Disclaimer: I own nothing.
You say I've been driving you crazy
and its keeping you away
'Cause I dont wanna waste another moment
in saying things we never meant to say
And I Give you just a little time
I, Wonder if you realize
I've been waiting till I see it in your eyes
If I just breathe
Let it fill the space between
I'll know everything is alright
If I just breathe.
"Breathe" by Michelle Branch
"Hey Logan," I called excitedly from across the noisy lobby. I see him sitting on one of the small couches completely devoured in a huge pile of books. He barely lifts his gaze up to greet me.
"Oh, hey Camille," he grunts with a small nod of his head as I take a seat next to him. A second later he's back to flipping through the pages of the book on his lap. I was curious as to what was so interesting that he was hardly aware of the rest of the world around him. I gently leaned over his shoulder and glanced at the words printed on the paper he held in his hands.
The ionization fraction of a medium with number density n is defined as
X = ne/n
where is ne the number density of electrons.
I was completely and utterly lost, to say the least.
"Uh, Logan, what are you reading there," I question knitting my eyebrows together and looking into his deep, chocolate brown eyes. I could get lost in those eyes. They were so beautiful and so full of wisdom. If I had my way, I would graciously stare into them all day.
Once again he scarcely acknowledged my presence.
"It's a book about Physics," he states simply and focuses his attention back on the reading in front of him.
Physics? 'Typical Logan,' I thought as a smile makes its way across my face. He was always trying to learn everything he possibly could. He would always try to educate himself on anything he could get his hands on. That's one of the many reasons I was so attracted to Logan. Let alone he's absolutely gorgeous and insanely talented, but he's also incredibly brilliant. Anytime someone had a problem they couldn't figure out, they went to Logan for help. Anytime someone needed information on something or someone they didn't know a thing about, they went to Logan. Logan always had the answers.
He made smart, sexy.
Trying to keep the conversation going I replied, "Oh cool, what's the chapter your reading about on?"
Logan seemed quite reluctant to tear himself away from his book, but he mustered up enough strength to tell me, "Electromagnetism and Ionization."
I vaguely recalled anything on the topic from my science class. It didn't ring any bells, so I sought this as the perfect opportunity to keep talking to Logan. I loved his voice and the way he explained things to me.
"So what does that mean?"
He heaved an exasperated sigh and turned to look at me full on.
"Camille," he started, "Don't you have somewhere to go or some lines to run?"
I could sense he was a bit perturbed, but I couldn't understand why.
"No I don't actually," I said with a grin, "I thought I could just hang out here and talk to you."
He relaxed a tiny fraction, but his agitated stare was still plastered on his face. He ran his hands through his thick, dark hair and let out, yet another, sigh.
"I'd love to talk Camille, but I'm kind of in the middle of reading right now"
I was confused. If he wanted to read, why didn't he do it in the quiet sanctuary of his own room instead of the crowded lobby?
I voiced my puzzlement to him and he responded, "Because, even though I'm in the lobby I can usually drown out and ignore all of the background noise and annoyances."
I was shocked. Annoyances? Did he think I was an annoyance? I felt my heart sink in my chest and for once I was at a total loss for words.
"Oh," I commented lamely a few seconds later.
"Yeah," he stated flatly and returned to his Physics book.
I definitely didn't want to burden him any longer. If I wasn't welcome why should I stick around? I quickly rose from my seat next to him, brushed off my dress, and walked briskly across the lobby back towards the elevators. I didn't glance back once.
As I arrived at my apartment I began to question myself. Was I actually annoying Logan? I mean sure, I can own up to the fact that I'm slightly over the top sometimes and a little dramatic, but most people got used that. It's just who I was. It never seemed to bother Logan before. Unless it actually has, and this time he was just tired of putting up with me.
I suddenly felt horrible and embarrassed. What if all of this time Logan has only dealt with me because he didn't want to hurt my feelings? What if I finally pushed him over the edge and now he won't see any reason to talk to me anymore? I know I sound ridiculous, but that thought scared me to death. I liked Logan so tremendously much. I couldn't stand the thought of him not even caring for me as a person at all.
Well, if I do irritate Logan so much, then maybe I need to take a step back from him and just breathe. Maybe I need to reconsider my priorities and my placement in his life. If he wants me there, then he can seek me out and make me a part of it. I wasn't going to suffocate him with my presence. If giving him space was what I needed to do to make him happy, then that's exactly what I was going to have to do.
I had just finished my Physics book when I realized I was the only person left in the lobby. Everyone must have gone out for a lunch break or something because no one, not even Mr. Bitters, was here. I glanced out of the windows and saw James lounging outside in the sun on one of the Palm Woods lavish poolside chairs. I then stared at the pool and noticed the clear, blue water looked absolutely tantalizing at this very moment. It became sufficiently muggy and humid in the lobby and I quickly decided that going for a swim was precisely what I needed.
I rushed upstairs to 2J to change into my swim trunks. Once I accomplished that I grabbed a towel and sprinted downstairs. When I reached the pool I went over to say 'Hi' to James, who merely kept his eyes closed and gave a short wave of his hand as a response.
I rolled my eyes with a smile on my face and turned around to dive into the pool. Upon doing so I noticed Camille walking over to one of the tents in the far away corner. I called out to her and she turned around coolly. I waved to her but all that she reciprocated with was a small smile. She then turned around and continued walking unfazed.
That was odd behavior, even for Camille's standards. I was inquisitive towards her sudden change in attitude, but decided to brush it off for later. I jumped in to the pool and felt a surge of relief as the cold water wrapped itself around my hot, sweaty skin. I swam around for a solid ten minutes before I started to feel uncomfortable. I was doing laps around the perimeter and every time I passed by Camille she didn't even look at me. Not to sound boastful, but I would have assumed she would have regarded me at least once. Curiosity got the best of me and soon I found myself drying off and walking over to where she sat.
As I sat in the chair across from Camille, I was confused as to why she didn't greet me. She kept her iPod glued to her hands and her headphones placed in her ears. Once more I was baffled at her actions. I decided to break the ice.
"Hey Camille," I said waving my right hand from side to side in an effort to grasp her attention. When she realized I was in front of her she took one ear bud out of her ear and smiled a beautiful, white smile at me before remarking, "Hey Logan," and moving to put her ear bud back to its previous place. I was completely caught off guard when it came to her today.
"Well, how are you," I asked quickly before she had a chance to get her headphones situated.
"I'm fine, thanks. And yourself," she responded, once again flashing me a perfect smile.
"Uh, I'm fine too," I relayed, still confused over everything that has been happening over the last twenty minutes.
"Well, that's good," she remarked before turning her music up and drowning anything I was going to say next out.
I stared at Camille wondering what could have come over her. Why wasn't she talking to me? Why wasn't she telling me all about her day or one of her auditions like she usually does? I loved hearing her animated stories, always accompanied by grand hand gestures and cute faces. But now, I was hardly getting anything from her. A vague response and a repetitive, yet no less gorgeous, smile.
I decided to be blunt and be straightforward with my question.
"Camille, what has gotten into you today?"
I took my ear buds out of my ears and looked directly at Logan. I felt a wave of panic spread over me. This is what I so desperately wanted to avoid. I didn't want to confront Logan because I was fiercely terrified of the truth. What if he said he hated me? Or he didn't want to talk to me anymore? I had no idea how I would be able to cope with that. I decided, to save time, by playing innocent.
"What are you talking about Logan," I asked with such ease I almost believed I myself didn't know what I was up to.
"You know what I'm talking about Camille. You've been acting strange and avoiding me for the past 30 minutes. Even now, I'm trying to talk to you and you're being so evasive. What's up?"
I saw the look Logan had on his face. It was a mix of curiosity and hurt. Why on earth was Logan feeling hurt? Because I was averting his questions? Because I was diverting myself from him?
I glanced up at him and once again I was captivated by his breathtaking brown eyes. I couldn't help feeling weak and vulnerable under the weight of his stare. I decided I had two options. I could continue to play dumb, or I could suck it up and just tell him the truth.
"Well," I started out and paused to take a deep breath. "I didn't want to bother you."
There I said it. It was out in the open. Now all I had to do was wait for his response.
Logan's eyebrows knitted together as he continued to look at me. He paused for a few seconds, and then I heard him chuckle.
"Bother me? What do you mean bother me, Camille?"
I started to become uncomfortable again and began to fidget in front of him. My fingers twined and untwined repeatedly and I made it a priority to look anywhere else but his eyes. My gaze focused on a spot on the floor in front of me and I begrudgingly answered his question.
"I mean like the way I annoyed you this morning when you were reading. I didn't want to do it again," I choked out with my eyes still transfixed on the spot in front of me.
And then I heard the worst possible response come from his lips. He laughed. He laughed at me.
I felt my cheeks burn up to a cranberry red color and I look at Logan bewildered. This was worse than anything I could have imagined happening.
I was so humiliated. I couldn't believe I let myself go through with telling him the truth. I pushed back on my chair hard and heard the legs scrape loudly against the cement floor. I bolted up from my seat and was about to run straight to my room to cry when Logan grabbed my arm. I tried to pull myself free from his grasp, not daring to face him when he reached over and placed his warm hand on my opposite shoulder. Now he had a perfect grip on me and I knew I wasn't going anywhere.
"Camille," Logan called me still with a trace of humor coating his voice. I refused to look up at him. I didn't want him to see the pain in my eyes.
"Camille," he repeated and willed me to look at him. I raised my eyes to meet his and waited to hear him finish his statement.
"I'm sorry for laughing at you. And I'm sorry if I made you feel like I was mad at you this morning. You weren't really annoying me. I just really wanted to read my books, and I hadn't had a chance to do so in almost a week. That's all. I'm also sorry if I was rude to you as well. I didn't mean to make you feel upset. I'd never want to do that." By the time he finished I saw a light pink blush creeping its way up his neck and to his ears. He let go of my arm and raised his hand to scratch at the nape of his neck as he looked bashfully on at me. He was absolutely adorable when he was embarrassed.
"So you don't think I'm annoying, or that I talk too much," I questioned him with an air of hope tracing my voice.
"Of course not Camille. I love your company. And I love the sound of your voice."
My eyes shot up to meet his and I briefly saw his face flame up with such a rose colored blush I thought his cheeks would be permanently stained. This partially gave me back my over the top confidence I was so used to having. I decided to be bold and return the compliment.
"I happen to love your company as well Logan, and your voice isn't so bad either." I smiled at him and his cheeks continued to stay tinted red.
"Thanks," he muttered scratching at the back of his neck again.
"Don't mention it," I commented, and in a moment of pure happiness I reached up on my tip toes to press my lips softly to the side of his burning cheek. I lingered for a second or two before pulling back. I smiled up at him whole heartedly before I turned to walk away again, but his grip on my shoulder didn't loosen. I turned back around with a questioning look in my eyes before Logan pulled me close to him and cupped my face with his free hand. He gently brought my face toward his and he ever so softly placed his lips against mine. I felt a tingle run down my spine at his touch and when he continued to deepen the kiss, my entire body felt like it was on fire.
My heart swelled in my chest. This was the first time Logan was leading one of our kisses. Usually I'm the one who instigates them and I enjoy them thoroughly, but having Logan take the control was a completely new experience and I adored it. Eventually we had to separate for breath. As we divided ourselves from one another our eyes stayed locked and Logan's hand stayed cradling my face. I looked into his eyes and he grinned a stunning smile at me. I returned the gesture, and was about to speak but he leaned in and pressed his lips against mine once more.
I didn't dare stop him.