Disclaimer: I don't own Furuba. I wish I did!
It was supposed to just have been a stupid little experiment. It wasn't like I'd been expecting it to work so well. But it did. Cutting up my skin made me feel better. It was just for a little bit but it helped make things bearable. At least this way, I didn't feel like dying every second of every day. It went on for weeks. It was Winter so nobody even questioned why I was wearing long sleeves. I knew it'd be a problem when Spring came and I had no way to cover the scars and shit. I knew enough to know the marks would scar. The oldest one already had. But it was the only thing that helped. I even managed to seem okay during the day as long as I knew I had that razor hidden in a book on my shelf for later that night. It was like a safety net.
I even managed to ignore Yuki for the most part. After I yelled at him on the roof, he hadn't even spoken to me. I was kind of glad but it also made me feel worse. It wasn't like I really wanted him to hate me, but I didn't want to drag him down either. In the past, I would NEVER have worried about Yuki. I would have probably thought it would be a good way to get under his skin and then pull the rug out from under him when he least expected it.
I wasn't expecting Haru to notice something was wrong. Everyone else was fooled but not him. I forgot because he acts like such a moron that he's really smart about people. So when he cornered me on the roof of Shigure's house, I had no idea it was about me acting weird.
I jumped at the sound of his spacey voice. I didn't even know he was there and hadn't heard him climb up to the roof. I was kinda glad it was his spacey voice this time. I didn't want to deal with Black Haru when I was already worn out from a day of pretending to be okay. I shrugged one shoulder and continued to stare off at the sky. I listened to Haru's clothes shifting as he lay down beside me. "I thought it was a coincidence at first."
"What?" I stared at Haru. He always said stuff like that. It was like he was expecting me to understand what he was thinking without telling me all the info. It was annoying. But it was just how he was.
"That day when I walked home with you. That was when it started. I thought it was a coincidence but you both seem to be getting worse at the same rate. A mystery."
"The only thing that's a mystery is what the damn you're talking about."
"What the hell," Haru corrected me. "Yuki. He looked sad the day we talked." Haru stared up at the sky again; the purple and red kind of reflecting in his eyes a little until I looked away. "He hasn't smiled since then. Neither have you. I wonder if it's a coincidence anymore."
"Yuki's… that damn rat is fine he's not acting different!"
Haru leaned up on one elbow and stared down at me. "I know you're not stupid. So you just haven't been paying attention." That was all he said. Like he'd just unraveled the greatest mystery of the universe and stood up. "It's going to start snowing. You should go inside." I watched Haru's back until he'd climbed down the ladder and disappeared into the forest. That was when I got off the roof and returned to my room to find my razor.
All that anxiety from Haru's weirdness was getting to me. I was so caught up in wondering what the hell he was talking about, and that choking feeling of pain at having him mention Yuki (after all this time, it still made me feel bad to hear about Yuki being sad? What the hell?). I didn't even notice that I'd left the door partly open and I didn't hear the footsteps until my sleeve was rolled up and there were several new bloody gashes in my arm.
"…oh, Kyo." That voice made me want to plunge the razor in at the top of my wrist and open a vein. I turned around and looked into the eyes of the last person I wanted to see me like this.
I could hardly believe my eyes. Kyo was standing there, bleeding from his arm into the sink and staring at me like a deer caught in the headlights of a semi-truck. I could only look at him sadly, upset, wishing I'd known, wishing I knew what to say. "How long as this been going on?"
"Like you give a shit."
Kyo's response was lacking its regular venom. I realized then that I should have paid closer attention. He hadn't been busy the past few weeks; he'd been avoiding me.
"I absolutely do give a shit or else I would not have asked." I walked closer to Kyo and pushed up his sleeve some more to look at multiple scabs, scars and cuts of different lengths and degrees of severity. "You may hate me but try as I might, I cannot return that hatred." I needed to get this out. I no longer cared about my pride at this point. If Kyo was stupid and weak enough to resort to this then what did it matter if I confessed to him? No. It wasn't quite that. Perhaps I hoped that he would be heartened to know that something he did affected me in some way.
I was trying to make him feel better.
"Don't lie! You're just messing with me! You kissed me to screw with my head!"
That was the last reaction I expected. Kyo had shouted my own fears and insecurities back at me. "I seem to recall that you were the one shouting at me to 'fuck off' when I attempted to speak to you. Were you not the one who said you hated me? Perhaps I am confusing your actions with my own then."
"I only did it 'cuz there's no way you'd care about a monster like me!"
"Do you honestly believe me to be such a horrible person?" I couldn't keep the hurt out of my voice. "Why would I do something like that? Why would you kiss me if you thought I didn't care?"
"No. I meant…." Kyo looked down at his arm. "That. I did that because it hurt so bad that I knew you'd never like me and that made it better. But… I just… I don't know what to do."
Kyo looked so close to collapsing that I stepped closer and steadied him with a hand at his elbow. "You don't have to try so hard on your own, Kyo. Try as I might, I cannot help but care about you. That is why I must tell Hatori about this."
"No!" Kyo looked panicked. "If you tell him, he'll take me to a nut house and lock me up! Or worse. He'll send me to Akito. He'll make me stay in that room already. I don't wanna go. Don't… please." Kyo was shaking so I pulled him into my arms to console him.
"This is getting out of hand. I cannot even trust you if you give me your word you won't do this again."
"I won't. I swear so please…"
I held Kyo tighter. "I wish I could believe you…"
"Please, Yuki. I'm begging. D-don't tell Hatori-"
"He doesn't have to." Kyo and I sprang apart and both gaped at Shigure who stood in the doorway looking stricken. "I already called him."
Kyo collapsed against the wall, sobbing his eyes out. It was the most heart-breaking thing I had ever seen but I didn't dare console him in front of Shigure. "I can over-look the fact that Yuki was keeping you from falling down. I assume that is what happened, Yuki? Kyo was about to collapse and you caught him?"
"Absolutely," I was quick to agree. The last thing either me or Kyo needed was some sort of rumor being spread at the main house about us being friendlier than necessary. I shuddered to think of what Akito might do. "I didn't want him to get blood everywhere."
"I can leave the two of you alone for a moment while I let Hatori in?"
I nodded and Shigure headed out of the bathroom.
"Don't." Kyo looked up at me and rubbed his eyes. He sniffled a few times. "It's not like that was really your fault. I guess… I woulda been mad if you called Hatori, but there's nothing I can do now. Guess I'll have to let him lock me up. Not like I deserve any better."
"Kyo…" I looked over at him. "The way you spoke to me a moment ago reminded me of a time you begged me to let you die."
Kyo looked up at me, seeming shocked by my words. "Huh?"
"I won't let anything hurt you again. Not even yourself. I care about you too deeply. And I now realize you were trying to push me away in order to avoid hurting me." Kyo's lack of denial was all the confirmation I needed. His shocked look sealed it in my mind. Kyo pushed me away on purpose. "I won't let anything hurt you if I can help it." I reached over and squeezed his hand.
I had to let go of Kyo's hand really quickly because I heard Hatori's footsteps coming up the stairs and Shigure was explaining the situation to him. Kyo looked scared when Hatori walked into the room and I wanted to hold his hand again. "Kyo, you realize that you've broken your promise." Hatori reached into his doctor's bag and took out a roll of fresh gauze, some antiseptic and gauze pads to wipe Kyo's cuts clean. "I would really rather avoid institutionalizing you. There would be problems should you transform."
"Do what you want with me. I don't care."
I cut Kyo a shocked look.
"If I could be absolutely assured that you would not harm yourself, it would make my job a lot simpler. But the only way I can do that is if I have a way to make sure you are monitored at all times." Hatori looked over to Shigure. "It didn't work very well the last time, or this would not have happened, obviously."
"There's only so much I can do. I can't follow him to school or watch him sleep." It was odd to see Shigure so serious.
"He needs to be watched constantly." Hatori looked at me for a moment then back to Shigure. "It would be helpful if he shared a room with another person. Yuki would probably be the best choice."
I opened my mouth to agree but shut it rather quickly and tried to look upset by the idea. In truth, I was glad Hatori had suggested it. It saved me the trouble of having to find a way to keep Kyo from being locked away while at the same time acting like I didn't care.
"Of course, you would also have to keep an eye on him at school," Hatori continued. "He'd have to attend your student council meetings unless Shigure is free to pick him up after school and keep him company."
I glanced at Kyo. He wasn't looking at anyone, just staring blankly at his feet. I wanted desperately to try to comfort him somehow but I couldn't let anyone see me caring.
"It isn't as if Shigure is the most reliable adult." I sighed, trying to put on a show of seeming irritated by this rather than relieved. "If that is the only way to keep from stirring up drama at the main house and to avoid upsetting Honda-san, it seems I have no choice." I wanted to somehow will Kyo to understand that I wanted to help him. I'd have to explain later. "That being said, I will only agree to this so long as you do not tell Akito. I wouldn't want him getting the wrong idea about this."
Hatori and Shigure both looked shocked at what I said. I wondered if I was laying it on a bit too thick. "I'll think of a few good lies to tell Tohru-kun," Shigure said. He gave both me and Kyo suspicious looks, although Kyo didn't lift his head to look back. "In the meanwhile, I suggest you move your things to Yuki's room, Kyo. I can't imagine that's the only razor you have."
Kyo just left the room without saying a word and headed to his own. I followed and watched as he gathered some clothing and his blanket and pillow along with his backpack and school books and he brought them wordlessly to my room. I was a bit irrationally ashamed that my bedroom was so untidy when Kyo dropped his blanket and pillow on the floor and walked to my closet to hang up his uniforms.
"I'll clear out a drawer for you." I walked over to my dresser and began shifting some of my clothes into different drawers so Kyo could put his boxers, socks and under-shirts into it. "You realize I did not mean-"
"I know," Kyo muttered. "Not like you can act like you give a shit about me in front of that damn Hatori and stupid mutt. I get it." Kyo dumped his backpack on the floor and let out a squawk of protest when I picked it up and began searching it.
"I have to be sure you didn't bring anything you can hurt yourself with." I confiscated his pencil sharpener and returned his backpack once I'd made certain he had nothing to hurt himself with. Then walked to my desk and gathered my scissors and my own pencil sharpener. I grabbed Kyo's uninjured wrist so he'd follow me to bring them to Shigure.
"You don't have to drag me around!" Kyo snapped. I assumed it was for Shigure's benefit considering how long it took him to wrench his arm from my grasp.
Shigure gave me a sad smile. "Thanks Yuki." He turned back to Hatori and they started talking in low tones. I gave Kyo a pointed look so he'd follow me back to my –our –bedroom.
It struck me as odd that Kyo was only just now noticing Honda-san's absence. "She decided to spend the Winter break with her grandfather's family."
I stared at Kyo. He was so shocked. I suppose I couldn't blame him for forgetting. "Yes. I'm not sure what Shigure is going to do about New Year. We probably should not attend. It would seem odd for me to constantly accompany you. Not to mention the banquet-"
"I'm going to tell Akito you both have an incredibly contagious flu." Hatori's voice made both of us jump. I was very glad I hadn't said much of anything too caring just then. "Yuki is quite right; the two of you simply cannot attend New Year considering present circumstances. He will be angry but unlikely enraged."
"Thank you, Hatori."
Kyo just sneered at the cursed dragon. "It's no trouble. Also, I want you to check Kyo for cuts every morning when you get up and every night before bed. The ones he has now should scab-over before morning and newer ones would be more obvious. He has six fairly new ones. Can you remember?"
"Yes." I glanced at Kyo.
"You have to check his entire body and make sure there are no new ones. In fact, Kyo, I'd like you to strip down for me now so I can check the rest of your body for cuts."
Kyo glared at Hatori. "Why the fuck should I?"
Hatori just stared at Kyo until the cat began undressing. I tried not to stare, I tried to look indifferent as more and more of Kyo's skin became visible. It looked like he hadn't cut himself anywhere else. He'd stripped down to his briefs and turned so Hatori could inspect him. I noticed older scars. Several on his back that had faded to almost nothing and one on his stomach. I wondered about them briefly before Kyo walked over to the dresser and started pulling on his pajamas. It occurred to me then that I'd have to dress in front of Kyo and had to turn away to hide my blush.
"Does he have to watch me shower too?" Kyo snapped. "Does he have to be in the bathroom when I piss or whatever?"
I was expecting it but I was still stunned when Hatori said. "Yes. Not watch but stand in there and listen for any suspicious sounds."
I stared at Hatori. "Isn't that a little… severe? Maybe we should just take anything out of the bathroom that he can hurt himself with and let him have privacy. I don't want to be in there with him."
Hatori was silent for a moment; apparently thinking. "Fine. But you'll have to stand outside the door and leave it open a crack. I'll let you use your best judgment."
I sighed with relief. The thought of having to be in the same room with Kyo when he showered; when he was naked… that was too much.
"It's getting late; I'll be leaving now." Hatori looked down at his watch. "Remember what I said. If you cut yourself again, Kyo, I will be forced to confine you."
Kyo nodded. "Jeez, like I even could with that damn Yuki shadowing me all the time."
I knew he didn't mean it but the insult still cut me fairly deep.
"Feel better, Kyo." Hatori lingered downstairs for awhile before I heard him leave. I guess he was talking to Shigure for a moment. Possibly discussing Kyo.
"Guess we better drag a futon in here," Kyo grumbled, not at all looking thrilled with the situation.
That gave me an idea. A stupid one but an idea and once I thought of it, I didn't want to do anything else. "You should… sleep in my bed."
Kyo stared at me, wide-eyed. He didn't say anything for a long moment. "Wh-what?"
"You are aware how deeply I sleep. I am not sure I will wake in the middle of the night if you get up. I'll wake if you sleep next to me. In fact, you should sleep by the wall."
Kyo stared at me; I couldn't read his expression. Then he sighed and climbed into my bed, laying on the far side near the wall. He pulled the covers over himself as I turned off the light. Then I crawled in beside him, pulling the covers around myself. I had two pillows so we didn't need to share but I stayed fairly close to him anyway. I was startled by the feeling of Kyo's warm hand closing around mine. "Yuki I-"
"Good night, Kyo." I didn't want to hear what he was about to say because the tone of his voice nearly broke my heart.
"Night, Yuki…" I sighed. Yuki's bed smelled like him. It was relaxing and… kind of a turn on. What the hell is wrong with me? I just got caught cutting myself and Yuki's being forced to follow me around. He'll probably get sick of me fast. This is no time to get all horny over how his bed smells.
I sighed again and turned toward the wall, hoping it would keep me from being tempted to make out with him. Which was kind of a problem. His stupid scent was getting me all hot and bothered. If I was going to have to sleep in his bed for more than a few weeks, I was going to go nuts or end up jerking off every night. I just closed my eyes and tried to relaxbut that damn Yuki was asleep and he suddenly rolled over, one of his arms draping over my chest. I tensed up and bit my lip to stifle a moan. This was ridiculous.
Crap, now he's all pressed up against my back! It felt really good to have Yuki spooning against me like that but it was also making me even more turned on. I let out another whimper at the feeling of his hot breath on my neck. "F-fuck…" I whispered.
Okay, I was a fifteen year old boy. And a really hot guy (who I might have been almost just a tiny bit in love with) was pressed up against me really tight. It wasn't all that surprising that I got a hardon over it.
Not that any of that made it less embarrassing.
I moved away from Yuki, pressed practically against the wall but when I shifted, he woke up. He hadn't been kidding.
"Kyo, are you alright?" he muttered way too damn close to me.
"F-fine…" I didn't want to turn around; might accidentally touch him and he'd feel my… situation.
"You sound upset…"
"I've never slept with anyone before-" Fuck, that sounded bad. "I mean-!" My face was beet red, like I had a sunburn or something. That sucked.
I felt Yuki shift up in the bed and I moved closer to the wall. "Kyo are you sure you're alright?"
"Yeah…. Can't help how fucking sexy you are." Great. Now I was losing control of my words. This sucked.
"Are you… are you turned on?" There was an annoying smirk in Yuki's voice and that was the only reason I turned around. Which just made it obvious that I was. Yuki bit his lip. I could tell even in the semi-dark that he was blushing too. Thanks to my better than average night vision. "D-do you want to… um… take a cold shower or… sh-should I help you take care of it?"
"Damnit…" It really wasn't alright how adorable and hot that sounded. "J-just… I-I don't want to go all the way yet." I blushed even harder and Yuki's blush grew. Probably in response to mine. Was that contagious? I didn't get the chance to think about it because Yuki kissed me and the problem in my pants just got worse.
It probably would have gone away on its own but leave it to Yuki to complicate things.
I moaned into his mouth and his hands were on me, trailing sort of haltingly over my hip and down toward the waistband of my pants. My breath hitched when his fingertips skimmed just under my pajama pants and then he pushed them down with one hand. His touch gave me shivers. I couldn't focus on kissing him because it felt so good. Then his hand touched my dick and I thought I was going to lose it. I started kissing him harder as he rubbed on me. "Y-Yuki… Sh-shouldn't you take my pants off?" I whispered. I didn't want to make a mess. Tohru washed my clothes and she'd think it was weird if I did it myself for no reason.
Yuki sat up and tugged on my sleeve so I'd do the same. Then he pulled my pants down over my hips and my brain sort of froze because he could see me. I was all exposed and it was kind of scary. I wasn't expecting him to stare at me for a minute. I sure as fuck wasn't expecting him to lean over and take my damn cock in his mouth.
I let out a shuddering moan. It was so much better than jerking off. My hands slipped through his silver hair. I tried not to pull on it but the temptation was pretty strong. His mouth vibrated around me and I realized he was moaning. Yuki was turned on by giving me a blow job? Holy shit! Yuki was giving me a blow job.
I felt my orgasm come on way too fast and Yuki had to stroke me while he did some pretty damn fantastic things with his mouth. I wasn't sure if this was okay or not. I mean, we were both pretty young but all thoughts just vanished from my brain when I was about to cum. I tried to push Yuki off, pathetically trying not to cum in his mouth but Yuki didn't stop. He just sucked harder and I groaned kinda loud as I came. "S-sorry!" I stammered.
Yuki just adjusted my pants around me and lay back down, swallowing. He was swallowing my cum. That was weird. "I wanted you to… do that." Yuki blushed and closed his eyes. Already drifting back off to sleep. I'd been kind of hoping to do that to him too but now I was exhausted so I just laid back down, my head nestled against his chest and went to sleep.
In my defense, teenage boys are kind of horny bastards. PLEASE REVIEW.