(NOTE: You need to read my "Irktionary" to understand the many antennae gestures in this fic from now on. And you must read "IZ: What Will Be, Will Be" to at least chapter 18 to understand these mini fics)
It's hard to believe just..what happened - the shattered life we all have now. That is, if it can be called a life.. The day didn't really start off unusual... actually, it started off so great. Perhaps, I should start at the beginning... Or, rather the middle. I can't talk about what happened before the accident; it will make the pain so much worse.
The four of us had just come back from a day at the park - a day I don't think any of us believe it ever happened at all. The smeets were exhausted; GIR was begging me to pick him up so he could sleep in my arms for the walk back. I said no, of course... Irk...why..why did I say no? I may have been able to save him if he was tucked securely in my arms, but no! I had to - had to... None of that matters now, and he's not my biggest concern.
We were laughing and talking; Dib was still wiping remnants of potato salad from his hair, courtesy from me of course. It was getting darker; the earth sun barely peeking out from the hill, but it was still light enough that someone would see where they were going...if they were "sober". It happened in three quick steps: a scream; a light; a shove and then nothing more..
GIR was bleeding from the head, face and arms, but he was conscious and not in as critical condition. Talia was bleeding so bad...I couldn't even tell where most of the blood was coming from. And Dib - he had taken the blow after he shoved me to the ground... I was not sure where the cuts and gashes began and ended; he was a human cantaloupe. A face was barely recognizable in the blood as well.
Irk, what happened? How could anything happen that fast - that sudden - when only moments before, life was perfect? Could I say that perhaps the first time in my life, life was happy? I was...happy? No, it indeed was not the life I dreamed of; that life I left long ago. Surely, I never expected that I would want to stay on earth with the humans, or that I'd choose to reside in a small condo with my old enemy and help raise two children - counting GIR. We were all at peace, generally a happy..family. Even the Dib and I seemed to have gradually stop hating each other. We were.. could it be called allies..or actual friends? And a fate decided with a glass bottle.
There wasn't much I could do - I didn't know what to do. I grabbed Talia and GIR, and tried to pick you up as well.. We were far from the hospital; even far from a payphone. Luckily, my pak had video call, so I simply called the hospital right away. They told me they'd be there immediately, but it wasn't fast enough. I sat there on the side of the road with the toddler's head in my lap, and yours as well. Strange...ever since I came to earth, I wanted to kill you - to see you bleed. Your blood was soaking my pants and boots, and despite how much blood I saw in my times on irk - it scared me more than anything. I do not think I wanted you to bleed anymore... I tried to stop the blood by tying our picnic blanket around some wounds, but it didn't do much good; you were sliced to the bone pretty much everywhere.
When the ambulance finally did arrive, they took one look and came out with a body bag, sure you were dead. My heart was about to shatter until I took your pulse and told them you were still alive. I struggled to hide Talia from view, and GIR as well. I was torn between jumping in the ambulance with you, and going to tend to the kids. I knew I had to go back to the Condo: the paramedics and doctors could take care of you, but Talia and GIR may have died if I left them at the condo...
I worked on Talia until she was at least in stable condition. She couldn't open her eyes, speak, or breathe on her own.. GIR had a few severed "vein" wires inside that I easily fixed to stop the oil leakage, then I tended to a few "bone" wires. He wasn't well, but he wasn't really in peril; I knew he'd survive, but wasn't entirely sure about Talia, and had huge doubts about you.. They wouldn't let me see you at first, afraid I couldn't take it, and I almost couldn't when I saw you..or what was left of you.
Irk! Why, Dib, WHY? You stupid human – why did you jump in front of me? You were a smeet! You had a future - you were just a child - fourteen or not! Why did you save me? Why could you not have left me to die! Why! I hate you! I hate you for leaving me! ...I can't...I can't raise GIR, Talia, and Minnie Lyn on my own, I can't! You always have to step in when things get to bad...show me how to properly parent, because Irk knows I can't! It's just a matter of time before GIR goes to hating me.. GIR...
If there is any goodness that could possibly come from such a tragedy, it is that GIR and I have never been closer.. He really is the only tiny ray of hope left in my life, and the only one keeping me somewhat sane. I have become so unbelievably protective of him that I will not let him stray out of my sight for merely two minutes. Even when we are in the same house. He does not sleep on his own, even if he knows I am coming to bed within only an hour, he still will not stay there. I let him stay up with me until I finally reside in sleep - whenever that is.
But there was however one time when GIR decided to literally scare the living daylights out of me. Since Dib's death, GIR doesn't really do too much anymore - like me. He does not go outside whenever I do let him, so I really did not expect what he decided to pull one night. It was around ten o'clock and I had not seen him for over ten minutes. Pathetic, I know, but I said I grew so much more protective over him.. I was hysterical, nearly, running to exactly where I knew he would be - half hour away run to the park.
Indeed, I found him staring listlessly at the tree Dib was killed on; so much blood in the ground.. Words couldn't describe what I felt: anger, pain, relief, sadness, fear... Pretty much everything. I said nothing to him, only pulling the SIR unit over my lap. Spoon or no spoon, it was definitely the hardest and longest punishment GIR had ever gotten.
He laid limp, sobbing heavily over my lap; for once I could not decipher his cries. I usually can, and his pained cry would be normally what came after a punishment...but this one was different,
"Wh-what were you thinking, GIR?" I clutched the fabric to his yellow shirt. (He was in his human disguise at the time.) "To - to run off in the middle of the night-" my voice broke and my face contorted in anguish, "-and here of all places!" I placed a gentle hand on his back, trying to make him at least acknowledge the fact I was there. "What were you trying to accomplish?"
He only continued to sob; his continuously squirming little legs hinting that indeed he felt his spanking.
My voice was not in the least harsh as I carefully sat him up against me, leaning in to look at his face. "Well...?" It seemed to take forever until I could faintly make out in those heart wrenching sobs, a barely audible "I don't know.."
"H...he's gone. GIR.. They both are." I turned him so he had to face me, although he was still covering his face. "It is just us now...and.." Irk. no, I wouldn't cry. "I'm not losing you too."
He sucked on his fist, shaking and shifting from the uncomfortable soreness in his rear, tears falling from his face rapidly. "D-Dib," he sobbed, "Talia.."
I quietly pulled his bottoms back up and clutched him to my chest as we walked back to the Condo, all the while, speaking soothingly to him, though trying to calm myself more than he. I turned off the lights, still holding GIR to me, and pulled back the covers to what was now our bed. I turned off his holographic disguise, and tried to sleep, as did he (on his stomach), but ultimately we both woke up after a gruesome nightmare. I lulled him back to sleep - which took about an hour, and went to see how Talia was fairing..
I had to previously open her up and operate on smashed irken organs, keeping myself from crying so I'd be able to see what I was working on. Now, I simply sat back beside her cot, listening to the haunting voice of the heart monitor.
"Wake up, Tal...wake up please.." I sounded pathetic, and I did not care in the least. "Come back to us...GIR needs...needs his l-little sister.." Irk, here come the tears. Again, earth really has softened me in ways I didn't want it do, and ways I did. She didn't move; she looked dead, but I knew she was not. Her face was pale and sunken, lifeless despite the frail beating of her heart. "Please, Talia..." Most of her injuries were on the inside, so at least it wasn't unbearable to look at her.. Even still, the little girl that had somehow wriggled her way into my heart, to see her like this..
Had it really only been a short time ago, this same little girl was tugging my shirt, saying "brother, brother!" or, "br'ther, br'ther.." And leaping on my back, telling me to play with her? How I regret more than anything all the times I said no, when asked to play, asked to go somewhere with her and the...with Dib.
There are times I sit down and just think about that morning right before the crash.. You wanted to take GIR and Talia to the picnic, and of course I was as stiff as usual.. You convinced me it would be a lot of fun...I wish I had convinced you out of the trip. I remember when we took out the food, the smeets were so excited. And of course, ultimately lunch ended in a food fight with the two of us. Oh, you and I always found the smallest little things to provoke one another with. You got the smeets to gang up on me. Irk - I can never defend myself against those rabid toddlers! They pinned me to the grass, poking me, tickling me, until I was sure I'd die with laughter! Oh, it didn't help when YOU joined in! I was laughing...you were laughing...all of us were.. Suddenly, laughter is no longer known in the condo.
I'm sure you watch down on us, right? Is my Mamin with you? Have you finally reunited with your mother? You deserve nothing but the best, I now see..You always wondered what my Mamin was like, and I guess you finally have a chance to meet her..
I never got to thank you - for everything. ...You saved my life, Dib. I don't just mean when you literally sacrificed yourself for me that day, but when you stepped up when GIR and I had no place to go. At the time, it may have been for your own selfish reasons, but you still saved me.. You taught me how to - to...love again..even when we still hated each other.. If it weren't for you, I would not remember what it was like to be accepted into a family, even one as wayward as ours is – was...
Needless to say, Talia is going to be joining you soon; we're preparing for a good bye. I've tried - I really have! The injuries...they were way too severe. She's been in a coma for two months now.. GIR and I went down to see her every day.. he drew her pictures..told her stories.. I just stayed at the doorway and held back tears. Life really does have twisted ways of finding a way deep in your heart - I never knew I had one - and pull the feelings you have for someone right out of you..
I wish that human that killed you hadn't died... heh, kinda sporadic topic now, isn't it? Well.. I wish he had lived so I could have killed him.. I would have smashed that horrible - horrible bottle - the one that ended your life! - against his face, so he could pick out the glass like I had to pick out from Talia's face! Or perhaps, I'd smash his face and whole body against that tree you were crushed against! ...Or all of the above...
...You didn't deserve this... You're the strong one - the foundation of this family! I'm the weak one.. the one you always had to pick up off the ground, and out of despair. Heh, look at me calling myself weak.. Of course, what does it matter? At this point, I've discarded my pride, confidence/arrogance - whatever you called it..it is not like it will bring you and Talia back... not our life back..
I come to your grave everyday...I had them bury you in the spot you always dragged us - your favourite camping spot. It's so far from the Condo, but I remember you once telling me in an emotional conversation that if you died, you wanted to be buried in your favourite place...and I knew that was our camping ground... If I died, I'd want to be buried right outside the condo... But I can't die; I can't leave GIR alone - I won't... He'd have no one... I...I love him too much to leave him on his own like that, undefended, alone...
When the time comes, I'll be going..as everyone does. My wonders where I'll go; I've been anything but an angel my life. The only comfort of Talia dying is knowing she'll be reunited with everyone up there: you, your mother, my mother.. She always was more attached to you then she was with me.. And GIR will one day reunite with you and her.. I'm not sure if I ever will, so I'll say my good-byes now.. And a gracious thank you for giving me my life back.. Tell Mamin her little smeet says hi.. tell Talia I love her when she'll be conscious and able to hear it; I never got to say it.. Tell your mother I wish I could have met her; and tell the..."big guy" in the sky that I am sorry, and to take care of you all..
And so for the last time, I step back from the grave and raise my head to the sky in a parting salute, "Invader Zim signing off.."
(Oh wow, you like, all wanna kill me now, huh? Well, I was GREATLY inspired by a MADD presentation so deep it left me sobbing: "Shattered". That WAS going to be the title of this fic, but I loved the haunting irony of "Sober" better. I realize I must have left you all in tears from this, or at least saddened, and I have a sequel "Clarity" in the making, and it's nearly done. Hopefully it'll cheer ya up a bit. ^^)