This was my attempt to incorporate song lyrics into dialogue/our heroes' thinking. I have the sneaky suspicion I wasn't all that successful. But it was written and wants to be shared.
When I was younger I thought time was in my side and that was never going to change. Stupid youth or maybe it's the way we're being made. Totally certain of what we know, we are going to be always the way we are now. It's like we can't understand in our mind that knows everything that our parents and grandfathers were also young once upon a time and lived their life, and then one day they grew older.
Life is the greater teacher of all, though, and extremely soon we realise our mistake. New loves and families are built and the same certainty stands. It's forever. Happiness will remain by us for as long as we live. Life again changes our plans and all we can do is stand back, heart broken and alone. While getting old. Because Time is like a dream and it passes just as quickly or it is us who pass through time while it stays there, immobile watching humanity believing we are going to surpass everything.
That morning had started just like all others. Gibbs was pretty annoyed for being called at the Director's Office first thing in the morning, DiNozzo playing some game on his cell phone while messing around with Ziva on her or on Tim's expense, Ziva returning the favour while searching her files for old cases. McGee was in the process of making a new database for Abby until Gibbs strolled into the bullpen, not in a good mood.
'Dead marines found at Anacostia Park. From what I was told the dead are five. Ducky must be already there. We go by two cars. Ziva, Tony, we'll find you there.' He said throwing the keys to Tony. 'McGee you're with me.' Tim turned to look at his team-mates with a badly covered glance of pure panic. Gibbs was angry and he didn't want to be alone with an angry Gibbs. He sighed and ran behind the man. Just like every nervous person, he didn't do the right thing and he asked.
'Where are we going, Boss?' Nothing shown his inner turmoil or his anger directed at his Boss. Gibbs was silently proud of him.
'What exactly of what I said you didn't hear McGee? We have five dead marines. Where else could we go if not in the crime scene?' The second time the nervousness worked just fine so Tim, very wisely, kept his mouth shut, not asking the reason behind his Boss' decision to go by two cars.
Gibbs turned around to look at his agent taking pity of him, eventually, after twenty minutes.
'The bodies were not found in the same place, McGee. Tony and Ziva went where the two females were found and we go to where the three males are.' He saw the green eyes sparkling in understanding.
'And why didn't you say so?' Tim asked a bit less nervous and a little more aggressive than usual.
'Because I wanted to see how long I'd last before telling you the truth and how long it would take you to find the courage to ask…' Tim's angry eyes turned at him.
'You were testing me?'
'You seemed timid McGee. I don't want you afraid around here. It may end up deadly.'
'Oh I see and you decide to tell me now, after so many years of working together. Very clever, Gibbs, very clever indeed. So what prompted this kind of behaviour?'
'Yesterday's… Oh…' Tim said remembering what had happened the day before and his face instantly gentled.
'Don't worry about yesterday. I understand. You wanted to be alone.' Tim didn't want to say that yesterday had nothing to do with their working relations but seeing that Gibbs tried to apologize, in his own Gibbs like manner, he kept quiet, once again. And Gibbs surprised him.
'I'm sorry I pushed you away. It was that I'm not used to having company that day. I'm not the best of company.'
'I'm…' Tim didn't know what to say and Gibbs put his hand on Tim's thigh tightening his hold for a while letting him know it didn't really matter.
Thirty minutes later, it did matter as Gibbs had his mobile in one hand while the other was trying to stop the blood loss on Tim's upper stomach.
Losing someone was the hardest part, even if the previous day had sent that someone away in fear you might lose them. Apparently, sending them away only met you were going to hurt more if it happened to actually lose that person grieving not only the loss of the person but also the time your stupidity had cost you and you could have spend it with said person. Gibbs leaned over Tim and whispered, panic clear in his voice.
'Tim, you need to stay alive.' He wouldn't mind begging that moment. He just needed something to grab it and hold fast not letting go. Of course, so did Tim and the next words helped not only Gibbs figuring what he wanted not to be there in the first place, but Tim to believe. 'Tim, don't give up. And now for a time you are mine. If you leave me, I'll be coming after you and putting some sense in your head for the next of eternity.' To prove his words he gently head slapped him, and bleary green eyes opened to stare back at him.
Three hours later, Gibbs with Sarah was in the waiting room in a hospital. Gibbs thought it was the first time, Tim had actually stayed in the hospital, he was admitted and Gibbs hadn't heard from a doctor in all that time. Sarah needed someone to be strong while waiting for her parents to arrive. He had opened his arms as an open invitation when she had arrived and she hadn't left his side ever since. It was comforting not only for her but for him too. Sarah was the closest thing he had to Tim that moment.
When their parents arrived, Gibbs left them. He did exact the promise to be called when there was some news about Tim's health.
'Agent Gibbs, thank you for staying with my daughter at Tim's side until we get here.' Tim's Mom, Eillen, hugged him and he had a nagging in the back on his mind that she knew, and he was forgiven for causing grief at her son.
As soon as reached NCIS, he went to Ducky's seeking someone to distract him from his worries and help him catch the ones who hurt Tim.
'Jethro, how's Timothy?' Was the first question Ducky asked though and that didn't help his mood at all.
'I don't know yet. What can you tell me Duck?' Ducky knew not to pressure any more. It wouldn't help anyone. What he saw and read in his old friend's demeanour was more than enough to understand even though it did confuse him.
He explained in the easiest possible way his findings pushing him kindly at Abby's lair to learn more. She in fact, had more things to share with evidence given to her. She hugged his tight before claiming escape.
'He's going to be alright, right Gibbs?'
'I hope so Abs.'
'We need to believe, yes believe. He once had told me believing is like dreams. We need to hold fast to them. Let's hold fast to the dream, Gibbs, to believing. He's going to be fine. Timmy is going to be fine.'
Gibbs repeated that all day in his mind while, with Tony's and Ziva's help, tracked and arrested the culprits behind the marines killing and the almost killing of his agent. No one would like to be on their place when Gibbs interrogated them.
As they were sitting on their desks to write their reports, Gibbs mobile started ringing.
'Agent Gibbs? I wanted to tell you that Tim awoke. He's going to be fine. He lost lot's of blood from the bullet wound and he hit his head as he fell down. But he's going to be fine.' Gibbs hanged the phone to let the smile blossom on his face. He turned towards his worried agents.
'Tim will be fine.'
Later on, when he went to the hospital he was kindly informed it was not visiting hours but it didn't matter because Leroy Jethro Gibbs had gone to the hospital to see his agent Timothy McGee and he wasn't leaving until he did. Needless to say, he did see him. He walked inside thinking that the same time the previous day he was yelling at him to get away and leave him alone. He remembered the pain Tim had tried to cover but had remained in the expressive eyes when Tim had asked the reason
The reason? Gibbs stood for a while next to Tim's bed and then leaned down to leave a kiss at the warm forehead. The reason was Gibbs' fear of losing those he lo… cared about. But, he hadn't said that to the young man who was now sleeping in a hospital bed. What he had said was that it was nice while it lasted. Tim hadn't asked anything else. He just stormed out of Gibbs' place not waiting for anything else. Tim hadn't believed him, if their discussion that morning meant anything, but Gibbs had hurt Tim.
He sat in the arm chair next to the bed looking at his lover wondering what on earth did that beautiful, caring, gently, intelligent, young man find in him?
Tim's eyes opened. He wanted water. He heard the whispered words of Gibbs and he whispered.
'Water.' Gibbs was surprised to see him awake but he got up and brought Tim a cup of water. He helped him straighten up and held the cup at Tim's lips while the injured man sipped the cool liquid.
'Slowly…' Gibbs said and when he thought Tim had enough he took the cup away from the still thirty mouth. A hand touched his hand tentatively and he turned around to see him.
'Your kiss. The first time you kissed me…' he took a deep breath.
'Shhh, you'll tell me later.' Gibbs couldn't understand what Tim was saying.
'You wondered what I find in you… your kiss… the first time we kissed it was like a dream that tastes and sparkles like wine…' Tim said and closed his eyes wondering what the hell did that mean? Who knows? Who knows?
Gibbs didn't leave that night using his Agent status to intimate anyone daring to ask him. After a while anyone who came into Tim's room dismissed the older agent as if he was part of the furniture.
He wondered about the young man and their relationship. If it's real… if it's what they wanted. If he had been asked two nights ago he would refuse he had any strong feeling about Tim, yes sure he cared, like he cared for all his lovers but nothing else, nothing more. The moment he had seen him bleeding on the ground he had realised it was so much more than just caring.
They had started this, whatever it was during a hard undercover case, which had left Tim drained, tired, lonely and scared. If Gibbs was to be asked he'd say he had taken advantage of his young agent. He still didn't know if he could make it work. He still didn't know if it was love. Even being there next to Tim's bed, caring for him, he wasn't certain.
Tim didn't know either. He had woken in pain, just to see Gibbs sitting next to him. He always wanted a safe, secure relationship, but he also wanted a family, kids running around. And now he was in an affair with a man. And he had dared to dream about their future until the night before. He couldn't believe he was ready to forgive him that easily. "Was it really love?" Tim wondered seeing the look of affection in Gibbs' eyes when he gave him his glass of water. "Or just something we're both dreaming of?" He knew it would hurt if it was the second. So he closed his eyes and sleep claimed him once again.
Three days later Tim was released from the hospital, his parents had to go home and Sarah had a huge number of papers to finish before the end of semester. The doctor wasn't going to let Tim go unless he had someone to stay with him, at least during nights. Abby was more than happy to offer, Gibbs didn't like the glint in her eyes though so he offered first. Deal closed, Tim was to stay in Gibbs' house for the next week. It was nice. Now they didn't need an excuse. Tim was worried. He may have been ready to forgive Gibbs before he got hurt, but a near death experience can change anyone perspective in life.
Three hours later, and yes, Tim checked his wrist watch that was gently put on the table next to the sofa he was currently settled, he was once again nervous. He wanted to be sure. When they had started their affair, and mind you, wasn't just physical, actually physical was the last thing it was. Other than some heavy petting and groping they were usually sitting somewhere talking. Just the same it had started physical but despite that, Gibbs was a good listener and no! Gibbs actually did listen to him as strange as it may sound. Tim wanted to know where they were heading.
So, when he saw Gibbs coming into the living room with a cup of tea and a cup of coffee he wanted to ask. But he couldn't. What if he'd got it all wrong?
The older man noticed. He left the cups on the table next to Tim's watch, on the glass, Tim's brain provided.
'What's wrong McGee?'
'Tim. You know my name. When you want something, when you need something of me then you use it. After that, you forget it exists.' Tim said in a strange combination of aggression and fear.
'What's wrong, Tim?'
'Are you patronising me? I am not a child.'
'No, you're not. You were injured a few days ago and you're still in pain and medication…' Gibbs raised eyebrow was both irritating and sexy.
'Last time I was here you told me I was your way of break from the every day life. A break, Gibbs!'
'Jethro.' Tim's eyes widened.
'A break, Jethro!' Gibbs resisted the urge to repeat Tim's earlier question. He just leaned closer to Tim and pulled him by his side. Tim resisted so he knew he had to answer.
'To quote a song, Tim, and yes, I do know how weird that sounds, what seems like an interlude now, could be the beginning of love.' Neither he nor Tim could believe he had said that. Tim's resistance didn't last long after that as he saw Gibbs thinking over what he had said. When he finally came to a conclusion, Gibbs continued.
'We know each other a long time, Tim.' His eyes were boring into Tim's. 'You started our relationship knowing fully well who I was and still willing to be with me. I loved in my life and was loved too.' Tim didn't know what to say. He wished it was true for him too. 'The other day I sent you away because I didn't want to feel the pain of losing you either when you get bored by me or if…' he tightened his hold feeling Tim's arms around his waist holding him tight too. In Tim's mind came the rest of the song "Loving you is a world that's strange so much more than my heart can hold loving you makes the whole world change …" And it was true. His perspective of the world had changed since he and Gibbs were spending their free time together. Since when he had realised his admiration and respect had turned into something more and better.
Gibbs didn't need to say anything else. And neither did Tim. Having his arms full of Gibbs wasn't going to easy. Not by a long shot… but he was willing to risk it.
Gibbs was thankful for it.
Lyrics: Interlude by Morrissey and Siouxsie. No copyright infringement (I would know, I wrote a thesis about digital rights...)