Disclaimer: "NCIS" and its characters do not belong to me they belong to CBS and are being used without permission. Please don't sue because I have no money.

Ghost Of Christmas

Tony tossed and turned on the bed sweat streaking down his brow. Suddenly he woke himself up screaming in the night. He blinked his eyes and wiped the sweat from his face. He got up and made his way to the bathroom sink and turned on the water. Cupping the water in his hand he splashed some on his face. He then turned the water off and grabbed a towel to wipe off the water. He turned to the bed and knew that he would not go to sleep for a while. He made his way to the kitchen and made himself some coffee. They had lost another agent the other day. Thomas Harrison was on the next team, but Tony knew him and often had beers with him. He was so tired of losing teammates. He didn't know if he had it in him anymore to go through it anymore. First it was Kate. They fought almost all the time, but it was in fun. They were like brother and sister. Then there was Chris. He liked Chris Pacci. Then there was Paula who he had been together with. Then there was Jenny who sometimes he did feel guilty about her death. He was supposed to be protecting her, but he failed at that attempt. Then he got sent away because of it. He wondered what it would have been like if he was never born.

He closed his eyes for a moment and when he opened them a ghost that he knew was right in front of him. He stared in shock at Kate's ghost.

"Kate?"

"Hi. Tony." She said as she smiled at him.

"I don't understand. Why are you here?"

"Because you were thinking of killing yourself. Do you honestly think that the team wouldn't miss you?"

"Of course they would miss me, but they will get over it."

"Come with me, Tony."

He smiled as Abby was in her lab, or as she called it labby. She was so smart and had good heart. She loved almost everyone except maybe Chip who had tried to frame him.

"This is Abby when she was being targeted by Ari. Remember how you pulled her out of the way before she got hurt? This is what would have happened if you weren't here."

The noise was deafening as the shot came though and hit her. She was flung to the ground and a pool of blood was already on the floor. Gibbs came rushing in, but he was too late. He tried to stop the bleeding, but she died in his arms.

"No." He screamed. He didn't want to see that. He turned away to Kate.

"See what happened when you weren't there to save Abby from Ari?"

"Yes."

"Good. "

The next scene was of Probie who was at his desk on the computer. Next to the keyboard there was a gun.

"Why is there a gun beside McGee?"

"Remember when he shot the undercover cop?"

"Yes."

"You weren't here to keep his mind off what he had done. Watch what happens."

McGee picked up the gun and then put it to his head and fired. Tony had tried to yank it out of his hands, but his hand went through the gun. He tried yelling at him, but it didn't work. He stood in shock and couldn't believe that his Probie did what he did.

"No." Tony said.

The scene changed again and this time they were in Somalia. Ziva was still in Somalia and a prisoner of Salem.

"You see. This is Ziva a week after you would have left her there. See if you never stood up and said No she would have been gone from this place." He watched as Salem walked into the cell and point a gun at Ziva's head.

"I have no use for you anymore." Salem said as he pulled the trigger. Tony yelled as Ziva's body hit the floor.

"No."

"See you could have saved her from this, but since you weren't born she had to die."

The scene changed and this time it was of Gibbs at work. He was grouchy and moody more than normal. "See you were a void in Gibbs life. He thought of you as a son. He molded you into the Agent you were. He was there for you when you were in the hospital with the plague. He was there for you when you needed somewhere to stay. He was there for you when your father came to see you."

This is what would happen if you had killed yourself.

The scene changed to Abby. She was so sad and emotional. She didn't want to work and would often go home. "You see she lost her best friend in Kate, but she lost a brother in you."

The scene this time went to McGee's place. He sat there not playing on one of his many games. "McGee lost a brother too. You were like siblings. He looks up to you like an older brother."

Even the stoic Ziva David was crying. "She lost a best friend when you decided to kill yourself Tony."

Gibbs was the next person he saw. Gibbs was in his basement and was just standing there. He was drinking bourbon out of the bottle. "He thinks of you as a son and when you killed yourself he lost another child."

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to think those things." Tony said to Kate.

"You see how much you mean to people Tony."

"Yes, I do."

"Good." Kate said as she smiled at Tony "Merry Christmas Tony." She said as she left.

"Merry Christmas Kate." He smiled as he heard a bell ring.

The next day he found his teammates already at their desks and even his boss was there.

"Merry Christmas everyone."

"Merry Christmas Tony." They all said back to him.

Tony smiled and turned to get to work for the day. It was a good day today and he was glad he didn't follow through.

The End