A/N: Yay! More Lucius and Narcissa goodness. (As it has such been described…)How can anyone resist? To be honest, this idea has been in my head for almost a month now, and I finally managed to get it in writing. Even if it is almost midnight and I'm overly tired. But that's half the fun of Fanfiction…

No Copyright Infringement Intended. I Own Nothing.


Life Lessons

Lucius Malfoy was a torn man.

There were so many options, so many different ways to tell his son the truth about the facts of life. Even though Narcissa had tried her best to deter him, he knew he had to do what was right. And it was now or never. Soon Draco would board the Hogwarts Express and leave for school. Away for most of the year, Lucius was afraid he wouldn't get another chance, and he would rather his son hear such important words straight from him, his own father, than from somebody else.

He sighed. It was nearly time.

It was a week after Draco's eleventh birthday, and the boy was out flying on his brand new racing broom, around and above the extensive gardens of Malfoy Manor, when his father called him inside.

He didn't waste time. He had been raised to be punctual, and it was a lesson he'd taken to heart.

When he'd walked through the door and back into the house, his mother had guided him up the staircase to his father's study, where Lucius Malfoy was standing coolly in the doorway.

'Son.' He muttered as he clapped the boy's shoulder and led him into the room. 'Take a seat.' He indicated to one of two padded chairs beside his desk. Draco complied without hesitation, but he was somewhat surprised as he watched his father take the place beside him, instead of the Elder Malfoy's preferred position of authority behind his imposing mahogany desk. Narcissa Malfoy stood faithfully beside Lucius, offering support and reassurance to both her husband and only son. Merlin knows they needed it.

Draco meanwhile, looked on, and to be completely honestly was somewhat frightened about what was to come. The only other time his parents had behaved like this was when they gave him…
His thoughts trailed off. They wouldn't would they? Not again?

'Draco…' Lucius began, unsure how to phrase his next few sentences. 'You're growing up. You're starting to become a man. Your body will begin to change and –'

He was cut off.

'Father.' The boy was blunt and unimpressed. 'You've already given me "The Talk". Remember? About six months ago. I still haven't fully recovered.' Narcissa smiled gently at him and rubbed her husband's shoulder.

'I'm well aware of that Draco.' He told his son. 'This is different. This isn't another facts of life lecture.' He took a breath. 'I've decided that it's time my only son learnt how to –'

Narcissa silenced him.

'Are you absolutely sure honey? I mean, look at him. He's just a baby!'

'Am not.' Draco huffed under his breath.

'Better sooner than later Narcissa.' He confirmed with a nod.

'But he's only eleven! You're trying to turn him into a Casanova!' She was glancing back and forth between the two, trying to emphasise her point of view.

'Casa…who?' Draco looked confused.

'No-one son.' Lucius answered quickly, before turning back to his wife. He stood up and gently wrapped his arms around her. 'Calm down dear. I'm doing nothing of the sort. I just don't want to see my son, the sole heir to the proud name of Malfoy, stumble through life in a mess of awkwardness and shunned affections.' She nodded slowly at his words, taking them in. He turned back to the boy.

'Like I was saying, I've decided that it's time my only son learnt how to talk to girls.' He studied the child's face as he finished his sentence. It was expressionless.

'What?' One word escaped Draco's lips and it wasn't the most articulate.

'Talk to girls, darling.' His mother elaborated for him. 'How to conduct yourself around women. How to behave around the female members of the species.' No matter how many different explanations she tried, he was still confused.

'But why?' He didn't spend all that much time with girls, and he didn't see why he needed to learn how to talk to them. He already knew English, for Merlin's sake!

'Because sooner or later, you're going to discover that woman aren't that strange, and actually want to spend time with them. Maybe even find yourself a girlfriend.' He took his wife's hand in his own and rubbed it gently. Draco looked faintly disgusted. 'And when that time comes,' he continued. 'I'd rather my son knew how to properly conduct himself, instead of have him look like an awkward, bumbling fool. Do you understand?'

Draco just nodded, and Lucius took that as a sign to begin.

'The first lesson is to always act cool.' He spoke as if he was trying to teach him how to brew a certain potion, or perform a specific charm. 'Speak calmly, and clearly. Don't let them intimidate or frighten you. Know where you stand.' The boy nodded slowly, taking the advice in. He briefly wondered whether or not he should be taking notes.

'Next is to wear the right clothes. Don't dress like a child. Appearance is everything. If they think you look like a five year-old, then they'll treat you as such. Always dress to impress. You'll also find that the appropriate attire gives you an added level of confidence.' He took a breath before continuing.
'Thirdly, play hard-to-get. If you appear unaffected by the world, and unaware of their affections, it makes you all the more irresistible. Thankfully, the Malfoy's are masters at this. It also helps to add a certain level of aloofness and exclusivity. But don't over do it.'

Lucius paused for a moment, going over the list in his head, and trying to decide what point to make next. Narcissa took advantage of the silence.

'Draco, promise me that you'll always treat women with the utmost respect.' He nodded in response. 'Women don't want to be messed around with. They want to be loved. They want to be treated right. They want to be listened to. At the end of the day, if a girl doesn't like you for you, then she's doesn't deserve your time.'

Draco continued to nod in agreement, showing that he understood her words. The corners of his mouth curled up into a acknowledging smile.

She returned the expression. They stayed like that for a few moments, before they were interrupted by the sound of Lucius clearing his throat.

'Yes. That's also important.' He supported the words of his wife, but then his expression turned grim. 'There's something else you need to learn, Son.' He sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose, before he forced himself to continue with a kind of embarrassed reluctance.

'Draco, if there is only one lesson you learn from today, make it this one.' He took a breath.
'Never, ever, ever tell a girl that you want to "put your Basilisk in her Chamber of Secrets".'
The boy looked confused once more.

Lucius sighed, louder this time, and rolled up his right sleeve to his shoulder. There, in plain sight, was a large and faded, still visible scar, stretching diagonally across almost the entire length of his upper arm.

'See this scar?' he asked his son. 'Third date with your mother.'

Draco looked at Narcissa, expecting an explanation. She just shrugged her shoulders lightly.

'It wasn't a polite question to ask a lady.'

'Yes dear. Sorry dear.' He spoke quickly and quietly. She stared at him, an eyebrow raised.

'You know, you should be thankful it was only your arm,' her eyes skimmed the length of his body. 'And not your "Basilisk".' His cheeks flushed a faint shade of green at the thought, and he readjusted his legs protectively.

'You always were adept with Severing Charms, dear.' He admitted, still trying to rearrange himself. She smiled and kissed his cheek.

'I know.' She told him as she patted his shoulder. 'Oh, I know.'

There was silence.

Narcissa was overly pleased with herself. Lucius was trying to salvage what was left of his manhood. And Draco was just plain confused again.

He didn't quite know what was happening, but he knew that it unnerved him slightly.

'Mother? Father?' He tried. 'Are we finished?' In an instant, Lucius remembered his purpose and forced himself to regain some of his old manner as he studied his son's face.

'Well, if your mother doesn't mind, I thought we might try to re-create a few scenarios…' He glanced nervously at her.

'Why would I mind?' She didn't quite know what he was getting at, but she had a feeling that she wouldn't like it.

He shut his eyes. He didn't want to have to tell her.

'Because…' he was trying to delay the inevitable. 'Because you're the only woman in the room. So I thought…so I thought we could practise on you.' It came out barely louder than a squeak.

Realisation flooded her face.

Then shock.

Then anger.

'No. No. No. No. No!' She was appalled. 'Lucius, there is no way in hell that I am going to sit here and let my own son, who I gave birth to, hit on me!'

'It was just a thought…' he mumbled to no-one in particular.

She was positively livid. Quickly, she spun on her heel to face her son.

'Darling,' she addressed him calmly, all traces of anger masked. 'I think we're finished here. Why don't you go and play in the gardens?' he nodded and stood up. She walked with him to the door, shooting a furious look over her shoulder at her husband every so often.

'Have fun.' She told her son as he raced off down the hall. As soon as he was out of sight, she locked the door and turned to face Lucius once more. Her anger dissolving into something bordering on suggestive.

She mocked worry.

'I'm sorry honey,' she apologised. Her bottom lips pouting adorably. 'Did I hurt your feelings?'

He didn't move. He didn't want to risk her yelling at him again. She just stared at him for a few moments, eyes wide with artificial innocence, her anger replaced.

'Would it make you feel better if I said that you could put your Basilisk in my Chamber of Secrets?' She asked him as she ran her slender hand up the length of his thigh.

He honestly didn't have an answer. Did he just hear her right?

'I'll take that as a yes, then.' She smirked to herself as she closed the heavy emerald curtains.

Draco didn't need to see what was about to happen next. After all, he didn't need to learn that particular lesson for a very long while.

A/N: If Draco learnt one thing that day, it should've been, 'Never mess with your mother.' You go Narcissa…

Don't be shy, tell me what you think. Loved it? Hated it? Comments and reviews are always welcome and much appreciated.