Disclaimer: I own neither Familiar of the Zero, nor Do I own Mahou Sensei Negima. Both are properties of their respective copyright holders. I claim nothing nor do I intend to make profit with any of their materials or works. Please do not sue me, I own nothing. This work is just a story that hit me like lightening.

Mahou Tsukaima Negima-

The story is set roughly 6 years after the Mundus Magicus arc and at the start of Zero no Tsukaima. The events following the Mundus arc if mentioned are fabrications of my own imagination, and I will be shocked if any of them actually happen. I also would like to make certain things clear before I proceed, and this IS a spoiler warning for Negima, I think that Negi's Dark form resembled a Dark, evil Dragon, and that's what I'm going with irrespective of whether I'm right or wrong. Next Eva will be freed from her Curse .(oops spoiler alert for my own Fanfic.. meh never mind)Third anything I do that may seem crazy , is due to sleep deprivation which I am a victim of so I'm sorry but thems the breaks. Finally I wanted an older , much older Negi in the story though chronologically he is around 16-17, biologically due to time spent in Eva's resorts and other such bottle worlds Negi actually appears This is my first attempt at a roughly 90% comedy story. Have mercy if I screw up.

Finally time to start the story.

"Speaking"

Magic

Thoughts

Chapter 1:- Well that's Never Happened before.

Louise Françoise le Blanc de' la Valliere was having perhaps the most terrifying experience of her life. She along with the rest of her year, who just became second years in the Tristan Academy of Magic, had to summon a familiar, a faithful servant who would obey her every command. Being of short stature and of a questionably female body shape left her quite jealous of her more endowed classmates. That and her unofficial third name was "The Zero" which was used by her classmates to remind her of her success rate in casting any form of magic, a constant 0, left her with a low self esteem and an inferiority complex that made a certain harem lord seem normal(not telling who). She was at last called forth to summon her familiar by the middle aged man with a receding hairline and dark brown hair. She stepped forward and chanted-"My glorious , magnificent and majestic, servant who resides somewhere in this universe come forth by the power of the pentagram founded by the great sage Brimir, I call you to my side" for a few seconds nothing happened and Louise knew absolute terror she began panicking, imagining her disgrace and her future prospects in life, an unwanted brief, a pauper, a disgraced noble, even a serving maid. And then, it happened, there was a large explosion. Never in her life had Louise been more grateful to hear an explosion. She saw a figure in the smoke but it frankly reminded her of a kraken as it appeared to have what looked like 8 limbs. Her heart raced, if she had manage dot summon a kraken, a legendary monster then it would surpass all the others familiars, even Tabitha who had summoned a Dragon, or the boob monster Kirche von Zerbrest who summoned a salamander and the rest of her tormentors, her classmates who summoned everything from bug bears to snakes. She would get back at all of them with her mighty kraken, she would make them pay for the humiliation and for the time the laced her tea with something that left her hot and heavy for days, or the time they hung her panties from a flagpole or the... As Louise began recalling all her trauma's involving her school life the dust began to settle, and the first thing she saw was what appeared to be a green tentacle. Definitely a kraken she thought. Then finally as the dust fell to the ground, so did her jaw along with the rest of her classmates and her professor's as well...

At the centre of a crater stood a group, a GROUP of people, no worse commoners. All her dreams crashed around her, she forgot about getting revenge on von Zerbrest and her classmates as she just stared. She began counting heads, there were at least 5 people in there but two large figures prevented her from seeing further in. She saw a tall man with spiky red hair that seemed on fire and a staff that surprisingly looked like Tabitha's minus the focus jewel, standing there yelling at a red haired girl with twin ponytail and strange bell like hair ornaments. The green she saw earlier turned out to the hair of a girl with the strangest head ornaments she had ever seen, who was carrying a large travelling pack on her back. There also appeared to be a short petite blond girl, who made Louise feel strangely secure about her own body. And finally there were the two dark haired girls, one almost hidden by the man, who were trying to stop the other two from fighting, one had gorgeous and long brown hair and the other had short black hair tied into a pony tail on one side of her head. Then suddenly another red head popped out from the centre of the group, but this one seemed more infuriated at the man than the other and began arguing very loudly with him in a language that she did not understand.

But that was not the biggest shock of all, all of them and I mean ALL OF THEM were beautiful, they were so beautiful that some of the males in her class began to pass comments that made her blush, and the man in the strange group she managed to summon was so handsome that she heard girls swooning, mooning and passing out behind her. Even the girl whose development was at an earlier stage than her own seemed to ooze beauty from her very pores. The argument still going on meanwhile finally reached a crescendo then finally silence settled in as they began to notice their surroundings, some conversation was made again and general pointing in her direction occurred. Louise suddenly broke out her trance and wiped away the drool that had begun to spill out of her mouth as she approached the brown haired man who was her professor and spoke "Professor Colbert please let me try the summoning spell again." Her professor also in a trance of his own suddenly blinked back into consciousness and cleared his throat quite loudly as many others became aware of their surroundings. He then told his young student "That will not be possible miss de' la Valliere, the sanctity of the summoning ritual must be preserved, now please complete your contract with you familiar… I mean familiars." he quickly corrected himself. "But they're all commoners and there are 7 of them and most of them are girls…" said the girl in a highly nasal voice, she began mounting her protest just as Colbert cut her short "No excuses Miss Valliere.. .Or would you like me to actually expel you?" The threat made her pout further as she approached her familiars.

She was going to dread this.

She walked up to the group and held out her wand, this action had an almost immediate response from her future familiars. She was surprised to see that all of them had gone into combat positions, with the man, the red head and the dark haired first taking forward positions while the remaining split into middle and rear lines. She then tried to talk to them, " I mean you no harm "she said and the man seemed to understand her sentiments as did the petite blond, while the rest showed no signs of comprehension, he slowly whispered for them to stand down. Releasing a breath she did not realize she held she moved forward and spoke the words for the contract" Wit this let us be bound as master and familiar" and then tapped all their heads lightly with it. Now onto the hard part she thought. She then held the head of the green haired girl in her hand and then kissed her, many of her classmates hooted in the background. She moved on and then kissed the petite girls who in turn tried to push her tongue into Louise's mouth. Louise broke off the kiss with a face that resembled a tomato in tone, and then kissed the remaining 4 girls and finally turned her attention to the man whom she kissed as well which earned her a jeer form her arch enemy Kirche, and several boos from her female classmates. Surprisingly though, none of them were fazed, they looked as though kissing were an everyday affair. She scoffed at the very idea. Then a bright glow from each of their hands told Louise that the runes had begun to form on them, and again much to her surprise, none of them as much as batted an eyelid. The glowing ceased and then they all looked at their left hands where the same runes appeared. Mister Colbert said"Good now your contract is complete." And the tension that hung in the air disappeared.

Then the fighting began once more among them, Louise unable to take it anymore takes out her book of spells and searches for a spell to shut her familiars up. She found the spell of silence, and began chanting. Her classmates for fear of life ran away fast as their legs, or their familiars could carry them. Then she finished her chanting and then yelled "Silence" and pointed her wand at her still arguing familiars. And explosion rocked where they stood, after the dust settled she saw that they remained practically unfazed, minus a singed hair or two, all glaring in her direction, she buckled. They all screamed "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?"Louise recoiled at the loud noise and retorted "YOU WOULDN'T SHUT UP!" And then a revelation came over all of them as they all shouted" Hey I can understand you/her."

There was a pause that reminded some of the moment in their favorite TV dramas where a vamp would announce to the main character "I'm Pregnant and it's yours.", when finally Louise broke the silence and spoke or rather announced and demanded at the same time.." I am Louise Françoise le Blanc de' la Valliere, a noble of the Tristain Empire. Who are you people?" The man who seemed to be in charge come front and spoke," I am Negi Springfield of Ala Alba. These are my companions Asuna Kagurazaka, Evangeline A.K McDowell, Karakuri Chachamaru, Setsuna Sakurazaki, Konoe Konoka, and finally Hasegawa Chisame. It's a pleasure to meet you Valliere-san" He flashed her a smile that almost made her pass out. What was this man? She thought to herself. He continued "If you would be so kind as to tell us where we are, it would be very much appreciated."

This caught her a bit off guard, she fumbled over her thoughts- Who are these people? Don't they know they are in the continent of Halkegnia? She then responded" You all are all in the kingdom of Tristain in the continent of Halkegnia" upon hearing this most of the group let out a sigh of exasperation as the y then collectively moaned "NOT again!" Louise was baffled by this comment and then continued to listen to their conversation.

"You just had to get us lost again didn't you boya!" said Evangeline, the blond girl whose words seem to send Negi quivering with fear.

"Damn it! You brat! Can't you ever learn to follow the map, we were supposed to take the right at Albakirke, THE RIGHT, not the god be dammed inter-dimensional portal that opened up in front of us." screamed Chisame, who continued on "Not only did you take my first kiss, I had to end up getting kissed by a pink haired Eva." At this comment Eva screamed "What did you say keyboard lover?"" You heard me Loli queen of the vampires; I said we had to get kissed by a pink haired version of you!" "That's it!" screamed Eva as she made a lunge for Chisame's throat but was stopped by Asuna who grabbed her by the scruff if the frilly dress she wore today and said "Now, now Eva chan , biting Chisame san isn't going to change anything. Instead let's take our frustrations out on the moron whose fault it is that we're stuck here." At this all three of them spun around to glare at Negi with a stare so fierce that somewhere Batman was filing a civil suit. (I don't own Batman either)

At this Negi began to back away from the three as he broke into a nervous sweat. Until Konoka and Setsuna managed to soothe all of them down by whispering something that only The three of them could here, and suddenly it seemed as if all five of them and Chachamaru who also managed to overhear what they said shot Negi a look that made him wish he had slept in… for the past month.

Finally unable to bear it anymore Louise yells at all her familiars "Enough! You all are my familiars, so shut up and do what I tell you!" Suddenly Louise wished she'd have shut up as all their attention turned towards her and in almost eerie synchronicity with varying levels of malice they all asked" Were you the one who summoned us?"

Louise sweat-dropped at this and slowly answered" Y-YE-YES!"

They huddled in and then began talking about something, after which they walked up to her and said" Take us to the one in charge here"

Louise gulped and agreed and then took them to see Old Osmond the headmaster of Tristain academy. Once there they asked that Louise leave, she was about to protest, when the stares she got made her scurry out of the office like a scared mouse. She waited outside until they stepped out, looking rather happy for once. Old Osmond appeared as well, to see them out of his office, he went back into his office with the parting comment that she could barely overhear, "Welcome to Tristain academy professors Springfield, McDowell, Kagurazaka, Sakurazaki, and Konoe, I will have someone escort you to your room."

Louise's mouth practically hit the floor. She didn't know which to be more shocked about, the fact that her familiars, commoners were made into instructors. Or the facts that all seven of them were going to share a single bedroom.

Louise marched up to them and asked "Ok who are you and how did you get a job here, only mages ergo nobles are allowed in here." Konoka mused"Oh mages are nobles in this world? Isn't that interesting Set-chan?" Setsuna turned crimson and the replied "Yes, it is ojousama." The rest of Ala Alba and Louise sweat dropped when Negi cleared his throat and spoke up" Well, we will explain later Valliere =-San." That was all the response she would get apparently.

Back at Osmond's office, the headmaster stroked his beard as he thought now this should be interesting. Just then Jean Colbert came in and then began " Mr. Osmond" " Who are you again?" the old man asked him , to which Colbert replied " It's me professor Colbert, now I have some news"" Well then get out with it" said the old man. Colbert sighed and began" I think you;ve heard that Miss Valliere has managed to summon not one but seven familiars, and all of them are human commoners" At this point Osmond thought, well not All of them are commoners, but I can't go revealing that now can I? Colbert continued on" Miss Valliere's summon's all had the same ruins etched on the same part of their bodies. I just found out that those runes belong to the legendary familiar of sage Brimir, Gandalfr. Osmond sweat-dropped Great, just another reason for them to be even more powerful than they already are, he thought and then began laughing with a mirth less chuckle that put professor Colbert a bit of edge. He then told the teacher "Speak of this to no one, and leave now" Colbert used to secrets walked out and gave a polite nod to Ms. Longerville who sat at the reception desk outside the headmasters office and then began thinking of ways to forget a memory.

Louise returned to her room and almost immediately plopped into her bed, her familiars were given the room opposite hers. Being the pubescent teenager she was, she began imagining all of them engaged in acts of debauchery, and her face shone like the eyes of Crusnik.(Don't own Trinity blood either)

The next morning she was surprised to see that her familiars were refreshed and did not look as though they had done anything amoral in the night. Still it left her quite curious of their sleeping arrangements. They followed her to the dining hall they looked at the dishes upon gilded plates and Negi said " Is that food? It looks like some sort of painting of food that no one could eat" Evangeline sighed and began educating her pupil" Now boya there are certain types of people who prefer eating food that looks opulent and tastes good as well""Hmm" Negi began to ponder that idea, when Asuna asked "Where do we sit?" sounding disinterested. Louise pointed at the floor. Another pregnant pause later Ala alba erupted in fury, well Asuna, Setsuna and Eva did anyway. Asuna egan "Why you little brat I oughta", this overlapped with Setsuna's "Who dare you make Ojousama do such a thing for this indignation you will.." and Eva's "(Insert Eva evil laugh here)! You actually think you can order me around do you child, well you better prepare for the consequences", Negi then rushed in and placated the three and told them something under his breath that Louise could not here but could discern the words "resort" ,and "I'll cook" and then they stalked out. Louise once again with an expression of calm hiding her muddled thoughts sat down to eat her own breakfast, while she thought -WHO IS SHE CALLING A CHILD? She then started planning her day.

Negi and Ala Alba continued their exploration of the castle, when all of them decided to head back to the resort for breakfast, when all of a sudden a maid, and honest to goodness maid showed up. She spoke to them" You must be the commoner familiars Miss Valliere summoned" one of them flinched at that remark but the rest of them paid no heed. Suddenly Negi's and Asuna's stomach grumbled quite loudly. The maid the Chirped, "If you're hungry then there's someplace I can get you some food, by the way my name is Siesta", Negi introduced Ala Alba and then began "Well Siesta san it's actually alright we have some plans of our own for breakfast…" then Negi was betrayed by his stomach as it began growling even louder, Negi"…" Siesta flashed a smile that screamed "YEAH RIGHT!" Then Siesta dragged both Negi and Asuna to the academy kitchen. Half an hour and roughly 15 servings later the Ala Alba members laid back and relaxed. Even Chachamaru ate some of the food they were offered. Chachamaru's recently installed digestive system allowed her to meet most of her energy needs through consumption of food, Hakase was getting better at making robot parts. Chachamaru was now almost indistinguishable from a human being; her voice had also become more emote. She still needed a charge once every 3-4 days as a supplementary source of energy, and the most powerful members of Ala Alba would take turns doing it. Chachamaru had come a long way from the shy obvious gynoid to what she was today. Asuna Konoka and Setsuna had pretty much matured in the same way, all of them grew taller and more bustier, Asuna now matched Ayaka .Setsuna and Konoka also had grown more bustier and though they still had what Setusna thought was a secret relationship, everyone knew, and I mean everyone. Now however all of them had an air of grace and beauty that was hard not to notice. In fact Asuna was starting to resemble Arika in a lot in many ways.

Chisame on the other hand had the most drastic coming out, she looked pretty much the same, only taller, but now she had a confidence which she once lacked. She stopped wearing those awful glasses and opted for more stylish frames. She also wore more cute clothes in the open, and although she would deny it and most likely kill the person who says so it was all because of Negi. Evangeline had undergone no change whatsoever; except a hardly noticeable increase in her chest size since her curse was broken. Negi had said that it would allow her to age until her desired age slowly, and then she would be stuck with that form. Evangeline couldn't have been happier. Now she only wished that they would grow faster. Creating a pseudo real body of your dreams is one thing but actually having it is another. She would wait however since a shinso has all the time in the world and then some to wait for anything. Ala Alba was incredibly grateful for the meal. Evangeline herself said "As thanks for the meal why not let us help you out," The statement was benign enough, however the Dark Evangel has a way of making the benign sound absolutely terrifying. Negi spoke up" Let us help you in repayment of your generosity" Though we could have survived without it he mused internally. Siesta stuttered a reply "No. No I absolutely can't." Konoka spoke up " It's no problem at all, none of us like getting a free meal , me and Se-chan can help with the cooking, while Eva chan can relax or something , and the rest can do whatever they want to help you. Our masters always insisted on repayment of all debts in full." Then after a couple of second of deliberation Asuna and Negi decided to help Siesta serve cakes to the nobles, while Chachamaru and Chisame would help in cleaning and running odd jobs Siesta then asked something that no one dared answer" Why isn't Evangeline san helping?" Ala Alba almost immediately got ready to hold off and if necessary temporarily neutralize the Dark Evangel. But she sipped on a cup of tea given to her earlier and gave a curt reply" My minions shall do the task for me. Has a boss ever got their own hands dirty unless it was something important?"sAla Alba sweat-Dropped while Asuna and Negi deadpanned, and Siesta just looked confused.

Negi and Asuna went to work quickly delivering the cakes with an elegance that Seista seemed to admire and aspire for at the same time. Apparently this was the time when the nobles got some time to bond with their familiars, and none of Ala Alba felt any particular need to try and bond with their petite master whom they jokingly called saku-eva . Both of them happened to notice a particular blond who sat at a table surround by many more of his male friends petting what looked like a walrus with a snout that reminded them of an anteater, Negi thought it was some kind of mole. When Asuna suddenly screamed"IT'S SOOOOO CUTE!" Negi deadpanned instantly and asked Asuna "Are you serious Asuna san?" Asuna stared at Negi while the blond beamed proudly...and she replied" I wasn't talking about that weird mole thing, I was talking about the crockery." Negi gave a sigh of relief... "For a second there I thought you were not right in the head there Asuna san". For this Negi got bonked on his head, that left him flinching in pain for a few minutes. The blond pretended selective deafness and then went back to his conversation with his friends. One suddenly asked " So Guiche who are you dating right now? I heard things between you and Montmorency were getting pretty serious." , the blond apparently named Guiche suddenly turned around and struck some flamboyant pose with his wand with an artificial rose tip and declared quite proudly" Dating, me? Now come on you actually think I would date someone? A rose is meant to be admired by all not just one." Suddenly Asuna and Negi felt a stomach wrenching lurch hit them as they heard that line. He was a narcissist that much was for sure. Unfortunately he was the type that embarrassed those around him with his own unique way of life.

Negi scanned the crowd and noticed a young girl wearing a brown cloak, fidgeting around in clear sight of Guiche. She was holding a package with great care as she thought about what to do with it. Negi suddenly realized that this girl was being led on by Guiche. Then he decided to have a little fun, he explained his plan to Asuna who decided to watch the show form a distance. Negi walked up to the brown girl who revealed her name to be Katy and asks her "Is that you boyfriend" a shy nod, all the confirmation her need."Well let me take you to meet him."

Guiche turned pale as Katy walked over to where they were and suddenly cried out" Mr. Guiche I knew you and Ms. Montmorency were seeing each other and to think I promised to make you a soufflé after yesterday." She walked up to him as he began stuttering "No Katy wait this is a misund-" he got cut off as he was slapped across the face. Then a blond with Curly hair suddenly showed up and screamed" GIUCHE! YOU TWO TIMING BASTARD! I knew there was something going on between you and that first year!" Guiche once again began stuttering an explanation" No wait, wait Montmorency it's all a misunderstanding I met Katy for a hunting expedition in -" again cut off by slap across face. He stood there shocked as all the nobles around him began to erupt into laughter and their friend's plight and greed. Guiche looked around until he saw the red haired man that Louise summoned yesterday walking away from the train wreck scene where his love life had died and he wanted blood.

Negi was walking back when all of a sudden he heard Guiche shout" You there! How dare a commoner like you defile the honor of two women like that, apologize to them now."

Negi gave him a level stare before responding "Hey I'm not the one who made them cry. It's your own fault for two timing and getting caught" Asuna coughed something that vaguely sounded like "Hypocrite" Negi glared back at her and then returned to the situation at hand. Guiche seemed almost out for blood as his friends once again erupted into laughter at the commoner's statement. Unable to bear it anymore he goes on and yells at the man "Don't you know how to treat nobles?" Negi replied once again with the same tone and stare hardly moving at all" Fortunately where I come from no such etiquette is required while dealing with nobles". Again Asuna coughed something that sounded like "Yeah right!" Negi then threw Asuna a bottle of throat lozenges and told her to stop that cough.

Guiche unable to take anymore yells" I challenge you to a duel!" and not missing a beat Negi replied "I accept." Now this was interesting a mage taking on a commoner. This would obviously be slaughter, but it should be fun to watch. Those were the thoughts on the minds of most of the Nobles. Negi asked Guiche "Where and when?" Guiche replied "Now at the Vestri Court." Guiche then stalked off thinking of the ways he could beat and humiliate his only competition, he knew this man would stand in his way of total female conquest and those at his side were quite the treat maybe one of them would become his to spare him. Guiche smiled evilly at this though.

Negi stood there until Siesta came up to him and whispered "What have you done? You must never anger a noble... " she silently walked away from him with a haunted look on her face. Negi simply stood there until his pink haired master came running towards him and told him, no ordered him to beg for Guiche's forgiveness. Asuna got up and asked Louise" What's the big deal he just seems like some sissy mage to me?" Louise replied" Even if he is a sissy he is a mage, and mages competing against commoners is like pitting a dog against a dragon. It is slaughter. Even if you are teachers here, none of you can be nobles, so to face Guiche is suicide" Negi shrugged and asked one of the students "Where is the Vestri court" One of them pointed the direction. Negi thanked him and went onward. Louise gave and exasperated sigh, and then followed Negi while Asuna skipped next to Negi as they approached the duel arena.

News spreads like wild fire anywhere people gather. Never was this statement truer, almost the entire school knew. Ala Alba had come along to watch the show, and even the Headmaster had put down a small fortune in a bet backing the red haired youth against overwhelming odds of 30:1. Osmond sighed. If only it was someone more competent than that moron Guiche de Garmont the odds would have been 100:1, thought the old man.

Negi simply walked up to the arena Guiche commended him on actually showing, and gave Negi one last chance to admit his mistake. When Negi refused Guiche sent a bronze golem after Negi. Negi just stood there Guiche though he was done for so did the crowd and Lousie, but Ala Alba knew better. They watched as a dingle flick of Negi's wrist turned the golem into dust. Guiche the screamed "I Am Guiche the Bronze, do you actually think you can defeat me commoner." He then proceeded to summon 15 Bronze golems and offered Negi a blade to be fare. Negi's only reply was "Is that all?"

Guiche's golem charged in as they attempted to beat the man to death, while he simply dogged with minimal movement, often not even moving. Many of the golems ended up destroying each other. Negi once again asked Guiche " Is that all you got?"

Guiche snaps and manages to send another 50 golems and starts to charge in himself, Negi then begins to power up a spell powerful enough to stop but not kill the foolish blond. But first he needed to awaken his true power. Since he was up against a weak foe like this a tenth of a percent should be more than enough. Suddenly runs appeared on his hand which appeared to be living as if snakes coiled around him. Then all of a sudden he disappeared, only to reappear a moment later at the centre of the platoon of golems, with a tail and two horns along with lightening crackling all around him, and then proceeded to knock Guiche out of his protective layer of golems, and then arrived where Guiche was flying to before Guiche himself. Then as Negi pinned him down, Guiche looked at his golems and hope surged in him. He thought I can use my golems for a counter attack. This commoner won't know what hit him. Suddenly all of them disintegrated and turned into fine sand that sat in heaps around them. Guiche's hope died like the minds of people forced to endure a 24 hour back to back marathon of Hannah Montana, The Jonas Brothers Show and The Negima anime, and Negi stood over him with enough arrows to kill him armed and ready to fire at the slightest provocation. Guiche suddenly squealed" I surrender"

Then Louise walks up to him and asks "Who are you? "

Negi replied " I am Negi Springfield, the last heir to the Vesperatia name, son of Queen Arika Anarchia Enthofushia and Nagi Springfield, The Thousand Master, I am also the second in command of the independent mercenary guild Ala Alba or 'White Wings' and finally starting today afternoon me and my comrades are going to be you new teachers."

With that statement a lot happened. First a large percentage of the School population fainted. Guiche was practically begging Negi for forgiveness, and Louise thought- I just summoned a prince, a hot prince, maybe it's my chance to get lucky, she thought, maybe my success rate is not zero after all .

An interesting future lay in wait for Ala Alba and Louise.

Chapter 1 end

A/n Note, well this took forever, I now respect all authors who can turn out chapters at any rate consistently, I t took m roughly 10 hours to get this drafted and edit it later. I tried to introduce a more first person perspective in this chapter because one of my friends who read my other story told me I stay too much in the third person, any comments on that. Anyway, hope you guys enjoyed it, pleases R&R , no flame please.