely above a whisper. He took a step closer to Elena.
"No. It isn't," Elena said calmly and with complete honsety.
"Are you in love with him?" Stephan demanded.
He was hovering over her with a murderous look in his eye. Elena swollowed and try to back up more. Stephan grabbed her shoulders and shook her violetly.
"Stephan! You're hurting me!" Elena shouted.
"Do you love him!" He shouted, his eyes going dark the viens around his eyes popping.
"Yes," Elena whispered terrorfied.
She felt his hands tighten on his arms. She whimpered in pain. Jeremey burst into her room, followed very quickly by Jenna and Alaric.
"Put her down Stephan!" Jeremey shouted.
From behind him Alaric was dropping a stake into his hand from his sleeve.
"Stephan!" Jenna admonised shocked by his behavoir.
Elean could feel the tears coursing down her face. She knew that this would be hard to Stephan to hear but she never expected him to hurt her. Maybe his intake of human blood
no matter how small the amount, was a very bad idea. Stephan dropped her roughly onto the bed and stalked out the room with out a word. Jeremy and Alaric parted to let him
pass. Jenna stepped into his path. The boy went on full alert.
"You are not longer invited inside this house." Jenna said coldly. "I want you to leave and never come back here."
Stephan nodded starring at the floor and left quickly without a word. Elena curled into a ball. Jeremy sat with her and pulled her into his arms.
"What happened?" he asked softly, smoothing Elena's hair.
"We broke up."
"I'm sorry sweetie." Jenna said coming over to sit with the siblings.
Alaric had stepped out to make sure Stephan left. Elena could hear him on the phone. She hoped and feared that it was Damon on the other line. Stephan was probley hauling ass
towards the Boarding House to beat him up. Or worse. It was that thought that brought on the sobbing. Jeremey and Jenna held her tightly between them was the
"I am Katherine" Elena whispered between sobs. "He's going to kill him."
She squeezed her eyes shut as she heard footsteps coming fast up the stairs.
"Elena?" asked a soft concerned voice from the floor in front of her.
Elena's eyes shot opened. Damon's blue eyes were searching her face, shinning with worry. Jenna and Jeremy let go as Elena bounded into Damon's arms. He embraced her back
just a quickly. She began to sob harder than she was before. She gripped onto tightly to his leather jacket, soaking the black tight tee shirt in front of her.
"What happened?" Damon asked Jeremy without letting go of the broken girl in his arms.
"She broke up with Stephan. He hurt her. We came in here when she shouted. Stephan had her by the shoulders and he shook her." Jeremy said this giving a Damon a look that
said how much Stephan could have hurt Elena.
"I told him he couldn't come back." Jenna said getting up. She rubbed Elena's back and walked to the door. "I'll go make some tea."
Jeremy followed her. "Holler if you need anything." Damon nodded.
He sat Elena gently on the bed. He leaned against her head board and pulled her up his side to rest her head on his chest. The sobbing become the occasional sniffle and hiccup.
"He scared me Damon," Elena whispered. "I thought he was really going to hurt me."
Damon rubbed her back soothingly unsure of what to say. He really wanted to go out and kill Stephan, or at least maim him beyond reconiztion for hurting Elena.
"Alaric called to tell me that Stephan was here and you needed help. I came as soon as I could." He pressed a kiss to her forhead. "He also told me that Stephan was probley
going to try and kill me. What did I do this time?"
"You love me." Elena whispered snuggling into his chest.
She felt Damon stiffen. She looked up at him.
"Who told you that?" He asked quirking an eye brow at her. "Isobel?"
"You did." Elena spoke softly.
Damon jumped back from her and off the bed.
"What?" He asked sounding shocked and angery.
"I remeber." Elena said simpley.
"How?" Damon asked sitting back on the bed slowly.
"Partically everything to eat or drink here has a touch of Verviane in it. Since Katherine compelled Jenna into stabbing herself I've been adding to anything I could think of."
"So what made Stephan hurt you?" Damon asked ignoring the new information for now. noticing the qucikly forming brusies on both of Elena's arms.
Elena felt suddenly nervous. This was the moment. She could put all her cards on the table and let the chips fall were they may.
"I told him something he didn't want to hear. Something that has been on my mind at every waking moment. Something that has been on the tip of my touge, that has sent me
dialing your number and hanging up in fear."
Elena took a deep breath.
"I love you too."
Damon's lips were on her's faster than Elena thought possible. His hands on either side of her face. His lips were soft and warm moving in tandeum with Elena's. When his togune
swept gently into Elena's mouth she was lost. Her arms came up around Damon's leather encased shoulders pulling him closer. Kissing Damon felt like a cosmic puzzle piece had
fallen into place. Like gravity. Thier whole world had shifted to where it was suppose to be. Elena felt whole, safe and loved. Nothing in the world mattered, nothing would or could
stop them from loving eachother. Damon pulled her up higher and Elena wrapped her legs around his waist to deepen the kiss. Her hands worked into his soft brown hair pulling
gently. Elena grinned into the kiss as she heard Damon growl. His hands were tight around her holding Elena close. She pulled back to take a breath. Resting her forhead against
Damon's staring down at his shining blue eyes.
"I love you Elena," Damon whispered. He let all his love for her shin through his eyes. He felt free finally not having to hide his feelings.
Elena sighed and closed her eyes.
"Say it again," she whispered snuggling her face into his neck.
"I love you."
Elena punkuaded each word with a soft kiss to Damon's neck. She pulled back to look at his handsome face.
"I love you Damon." Elena said smiling at him.
Alright kids, I hope you liked it. There is more if you want it. Let me know.