I think she's about the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. When Jack first introduced her, and he was telling her each of our names, all I could think to say when he got to me was an inane "Hi." Followed by D's warm "How you doing," it was pretty pathetic.
But this week topped it all.
I can't believe the way I reacted when she walked into the bullpen again, just back from Quantico. I mean, I knew from the very beginning I was attracted to her - really, who wouldn't be - but to grin and hold the tip of my pen between my teeth like some adolescent attempt at appearing sexy? What was I thinking?
Then when we were talking about Bobby's nickname, Crash, and I said something along the lines of "Nobody told you that's his nickname?" God, I still can't wrap my mind around how my voice went seductive. For crying out loud, she couldn't even hear it! For which I'm thankful, because if she could, she probably would have run in the opposite direction, and fast!
Then of course, Myles had to go be a jerk as he's prone to do, but this really topped it. Calling her presence in our unit a travesty. Luckily I wasn't the only one shooting his evil looks, and sending sympathetic looks in Sue's direction... even if she had already left the bullpen by then.
And that blind date... I get shivers up my spine just thinking about it. Oh, not the date, that was a disaster as usual. But my conversation with her in the bullpen before I left.
First her telling me that I looked great... I know, I know, it was probably just a female, "you go girl" thing, but still. She thought I looked good.
Then when she said that this date might be "the one" I nearly laughed. I'd already found the one. But I just said something about the last one. And that date was definitely the last blind date. Definitely. After all, I've already met someone I'm head over heels for, why bother looking anymore? I mean, besides the fact that I so can't have her.
"Stay tuned, details at eleven." Don't I wish? Don't I wish I could have called her up after the date, been all girly and friendly and discuss the pros and cons of the evening? But alas, it's only wishful thinking.
You know, when I was hurrying to leave in time for my date, I was safe. I looked up at her briefly, just enough that she could read my lips, and that was fine. But I couldn't resist her... I had to go over to her desk, perch on the edge. I sat sideways, telling myself it was so she could read my lips, but really it wasn't. It was so my leg would come up, and my skirt would ride up my leg. It was so I could see if she would look. She didn't. Or at least, not that I noticed. You never know, she could have looked when I was looking off to the side. Hah. Hope springs eternal.
But God, she was gorgeous. They say lighting is important, and now I know why. The bullpen was dim, the overhead lights turned off. The light from her lamp and the city lights reflected off her skin and hair... she was a goddess in work clothes and paperwork. Okay, now I'm just getting scarily poetic.
But, while she didn't look at my leg, she did lean forward. And I mean, if she could read my lips from way over at my desk, why would she need to lean forward when I was right in front of her? Maybe it's a natural reaction. I prefer to think that she just wanted to be closer to me. I know I wanted to be closer to her, which was why I leaned forward toward her.
I finally had to tear myself away from her, lest I lean forward and just kiss her - that would go over well - and I went back to my desk. She asked when Lucy had left, and I nearly cringed. Lucy. I like the girl, don't get me wrong, but... Jealousy is painful. Anyway, I told her, and she said that she'd call her then.
Yup, jealousy is an evil thing.
Anyway, I invited her along on my blind date. How stupid is that? Not to mention junior high. Ugh. And of course, she declined, saying something about a drive-by of the guy she thinks is the bomber. Talk about a burn. Then again, she could have just been being nice. I mean, I did tell her it was a date. And it was.
In a way, I'm kind of glad she said no. I mean, if she'd said yes, I would have had to explain why "Mr. Who Knows" was female. And that I'm just not ready for.
But anyway. I just don't know what I'm going to do. I mean, she's been in the office for a total of about two weeks, and I'm already crazy about her. How am I going to survive?