I apologise for the strangeness, and the poor writing, once this is finished I'll wipe it from my hard drive and we'll never speak of it again.
If Dean knew what his brother was currently doing with Gabriel he'd probably be less worried.
Then again, maybe not.
Alone in a private room with Castiel he's feeling nervous for the first time in...no, he can't remember ever being nervous around a woman. He must have been thinking of Sam. (currently humming against a mouthful of nubile angelic grace)
Castile isn't a woman though. Isn't really anything except a massive amount of light crushed down into a body, not even this body. It's all just illusory window dressing.
Castiel watches him from across the room, mainly because Dean is still by the door and Castiel is by the bed.
It's been fifteen minutes.
"You don't talk much do you?" he says, playing for time. He honestly has no idea how to get Cas's grace out of here now that he's found it.
"What would you like me to say, Dean?"
Ok, maybe talking won't help, because the level, deep tones of stripper-Cas will probably haunt his every fantasy, both waking and unconscious, as long as they both shall live. Amen.
"I don't know" He thinks back over the exchange's they've had, none of it's been very sexy, to say the least. Just intense, frightening and recently, quite frustrating.
Castiel's face takes on a well, what do you expect then? expression. She reaches for the few buttons holding her shirt together.
"Cas, seriously for the love of all that's holy, keep your clothes on." Dean stresses. Honestly Castiel looks like it's the clothes at are making him...her...it? more uncomfortable than the thought of being naked. But Cas abandons the buttons and instead toes off her shoes, padding across the carpeted floor in stockinged feet.
"As you wish" She comes to a stop about a foot from him, head cocked slightly.
"Ok...so you remember me. That's good" Dean looks into the unsettlingly familiar blue eyes. "I'm here to bust you out Cas."
"Out of where?"
"You know this isn't real right? It's like...angel hell or whatever."
"You're going to raise me from Hell?" A smile curves her full mouth. "that's nice."
"Yes. It is that." Dean shakes his head. "so you're going to come with me, ok." Castiel considers this, then ghosts a hand up the front of Dean's shirt, settling on the warm skin just under his collar.
He's never admitting to the lump in this throat. NEVER. Or the incredibly disturbing stirrings down south, stupid Castiel and his stupid girly parts.
Out in the hallway he shrugs off his jacket and drapes it over Castiel's shoulders. She looks slightly pleased and moves close at his side as they make their way towards the glowing EXIT sign. Soft moans come from the other rooms, and the baseline of something Dean identifies as Asia after a few seconds.
"Sam?" he calls, no way he's leaving his brother in hell. A door opens and Sam stumbles out, shirtless, mouth bitten red and two hickeys rapidly forming on his chest.
"If you did anything with Lucifer...I don't want to know." A blond chick leans in the doorway, arm around Sam's waist.
"Hey Dean-o" he waves.
"Gabriel." Castiel greets placidly, like they're at a luncheon and not in stripper hell. "how are you keeping?"
"Pretty good, how's business?"
"Slow" Castiel frowns. "Dean...this feels very strange."
"Yeah, getting that, time to go. Sam cover up, Gabe...nice seeing you...I guess."
"Whatever." Gabriel favours Sam with a grin. "Secret's safe with me Sammy." She closes her door.
"Never asking, never tell me." Dean mutters, guiding Castiel towards the door. He throws the hex bag that negates the charms on the exit, opening it into a street near (where else?) a familiar abandoned muffler factory.
Castiel shakes her head, blinking in the light.
"That" she grinds out. "was vile."
"Agreed." Dean sighs. "Now get your grace back home – Cas...the uh, real Cas, is waiting."
There's a flap of invisible wings and Castiel's grace disappears.
"You know what's weird? This isn't the weirdest thing that's happened to us." He claps Sam on the back, then wrinkles his nose. "Dude, you smell like pie, what the hell?"
Sam makes several awkward noises and bolts for the car.