If You Were Gay

"Ahhh, an afternoon alone with my favourite book." I smile to myself, and look down at the faded cover of Broadway Musicals of the 1940's. Just as I'm about to open the book, a voice I've heard too many times interrupts me.

"Oh, hi Rod!" I stare hard at my book.

"Hi Nicky." I reply, keeping my voice emotionless.

"Hey Rod, you'll never guess what happened to me on the subway this morning. This guy was smiling' at me, and talkin' to me-" I've had enough.

"That's very interesting." I cut him off, hoping to end this conversation. Nicky doesn't get it.

"He was being real friendly," He continues, to my annoyance, "I think he was coming on to me! I think he might've thought I was…gay!" The way he says gay make me flinch.

"So, why are you telling me this?" I recover quickly. "Why should I care? I don't care. What did you have for lunch today?"

Nicky looks down. "Well you don't have to get so defensive about it, Rod…" He mumbles.

I stare at him intently. "I am NOT GETTING DEFENSIVE!" I yell, letting my voice go whatever volume it chooses. I get myself under control, and force a polite smile. "What do I care about some gay guy you met, okay? I'm trying to read." Feeling the uncomfortable conversation was over, I look back at my book. It's not.

"Oh, I didn't mean anything by it Rod, I just think it's something we should be able to talk about." Nicky looks back at me reasonably.

"I do not want to talk about it, Nicky. This conversation is over."

"Yeah, but…"

"Over!" I sigh loudly, and finally open my book.

"Well okay, but just so you know,

If you were gay. That'd be ok. I mean, cause' hey, I'd like you anyway." I slap my hand over my eyes, wishing this would just end. Nicky keeps singing.

"Because you see, if it were me, I would feel free to say that I was gay. But I'm not gay."

"Nicky, Please! I am trying to read!" I wave my book in his face, but It's no use.

He pushes his face to mine, and looks me in the eye.

"What?" I exclaim.

"If you were queer, I'd still be here. Year after year, because you're dear to me. And I know that you, would accept me too-"

"I would?" I try to not to sound defensive, but I do. Apparently, Nicky doesn't notice.

"If I told you today, "Hey guess what, I am gay!" But I'm not gay. I'm happy, just being with you. So what should it matter to me, what you do in bed with guys?"

"Nicky that is gross!" I can't believe he would say something like that.

"No it's not!" He argues. "If you were gay,"

"Ughh, Nicky." I shake my head.

"I'd shout, hooray!" Nicky throws up his hands, a smile on his face.

"Nicky, I am trying to read-"

"And here I'd stay,"

"Lala lala la!"

"But I wouldn't get in your way,"


"You can count on me, to always be, beside you every day. To tell you it's ok. You were just born that way. And as the say, it's in your DNA, you're gay!"

"I am not gay!" I protest, throwing up my hands.

"If you were gay!"